


Potential

by CorvusCorvidae



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Escort Service, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-30 00:05:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 113,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3915709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorvusCorvidae/pseuds/CorvusCorvidae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Octavia finds a new client for Raven; while Lexa is looking for someone to show off to her family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Girlfriend

Friday nights in apartment 318 usually had the occupants gearing up for the working night ahead. That usually meant Octavia hogging the bathroom mirror, trying to get her hair to do that thing that Raven’s did naturally, and Raven moaning about needing to check her make-up before the car pulled up outside, and then it was off to work.

Work consisted of looking pretty, of being charming and funny, but not too funny, and doting on whoever was paying them by the hour. And if all went well, if their date wasn’t a wolf in sheep's clothing, then it would be back to a hotel room to finish off the night.

As of late, however, that routine had changed. While Octavia was accepting clients, though only screwing her regulars, Raven had cut things off with hers entirely. She hadn’t had a client in just over a month, had passed her regulars onto others, and didn’t look to be getting back into the game anytime soon.

If rent, student loans, and life, wasn’t so damn expensive, that might have been fine, but as all of those things existed, something needed to change; and Octavia was on it.

On that particular Friday night, Octavia was coming home from a charity fundraiser, dressed to the nines, heels in one hand, pizza in the other, and shit eating grin on her face.

“Atom might be a bit of a douche, but he pays great, has a mouth like a god, and I’m home by 1. What more can I ask for?” she sang, spotting Raven sprawled across the couch, who was eying her pizza. “And yes, you can have some, I bought your favourite.”

Raven sat up, rubbing her eyes as she did so, and shot another look at Octavia. While she was usually in a good mood after seeing Atom, there was something about her that had Raven suspicious. Plus, when did she ever get Raven’s favourite?

“What’s going on?” Raven asked, watching Octavia put the pizza in front of her, before she curled up in the nearest armchair.

“I have a client for you,” Octavia stated, nodding happily, like this was good news. It was all in the presentation.

Hearing those words, Raven froze for a second. The pizza in front of her smelt great, and opening the box, it looked delicious. She may have had dinner, but thinking it over, she was still hungry, and it wouldn’t be right to let it go to waste.

Grabbing a piece, Raven took a bite, ignoring Octavia’s grin, and waved her hand for her to talk;

“Tell me about your night, first,” she mumbled, between mouthfuls, wanting them to get that ritual over with first.

Given that Octavia was practically giddy, and Raven knew Atom’s bedroom skills weren’t that good, she must have had a good time. As it turned out, she did, the food had been excellent, Atom was polite as ever, and apparently the sex had improved. But the grin was really for the cash sitting in her purse.

“I’m so close now, Raven, to having paid off my tuition. Atom has already booked a few more nights, and from that, I’ll have enough extra to get that motorbike I’ve been looking at.” The excitement was palpable, and Raven grinned back. “So, can I now tell you about this client?”

“I’m taking a break, I told you.”

“Yeah, you did, but I don’t think you want to pass up on this one,” Octavia said, nodding seriously. “Hear me out,” she continued, holding her hands up, to stop Raven interrupting her. “I’ve met her a few times when I’ve been out; she kinda clocked on to what I do when my name kept changing with my dates.” That had Raven smiling again, as she’d been there a couple of times too.

“She say anything?” There was always one jackass who did and then it became awkward.

“Actually no, not until this evening. She approached me when Atom went to the bathroom, asked if I could help her out.” That implied that Octavia was her desired ‘date’ so how did Raven get dragged into it?

“And this led to me because?” she asked, frowning.

“Because, I happen to be busy the times she suggested, and I know for a fact she will pay good.” Octavia didn't have much room for new clients now, which was good on one hand, as she had a steady income, but annoying on the other when a really good opportunity came up, like this one. However, she wasn’t going to let it go to waste.

“She understands I’m not going to fuck her, right?” Raven asked bluntly, raising her eyebrows in question.

“I don’t actually know.” Octavia paused, frowning. “That, you might need to clarify with her.” Great.

“What’s her name?” Raven asked, a little curious now.

“Alexandra Woods, Lexa for short. From the events I’ve met her at, she’s regarded as pretty important, definitely well off. You should see the number of people trying to suck up to her. So I may have already asked Monty to check her out for me. She’s some heiress, sits on the board, all business, no pleasure.”

“You make her sound like a hoot.” However, Raven could see the potential there, and it had been a while since she’d worked. Maybe it was time to get back out there. The longer she left it, the more of her savings she was going to eat up.

“Look, I’ve not committed you to anything. I have her number, I can arrange a meeting for you, and you can go from there. Or, if you’d rather not do it at all, no pressure, I can pass her on to someone else.”

Taking a moment to think it over, Raven weighed the pros and cons of each. The pros far outweighed the cons in this one, and female clientell was hard to come by, so she shouldn’t dismiss it without at least meeting the woman.

“Give me her number, I’ll meet her to go over some things,” Raven grumbled, knowing that now she needed to start taking a bit more care of herself. No more pizza, no more beer, and maybe this could be the right stepping stone needed to get back on track. It’s not like she could hide out in her apartment forever.

*0*0*

Murphy’s bar wasn’t the classiest of places, but Raven and Octavia knew they were safe meeting clients there when sex was off the table. Some did not like being told they weren’t buying the body in front of them, and that got mixed reactions. But Murphy was behind the bar, looking pissed off as usual, and they knew he’d step in if required.

Wanting to already be there when Miss Woods arrived, Raven arrived half an hour early, with the hope of getting settled in a booth in Murphy’s line of sight, and going over the rules in her head. Only, Miss Woods was already there.

Googling her name had brought up a picture that Raven had memorised for that exact meeting, so she knew the woman sitting in a booth across from the bar was Miss Woods without a second glance.

Approaching the booth, and shooting a nod to Murphy, who acknowledged it with a nod back, she waited at the end of the table for a second, before clearing her throat.

“Lexa?” she asked, getting Lexa to turn to her. Her eyes looked Raven over, once, twice, and then she, too, cleared her throat.

“Yes?” Her eyes made her look far younger than google had said, and Raven was glad she didn’t have to ask to see ID.

“I’m Raven, Octavia’s friend” she explained, switching from one foot to the other, waiting. Recognition crossed Lexa’s features, and a slight pink hue appeared on her cheeks, as she waved to the seat across from her.

“Oh, please, sit. It’s nice to meet you,” she rushed, almost tipping over her words.

“You too,” Raven grinned, taking a seat, and leaning on the wooden table between them.

Lexa was nervous, Raven noted. As hard as she tried to steady her hand, it was obvious, and maybe the grungy bar was working in Raven’s favour, or maybe Lexa really was uncertain about all of this, but the nerves were a good sign. Clients that were nervous tended to remember their manners.

“You’re early,” Raven commented, needing mutual ground to start. It was easier if she could relax the girl in front of her.

“So are you,” Lexa replied, her mask of indifference back on, and the nerves now nowhere in sight. That was interesting.

“What can I get you?” Murphy asked, sounding as pissed off as he looked, and cutting off anything else Lexa was going to say.

Raven didn’t miss a beat, ordering her usual, the moonshine under the bar, while Lexa refrained from alcohol, and ordered sparkling water. Murphy looked like he was going to kick up a fuss, because the chances of him having that were probably slim, but one look from Raven told him to keep his mouth shut and just go.

If Lexa got her water, Raven would be shocked.

“How does this work, exactly?” Lexa asked, once Murphy was out of earshot, and she was right down to business.

“Well, you tell me what you want from me, and we go from there.” Raven couldn’t help but watch Lexa swallow sharply at those words, her eyes cold and numb, glancing down to the table top, before back up again.

“I need company, for a trip.”

“What kind of trip are we talking?” Octavia hadn’t mentioned a trip of any sorts, and that complicated things. Even when Raven had been seeing her regulars for eight months, she was still dubious about going anywhere with them. To take a trip with an unknown client, that was a risk.

“I’m spending two weeks with my family. I would require a partner, a companion for the time, to partake in our activities, and socialise,” Lexa explained further, but it wasn’t enough to answer Raven’s questions.

“How long?”

“Two weeks, total.” Raven’s eyes narrowed slightly at that, and Lexa was quick to ask. “Is that too long?”

“I don’t normally do more than a weekend.” The longest Raven had spent with a client was three days, and that had been tedious at best. But then again, Octavia had said this was going to be worth it, and maybe it was (if she could look passed Lexa being a risk).

“I can compensate you for your time.” That line sounded rehearsed out of Lexa’s mouth, but it was what Raven needed to hear.

“You’d need to,” Raven replied, patting her hand on the table. “Where about would we be staying?” she asked, needing some more details before making a final decision.

“My family’s cabin, up north, in Polis,” Lexa explained. “We would stay there, though there may be days camping or hiking in the surrounding area. Would that be a problem?” Her tone made it seem like there was more to her question, and Raven frowned.

“It shouldn’t be.”

“Octavia mentioned an injury-”

“Octavia needs to learn to keep her mouth shut,” Raven grumbled, shaking her head and mashing her lips together.

Before any more could be said, Murphy was back, sliding a bottle of sparkling water Lexa’s way, a glass following, and then gently setting down Raven’s glass of moonshine. Despite the rough service, as it were, Lexa uttered her thanks, and Murphy grunted his appreciation on his way back to the bar.

With a natural pause, Raven sipping her drink with a small grin, and Lexa opening and pouring her water, both women waited for the other to speak. Lexa was curious about what had previously just been said, regarding Raven’s injuring, but was not going to bring it back up unless Raven did.

Using one of the many techniques Anya had taught her, Lexa waited, unfazed by the silence, knowing that silence was usually filled, and it didn’t take long for Raven to do just that.

“My leg, I sustained an injury a while back, and it can ache with prolonged use. If that’s a dealbreaker, I can put you in touch with another girl who’ll be exactly-”

“No,” Lexa said quickly. “No, that won’t be necessary; I can ensure we would not over do things, and you do not end up injuring your leg further.” Her family would understand, and perhaps it would give them time out from under their gaze by remaining back at the cabin.

“We need to talk numbers,” Raven said, leaning back in the booth, crossing her arms. It had Lexa sitting up a little taller.

“Of course, name your price.” She was no fool, she knew that this was not going to be cheap.

“We also need to talk sex.”

“Right.” That had Lexa swallowing again, pink on her cheeks, and Raven wondered about Lexa’s previous sexual history. It was not her place to ask, but god, she was curious. First things first, though, setting the ground rules.

“You’re buying my time, you’re not buying my body. If you want sex, I can get you another-”

“That won’t be necessary,” Lexa repeated, shaking her head. “I had no intention of paying you for sex, of paying anyone for sex.” That wasn’t something Lexa was prepared for, the sex, the intimacy of being with someone again.

“Good.” Raven took a moment, reading Lexa’s emotions, to see if it was a play. Instead, she saw a coldness, a detachment that she recognised, and no, there was going to be no sex between them. “What price did you have in mind?”  

“Isn’t that what I should ask you?” Lexa asked, clearing her throat, the water doing nothing to help.

“It’s a two week trip, you must have a ballpark number.” Raven had a figure in mind, especially since Octavia insisted that it would all be above board, but whether that was a number Lexa could meet-

“$15000 for the full two weeks, which amounts to just over a grand a day. If that’s not enough, I will need more time to-” Or maybe she could blow Raven’s number out of the water.

Any doubts Raven had about accepting Lexa as a client were blown away, too. She didn’t want to sleep with her, it wasn’t going to be a one-on-one trip, there was going to be downtime, and despite Lexa’s apparent aloofness, Raven could see that this was a trip worth taking.

“Don’t,” Raven was quick to say, cutting Lexa off. “That’s a respectful offer, and I accept.” She was not going to push her luck, she was not going to ask for more, she was not going to chance it, especially when that figure was more than generous.

“Thank you,” Lexa replied, relieved that Raven hadn’t demanded more. It could have been done, but she would have needed to sold shares and moved money around, and take a tax hit, but it could have been done. “How does this...the money...work exactly?”

The nerves were a little amusing for Raven, and she hid her smile behind her hand, pretending to lean on her chin, giving Lexa a chance to compose herself before hashing out the details.

“You can pay me in advance, or you can pay me each day. I don’t do half now and half when it’s done, I don’t do full pay at the end. It’s either all now, and you trust me not to bail, or pay me as we go. Money transfer, no cash. So, what do you prefer?”

“You have a way of seeing the money being moved into your account?” Lexa’s fingers ran round the rim of her glass as she asked, as if uncomfortable with the conversation.

“Is there an internet connection at the cabin?” Lexa nodded, and Raven nodded in return. “Then I can check the money has been moved each day.”

“Right, that sounds acceptable.” Lexa had another drink, and employing Anya’s method of silence, waited for Raven to speak again.

“This isn’t a ‘I’m bringing you to piss off my family’ thing, is it?”

“No. My partner...my previous partner left a lasting impression, and my family are concerned that I have not adjusted, or moved on properly. I don’t want them to be worried any longer.”

“So I’m the new girlfriend?” Raven’s smile was teasing as she spoke, and Lexa dropped her gaze.

“You would be, yes.” Looking back up with a nod, Lexa went on, “However, I am private with my affection, and private with my relationships. There would be very little physical interaction at all. My family would not expect to see it. Handholding would be the extent of it.”

“Your family are supportive?” The last thing Raven wanted was to be stuck in the middle of nowhere surrounded by homophobes.

“Very.” Lexa’s smile on her lips spoke of good memories, and that was a relief.

“So they won’t have any issues with this,” Raven reached across the table, softly entwining her their fingers, with her thumb caressing the palm of Lexa’s hand.

“None.” Lexa’s voice was stoic as she spoke, which had Raven wondering.

“And you?” Lexa took a moment to look at their hands, and then gently ran her thumb over the knuckle of Raven’s finger.

“None.” With that, Raven nodded, slipping her hand back across the table, and reaching for her bag. “Send me the final details and the dates, give me a call, and we’ll talk some more, but I think you've found yourself a new girlfriend.” Grabbing her glass, Raven downed her moonshine, gasping for breath as it burned, smiling as she did so. With a nod to Murphy, and “put it on my tab,” Raven headed for the door. 

Once in a cab, heading for home, Raven fired off a text to Octavia.

_15k for 2 weeks in Polis, I’m the new girlfriend meeting the family, no sex, would have been an idiot to turn this down - thanks_

And she really did mean it, because money like that was going to go a long way paying back the chunk she’d used on her savings, and this had the potential to be more than a one time thing, depending on what Lexa needed.

While it might not have been the most conventional job in the world, Raven couldn’t help but feel glad to be back. It might have been the relief of knowing she now had some income this month, or knowing that she could still work despite her leg, but either way, the small smile didn’t leave her lips all the way home.

Looked like her break was well and truly over. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos everyone! I wasn't expecting such a response for this ship, so this has been an awesome surprise. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story!

Lexa returned to her apartment tired and in need of a lie down. She’d stayed at Murphy’s Bar after Raven had left, finished her water, and cleared the tab. It gave her time to think over the choice she was making, but logic won out and having a partner for her upcoming family trip definitely was the best bet.

Knowing that and executing that fact were two different things however, and the ache deep in her head was not letting up. Her family meant everything to her, their presence the support she needed through the hardest of times, and on some level, this felt like betrayal.

She would be lying to them, to their faces, an imposter, with a stunning girl on her arm who was following her lead. Yet still, it felt like the only safe option, and it was only going to be two weeks. It was possible to pull it off, it was likely that her family meeting Raven would quell the questions and worried looks, and it was most definite that having Raven there would be better than going alone.

If only her body agreed with that assesment; her stomach was rolling just thinking about it all, and reaching out, Lexa steadied herself on the kitchen counter, taking a deep breath. She needed to get control of herself, pull herself together, and plan thoroughly for what was ahead. If she could maybe block the trip from her mind for a few days, things might get better, things might ease, and the nausea might let up.

However, the blinking of her answering machine was a reminder that her family had been in touch, most likely to talk about the upcoming trip, and Lexa couldn’t block them out forever.

“Surprise surprise, you’re not answering,” Anya’s droll voice called out from the machine after Lexa hit play. “When you get this, give me a call. We need to discuss the details for Polis.” Then the machine beeped and moved onto the next one.

“Hey, Lex, just thought I’d check in. I’ve been on night shift lately, so haven’t had a chance to catch you. You’re coming to Polis, right? Anyway, speak to you soon,” Lincoln finished, and once again, the machine beeped.

Checking the time, it seemed likely that Lincoln would be working, so opted to call Anya instead. The phone barely rang before she answered, her usual pissed off tone greeting Lexa.

“You’re alive,” Anya began, and Lexa rolled her eyes at the dramatics, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, and taking a seat on the couch. “I was beginning to wonder, thought I might have to send out a search party.”

“Please, as if you would waste the manpower.” She heard Anya exhale slightly, and knew there would be a small smile on her lips.

“Fair point. Now, how have you been?”

“I’m fine.” The words tasted stale on her tongue, but it was a rehearsed line she wasn’t ready to stop using.

“Are you still coming to Polis?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. You can tell mom I’m coming.”

“Tell her yourself. And good, because dad is expecting you to help him. Uncle Nyko might come up, and they want to go fishing. I wouldn’t be surprised if Artigas came, too,” Anya added, relaying the details of her own phonecall with their parents.

“They should take Lincoln fishing, I’m...I’m bringing a guest,” Lexa explained, knowing that it wouldn’t be appropriate to go on a fishing trip for three days with Raven. Despite what she said, Octavia’s warning about her injury implied it was more serious than Raven had let on.

“You’re bringing a guest?” Anya repeated, and Lexa was so relieved they were having this conversation over the phone. In person, Anya would wipe the floor with her, pulling the truth out and humiliating Lexa in the process.

“Yes, a guest.”

“Who are they?”

“My…” She could say the words, she just hadn’t in so long, it felt unfamiliar. “My girlfriend.”

“Since when do you have a girlfriend?” Lexa could hear Anya sitting up on the other end of the phone, her chair groaning as she did so.

“We have been together for a while now, I didn’t want to…I thought it best not to presume her importance.” God, that sounded cold, even for Lexa, and she winced as the words repeated in her mind.

“You didn’t think your girlfriend would be important?” Anya asked, and her tone was sharper than before. Lexa had completely miscalculated this, and needed to work quickly to recover.

“You know how hard it has been,” she murmured, her tongue tasting like lead as the words slipped out, and that was a low blow. Using her past to make Anya back off was poor show.

“I do, which is why this doesn’t make sense. Your girlfriend is obviously important to you, because you’re bringing her home, but Lex, you speak of her like she’s nothing.” While Raven wasn’t nothing, she wasn’t anything more than a business transaction, but that was not going to be explained to Anya, of all people.

“She’s important to me, Anya, I trust you’ll welcome her,” she said, sagging into the couch further, rubbing her temple as she did so.

“You know we will,” Anya replied, a warmth in her tone. If she’d been there, she would have given Lexa some physical comfort, most likely a one armed hug, to console her sister.

“I’m trying to move on,” Lexa added, speaking the truth for a rare moment.

“Mom and dad will be pleased, you know that.” She did, which was why she had gone to the extent of seeking out Octavia, of moving money to have for Raven, and readying herself for what was ahead. “So, your girlfriend, she got a name?”

“Raven,” she answered, thinking back to the bar, to seeing her for the first time, and feeling her gaze on her. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Lexa hummed in response to whatever Anya was saying, pushing back the memory of Raven’s hand on hers, and tuning back in.

“-I’ll let mom and dad know, though you know they will have their own questions. Expect a call.”

“Thank you, Anya.” It was definitely going to be easier for Anya to tell their parents, rather than Lexa. Anya could stop the onslaught of questions, whereas Lexa would drown in them, so she was doing her a huge favour.

“Talk to Lincoln, he has a hike planned, but might be willing to change the route if you tell him your girlfriend is coming.” That was definitely a good idea, because the hikes Lincoln prefered were not for rookies, nor for someone with a leg injury.

Just when Lexa thought they were close to bidding their goodbyes, Anya threw a spanner in the works.

“Lex?” Anya asked, and she paused, having not heard that tone in a while.

It was the same one she used to tell her about Costia, the same one she used the weeks surrounding the funeral, and the same one she used when Lexa walked out of work (two steps away from a breakdown).

“Yeah?” She was scared to ask, scared to find out what Anya was going to say, lest it brought her house of cards tumbling down.

“You know you can move on, right? You’re not cheating on her by moving on and being happy.” Lexa’s throat felt like it was closing in, and she closed her eyes, inhaling deeply through her nose. Anya’s words were hard to swallow, but she did, clearing her throat, and Lexa knew she was right.

“It’s hard,” she confessed, rubbing her temples again. “I’m trying my best.” She was, but at snail's pace.

The world expected her to move on, expected her to pick herself up and get on like nothing had happened. She had commitments and deadlines and decisions to make, the world kept spinning, even without Costia there, and that was hard. Lexa was trying her best, but it didn’t appear to be good enough to those around her.

Her parents hadn’t anticipated her to shut down like she had. They hadn’t anticipated her coldness, her aloofness, her need for isolation, and her hyped up security. They couldn’t fathom why Lexa hadn’t tried to find someone else, tried to fill the gap Costia left. It was only Anya and Lincoln that had a better understanding, having witnessed first hand their sister fall so head over heels, and the devastation it left. They knew it would take time, but time felt like it was up for Lexa; hence Raven.

“We’re here for you, you know that; and we’ll welcome Raven, you don’t need to worry,” Anya said, sounding every bit the big sister she was.

“Thanks, that’s a big weight off my shoulders.” And it was, while also reaffirming her decision to seek out Raven’s time.

Everyone needed to go back to thinking Lexa had moved on, they needed to stop focusing on her and leave her be, and she had found the perfect way to achieve that. Two weeks, in the grand scheme of things, was nothing, especially when it left Lexa with the freedom to come home herself, to crawl into bed, and imagine the girl that used to join her.

No one ever needed to know how badly she was haunted by it, and no one was going to find out, as long as Raven and her pulled it off.

*0*0*

The night before Raven and Lexa were due to depart for Polis, apartment 318 was abuzz with activity. Raven had her case out, packing what she needed for the next day; Octavia was unpacking a lot of it and replacing it with other things; Clarke was sitting on the floor, eating the leftovers she found in the fridge; and Monty was sitting in the doorway, typing away on his laptop.

“How are you getting there again?” Octavia asked, having already asked at least three times, but she needed to check, just one last time.

“Lexa’s driving, she’s coming to pick me up over at Murphy’s bar tomorrow morning at ass crack of dawn,” Raven replied, swapping out the underwear Octavia had slipped in.

“You feel comfortable with her?” Clarke wondered, looking between them. Despite knowing what Octavia and Raven did, and providing free medical care when they needed it, it still baffled her at times. She was in awe of them, how they could go away with a stranger and trust them to come back in one piece.

“Comfortable enough to spend seven hours in a car with her, and then another thirteen days with her family.” Lexa had been in touch since the bar, going over more details, sounding as detached as she was when they met.

“You’ll do great,” Octavia said, nodding, a firm believer of positive thinking.

“I know, it’ll just be strange being around her for so long.” Or any client that long. Two weeks could feel like a lifetime.

“She’s nice, though, right?” Clarke voiced, turning to both Octavia and Raven.

“She’s cold, but she’s nice, yes.” That had Clarke frowning, but she said no more.

“Lexa has reason to be cold, I’d say,” Monty added, having stopped typing, and looking up. “I finished that check up you wanted me to do Raven, and I don’t think you need to worry about her being the stalker type.”

“She seems hung up on her ex. I want to make sure I’m not walking into a minefield.”

“She’s hung up on her ex?” Clarke asked, but Monty was already clearing his throat.

“Technically, they never broke up.”

“What does that mean?” Octavia cut in, frowning.

“I couldn’t find a lot of information, it looks like it’s been scrubbed, but Lexa’s ex, or not ex, whatever, was called Costia. And the only other reference I could find of the two of them was in the obituary section of Polis News Weekly.”

“The obituaries?” Clarke repeated, wondering if she’d heard that right, much like Raven and Octavia were doing.

“Costia died, which is why they’re not exes, but obviously not together.”

“She died?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh,” Raven murmured, biting her bottom lip. Right. Well.

“Does that change things?” Clarke wondered, seeing the looks being exchanged between Raven and Octavia.

“No,” Octavia began, turning to shoot a comforting smile Clarke’s way. “It just means Raven has to be careful.”

“Wouldn’t you have to do that anyway?”

“Past experiences of clients who are not quite over a dead partner says they get attached.”

“But not stalker attached, right?” Monty asked, looking around the room at each of them.

“No, but attached enough that they forget this is my job, and that I’m not actually looking at them like I love them,” Raven sighed as she finished, pulling the lid of her case over, and starting to zip it up.

“Been there, done that, got the t-shirt; you’ll still do great, just remember the rules.” Octavia patted her arm softly, giving it a quick squeeze, and then crawled onto the vacant space on the bed.

“Whatever, I’m not going to let it get to me. Lexa seems professional enough about every aspect of her life, from what I’ve seen, I doubt she’ll muddy the water.” Raven wasn’t sure if she was saying that to comfort the room or herself, but it was helping, somewhat.

“Exactly. Now, let’s go over when you’ll check in and what to do if in trouble,” Octavia began, pulling Raven onto the bed next to her.

Cuddling into Octavia’s embrace, Raven went through their checklist, with input from Clarke and Monty every now and then, and slowly grew more comfortable with what was ahead. Their routine was a far cry from when Octavia and her had started being escorts, and now they had a pretty good system in place. With Monty’s help, and Clarke’s knowledge of where to hit someone to really make it hurt, the worries eased away.

If the money hadn’t been so damn good, and Lexa hadn’t seemed so off the idea of sex, Raven would never have said yes to such a trip. But it was fifteen grand, fifteen grand!, and that was not an offer to turn down lightly.

So she was going, and in approximately nine hours, Raven would be meeting Lexa at Murphy’s Bar, and would be just over one grand richer.

*0*0*


	3. Road Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the support, you guys are amazing, honestly.

*0*0*

It was surprisingly cold as Raven huddled outside Murphy’s Bar. The man himself was standing in the doorway, drink in hand, scowl on his face, as he watched over her. Octavia would have liked to have been there, but had classes that morning she couldn’t miss, so Murphy offered to see Raven off.

Thankfully, they weren’t waiting long, as Lexa’s car pulled up and double parked right out front. Moving off, Raven dragged her case closer, while Murphy moved out the doorway to see her off properly. Lexa got out the car, biding good morning as she opened the trunk, and gave Raven a smile when she took the case from her.

“Thanks,” Raven murmured, the fluttering in her stomach a reminder that this was new, Lexa was new, and to be careful . She still needed to keep her guard up.

“You’ve got my number if shit goes down," Murphy began, "you know I don’t mind getting my ass kicked for a good cause.” He gave Raven a small smile, no doubt recalling the many times he had taken a punch for Octavia and Raven.

“See you later, Murphy.” Raven couldn't see that this trip would result in punches being thrown, Lexa didn't look the type. Turning to see what her ride was up to, Raven received a smile from Lexa, as she opened the passenger door for her.

"Thanks, Lexa, " Raven said, getting in, giving Murphy a quick wave as the door closed before her.

Now the real fun began, seven hours alone with Lexa, on a drive that was highways and gridlocked roads until at least the last hour or so, when they neared Polis. Until then, Raven and Lexa were going to have to make their own amusement; if that was possible, or if Lexa even wished for that while she was driving.

There was still so much Raven didn’t know, didn’t know about Lexa’s personality or behaviour or reactions, didn’t know about what she tolerated and disliked and enjoyed. They still had so much ground to cover.

Moving off from the curb, Lexa indicated into the traffic and joined easily. The radio was off, with only the sound of the engine filling the car, before Lexa cleared her throat.

“I transferred today’s money this morning,” Lexa said, not looking at her as she did. “You should have it by now.” Raven was used to clients being uncomfortable with money being mentioned, uncomfortable and pissed off that they had to pay for attention, but Lexa looked almost shy, her brow furrowed, and her fingers were tapping the steering wheel to the nonexistent beat.

“Thanks,” Raven answered, giving her a smile, and grabbing her phone. As they were still in the city, and she had good cell phone coverage, she easily accessed her banking app, and right enough, the money was there.

With that out of the way, things felt easier. Raven hated having to ask about money, it always made things awkward, and given Lexa still appeared a little apprehensive about Raven’s presence, that was the last thing she wanted.

Knowing that Lexa was going to tell her upfront about having made the money transfer, it actually set a good tone in Raven’s mind. Without having to ask, she had been paid, she had been told about it, and all her rules had been followed. That was a dream when it came to clients, that was how they established regulars, and that allowed them to feel comfortable with who they were with. If Raven could get that with Lexa, if she could feel that way around her, then the next two weeks were going to be considerably less stressful than she first thought them out to be.

*0*0*

An hour or so into the drive, with Lexa's eyes on the road, focusing on where they were going and what lane they needed to be in, the radio on low, was when the desire to get to know her client kicked in for Raven.

She already knew that she needed to find out more about Lexa, but up until that moment, she was going through all the things in her head that she needed to think about; from keeping track of the story they were going to have to tell (and what rules she was going to have to break about her own privacy in order to do that), to ensuring that she felt safe, knowing how to get out of there, where to go, if she needed to.

Once those decisions had been made, and Raven had a clear plan in her mind on how she was going to tackle it, then her mind could turn to the woman next to her.

"Lexa?” she asked softly, not wanting to startle her as they had hardly spoken since leaving.

"Yeah?" her eyes remained on the road as she replied, but she did glance over once, quickly, to ensure Raven was okay.

“In order to successfully convince everyone that we’re in a relationship, we need to get to know each other.”

“Okay, we have six hours, that’s long enough to get through everything, right?” Lexa asked, unsure with how much they truly needed to know about one another. ItRaven’s laughing, however, implied that she might be wrong, and there was so much more to know.

“Six hours is...we can make it work, but let’s hope they don’t quiz us too hard.” That was most likely meant as a joke, but Raven hadn’t met Anya yet, and she could be...unpredictable, for lack of a better word.

“Alright, where do we begin?”

“The best lies are the truth,” Raven began, and Lexa shot her a frown, no doubt wondering what she was talking about.

“You are aware that sentence doesn’t make sense?” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes, which wasn’t missed by Lexa.

“It does, listen; good lies are built on details. You need to be able to recall the most crazy details when it comes to your lie, because if you actually had experienced whatever you were lying about, you would be able to provide them. So if you use the truth to back it up, you stand a better chance of not getting caught in the lie.”

Lexa could see the logic there, although wasn’t sure how that related to them.

“And this logic helps us, how?”

“Okay, let’s take how we met. We met through Octavia, that’s the truth, and the lie is that she set us up on a blind date. While she technically set us up, the rest is a little different.” Different was an understatement, but alas.

“I’m following, so, blind date setup by Octavia, who I met at the various events I’ve attended, and she thought us a suitable match,” Lexa replied, hoping that was what Raven meant.

“Yeah, exactly.” Raven nodded, watching as Lexa gave a small smile, nodding in return.

“And we’ve been happy since then,” Lexa added, to which Raven let out another laugh.

“No,” she said, shaking her head.

“No?” Why not?

“No. That’s too easy. That’ll make them suspicious.” Nothing screamed false more than instant perfection, that never happened, there were always ups and downs and challenges and hardships. No one had it easy.

“How?” Lexa asked, that familiar frown back on her brow.

“First dates are never perfect, not blind dates anyway. It had to be rubbish. It had to completely suck.”

“I do not suck on dates,” Lexa found herself saying, shaking her head, and Raven hid her smirk.

“I’m afraid your ego needs to take a hit, because you did, and you’re damn well lucky I gave you a second chance,” she shot back.

“You?!” Lexa spluttered, turning her head sharply to look at Raven. “You gave me the second chance? No. No. It has to be me that gave you-”

“Nope, because why would you?” Raven replied, cutting right through Lexa’s rebuttal. “You’re stunning, you’re successful, you can be charming, I’m sure, so you could have any girl falling at your feet. They will know that, they’ve probably seen that happen. So, if we had a shitty date, and you weren’t interested, then you wouldn’t change your mind and give me a second chance. That’s not who you are. It needs to be me giving you a second chance to get it right.” While Lexa didn’t like Raven’s argument, she couldn’t exactly argue against it.

Majority of what she’d said was true; Lexa’s family had seen various people try and flirt their way into her life, trying to change her mind after she’d politely fobbed them off, and it had never worked. So if she went with that story, Anya would immediately think the worst, and suspect her of being blackmailed or something equally ridiculous.

“We met through a friend who set us up on a blind date, which went horribly, but I thought we could do better, so asked you out again,” Lexa stated, after thinking the scenario over in her head.

Her words were spoken like short bullet points, being stamped into her mind to ensure she remembered. That seemed simple enough, but now the rest of the details.

“And what are we telling them that you do? I can’t exactly introduce you as an escort,” Lexa asked, her words going quiet towards the end of her statement. Raven, however, didn’t see the big deal.

“Prostitute not going to score me any points?” she joked, earning a quirk of the lips.

“Doubtful.” Lexa didn’t even want to image how that would go over.

“I’m a student, mechanical engineering degree, but I work part-time fixing cars to pay off my student loans. That work for you?” Lexa nodded, and wondered about Raven’s words from earlier, because she had that answer ready far too fast.

“Is that all true?”

“Yep.” Telling Lexa that, giving her those details, was against everything she normally did, but under these circumstances, there did not seem to be another option. Octavia was not going to be impressed when she found out, and she fought a grimace at the thought of that conversation.

But back to the task at hand.

“How long have we been dating?” Raven asked, trying to ensure she had the timeline properly sorted out in her head.

“Three months,” Lexa said, simply. To her, that was short enough that it made sense why the family had never heard about Raven, and long enough that it wasn’t as though Lexa had picked Raven up in a bar the night before. There was some credibility being added to their scenario.

To Raven, however, that was nowhere near long enough.

“And I’m already meeting the family?” she asked, her tone imitating her facial expression of ‘really?’

“I’m enamoured with you,” Lexa deadpanned, and Raven laughed, shaking her head.

“Please tell me you’ll do better than that, otherwise all the money in the world won’t help convince them.”

“I’ll do better,” Lexa conceded, a smile tugging at her lips.

She doubted her family would believe her anyway, if she was to confess to being enamoured with anyone. Anya, especially, would be dubious, and when she suspected something was up, she was like a bloodhound on a scent. Lexa could do without that, thank you very much.

“Alright, tell me about your family. We have to make it seem like you’ve spoken about them all along, like I would learn about them through stories and memories you’ve shared with me.” Raven couldn’t help but notice Lexa’s grip on the steering wheel tighten for a split second, before returning to normal, and she wondered if this conversation was going to hit a nerve.

“I’m the youngest; the eldest is my sister, Anya, and then my brother, Lincoln. Anya works for our mother’s company, sits on the board with me, while Lincoln is a doctor. He opted to step away from the family business.”

All that sounded simple enough. Anya. Lincoln. Company director. Doctor. Easy.

“And your parents?”

“My mother, Indra, owns Trigadekru Corp, while my father, Gustus, works in private security. His company falls under the Trigadekru Corporation Group. We have a lot of assets, a lot of smaller companies that are owned and run by us, but use other names.” That information Raven could have found out from google, she was going to need more.

“Describe them to me.”

“What?” Lexa didn’t know all of the companies, and how was any of that relevant?

“Your family, describe them to me.” Oh.

Lexa’s replies would give a better insight into who they were, and Raven felt like she could work with that better.

“Anya is...stern, intense and driven. She’s also extremely composed, fiercely loyal, and she’s the closest thing I have to a best friend,” Lexa confessed, her face falling slightly as she spoke. “She’ll kick your ass if she feels it's necessary, and she won’t apologise, even if she’s wrong. Many people find her...terrifying, I guess.”

Well, that was fucking great.

“And Lincoln?” Maybe it was going to calm the butterflies in Raven’s stomach if she knew about the less terrifying sibling.

“He’s caring, strong and loyal, but has a softer side than Anya. He’ll be the easiest to convince regarding our relationship.” Well that certainly was some good news.

Lexa’s description of her parents, Anya being much like their mom and Lincoln much like their dad, had Raven wondering what balance Lexa was. She could see the colder, sterner side that Lexa spoke of regarding her mom and sister in her own behaviour, but she also got the impression that the reason Lexa was so closed off was because she did care, she had that softer side, too.

“One thing to note, my siblings and I are all adopted. I mention it, because we don’t talk about that aspect of our lives,” Lexa added, making Raven turn to look closer at her. Her eyes were on the road, as they should be, but it was her way of shutting down any and all questions relating to that.

“Duly noted, I’ll not mention it,” she replied, hoping that eased the tension that appeared in Lexa’s frame. She was sitting too stoic, too rigid, and Raven needed to loosen her up again. “What side of the bed do you sleep on?”

“The right side,” Lexa said, her frame relaxing ever so slightly at the change of topic, but that frown was back. It was beginning to feel as if that was going to be a permanent feature of Lexa’s over the next two weeks. “Why is that relevant?” she wondered, glancing over to the other side of the car.

“I know you said you were private, but it’s the smaller details that count, and one would expect your girlfriend to know what side of the bed you sleep on.” The pink hue on Lexa’s cheeks had Raven cracking a smile, and she desperately wanted to ask what Lexa was thinking about to blush like that, but thought better of it.

“Do you have any allergies?” Lexa asked, clearing her throat, trying to move onto a new topic.

“No, none. Do you?”

“Thankfully, no.” That was actually a good question to ask, because it provided Raven an in to ask all the other medical related ones she needed to. What scars did Lexa have? How did she get them? Has she been sick in the last three months? Did she have any birthmarks that she needed to be aware of?

All were answered with ease, and then the next question came up, which Raven thought she knew the answer to before even asking.

“What about tattoos? Any of them?”

“I have several across my back and up my spine, as well as one piece on my arm.” And that was the extent of that. Which, wait. Raven was not expecting that response. She maybe thought Lexa would have one, something small on her ankle or tiny on her hip, something hipsterish and acquired during a rebellious period. But she didn’t peg her as a woman for a back piece. That was certainly new information.

And now, all she could think about was what it looked like. What had Lexa spent months in a tattooist’s chair getting inked into her skin? What was worth the extensive pain and aftercare? When had she even done that?

“What about you?” Lexa asked in return, having noted Raven’s quietness.

“Oh, I have a Raven on the back of my neck, at my hairline,” she answered, trying to play off her distracted state.

Given that her hair was done, it wasn’t possible to see it, but Raven knew she’d end up showing it to Lexa later, or she’d at least catch a glimpse of it eventually.

They continued on with the back and forth, Lexa gradually asking more questions of her own, to fill her own duties as girlfriend in this fake relationship. That certainly helped, as they began to cover so much more ground, and the reality of the situation did not appear as daunting the closer they got to Polis.

“I feel ridiculous asking this, but, what’s your surname?”

The question came a bit out of the blue, having previously been discussing favourite books and tv shows, and Raven looked at Lexa like she’d just spoken another language.

“What?”

“I only know you as Raven,” she explained, and it took a second for the penny to drop.

“Oh. It’s Reyes. I’m Raven Reyes.”

“Thank you,” Lexa said, nodding, as she gave sent a soft smile her way.

It was a damn good thing Lexa had asked, because Raven hadn’t even considered that she was unaware. And hell, it’s damn near impossible to convince your family you’re in love with someone when you don’t even know their surname. So no, Lexa had done a damn good job by asking that; it certainly saved them from embarrassment later.

Though, right now, Lexa looked a tad embarrassed from having to ask. She wondered when that would fade away, and what she needed to do to ensure that it did.

Raven was going to have to make Lexa comfortable with this, with them, and that could take days. She’d been seeing regulars for months before some of them finally stopped being embarrassed or freaked out by it all, but in this case, she didn’t have that time.

She needed to act quickly, to learn what eased Lexa’s worries, and to ensure that she understood Raven could be trusted.

God only knows how she was going to do that, but that was her mission; and glancing at the clock on the dashboard, she saw they had a good few hours ahead of them, so she had plenty time to get started.

Maybe by the time they arrived at Polis, Lexa would be able to look her in the eye for longer than three seconds, and maybe by the time they arrived in Polis, Raven wouldn’t feel like this trip had the potential to blow up in their pretty faces.

*0*0*


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all so supportive and kind; thank you so much for your kudos and comments.

*0*0*

Slowly but surely the scenery outside the window began to change. They left the city behind them, and moved further and further into the countryside. The traffic thinned out, and the radio station found static before Lexa changed it on to another.

Given the calmness in the car, Raven thought it was an appropriate time to broach a subject she really should have mentioned earlier. There still was the odd bus stop and other vehicles passing, so if the conversation really did go down the drain, and Lexa kicked her out of the car, she had a way back home. If she left this any later, she was going to hit the middle of nowhere, and that would make her journey back harder.

Then again, Lexa didn’t strike Raven as the ‘get out of my car in the middle of nowhere’ type, so perhaps the conversation wasn’t going to go as badly as she thought.

As no one had been speaking, there really was no other way to begin than just throwing it out there; that was one of Raven’s usual tactics when it came to tricky news, that and poorly timed jokes, but Lexa wasn’t the laughing type, she was sure.

“I need to confess something,” Raven started, giving that time to sink in. Lexa looked over, briefly, not saying anything and letting her continue on at her own pace, which okay, that was good. “When you said you weren’t quite over your previous partner, I had someone do a check on who they were. My main concern was that you were the type to get attached, and I needed to be sure-”

“Raven, what are you telling me?” Lexa asked, cutting her off, her jaw clenched, her hands static on the steering wheel, and perhaps she was the type to ditch her at the side of the road.

“I know that your previous partner died.” Raven didn’t dare say her name, not because she feared retribution, but because Lexa looked like a strong wind would knock her over.

It was becoming clear that she wore a perfectly structured mask, but there were weak points; Costia being one of them, if this was any indication.

“That’s all?” Lexa murmured, and Raven almost missed what she said.

“Yes?” she replied, hating how that sounded like a question when yes, that was it, there was nothing more.

“Do you know the details of-of-do you know what happened to-”

“No.” Her resounding no had Lexa nodding, her fingers now tapping at the steering wheel again, but too quick to be comfortable.

“Thank you for telling me.” It didn’t sound like Lexa was thankful at all, and wow, okay, they definitely just took a giant step backwards in trust.

“I needed to know for my own personal safety, I’m sure you can understand that,” the words fell from her lips without much thought, an excuse offered where none was needed because it was clear Lexa didn’t care. She looked void.

Glancing back at the clock on the dash, Raven knew they still had a while to go, and now any hopes of conversation were out the window. She might have just made this ten times harder that she intended, but hell, she couldn’t keep that hidden, not when it was so obviously a part of the reason Raven was even there.

Hopefully, Lexa would get over that minor invasion of privacy and accept this situation for what it was. By the time they arrived in Polis, they needed to be the happy couple, so that scowl would need to leave her face, and Raven’s souring mood would need to change too.

*0*0*

They were maybe three hours away from Polis when Lexa pulled into a gas station. Raven assumed they could make it there on a full tank, and her questioning gaze must have given her away cause Lexa turned off the ignition while explaining.

“Just in case we need to go anywhere during the week, the gas here is cheaper. Plus, I want to stretch my legs for a minute. Do you want anything inside?” She nodded at the convenience store, keys in hand, as she opened the door.

“No thanks, I’m fine. Might stretch my legs, though.” Cause that did sound like a good idea, and oh wow, her legs were stiff as fuck.

Getting out the car, Raven shut the door behind her, and enjoyed the brief breeze as she walked round to where Lexa was. The car had been pretty warm, which she was only just realising, as she leant back against the door, watching Lexa fill the car up. Her eyes were glued to the numbers spinning on the screen, and the closer she got to an equal number, the more she slowed, trying to get it exact. Raven couldn’t help but smile, and she wondered if everyone played that game when they filled up.

After Lexa paid, she came back and made to open the driver’s door, but Raven spoke first.

“Do you want me to drive for a bit?” Lexa looked pretty exhausted, and could probably do with the rest.

“Are you able to?” she replied, seriously, and Raven stepped back, like Lexa was throwing insults.

“You don’t think I can drive your car?” Obviously Raven’s tone told Lexa she’d miscalculated that, and she raised her hand to stop Raven, and to clarify what she’d said.

“It’s not like-”

“Move your ass over and let me show you how this thing really drives. You’ve been babying it for fucking miles,” Raven said, holding her hand out for the keys, and moving back in towards the driver’s door.

Lexa gave her a look of bewilderment, pausing for a second, before a smile crept on her face as she passed over the keys. And that was that.

It only took Raven twenty seconds to get to grips with the car, and then she was in control, and loving every minute of it.

Between them, the sat-nav was showing the way, though silent, and although Lexa hadn’t needed it, Raven definitely did. She’d never been to Polis, she didn’t know how to get to Polis, and with this kind of engine at her mercy, Polis was the last place she had in mind. She wanted to get to an open road and race this baby. She wanted to really feel it motor. That wasn’t going to happen, but she could wish.

Feeling eyes on her, Raven glanced over to Lexa, who was smiling softly, and was not ashamed at having been caught.

“What?” she asked, well, barked, before softening her voice a little. “What is it?” Lexa just shook her head, waving her off.

“Nothing. I’m going to get some sleep. Follow the sat-nav?” It might have been phrased as a question, but Lexa was already getting comfortable, and it was definitely a statement.

“Will do, but it looks like I’m on this road for another two hours.”

“Wake me when we get to the lake turn off, it gets a little tricky after that.”

“Don’t worry, Lexa, I’ve got it.” Raven felt like she did have it, but that might have been the car giving her confidence because this thing was a dream.

When Lexa had pulled up that morning, Raven did not think she’d be driving her car five hours later, so this was a surprising turn of events, but a good surprise. Maybe Lexa had more trust in her than she thought, because come on, driving someone’s car was a personal thing. She could wreck it. She could steal it and ditch Lexa in the woods. She could destroy the engine if she didn’t know how to shift gears effectively, but please, this was her, so of course she did, but Lexa didn’t know that.

To thank Lexa for her trust, Raven opted to stick to the speed limits. She didn’t know where the speed cameras were, and she didn’t want to get pulled over and get a ticket when it wasn’t even her car. That would not do her any favours. So she stuck the car in cruise control, and followed the road, mentally going over all the little nuances and facts she’d learnt about her new girlfriend.

The journey allowed Lexa to get a couple of hours sleep, before they reached the lake turn off, and yeah, the sat-nav was a little tricky to follow.

“Lexa?” Raven asked, trying not to startle her. She looked far too peaceful, and if Raven was confident she could get them there without getting lost, she would have let her sleep. But she had no clue what she was even looking for, so no. “Lexa?” she asked again, a little louder, and that had Lexa frowning.

“Hmm?” she moaned, her eyes still closed, but her hand coming up to rub at them, attempting to wake.

“We’re at the lake turn off, the sat-nav says I should follow this road, can you tell me if I’m going the right way?” Raven’s question was met with a nod, and Lexa forced her eyes open, taking in the sights around them, and then back at the sat-nav.

“Yeah, you’re going the right way,” she mumbled, still groggy. “I can either drive from here, or I can direct you.” Given she looked practically drunk on sleep, Raven opted to stay driving.

“I can do it, you rest; just make sure I don’t go the wrong way.”

“Okay,” Lexa replied, rubbing her eyes again, and yawning, as she sat up.

From there, she navigated them through the back roads, past the lake, and onwards. Now that they were off the straight roads, and tackling curves and bends, and winding roads, Raven knew above all else that she was in love with Lexa’s car.

That shouldn’t have been surprising, but it handled like an absolute dream, far better than she expected it to, and yeah, Lexa didn’t know how to drive it for shit. Raven was going to have to teach her, lest she destroy the car with her poor skills.

Maybe she’d bring that up later on in the week.

Eventually, they pulled up at a tall wooden gate, with stone pillars and a stone wall running the length of the road they had just followed. Lexa got out, at that point, leaving the passenger door open, and headed to the intercom system which was round at the driver’s side. Raven, thankfully, handle pulled right up to it, so there was plenty of room.

It took Lexa a few moments before the gates started to open, and she was getting back in, telling Raven to follow the road ahead. It was at that point she wished Lexa had been driving again, just so she could scout out what was around her. She was missing prime snooping opportunities.

Inside the gates, it just looked like more of the outside, wooded fields, with no change. Glancing in her rear-view mirror, she noted the gates had shut behind them, and maybe later she’d bring up how she got out of there if she needed to.

That last thing Raven wanted was to feel like a caged animal, trapped and at the mercy of her owner. That feeling was settling in her stomach, but everything so far had suggested Lexa wasn’t like that, she wouldn’t do anything untoward, so she needed to keep reminding herself of that fact.

Another thought running through her mind was what the cell reception like, because she was expected to check in, and if she didn’t Octavia was going to have a search party out for her. God knows if they’d actually be able to find her in this maze of a place, but still. She didn’t want her worrying, just because there was no reception.  

“The house is just up here,” Lexa said, nodding past the tree line, and right enough, a house was coming into view. “Just park out front, we can get the bags later.”

Doing just that, Raven turned the ignition off and got out. Moving round to the other side, she handed Lexa the keys, who gave her a thankful nod in return.

“Thanks for letting me drive,” she said, not wanting Lexa to think she made light of that, because she didn’t. That had been fun.

“No problem; you seemed to handle it well,” Lexa replied, watching to see how that comment went over.

“Better than you,” Raven teased, and Lexa fought a smile, rolling her eyes as she fished out her keys. “I can teach you to drive a bit better later, if you want,” she called out, following Lexa up the steps to the house.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Lexa replied, shaking her head, smiling as she did so.

With the door open, the two of them headed inside, Raven following, so she could actually get a good look at the place. No doubt she’d have time later to scout it all out, but her curiosity was getting the better of her.

Looking the place over some more, from the family pictures in the hall, the jackets, coats and boots lying neatly to the side, and the rustic feel of the entrance way from the wood clad wall, up to the dado rail.

Raven's experience of cabins amounted to one college party in her freshman year, where the place was so packed it wasn't worth going. So this was different, new, and her eyes took everything in, soaking up the experience, but also learning more about Lexa.

Moving through the entryway, Lexa led Raven passed a set of stairs, and towards the back of the house, passing doors on the way. The archway at the end led into the kitchen, with Lexa scanning the place for any sign of life as she entered. But coming up blank.

The room itself was spacious and open, combining the kitchen, and dining area. It was shaped like an 'L', with the back wall completely made of glass, and a view out to the grassy field and woods out back many would adore. As places go, this definitely was probably one of the most expensive Raven had been in to date. It was going to be exceedingly surreal staying there for two weeks, and feeling comfortable enough to move around the place would take some time.

"They must be out," Lexa murmured, turning back to Raven with a slight frown on her features. "Lincoln arrived yesterday, with my parents, so no doubt he roped them into a hike today." She paused, surveying the room, as if wondering 'what's next?'

"I thought I heard voices," someone grunted from the doorway, and both Raven and Lexa spun to have a look. Well, Raven knew she wasn't going to know who they were, so she looked back to Lexa to see if she was pleased to see them. From the small lift at the small lift at the corner of her mouth, she was.

"Anya," she said in reply, moving closer to give her sister a hug. "I thought you might have been out-" Lexa began, after asking each other how they were.

"I'm not stupid enough to put myself through another hike. There are already too many planned."

Raven remained watching their interaction, silently and unmoving. She'd been on the arm of enough people to recognise when her presence was desired. This did not look to be one of those occasions. But then Anya's gaze shifted, clocking there was another person in the room, and her stance changed.

Anya moved to stand up taller, her eyes hardening in on Raven, her face became impassive. The room felt a little colder, and Raven wondered if that was a family trait. Noticing the abrupt shift, Lexa turned and opened up space for Raven to join into the conversation.

"You must be Raven," Anya said, her gaze quickly spying her over. "I'm Anya, Lexa's older sister."

"Gathered that," Raven replied, thinking over all the reasons why Anya had closed herself off.

"I assumed Lexa was lying when she said she was bringing someone, so this is a surprise." That comment made Lexa shift on her feet, very subtly, but shifting none the less.

"A surprise for me, too. Half the time, I'm not sure Lexa even likes me." That got a smile from Anya, and Raven stepped forward, taking a place in the conversation.

"Yes, she does that with everyone," Anya added, much to Lexa's annoyance. "Don't take it personally, aloofness runs in the family."

"I can tell." Another smile, and Anya's cold demeanour was dropping somewhat.

"If we are done discussing me like I'm not in the room, I'm going to show Raven to our room and get our bags out the car," Lexa said, a slight pink hue on her cheeks.

"Head upstairs, I'll bring the bags," Anya said, before taking the car keys from Lexa and walking away.

"Room's this way," Lexa said, nodding for Raven to follow.

The two of them headed upstairs in silence, with Lexa leading them to the second door on the right. Raven wasn't sure what to expect, assuming with the family photos and personal touches that the bedrooms would be the same; a piece in the life of Lexa.

But this room was impersonal, lovely, but it looked more like a guest bedroom than anything else.

The bed was big, taking the centre space on the back wall, with rosewood bedside tables on either side, and a matching chest of drawers across the floor.

Opulent came to mind.

The click of the door had Raven looking, but it was just Lexa closing it behind them.

"That went really well," she said, almost surprised, and looking much lighter, too.

"It did?" For Raven, it didn't seem to go brilliant or anything to write home about. Anya was cold and aloof for most of their interaction, despite the odd quirk of her lips.

"Anya's fetching our bags," Lexa added, like that cleared things up. From Raven's blank expression, she knew she needed to say more. "Anya doesn't lift a finger, ever. She looks after her own things, putting herself first, and no one else. A kind gesture tends not to be in her play book." Maybe Lexa could see the significance of the gesture, but Raven was still lost.

"Aside from settling in, do we have anything else planned?" she asked, looking out the window, and wondering just what time it was exactly.

"No. There will be food, later, when everyone else comes back, but for now you are free to do as you please,” Lexa answered, giving her enough space in the room so she didn’t feel crowded.

"I've got to call Octavia, let her know I made it here safely." A look of understanding stared back at Raven, and Lexa ran her hands down her shirt, removing creases.

"You're free to use the house phone, I'll get you a handset. The cell reception can be patchy at best. I’ll also tell Anya to leave the bags outside, that way you can have some privacy." Before waiting for a response, Lexa had left.

She returned less than thirty seconds later, phone handset in hand, and a questioning look in her eyes.

“If you need anything, please feel free to get it or ask. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible,” she finished, swallowing as she did so.

Raven could see that she was trying, trying hard, and gave her a smile in return.

“Thanks, Lexa.” Nodding, Lexa made her leave, and Raven took a seat on the bed with a sigh.

It certainly felt strange being there, and she hadn’t even met Lexa’s whole family yet. But, she’d arrived, the place was clean and nice, and it was obvious Lexa was going to follow the rules. Maybe it was just the fatigue of travel that had her feeling a little uncertain, but Raven dialled Octavia’s number hoping she’d be able to alleviate those worries.

*0*0*


	5. Chapter 5

*0*0*

"Hey! You arrive okay?" Octavia asked, straight off the bat, causing Raven to smile down the phone. Already she could feel the tension in her shoulders easing off.

"Hi,” she began, still smiling at her lap as she spoke, “yeah, the drive up was good, and we’re just settling in now." The drive had been good, easy, and almost fun, chatting with Lexa. Okay, there was that iffy bit in the middle about Costia, but aside from that.

"Met the family yet?" Her tone was curious, intrigued, and it felt more like they were gossiping about a new girlfriend than a client.

“Only her sister, Anya. The rest of them are out hiking. I'll meet them at dinner, I think." Raven couldn’t help but wonder about the rest of the Woods clan; Anya and Lexa wore their aloofness like it was a second skin, so what about their mother, Indra, or their father, Gustus? Lincoln was apparently different, but would he really be?

"Hiking?” Octavia asked, pulling Raven back to what she’d just said. “Is this going to be an action packed trip? What about your leg?" Yes, what about her leg, indeed.

"Well, given that someone already told Lexa about my leg, she knows I need to take it easy and that a hike might not be the best thing for me,” Raven replied, and she could practically picture Octavia wincing on the other end of the phone.

"I’m sorry! I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, Raven. You know I would never-" she rushed, and yeah, Raven knew.

"I know, O, s’okay. Saved me from bringing it up with her, actually." Although there had been clients since the injury sustained to her leg, there hadn’t been any recently, not since things started going downhill and the seriousness of her situation was settling in. Raven didn’t even know how to broach the subject, what to say or when to say it. So, she was actually rather thankful now, because at least she didn’t have to work any of that out.

"The hike though?" Octavia asked after a beat of silence.

"If push comes to shove, I'll do it, but I think Lexa will take care of it." She seemed pretty determined to ensure Raven was safe and comfortable, it only made sense she wouldn’t force her into a hike that could injure her further.

"She seems...alright." Alright was an understatement, in terms of clients, they both knew that. But Raven hummed in agreement, not wanting to make a big deal just in case it blew up in her face later.

"She is, so far."

"Hope she keeps it up. But you know if you need me, ar Clarke, or Murphy even, then just give us a call. We'll be right there." That  had Raven smiling again.

"Not Monty?" Raven teased, wondering why he’d been missed out..

"Monty has some exam thing he's sitting. He's probably not the best one to contact. But if you did, he'd still come running." Of course he would.

“Noted, I’ll make sure I only call Monty if the rest of you don’t pick up.” The chances of that ever happening were so slim it was laughable. “But seriously, I can’t see that happening here. Pretty sure if I screamed they’d all come running to see if I was okay.” She wasn’t going to test that theory, but Raven was pretty confident that would be the case.

“And are you?” Octavia didn’t need to say the rest of that sentence for them to both know what she meant.

“Yeah, I will be. These next two weeks are going to be weird, but O, I’m a grand richer today, this is easy money. If I stick this out, things will be so much better for me, and I don’t even need to sell my soul, or body, to do it.”

“The money is good, but remember, you can come home if you need to.”

“I know, thanks. Now, tell me about your schedule? Is Clarke staying in my room? She knows the drill, but does she get that she’s on call for you while I’m here?” Raven fired off, feeling relaxed enough about her own situation to push it from her mind and focus on Octavia’s.

Settling down on the bed, and kicking her shoes off as she did so, Raven listed to Octavia explain the system they had in place while she was away, and how everything was going. For a split second, it was almost like she was back home with her best friend, instead of miles away being someone’s girlfriend.

*0*0* 

Raven heard the rest of Lexa's family arrive home before seeing them. She'd only shut her eyes for a few minutes after talking to Octavia, to try and regroup, getting her mindset back into being on the job again. But then she fell asleep.

The day was taking its toll, what with the long drive, and being unable to drop her guard. So having that privacy, that time away, allowed her defences to drop, resulting in a nap she had not planned on taking.

The new voices, however, were enough to wake Raven with a start, and she sat up, looking around, disorientated for a moment. It was then she remembered what room she was in, and who she was with. Following her realisation, there was a soft knock at the door, and Raven just assumed whoever it was would open the door and let themselves in, but instead, they knocked again .

"Come in," Raven called out, her voice rough from sleep. The door opened a second later, with Lexa giving her a soft look as she came in, closing the door begin her.

"I fell asleep, sorry," Raven said, clearing her throat.

"That's okay, I thought you might need the rest. Plus, it gave me some time to catch up with Anya." Lexa said it with a cheeky little smile, and Raven found herself smiling, too. It was one of the first genuine smiles Raven had seen her wear, and her being there made so much more sense from the way Lexa adored her family.  

"Is that your parents and brother home?" she asked, nodding at the door where the sound was coming from.

“Yeah, they're getting ready for dinner now, but they're eager to meet you," Lexa said, leaning on the chest of drawers across the room, giving her plenty of space.

Moving to the edge of the bed, Raven swung her legs off and got to her feet.

Before she’d fallen asleep, she’d considered what needed to be done to pull this off, to pull them off. With Lexa giving her ten feet of distance every time they were in the same room with one another, it was never going to be convincing. And yes, Lexa had said physical contact wasn’t needed, but there needed to be something, anything, and now Raven needed to work out what Lexa was comfortable with, just how far she could take it.

"That's something we need to discuss," Raven began, indicating to the space between them.

"Oh?" Lexa tried to mask it, but she looked briefly concerned, as if she expected Raven to change her mind about meeting her family or being close to her. Well, that was not the case, not the case at all.

"We look like strangers," Raven said, moving across the floor to stand in front of Lexa. "We should be familiar with one another." Taking another step, Raven moved into Lexa's space, until they were practically touching. It got the desired effect.

Lexa swallowed, her eyes darkening, and Raven smirked. That was exactly what she needed to work with.

"We're meant to be dating,” she continued, “and that comes with an intimacy we need to show."

Watching Lexa carefully, Raven moved that last bit closer, until they were hip to hip, causing Lexa to drop her head back a little, eyes closing, breathing deeply through her nose.

Her hands came up, as if to touch on instinct, but she stopped herself. That was Raven's cue.

"Because they’d expect us to be intimate. So I think it's okay for you to touch me." Raven took Lexa's hands and placed them on her waist, nodding to show that she was okay with it. "I need you to give me an inch here, Lexa. I promise I won't take the mile."

She waited, for any sign of agreement or understanding, to know she hadn’t gone too far with this.

"I can - I can try and do that," Lexa murmured, eyes glued to Raven's now, the heat of her hands still on her waist. "Are you sure it's okay for me to touch you?"

"Waist, hips, hands, arms; they're all okay. Anything else, and I'll break your fingers. I trust that won't be necessary."

"Never," Lexa replied, shaking her head, and Raven was pretty sure Lexa's word was sound.

"Do you have any problems with me touching you?" Raven asked, her hand ghosting over Lexa's arm, while the other came up to wrap around Lexa's neck. She was waiting on her cue, though.

"I have no problems with that, Raven," Lexa replied, her eyes darkening once Raven closed the distance and put both her arms around Lexa's neck. That pulled them ever so slightly closer, hips moving against hips, and Raven knew better than to tease but for some reason, watching Lexa's eyes drop closed at the sensation was one almighty ego boost. She was certain she could dismantle Lexa with the right amount of touches and looks.

Following through after Raven had dismantled her, though, was another thing altogether. Never going to happen.

But for now, Raven could revel in the way Lexa's eyes caressed her face, the quickening of her breath, and the comforting feeling of Lexa's thumbs gently rubbing back and forth over her waist.

"This is what I'm talking about, " Raven said, her voice much quieter now. “This is the inch I need.”

"We should- we should go downstairs," Lexa tried, changing the subject. “My parents will l be wondering - god, Anya will think we-"

"Kind of the point," Raven explained, smirking, now running her hands through Lexa's curls, bunching them up and letting them go again, making it the perfect kind of dishevelled. “It’s easier to convince them if we look the part."

Lexa nodded, understanding and completely sold on the idea. Her body was abuzz from Raven's touch, and her words. She knew it was nothing more than lack of physical intimacy that had her craving more and like all times before, Lexa was a pro and pushing down those desires and tackling the situation at hand, instead.

It was only another few moments before the two of them stepped back, giving the other space, left the room and made their way downstairs. The voices guided them back to the kitchen, where they walked hand in hand through into the living room.

Raven was used to meeting people she needed to impress and nerves were never an issue, but for some reason, she wanted the rest of Lexa's family to approve of her. Whether that be because it was now so clear how wounded Lexa still was about her previous partner, or because Raven wanted to do a good job for the money she was being paid; she didn't know, nor cared. The fact of the matter still remained that Lexa's parents and her brother were ones she wanted to win over, and knowing that, the butterflies in her stomach took flight.

Giving Lexa’s hand a slight squeeze, Raven took comfort when Lexa squeezed hers back, shooting her a comforting look as they moved closer to the noise.

Once in the doorway, it only took a second for someone to notice their presence, and as Raven had been asleep, she’d missed all the introductions they’d already gone through, so it was all on her now.

The first person to approach, having caught sight of them immediately, was Lexa’s dad, Gustus. He got up off the couch, and moved closer with a slight grin on his lips. Looking him over, Raven noted he was six plus feet of pure muscle, and the whole private security role was befitting of him. She had seen photos of Gustus before, but they did nothing to tell of his size, and if she hadn’t had that conversation with Lexa in the car about what her parents were like, she would have assumed he was the stricter, more serious, parent of the two.

“You must be Raven,” he grinned, holding his hand out, which she was quick to accept.

“Yes, sir, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Given his role, the title seemed to fall from her lips, and that had him shaking his head.

“Call me Gus, and trust me, the pleasure is all ours. We have no heard enough about you, as this one seems to have kept you all to herself,” he said, shooting Lexa a playful frown, that had her shifting on her feet.

“Well, I’m pretty sure by the end of the two weeks, you’ll be sick of me,” she joked, trying to get him to smile. If he smiled, he was open to her, and that made things easier.

“I very much doubt that,” he laughed, and bingo. “Now, come meet Indra.” Waving Raven closer, she moved to his side, stepping away from Lexa, their hand dropping as she did so.

Indra was very much unlike Gustus in his welcome, she eyed Raven over, then looked to Lexa, as if sizing up the situation, which was freaking nerve wracking for the two of them, before nodding her greeting.

“Raven, welcome to our home,” Indra said, standing next to Gustus with the two of them looking her over. Lexa saddled up behind her, her presence warming her back, and then she felt Lexa’s hand on her waist. Good.

“Thank you for having me,” she replied with ease, genuinely thankful that they were so welcoming, even if they didn’t know the whole truth of her being there.

“You’re welcome; we are looking forward to getting to know you. Like Gustus said, Lexa has been unforthcoming with details of you.”

Turning to smile at Lexa, Raven laughed and shook her head. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” Her gaze was soft, as if she found that characteristic of Lexa’s endearing. “But, at least we have this time now to get to know one another,” Raven finished, turning back to Lexa’s parents, and smiling.

“Indeed,” Indra murmured, her eyes fixed on her youngest daughter.

“Is Lincoln back yet?” Lexa asked, a moment later, clearing her throat as softly as she could.

“He’s still out, should be back shortly. We’re just getting things ready,” Anya called out, from her place on the couch. Raven almost missed her, with her slouched body lying across three seats, practically hidden from where they were standing.

“Okay, well, we’ll get drinks,” Lexa said, trying to steer Raven towards the kitchen. “What would everyone like?”

Thankfully Lexa listened to what everyone was saying, because Raven was still replaying everything in her head, to ensure she hadn't slipped up. It didn’t seem like she had, but she felt that icy aloofness Anya had, coming in waves from Indra. Lexa’s warnings did not do her justice.

Once in the kitchen and away from prying eyes, Raven slouched against the counter.

“That was a little intense. I think your mother hates me,” she groaned, wondering how she could have messed up? Lexa laughed at her, though, and shook her head.

“She doesn’t hate you. She’s just unsure. She knows that I...she knows this is hard for me, still,” she added, her smile slowly falling from her lips.

There was just something about that look that made Raven want to comfort her.

“Look, I can’t make promises, but by the end of this trip, they’ll think you’ve moved on completely and you won’t have to worry about them worrying, okay?” she said, lowering her voice.

“Thanks.” It was said with a weak smile, but it was a start.

“Don’t mention it,” Raven replied, not wanting to make a big deal because it was her job, but she really wanted everything to work out well for Lexa, and she couldn’t stop searching for that shadow in her face to vanish.

Lexa’s gaze remained on hers, and it was easy to trace the contours of her face with her eyes, moving down to her neck, her collarbones on show in that shirt at the neckline, and then-

“Food is here!” a voice called out, startling the two of them, and Lexa took a step back, while Raven looked around the room.

Drinks. They were meant to be getting drinks.

Lexa seemed to spring back into action, too, as she immediately went for the cupboard, while Raven moved to the fridge. From there, she used Lexa’s guidance to get the drinks ready, leaving them on the counter, where Lexa took them next door.

Before she had a chance to come back, someone new walked into the kitchen, and Raven looked at them with raised eyebrows. This had to be Lincoln.

“Hi,” he said, bemused by her presence. “You must be Lexa’s girlfriend, Raven, am I right?”

“Yeah, you are.” Moving forward, she shook hands with him.

“ I’m Lincoln, the brother.” She’d gathered that, but was glad for the introduction.

“The doctor,” Raven said, nodding, and he grinned back.

“Yeah, the black sheep of the family, the doctor.” Hardly blacksheep from the sounds of it, but maybe there was more to it. “So Lexa mentioned me?”

“Warned me, more like,” she joked, and Lincoln laughed, shaking his head. “No, she mentioned you a few times.” Did multiple times in one conversation now count as a few times? Sure.

“I’d ask if it was all good, but it was Lexa, so I doubt it.”

“What’s that meant to mean?” Lexa’s voice called, with her walking back into the kitchen. Lincoln rolled his eyes at her and waved his hands up in surrender.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing.” Lexa obviously didn’t buy it, and gave him a slight shove as she passed. “Hey, behave, or no food. Of course, that doesn’t count for you, Raven. You can have as much as want,” Lincoln said, turning to her, before shooting his sister a look. “And speaking of food, I’m starving.”

He made his departure then, and Raven watched him go, and watched Gustus come into the kitchen on the search for cutlery. His presence made Lexa move closer, until she was next to Raven, and she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. Then Lexa caught her eyes, practically asking for approval to move into her space, and with a nod yes, she moved closer.

“I wasn’t...we didn’t cover what we like to eat in the car, so I had to guess,” Lexa whispered referring to the food, with her arm now around Raven’s waist, making it look like she was nuzzling into her. And okay, their conversation upstairs must have done some good, because she hadn’t expected this type of physical contact.

Not that she was complaining; having Lexa pressed against her, her breath tickling her jaw and ear, her nose brushing her hair just slightly, and the heat of her body, was not a problem.

“I’ll find something, don’t worry.” As she said it, Raven lifted her hand, cupping Lexa’s face, so she could see her properly, and then ran her fingers over her brow, trying to remove the worry-lines. That made Lexa’s cheeks pinken, and Raven laughed, finding it so easy to get that reaction from her.

“Hate to interrupt, but Anya’s already started helping herself, and if you want any food…” Lincoln said, popping his head around the doorframe, a boyish smile on his lips. And it was then that she realised Gustus had left them at some point, but God knows when. She hadn’t even noticed.

“We’ll be right there,” Lexa said, turning out of Raven’s embrace, and nodding at him.

Looking back to Raven, Lexa held out her hand, with no sign of hesitation, and it felt like progress was definitely being made. Accepting it, Raven followed after Lexa into the living room, where her eyebrows rose at the scene before her. It hadn’t been like that ten minutes ago.

She had anticipated, what with the immaculate dining room placed off the kitchen, a sit down meal, all stuffy and formal, but instead, dinner was very much an informal affair; everyone sitting in the living room, with take out boxes and pizza boxes covering every inch of the coffee table, and with Gustus quick to hand them both plates, and Lincoln pointing out what was what, and to get stuck in.  

She really hadn’t been expecting that, but it made them seem, almost normal, and did a lot to pull down some of the preconceived opinions of them Raven had formed. It also did a lot to calm the nerves, and slowly but surely the butterflies in her stomach were disappearing.

Indra still looked like she could glare anyone into submission, but she had a smile on her face as she was laughing at something Lincoln had been saying, and she wasn’t Head of Trigadekru  Corp right then, she was a mother surrounded by her family, eased and relaxed, and Raven knew this was a private moment she was seeing.

Being there, being amongst the Woods was a private experience, and glancing to Lexa, who was making some smartass comment back to Anya, Raven couldn’t help but think Lexa must have been so desperate to go to the extreme of hiring her.

Not only was she risking her own reputation, because hello, ‘Trigadekru Corp Director Hires Prostitute’ is a headline just waiting to hit, and goodbye Trigadekru’s strong share price; but Lexa was also opening her family up to Raven, and allowing their private bonding to be seen by a stranger.

It really made her reconsider her approach to this job, because it wasn’t just a job anymore, and Lexa wasn’t just a simple client. Maybe it would have been easier if sex had been on the table, because Raven knew she could lock that shit up and keep her client at an arm’s length. This job, though, this trip was not that simple, it was messy, it was crossing those lines, and already Raven knew she was going to break some of her own rules to make this happen for Lexa.

Likelihood, she was going to have to break her privacy rules, her ‘don’t get close to the client’ rules, her ‘don’t get invested’ rules, and God, Octavia was going to kill her. But, looking round the living room, breaking those rules seemed like the right thing to do.

Whether that was going to be the case, was yet to be seen.

Raven just hoped, that with each defense she slowly lowered, and each rule she broke, that it didn’t come back to bite her in the ass.

She was trusting Lexa.

God help her.

*0*0*


	6. Chapter 6

*0*0*

Much to Lexa’s relief, Raven was fitting in. She was holding her own around Lexa’s family, and she was a welcomed addition, actually.

Before, the last time the Woods family had a meal together, Lexa remembered rolling her food around the plate, and avoiding questions about her future. Her mother was looking on worried, Anya was trying her best to lighten the situation, Lincoln didn’t know what to do, and her father pushed on like nothing was happening. It was hard.

Their concern was crippling, but now, on this evening, Lexa felt no concern, no worrying glances, no cautious questions. Raven’s presence removed that, because it looked like Lexa was doing great, was moving on, was happy and quite possibly in love with the woman sitting next to her.

“So how did you two meet?” Anya asked, her question gathering the attention of the room.

“Blind date,” Raven smiled, turning to Lexa to see if she was going to tell the story.

“Raven’s best friend, Octavia, set us up. I met her at a charity fundraiser, and she said she had a friend who was right up my street.” The words were easy, recalling their earlier conversation, and it was less stressful than what Lexa thought it would be. “So, I gave Raven a call, and we met for dinner.”

“And you two hit it off?” Lincoln asked, smiling through his mouthfuls of food, pleased to hear his sister took the plunge and was moving on.

“No, that first date was appalling. I was ready to get out there after the appetisers,” Raven replied, shaking her head.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Lexa said, feeling her pride and ego taking a hit at once again being accused at being bad on a date. She was never bad at dates.

“It was awful,” Raven added, overruling Lexa.

“It could have been better,” Lexa admitted, knowing that no matter what she did, she wasn’t going to be able to pull it back. She was going to have to be known for at least one dreadful date.

“It was unsalvageable,” Raven groaned.

“Yet you’re here,” Anya added, raising her eyebrow, and then looking to Lexa to see what she was going to say.

“I...I was rather cold, and closed off on that first date. Raven had tried, and I was interested, but I knew my first impression had been very poor,” she said, knowing that if she actually did go on a date, that’s exactly how it would go; fear wrapped up to look like disinterest, and aloofness that cut through all hope.

“She called me the next day, asked me out again, which was a surprise.” Raven took another bite of her pizza, grinning at Lexa as she did so.

“A pleasant one, right?”

“Sure,” Raven teased, her smirk in place, and Lexa rolled her eyes. “No, I wasn't really sure about it, but Octavia was convinced Lexa could be more than whoever she was when I met her. I figured I’d appease my best friend.”

“So the second date was better? Well done, Lexa,” her father teased, and now she was feeling low level attacked by her family. Betrayal. They were betraying her.

“Better, but not great,” Raven replied, and Lexa looked at her in surprise, not sure where she was now going with it. That got Anya and Lincoln laughing, and Raven bit her lip before reaching out, to hold Lexa’s hand. “It was good enough for me to ask you out on a third,” she murmured, and okay, now Lexa could see where this was going.

“And the third was good?” she tried not to have it sound like a question, but Raven was leading this, and she chanced a look to check with her.

“Third date was great,” she grinned, and there was something so un-innocent about it, Lexa could feel herself growing interested in getting more of that look.

“Ah,” Anya began, pulling their attention, “you two needed to fuck to make it work.”

“Anya!” Indra barked, while Lincoln laughed, shaking his head.

“What? That’s what they’re saying.”

“I wasn’t- we weren’t-” Lexa quickly tried to say, to shut that down, because okay, it was going to be part and parcel, they were going to assume they were having sex, but to say it aloud. Fucking Anya.

“The sex helped,” Raven murmured, loud enough for Anya to hear, making her practically cackle, while Gustus groaned about setting up a curse box in the kitchen.

That hadn’t exactly been the story Lexa had planned on telling her family, but it seemed to be a good one, because none of them looked suspicious, none of them looked to have doubts about their story, and oh, Raven was good.

*0*0*

By the time dinner was done, Raven was fighting back yawns, and Indra and Gustus had already gone to bed. Lexa made sure to let Raven know she could go to bed, she didn’t need to force herself to stay awake, and with a soft smile, Raven gave Lexa’s hand a squeeze and headed on up the stairs.

That left Lincoln, Anya and herself sitting in the living room, catching up. Lincoln filled the time with stories of his work, of ER patients that should have known better, and cases that had Lexa cringing. But his excitement and passion was fun, and both sisters were pleased to see their brother so happy.

Once that died down, silence reigned, and Lexa was enjoying the peace. It felt like old times, hanging out with them. Surveying the room, with a smile on her lips, it was then she noticed the way Anya was watching her, and that stole the smile from her lips.

Did she have suspicions? Did she have worries about Raven? Had they not been convincing? Because hell, Lexa had been convinced and she’s paying.

“You're sleeping in the guest bedroom," Anya stated, drawing Lincoln's attention to the conversation, too.

And that’s when the penny dropped. Anya had brought their bags up earlier in the day. She wouldn’t have taken them to the guest room, she would have taken them to Lexa’s room. She would have realised, and she waited, she waited all night before doing this. And no, Lexa did not want this.

"Anya," Lexa groaned out, not wanting to have that conversation, not wanting her reasoning to be casted out in the open.

"What's wrong with your room?" Lincoln wondered, frowning. Last he knew, Lexa's room was fine, and the water damage last spring hadn't touched it.

"Nothing's wrong with her room, isn't that right, Lex?" Anya replied, turning her gaze back to Lexa. Lincoln looked, also, eager to hear her reply.

"I thought the guest bedroom would be nicer, for Raven," she said, and it was partly true.

"Nice for Raven, and easier for you," Anya said, cutting through the crap.

"How's it easier ?" Lincoln asked, turning to Anya, then Lexa, then back.

Lexa made to reply, but Anya seemed determined to drag this on, much to Lexa's annoyance. "Because Costia never slept in the guest bedroom."

"Oh."

Lexa shot Anya a glare, but she only rolled her eyes in return.

"You should switch rooms tomorrow,"

"That’s not going to happen."

"Don't be ridiculous, Lexa. Sleep in your own bed, for god's sake."

Lincoln watched on, knowing better than to get involved when his sisters were like this. The two of them were stubborn enough that no one could come out on top, and he knew better than to try and mediate, lest he want them turning on him, instead.

“You don't understand, so stay out of it, Anya," Lexa grounded out, clenching her fists. She wanted to make her leave, to go to bed - in the guest bedroom - but doing so now would look like she was admitting defeat. There was no way she was going to let Anya think she had won. That was not happening.

So she remained seated, awaiting the next barrage.

“Your girlfriend won't understand, either, when she finds out," Anya replied, raising her eyebrows as if signalling her win. Please.

Under normal circumstances, her statement might have made Lexa nervous, but this was not a normal set of circumstances. There was nothing normal about it.

"Raven won't care," Lexa replied, shaking her head, bursting Anya's bubble.

"Really?" Anya asked, her tone suspicious.

"Yes, really." Lexa's tone signalled the end of that conversation, but Lincoln had another question.

"Raven knows about Costia?" His voice was soft, as if he anticipated the dam to break if he asked too loudly.

Lexa nodded, recalling the conversation in the car on the way up. It made sense that Raven needed to do a background check, and her reasoning was understandable, but now that Raven knew, Lexa felt almost exposed.

"She knows some of it," Lexa added, not wanting either sibling running their mouth and telling Raven all the gory details.That would not be good, especially given how her family had gone above and beyond to keep the details under wrap.

"Some? What does 'some' mean?" Anya's voice cut through the silence, like a shark in water on the hunt. She had found her prey.

"She knows Costia died," Lexa answered, the words still tasting like charcoal after all this time.

Costia died. Costia was dead. Costis was buried in a box, six feet under, because of her.

Swallowing down the panic, the fear crawling up Lexa's spine like a spider on the run, she tried to shake the sensation away.

"Lex," Lincoln said, looking on with a frown, his hand having reached out and on her own. She hadn't even felt that.

“Raven doesn't need to know the details," Lexa churned out, trying to ignore the flash of memories behind her eyes; all sweet and loving, snapshots of their time together until they weren't, until all Lexa was seeing was death, and a wooden box, decorated in flowers, and Costia's mother looking at her with so much venom.

"She doesn't need to know the details," Lexa repeated, shaking her head, and there was a look between her siblings that she missed.

Anya nodded at the door, and Lincoln made his leave, best to let Anya handle this grenade.

Moving, Anya took a seat next to her sister, who looked seconds away from falling back into the pit Anya had spent months getting her out of. Anya had assumed that with someone new in Lexa's life, with Raven being there, then Lexa would have improved. That she would have buried this overwhelming sadness, and that the panic would have ceased. Hell, they had been so relaxed earlier, this felt wrong. But then again, maybe she had anticipated a miracle, where there was not one to be found.

"Lex," Anya repeated, reaching out and taking Lexa's hand in her own.

Her name pulled Lexa's attention from re-living the past, and right back to the present, to Anya's worried brow, and to reality, where Costia wasn't just out of sight.

"Lexa?" Raven's voice carried, and both sisters turned to see her in the doorway, with Lincoln behind her. From Anya's glare, that had obviously not been what she had sent him away for. He shrugged, not knowing what the best course of action was. No doubt, later, he'd get an earful from his older sister about poor choices.

Whether Raven's presence was a poor choice, however, had yet to be seen. Raven took in the scene before her, and Lincoln's words when she had opened the bedroom door after his persistent knocking, and knew something wasn't quite right. Anya got up, vacating the seat next to Lexa, and gave Raven a brief nod on her way out, signalling it was her turn to take over. What she was taking over, however, was beyond her.

Once Lincoln and Anya were gone, and Raven was seated next to Lexa, she could see where things lay.

Lexa's usual aloofness, that coldness that hung around her, had intensified. Whatever the three of them had been taking about had done something to push the Lexa from earlier, the one that had given her an inch, deep down behind a wall of frost and ice.

Lexa had said nothing about being a sounding board on the job, and Raven was used to a few clients every now and then using her as a glorified therapist, rather than anything else.

But Lexa wasn't doing that, she was sitting practically motionless, her eyes now off in the distance, and Raven wondered if she even knew Raven was there.

Best way to solve that, make it impossible for Lexa to miss her.

Having been woken from her sleep, Raven was wearing sleep shorts and an old t-shirt. That didn't stop her moving Lexa's hands from her own lap, and sitting herself astride Lexa's body, placing her hands on Raven's waist.

That pulled Lexa's focus, and now all she could think about was this soft, pliant body sitting on top of her, and how stunning Raven looked right at that moment.

"Hi," Lexa said, her voice so much quieter than she thought it would be.

"Hi yourself," Raven replied, her hands moving to Lexa's shoulders. “It looked like you needed to be brought back to the land of the living, hope you don't mind." Raven had no clue how poignant those words were, what they did to Lexa.

"I don't mind," she replied, her thumbs caressing Raven's waist gently. She didn't mind, for some reason. Maybe it was the jolt of an attractive woman sitting on her lap, or maybe it was the distraction to begin with, but either way, Lexa had no problem with Raven's method.

“You looked lost," Raven murmured, giving Lexa the chance to talk if she wanted.

"What did Lincoln tell you?" She'd need to have words later with him about what was appropriate, because getting Raven out of bed had not been.

"He said you needed me." And that had been when Raven realised Lexa's brother was looking for 'girlfriend Raven' rather than it being a genuine request from Lexa.

“I’m sorry he woke you," Lexa's fingers played with the edge of her sleep t-shirt as she spoke.

"I'm not," Raven replied, unable to help herself from running her hands through Lexa's locks. Her hair was incredibly soft to touch, and from the gentle way Lexa closed her eyes, it didn't look like Lexa minded Raven's ministrations, either. "I'm here for when you need me, for whatever you need."

Lexa opened her eyes, they were darker than before, her gaze caressing over Raven, and Raven couldn't stop the laugh from bubbling from her lips.

“Everything but that, I’m afraid" she said, and Lexa found herself smirking back.

"I'm sorry, that was inapprop-" Lexa began, only to be cut off.

"That was natural, I am on your lap, after all." She shifted slightly, and Lexa wondered if Raven was trying to kill her.

She had gone into this not wanting sex, not anticipating the desire she would have. Her body had obviously missed the comfort of someone else, as it was responding wholeheartedly to Raven's presence, to her touch, and her gaze.

Lexa had gone into this not wanting that intimacy; not wanting to give herself over to another body, but now the goalposts had moved, and maybe all was not lost. This felt like a moment of growth, or lust, she wasn't sure. But last week, Lexa wholeheartedly believe she would never find another body she wanted to take to her bed, would never feel that desire to touch, and be touched, and never find another partner to push to release. Clearly, that had changed, which meant if Lexa could feel that with Raven, then she could definitely feel that for someone else, someone she wasn't paying to spend time with her.

"Do you want to talk about whatever was bothering you?" Raven asked, looking down at her. Ï can get off your lap if it makes things easier." Probably wasn't going to make the conversation easier, but it would definitely ease the tension in the pit of her stomach. Lexa only needed to give Raven's waist a slight squeeze before she got the message and made to move.

It was as she was climbing over Lexa, to sit next to her again, that Lexa caught sight of her leg; specifically the scars on her calf, surrounding her knee and lower thigh. Raven could feel Lexa's gaze on her as she moved, and she wondered if she'd done something wrong, only to follow Lexa's eyeline and see they were trained on the clusterfuck that was her right leg.

Realising she'd been caught staring, Lexa abruptly looked away, heat in her cheeks, and wishing she'd looked away as soon as she realised what she was looking at.

Octavia had mentioned an injury, but the scarring made it look more than just a simple injury. Mind made up, she didn't care what grief her family gave her, she was going to do her best to ensure that Raven wasn't pressured into hiking, or taking part in any of the other high activity sports lined up for the two weeks ahead. She didn't want to risk Raven injuring herself all for her family's approval.

"I'm sorry," Lexa murmured, knowing it had been rude to stare.

"Forget about it, you were going to see it, eventually." Lexa wanted to ask for details, how did it happen? Why so many scars? Was she still in pain? But she knew better than to pry, especially when Raven still looked rather ashamed by it all.

"Perhaps its best we head to bed," Lexa said, giving Raven an out. It felt as though Lexa had just crossed a line she was never aware of and could feel Raven's demeanor towards her change. Whatever progress they had made earlier to feel comfortable around each other had gone.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," Raven replied, getting up, with Lexa following at her heels.

Together, they ascended the staircase, Lexa turning off lights as they went, and moved into their bedroom, door closing behind them. The bed covers were dishevelled on one side, from where Raven had been sleeping earlier, so Lexa moved to take the other side. She got changed in the bathroom, giving Raven the privacy to get back into bed before coming back out.

“If you'd prefer, I can sleep-"

“You should sleep here, otherwise your family will think we're fighting. If you're not comfortable sharing the bed, I can take the floor."

"That won't be necessary." With the decision made, Lexa gently crawled into bed, being careful not to disturb Raven as she did so.

"Good night, Raven," Lexa said, turning off the lights, as she did so, plunging them into darkness.

"Goodnight, Lexa," Raven replied, facing away, her back to her.

There was silence for a moment before Leax spoke again.

"Thank you for today. I can't imagine how odd this must be, but I do appreciate you acting like this is the most natural thing in the world." Another beat of silence, before Raven spoke up.

"Just doing my job, Lexa . Don't worry about it. There's no need to thank me, your money is doing that for you."

The remainder of the terms, of how Raven was an employee of sorts, had Lexa nodding, rolling to face the end of the bed. Raven may act like she cared, that she was supportive and there was a sounding board, but Lexa needed to remember, it was just her job.

*0*0*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, you all prove to be amazing. This ship is so obscure that I honestly assumed it would remain unread, but you have all proved that wrong, and your support is astounding. Thank you, seriously. 
> 
> Also, I know it's taking a while for their first day together to end (it's not finished yet) but this story will start picking up pace soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split it, so it's a little on the short side, but the next chapter should be up by Friday. Enjoy!

*0*0*

Given the day the two of them had just had, sleep should have come easy. It should have been an instant drop off, head on the pillow, eyes shut and out. That didn’t happen, though.

As Raven had already fallen asleep earlier, her desire to sleep was so low, she really didn’t see it happening any time soon, and for that tiny inkling that did want to sleep, she couldn’t. The presence in the bed next to her meant that she was not able to.

For Lexa, the presence on the other side of the bed was haunting. No matter how much she tried, how many sheep she counted, or how many times she tossed or turned, she couldn’t break the thought of there being someone else in the bed with her. It had been so, so long, since that had last happened. Now she wasn’t used to it.

By the early hours of the morning, it was obvious to both of them that neither had fallen asleep. Their breathing wasn’t slow and quiet, but alert and with the occasional sigh; and they kept rolling over, while trying not to disturb the other.

Lexa found herself facing Raven’s back, eyes open, wondering about her bed mate, who eventually turned, eyes open, and looked right back at her.

“Can’t sleep?” Raven asked, breaking the silence in the room. Her voice was low, a murmur, so she didn’t alert the rest of the house.

There was an unasked question in her words, one Lexa caught onto immediately, and with a gently hum, Lexa pushed her hair away from her face and made to answer.

“The last person I slept beside was Costia,” she explained, and Raven took a moment to let those words sink in.

With every new detail, it became clear that the woman she was lying next to had give her heart, wholly, to her partner, with no intention of parting. Life’s plans, Costia’s death, had left her in mourning, unable to move on, and now Raven could see all the pain and hurt within Lexa’s eyes.

She was incapable of replacing the girl she had lost, and this week, while relieving her family’s pain, was going to hurt Lexa, more than Raven first imagined. And it was in moments like this she realised that.

“I never sleep with clients,” Raven replied, opening up so Lexa didn’t feel alone in her confession. Then, realising her words, she rolled her eyes and made to clarify. “I don’t stay over. This is new.” Lexa nodded, understanding, in the dark.

“I can sleep in the other room,” she said, throwing that option out there.

“I’m meant to convince your family that you’ve moved on, so if you do that, they’ll think we’re fighting, and that will convince no one.”

“If it makes you more comfortable-”

“Don’t worry about my comfort, Lexa, I’m fine. As soon as I’m not, you’ll know.” Another nod in the dark, and silence descended in. “We’re going to be useless tomorrow,” Raven added, yawning her laugh into her hand, and earning a smile.

“I can get us out of whatever they have planned, don’t worry. Plus,” Lexa added, as an after thought, “given the right appearance in the morning, I’m sure they can draw their own conclusions as to why we’re exhausted.” There was a small smile on her lips as she finished, and Raven laughed, nodding.

“I think we can pull that off,” she agreed, her hand reaching out and ruffling Lexa’s curls again. She looked forward to properly dishevelling it in the morning, but a slight ruffle would do for now.

Lexa found herself tucking her head into the pillow, smiling, as Raven’s fingers caressed her scalp softly, brushing her hair away.

It reminded her of nights on the sofa, curled up in Costia’s lap, her fingers through her hair, or Sunday mornings in bed, lips bruised, breathing haggard, and Costia’s hand playing with her curls, winding them round her fingers in the aftermath.

But this wasn’t Costia. They didn’t look like Costia. The didn’t sound like Costia. They didn’t smell like Costia. And Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, taking a deep breath, roughly the same time Raven must have realised and pulled her hand back.

That made both of them roll over, onto their backs, staring up at the ceiling; one feeling guilty, the other fighting back the wave of emotion crashing beneath.

God only knows how long they both lay there, but the silence of the room allowed them to think; Lexa of the girl lying next to, and now how she was not comfortable with the sleeping arrangements; and Raven of what had just happened, and what was going to happen in the morning.

“There’s no point of us both just lying here,” Lexa began, deciding to get out of the bed, pushing the covers away. “I’ll do some work, you can have the bed.”

Before Raven could even protest, Lexa was up and out, putting the covers back to keep Raven warm, and moved over to her bag. Raven could only watch as she pulled out her laptop and phone, and sat herself in the chair across the room.

“If my typing bothers you, let me know?” she said, looking up, as though realising Raven hadn’t said anything.

“I will, but I don’t think it will,” Raven replied, nodding, while rolling onto her side.

Under the covers, she rubbed around her knee, trying to ease the aching, and settled in to sleep. She wasn’t going to pass up on the chance to sleep, not when that would be the only way to relieve the pain. So, curling up, she closed her eyes to the sound of Lexa’s typing, and hoped for an easier day tomorrow.

*0*0*

Morning was a sleepy affair for the two of them. Lexa woke at the sound of her father’s heavy footfalls going down the stairs, and found herself upright in the chair she’d moved to last night, laptop dead on her lap, and with Raven sound asleep in the bed across from her.

Raven was tangled up in the sheets, dead to the world, allowing Lexa to get up with a groan and not wake her.

The chair hadn’t been the most comfortable of places to sleep, but she’d slept in worse places, and she wanted to ensure that Raven could sleep soundly. She might have sequestered Raven’s services, but the least she could do was provide a proper place for her to sleep.

Glancing at the clock on the bedside table told Lexa it was a little before nine, and if only her father was up, there was no point waking Raven at this time. That allowed Lexa to slip out of the room, gently closing the door behind her, then head to the bathroom before going downstairs.

Gustus was in the kitchen when she wandered in, all bleary eyed and mushed up hair, which earned a smile from him. Nods were exchanged instead of greetings as the two worked around each other to pull together a decent breakfast for the rest upstairs.

Indra’s footfalls were next down the stairs, and she moved into the fray easily and effortlessly, picking up the pan of eggs and moving them off the head as they spat oil across the stove. Altogether, breakfast was served, moved onto trays and put into the oven on a low heat, while each one went upstairs to wake the remainder of the house.

Even though she didn’t need to, Lexa still knocked on the bedroom door, giving Raven advance warning of her arrival, before she opened the door and let herself in.

Raven was up, sitting in bed, hair dishevelled, sticking up all over the place, and wiping her eyes.

“Morning,” Lexa said, closing the door behind her. “Food is ready, you want to come down now?” There was no pressure in her question, if Raven didn’t want to then she didn’t have to.

“Yeah, just give me a few minutes?” Her voice was gravelly from sleep, and Lexa nodded with a smile in reply.

That gave Lexa a chance to grab a sweatshirt to put on over her t-shirt, feeling the chill. She moved over to her bags to search for the one she was after, while Raven stretched out her right leg in the bed behind her, feeling the ache deep in her muscles, and fought back a groan. She didn’t want Lexa knowing, as it wasn’t her responsibility to worry.

But, Raven needed Lexa to leave so she could put her brace on. If she pulled out her brace now, Lexa would worry, and she could not have that. And given that it didn’t look like Lexa was ready to leave without Raven, she needed to find another way to tackle that issue.

“Lexa?” Raven asked, having cleared her throat and pushed back her hair.

Her name being called got Lexa to turn, sweatshirt now on, and she quirked an eyebrow as Raven waved her over to the bed. It wasn’t until Lexa was sitting on the edge, right next to Raven’s lap, that Raven spoke again.

“You look a little too presentable,” she said, and Lexa frowned, glancing down at herself, because she wasn’t that presentable. But then Raven’s hands were combing through her hair, bunching the curls like before, and God, that felt good. Next, her hands slid down the slide of Lexa’s cheeks, down to her neck, and then ever so slightly, Raven scraped her nails at the nape of her neck, and top of her back. It earned her an abrupt catch of Lexa’s breath, her eyes closing at the sensation.

“That looks better,” Raven finished, leaning back to admire her handiwork.

Lexa looked fairly turn on, her pupils blown, eyes heady, hair ruffled, and with the added scrape on her neck, red pressure marks were left in their wake; it told a very different story from reality.

“You go down, I’ll be at your back.”

Lexa could only nod, her brain now abuzz with lust, and she needed to pull herself back together. She knew Raven’s tactics, so she had to stop falling to pieces every time Raven used them. It was beginning to get embarrassing. Even more so when she got up off the bed in a daze, leaving the room and gently closing the door behind her. She didn’t even see Anya until she walked into her at the top of the stairs, and come on, Lexa, she needed to get a damn grip.

Anya took one look at her and laughed, shaking her head.

“Good morning?” she teased, and Lexa fought back the heat on her cheeks because she knew exactly what it looked like. “There’s no point coming down to breakfast if you’ve already eaten,” Anya chimed, earning a glare and if they hadn’t been on the stairs, Lexa would have pushed her.

The two of them wandered into the kitchen sharing smiles, with more teasing from Anya, and Lincoln caught on pretty quickly when he ran a finger down Lexa’s neck, earning a burst of laughter from Anya.

That caught their parents eyes, but both pretended not to notice why their kids were enjoying themselves.

Eventually, Raven made it down the stairs, last to breakfast, and passed on her apologies about being late. It was brushed off, with smiles and laughter, and she was relieved to see their lie had been bought, or so the light tint of pink in Lexa’s cheeks said.

For that, Raven was pleased, because the last thing she wanted was Lexa coming back upstairs to see her putting on her brace, fumbling about on the floor doing stretches, and groaning in pain. No thank you.

“So, everyone up for a little trip later?” Lincoln asked, once Raven had grabbed a plate of food and was settled at the table.

“What kind of trip?” Lexa asked, her eyes briefly glancing over to Raven’s to see how she was feeling during this topic.

“I was thinking we could head to the lake, maybe take the canoes out, and stop at Luna’s for lunch?” Lincoln raised his eyebrows in question, looking round the rest of the table to see what everyone thought of his suggestion.

“We should aim to leave in the next forty minutes if we want to get to Luna’s for lunch,” Indra added, and Lexa knew that meant her mum and dad were going. Anya just hummed her agreement, nodding once, before going back to her food; which left Lexa and Raven to decide.

Lexa was leaving this decision entirely up to Raven, not wanting to put any pressure on her, because the day could be long-

“I’d love to see the lake,” Raven said, smiling. “You up for it, Lex?” she asked, turning to her.

If they weren’t seated at the table with the family, Lexa would have asked Raven if she sure. But, as there was no chance to, she just had to assume Raven really was sure.

“Yeah, I think that sounds good,” Lexa replied, nodding, her eyes not leaving Raven’s.

She was trying her best to ask if it was okay, without actually asking, but Raven smiled like it was fine, and not to worry. Like that was possible.

Maybe she did need to ask Raven about her injury some more. She didn’t want to, because hello, invasion of privacy, but she felt like she was walking on eggshells to ensure Raven didn’t get hurt. That wasn’t comfortable; and it couldn’t be comfortable or Raven, either.

Lexa winced just thinking of bringing that conversation up, especially given how her staring had gone over the night before, but now it felt like she had no option. Later, she’d do it later.

For now, breakfast, with laughter and smiles, and a fluttering of concern she would need to shake eventually, but for now was happy to ignore.

*0*0*


	8. Chapter 8

*0*0*

The lake was a comfortable warmth when everyone hopped out the cars. Raven had ridden with Lexa and her siblings, while their parents rode ahead. Despite all being able to fit in the one vehicle, when Anya found out Raven had driven Lexa’s car, she was keen to show off her own vehicle. And yeah, Raven wasn’t sure how she was going to do it, but she fully intended to get behind the wheel of Anya’s car before the trip was over.

Parking in front of a wharf and shed, everyone grabbed the bags from the trunks, while Lincoln and Gustus were out, heading to the shed, and opening the old wooden doors. Inside, it was neatly packed with sports equipment, nothing too surprising given Polis being an activity hub during the holidays.

Indra moved to help her husband and son pull out the canoes, moving them to sit on the wharf, and getting out the rest of the gear.

Raven watched, unsure how she should help exactly, but didn’t make a move as Lexa came over to stand next to her.

"You sure you're up for this? I promise I won't ask again, I just... " Lexa let her words hang, trying not to be annoying, but she was worried.

“I'm looking forward to this, don't worry." Raven sounded genuine about it, which was all Lexa could ask for. A reassuring smile later, Raven was reaching out and giving Lexa’s hand a squeeze. She entwined their fingers together, and watched as the rest of the Woods clan sorted out the canoes.

"Alright, three in each!" Indra called, moving to the furthest away one, and pushing it into the water off the wharf, and climbing in.

"Do you want to come with me-" Lexa was asking, her thumb running over the back of Raven’s hand, when Anya cut in.

She wrapped her arm around Raven’s shoulder, and gave them both a small smile.

"Bonding time," she said, grinning, before nodding over at their parents. "Lex, you're with mum and dad, Raven will be joining Linc and myself."

There was a brief moment of panic, which crossed Lexa’s features, but then Raven was laughing and stepping into Lexa’s space, her hands coming up to cup her cheeks.

"I can hold my own," she murmured, knowing her words were general enough to not arouse suspicion. "I will see you at Luna’s."

Raven was so close, so in her space, her breath tickling her lips, she was certain Raven was going to kiss her. And she did, but not where Lexa wanted. She kissed her cheek, her forehead briefly leaning against Lexa’s as she did so, and then Raven moved back, turning to grin at Anya.

"You can tell me all about Lexa’s teenage years and the embarrassing shit she got up to," Raven called, glancing quickly to make sure she wasn't cursing in front of their parents, but all looked fine.

That made Anya grin, and she beckoned Raven closer, leaving Lexa watching them go. She was still getting over the closeness of Raven, the heat on her cheek of Raven’s lips, soft, supple, pressing against her. That was going to take some time to get over.

While those two headed to the wharf, Lincoln noticed Lexa’s furrowed brow, stiff posture, and automatically assumed it was because Anya insisted on having Raven with them in the canoe. He wandered over, coming to stand beside her, and looking out over the rest of them putting bags into the canoes.

"She's with us, she'll be fine,” he said, breaking the silence, and glancing a look her way.

Lexa turned, biting her bottom lip for a moment before swallowing and taking a deep breath. Lincoln knew that face, and stood a little taller, ready to accept whatever she was about to share.

"Linc, do me a favour?” Lexa began, her eyes not leaving Raven. “Don't...Raven doesn't like to talk about it, but she has a chronic leg injury. It’s not...she...she’ll pretend it’s not a problem. I need you to make sure she’s okay, and that she doesn’t over do it.”

The doctor in her brother wanted to ask more, but he nodded, looking over at Anya and Raven laughing by the canoe. He couldn’t be sure which leg was the issue, she was standing with her weight evenly distributed, no sign of an injury, but was going to keep an eye on her.

Looking back to his sister, he saw the concern in her eyes, and knew he needed to do his best to ease that, whatever way possible. .

"Secret’s safe with me." He gave Lexa’s shoulder a squeeze, and with her relieved, weak, smile, he moved off, to head back over to the canoes.  

Lexa followed suit, going to join their parents, dropping the worries as she walked. By the time she reached her mum, Indra had her arm out, pulling her into a side hug, and teasing her about all the questions they were going to bug her with. She smiled back, and climbed into the canoe, with Indra getting back in with her, and Gustus following.

Raven was already in the canoe with Anya and Lincoln, a good bit away from them; together, they were making claims they could beat them to Luna’s, earning a hearty laugh from Gustus.

"Ready to kick their cocky asses? " Indra asked, causing Lexa to laugh, and she accepted the paddle with a nod.

"Ready when you are."

And the race was on.

*0*0*

Raven wasn't great at canoeing, but remembered the summer after sophomore year where Clarke had this bright idea to go camping in the woods. It had resulted in various sporting activities, like this, followed by numerous sprains and aches. Never to be repeated again.

However, Raven was hardly having to do much work at all in this canoe.

It was clear the Woods spent their summers doing this, as Lincoln and Anya were like a well oiled machine. So much so, Anya took Raven’s paddle away cause she was messing up their stride, and now she was sitting pretty in the canoe watching the world pass by.

"Mechanical engineering," Anya said, hardly sounding out of breath, breaking the silence.

"What's the question?" Raven replied, putting on her sunglasses and watching the clouds above them.

"What made you pick that?" Lincoln asked, and now Raven wondered if they were going to tag team her, a well crafted set up to find out if she was good enough for their baby sister.

"I’m good with my hands," Raven answered, a lazy smirk then making its way onto her features. She couldn’t resist, and hell, there was no way she was going to make this easy for them.  

"I'm sure Lexa appreciates that," Anya laughed, shaking her head, “but you got a career lined up after?” Whether Anya meant to, Raven could hear the protectiveness in her voice, and decided to ease up a bit. She didn’t want to give the impression she was only after Lexa for her money, even if, technically, that was exactly the case and foundation of their relationship.

"I fix cars on the side right now, customise engines, that sort of thing, but a career? I've had a few notes of interest, companies waiting until I graduate. If their offers still stand I will take them up on it,” she replied, sharing that piece of information, and mentally scoring out another privacy rule she was breaking. Octavia was not going to be impressed.

"What industry would that be?” Still not out of breath, how the heck were they doing this? Looking out the canoe, Raven noted Lexa’s canoe in front of them, having been taken over not that long ago, so Lincoln and Anya were powering onwards. Yet they didn’t look to be braking a sweat. She was slightly jealous right now at their stamina. Maybe she needed to get into canoeing. Or any sport really.

"Defence.” Her tone took a slightly different note to it, and Anya shot a look over her shoulder at Lincoln, who caught it, too. They’d ask about that later.

Raven was thinking over her options after graduating. She still had another year to go, and for now, she wasn't feeling hopeful. There were a lot of other prospects between now and then, and jobs could be filled in seconds. While she knew she was smart enough, being smart meant nothing when she had to pay bills and companies wouldn't touch her without a degree in her back pocket.

Anya hummed at her response, allowing Raven to hide whatever nerver had been touched there, and they continued their paddling in silence for a few minutes. Raven took that to mean the Spanish Inquisition was over, and she could breath easy.

But not yet.

"Ever been married, Raven?" Anya asked, her paddle slicing through the water like a knife, her gaze shifting ever so slightly to glance over her shoulder.

"Nope. What about you? Got a partner out there? Maybe even a kid hidden away somewhere?” Raven asked, used to Anya’s type of questioning.

She didn't receive a reply, just a lazy shake of the head, with Lincoln chuckling behind them.

"Any notable exes we need to know about?” was the next question from Anya, and that had Raven rolling her eyes.

"Do you want me to just write down everyone I've fucked, my credit history, job history, medical history, and give it to you? It might save you time," she shot back tuning in the canoe so she was slouching sideways, lying back in it, with her feet over the edge. She was careful to make sure they didn’t touch the water, because she’d get hell from the two of them if she broke their motion.

"That would save me time, yes," Anya replied, a smile in her tone, and Raven laughed, shaking her head again.

"How have your friends taken to Lex? " Lincoln asked,  taking over from Anya, and moving the topic on.

"Well, Octavia liked her before I did, so that was easy.” And true. “The rest of them are a little dubious. They haven't spent much time with her." No time with her. They've spent zero time with her, and Raven is certain they never will.

“Lexa isn't the most social person in the world," Lincoln conceded, nodding at Raven’s words.

"Don't I know it," Raven mumbled, recalling their first meeting together. She had been so stoic, so cold, and okay, that might have been the dodginess of Murphy’s bar, or the fact she was hiring a prostitute, but regardless.

"Don't let her silence put you off," he added, having heard her comment, and things were slowly slipping into place now for Raven.

Anya might have set out to learn as much as she could about Raven, but it was to see if she could hack the pressure. Lincoln, on the other hand, was trying to see Raven’s tolerance and patience, to see if she had any intention of sticking around in the long run.

They cared, greatly, and Raven felt an ounce of guilt at how they viewed her as a contender to be with their sister. No doubt watching Lexa get hurt had taking its toll on them, too, and they probably didn't want to relive that.

Raven couldn't help but wonder if they knew how much pain Lexa truly was in. When had she started hiding it? When had she decided to ease their worries by putting on that mask and making it look like this was easier? When had she sacrificed her healing for theirs?

And now, how long was Raven’s charade going to last before it blew up in their faces. It might have been easy to think Lexa and Raven would get out of this unscathed, and chances are, they would. But Lexas family wouldn't.

In her attempts to ease their pain, Lexa may have inadvertently set them up for more.

“Her silence is one thing I really like about her, actually,” Raven finally said, turning to smile at Lincoln. And it was.

That earnt her a smile in reply, and Lincoln’s gaze softened.

“Anya,” he called, across the canoe, getting his sister to turn. “Tell Raven of that summer Lexa decided to live in the woods behind the house.” Anya laughed and shook her head, immediately firing off into when Lexa was eight, and her stubbornness.

The Spanish Inquisition was finally over, and sitting there, listening to Anya tell of little Lexa caking her face in barbeque coal while trekking through the woods each day, made her feel like she was accepted by Lexa’s siblings.

So far, so good; and any doubts she had about this job were fading away the closer they got to Luna’s.

*0*0*

Raven wasn’t sure what she thought Luna’s would be, but it turned out to be a classy looking cabin on the edge of the lake, serving food throughout the day. The shoreline allowed each of them to pull up their canoes, wading out of the water, and latch them up.

Once they had everything settled, Lexa moved over, to speak to Raven. She gave her a lazy smile as she wandered up, wrapping her arm around Lexa’s waist, and did her best to relieve her worries.

"How'd it go?” Lexa asked, ignoring her siblings as she did so. They weren’t ignoring her, though.

"We brought her back in one piece, didn't we?” Anya called, raising her eyebrow up in challenge, after catching Lexa’s gaze. Lexa rolled her eyes and steered Raven away from them, and towards the door of Luna’s, leaving the rest to deal with the canoes.

"What did they want?” she asked, once they were out of earshot, on the empty decking of Luna’s.

"What makes you think they wanted anything?” Raven asked, laughing, turning into Lexa’s arms, so she was facing her, and wrapping her own arms around Lexa’s waist.

"It's Anya. She always has ulterior motives,” Lexa deadpanned, knowing exactly what her sister was like.

"She wanted to see if I was good enough for you,” Raven answered, honestly, her fingers hooking through the belt loops of Lexa’s pants.

"And Lincoln?"

"He wanted to know whether I'd up and run if it got hard.” Glancing to see how that was going to go down, Raven saw no change, and wondered just how good Lexa’s mask really was.

"Oh,” she murmured, and took a deep breath. “Well, I hope it wasn’t too difficult for you-”

“Not at all.” That put a small smile on Lexa’s lips.

“If you two are done, our table is waiting,” Anya called as she walked past, and if they had actually been dating, Lexa would have been annoyed at her sister’s interference and interruptions.

Raven took a step back, rolling her eyes, and smiled at Lexa before going to follow Anya. She knew Lexa would follow when ready, and in the meantime, she wanted to see what was for lunch. Lying in a canoe watching Anya and Lincoln paddle had been exhausting.

Lexa watched Raven go, and then glanced to see where Lincoln was. Raven was still walking like she didn’t have a serious of scars surrounding that right knee and thigh, and that there were no issues. But Lexa didn’t want to take any chances, and needed to know for sure that everything had gone well.

Lincoln knew exactly what his sister wanted when he saw her hanging back, Raven out of sight, and he stepped up to her with a nod.

“She didn’t have to do anything but sit in the canoe. No problems. No sign of discomfort.” The relief in Lexa’s body was noticeable, her shoulders relaxing, her brow , and patting her shoulder, Lincoln steered her towards the door.

“Thanks, Lincoln,” Lexa said, quietly, and his silence told of how her thanks wasn’t necessary.

Pushing those thoughts away, Lexa and Lincoln joined the rest of them at the table, eager to get some food.

*0*0*

Lunch was divine, that was all Raven could say.The food was simply divine. There was a selection of shellfish that made her mouth water upon sight, and pasta salad that she could have wolfed. The six of them sat out on a terrace overlooking the very lake they'd paddled over, and soon were joined by Luna herself.

She was an older woman, or looked older, but there was a softness to her eyes, and a familiarity with the Woods family that made her smile bright and laughter free. She had no reservations where others might. Raven had seen the looks the waitstaff had given them when they arrived, had heard from Octavia before meeting Lexa of how their reputation meant they were honoured. So seeing Luna interact with them, so easily, and the Woods’ respond in kind, it made Raven smile that there were people they could have this with.

And she also realised, she was slowly becoming one of those people, someone on the inside. That made everything feel very personal. Never, in her past, did Raven get close to the client’s family or friends, or anyone really. It was client orientated, obviously. So this, this felt foreign, and almost wrong.

That thought was pushed away as lunch progressed, and then Anya and Lincoln went to the bar (Anya throwing Raven her car keys before doing so), and Lexa’s parents went with Luna to the kitchen, to sample some fresh food.

Raven found herself sitting next to Lexa, turning her chair to face her a bit better, and together, they ate the remnants of the bread on the table. They were away from the noise of inside, and with the warmth of the sun on their face, it was a comfortable and peaceful moment, one Raven knew she’d end up remembering, if not purely for the view.

"Your family come here often?” Raven asked, leaning her arm on the table and glancing to Lexa. She knew the answer, but a part of her wanted to ask anyway, to learn more about the woman sitting next to her.

"Every summer,” she replied, her finger running up and down the water glass. Lexa’s hair was loose today, blowing in the breeze, her eyes crisp and focused on the lake, and Raven could have stared at her all day, taking in her profile.

"You look more relaxed here than when I met you,” Raven went on to say, and Lexa shot her a wry smile.

"I was pretty anxious when I met you,” and that caused Raven to smirk back.

"Never picked up a call girl before?" she whispered, sliding into Lexa’s side a bit more, bumping shoulders with her. She achieved exactly what she wanted, a blush on Lexa’s cheeks, then followed by a shake of the head.

"That's something I've never done, no,” Lexa replied, looking at the table cloth.

"How'd you pluck up the courage to ask Octavia?” That was something Raven wondered, and Octavia hadn’t given much away.

"Three gin and tonics on top of two glasses of champagne." Raven laughed and shook her head, along with Lexa, who shrugged. “I needed the liquid courage.” She would never have guessed that. Lexa didn’t strike her as the type.

"You were sober with me. Water, if I remember correctly." That’s all she’d ordered, that’s all she’d apparently needed. How come?

"I didn't want to make a bad impression," Lexa finished, licking her lips and brushing her hair away from her face.

"I don't think you could make a bad impression if you tried.” Lexa found herself laughing at that, and shooting a look over to Raven.

“Is charm part of it all, or is that extra?” she teased, hoping that wasn’t going too far, but it earned a laugh in return.

“Oh, the charm is all me, no matter the price.” Raven winked, and Lexa laughed again, taking a drink of her water to clear her throat.

“Always this charming then?” she asked, the glass close to her mouth, watching Raven carefully.

“Only with the right client.” Her answer made Lexa bite her bottom lip, and then nod.

Enough. That was enough for now.

Smiling to herself, Raven sat back in the chair, and made to calm her beating heart. Teasing was fun, she knew that, but the powerful euphoria she usually got with it was joined with another feeling; it felt a lot like curiosity.

Curiosity was a dangerous thing to feel about any client, and Raven knew better.

*0*0*


	9. Chapter 9

*0*0*

Heading back from Luna’s was a race across the lake. Everyone went back in the canoes they came, with Raven once again not touching a paddle, and letting Anya and Lincoln go for it. However, they were no match for their parents and Lexa. The three drinks at the bar they both had might have had something to do with their lack of technique, but Raven had no right to criticise, not when she was just sitting there.

Once back at the wharf, Lexa and Gustus had already put their canoe away, with Indra readying the car, when the rest of them arrived. Walking towards the cars, Anya gave her a shout, and she yawned into her hand to see what was needed.

“Still got my keys?” Anya asked, pointing to her, causing Raven to immediately hunt them out from her pocket. “Good. Get us back in one piece, and I’ll get Lincoln to hand over his keys later on in the week.” With a nod, Raven watched Anya walked off and then turned to Lexa.

“What does Lincoln drive?” she wondered, and Lexa grinned, eyes of mirth, shoulders at ease.

“You’ll like it, trust me.” Lexa nodded a few times, still grinning, like that was the end of the conversation, which, wait, no.

“That’s not an answer,” Raven called, frowning. Throwing her arms up in exasperation, because Lexa had already walked away, she headed off over to Anya’s car and unlocked it.

Taking a seat in the driver’s side, Raven left the door open and watched everyone gather their things, shut up the shed, and clear the wharf. Absentmindedly, she rubbed her leg and scoped out the car.

Driving all the Woods’ cars was turning out to be the best perk of this job, she’d decided. If she could get behind the wheel of Lincoln’s, then-

“You okay?” Lexa suddenly asked, appearing at the driver side door, looking concerned, and giving Raven a fright.

“Jesus, where did you come from? I’m fine. What’s going on?” she replied, frowning again, and feeling her heart take a running jump in her chest.

Where the hell had she popped up from? One minute she was way over there, sorting things with Lincoln, and next she was in the door. When had that, how had that even happened?

“Are you okay?” Lexa repeated, and had Raven missed something? Had someone been hurt? Had the sky fallen?

“Why wouldn’t I be?” It was so slight, Raven easily could have mistaken Lexa’s glance downwards as her shying away. But she glanced down, too, and there was her hand rubbing her right knee, along the brace, through her pants, and oh.

Apparently, she said that aloud, too.

“Can I do anything?” Lexa asked, concern thick in her tone, and a furrow on her brow. Where she was standing now, she had blocked Raven from the view, as if to protect her from sight.

“I forget I do that, sometimes,” Raven confessed, feeling betrayed by herself for not thinking about it, for being so lost in her thoughts she let her guard down that little bit.

“We’re not doing anything else for the rest of the day, once we get home. You can rest, I can get ice, or heating pads, or I can ask Lincoln-”

“Lex?”

“Yeah?” she asked, hopeful, ready to please, and god, Raven couldn’t be dealing with that.

“It’s just warm-”

“There’s heat in it? Well, you shouldn’t drive. I can drive.”

“No, Lexa. It’s a warm day,” Raven said, slowly, raising her eyebrows to see if she finally had caught on.

“Right…Does that make it worse?” Rolling her eyes, Raven shook her head. And she thought Lexa was smart.

Maybe smart enough to not buy her lies. But still.

“No, it’s just warm, I’m too hot in these pants, and unless you want my half naked ass wandering around, let’s just forget about all this, yeah?” She watched Lexa take a step back, and a deep breath, before nodding.

“Right. Got it.”

Okay, now Raven felt bad. Had she been too harsh there? No. Surely not.

“I’ll go finish up,” Lexa mumbled, pointing behind her, turning slightly and walking off as she did so.

That felt ridiculously awkward.

It was the right move, though. It was. Lexa didn’t need to worry about the brace feeling tight on her knee, pinching her ever so slightly, or the deep throbbing in the muscle. She didn’t need to be nice and offer help and care.

Caring was dangerous, didn’t Lexa already know that?

“We good?” Anya asked, moments later, sliding into the passenger seat. She nodded at the car as she said it, making sure Raven was comfortable driving it, and was met with a wicked grin in return.

She could push the leg pain away and focus on the experience at hand, because good god, driving this car was going to be one hell of an experience.

*0*0*

Pretty much everyone went for a nap when they arrived back at the Woods’ house. Raven was blaming the fresh air, and curled up onto the bed with a relaxed sigh, while Lexa stood at the door, leaning against it.

“Get over here. If I’m this exhausted, and I didn’t paddle at all, then you must be falling asleep where you stand,” Raven groaned, lying back and then wondering why the bed had been made. She hadn’t made it before they left. Did they have staff? She hadn’t seen any. She’d ask later.

Making grabby hands, Raven hear Lexa laugh (such a relief from earlier, that awkwardness having somehow dissipated) and then her footsteps come closer. She felt Lexa’s weight on the bed, and her body lie down onto the other side of the mattress.

“Do you want me to head to the other-”

“Lexa, I will physically push you off the bed if you finish that sentence. Don’t make me do that, Lexa. Don’t make me waste that energy because I don’t have it,” Raven went on and on, and ended up cracking a smile when she heard Lexa laughing softly at her.

“Okay, message received loud and clear. Thank you,” she said, her voice partly muffled by the bed, her face pressing into it, eyes closed.

“Thank you?” Raven asked, not bothering to look at Lexa while doing so, just assuming that she was still awake.

“I’m too tired to move. I would have, if you needed me to, but God, I’m tired,” Lexa groaned, rolling onto her side, so that she was now facing Raven.

“Sleep?” she asked, rather than expand on what had just been said. She didn’t want to delve into that. It was safer not to think about how Lexa genuinely cared about her comfort.

“Sleep,” Lexa repeated, giving a slight nod, and that was the end of that conversation.

Unlike the night, or early hours of the morning, before, neither of them had any trouble this time getting to sleep with someone else in the bed. Granted, there was a good amount of distance between them, with no physical touching, but the fatigue from the canoes, the sun, the heat, the food, was the perfect recipe for a good sleep.

Or, at least a good forty minute nap.

*0*0*

Lexa was convinced she had to be having a nightmare, or a sex dream, and while those two definitely don't overlap in any way, she couldn’t work out if the groaning she was hearing was of pain or of pleasure. And really, why was her brain providing those options when she was trying to get some sleep?

Except it wasn’t, and Lexa scrunched up her face, fighting off her own groan, when she realised that noise was coming from close by. And like that, she was awake, sitting up suddenly, and looking around to see what had happened.

Raven was in the chair across the room, no longer on the bed next to her like she had been before, her pants at her ankles, a brace on her leg, and fighting a grimace.

It took Lexa three steps to advance to her, and she could see the pain in Raven’s face, a sweat on her brow, fists clenched, teeth barred, and what the hell had happened while she’d been asleep?

“What can I do?” she asked, getting to her knees to sit in front of Raven on the floor, her eyes coming face to face with the brace.

She hadn’t even realised Raven had been wearing one. It had been hidden under her pants all day, and the way she walked, there was no sign of it anywhere.

“Nothing. It’ll pass.” Raven swallowed thickly, and shook her head. “Sorry for waking you.” Each sentence was strained, and Lexa knew what action she wanted to take, just needed permission.

“May I touch you?”

“What?” Raven asked, frowning, well, looking pissed, actually.

“May I take the brace off, and touch your leg?”

“Don’t make me kick your ass, Lexa, I was just starting to like you,” Raven warned, teasingly, but the warning was very much there.

“Have I ever told you what Costia used to do for a living?” Shaking her head, Raven let out a slight groan. “She was a physiotherapist. She wanted to be a doctor, for as long as I knew her, but she started volunteering, and she met a lot of veterans who needed physical therapy. She hadn’t been practicing long, when she died, but she taught me a few things.”

“You going to try and treat me, Lexa?”

“No,” she replied, honestly, shaking her head. “I am hoping to try and relieve some of your pain. If you’ll let me.”

She could see Raven weighing her options over in her head, and with one nod, she got the green light.

“Can I move you back to the bed?” she asked, not wanting to make Raven uncomfortable, but also knowing this was going to work best on the bed.

“If you try anything, I swear to god.” It was more bark than bite, they both knew that, but Raven felt like she had to say it, it was a reminder of their relationship, of the power balance.

“I’d never. It’s just easier if you’re lying down,” Lexa explained, and once again, she got a nod of approval. “Come here,” she said softly, trying her best to maneuver one arm under Raven’s arm, and the other under her legs.

She felt the heat and softness of Raven’s skin as her arm hooked under her, and then she had Raven in her arms, and was making the quick walk back to the bed, where she laid her down gently. Raven pulled herself up the bed some more, and then, using her good leg, kicked off her pants. Her shoes had been abandoned by the chair earlier, and for that Lexa was pleased.

Next to go was the brace, which Raven removed with ease. Then, she looked at Lexa impatiently.

Raven wasn’t going to ask for help, wasn’t going to ask for Lexa to start or assist her, Lexa was going to have to lead.

Realising that, and not wanting to push her luck, Lexa took a seat on the edge of the bed, closest to her right leg, and hovered her hand just above Raven’s knee.

“If you change your mind, I’ll stop, I promise.” And she meant it. Raven could see that in every emotion crossing her features, and there was more trust there than she anticipated.

“I know,” Raven replied, dropping her head back, not wanting to watch, not wanting to see Lexa’s hand touch her.

“Okay, let me know if anything hurts, because this shouldn’t hurt,” Lexa murmured, and then her hand was gently on Raven’s knee. Her muscles jumped, in shock, but Lexa’s hand remained put, letting her adjust to the sensation.

When she was sure Raven was okay, Lexa began to slowly manipulate and stretch her leg, glancing up every so often to make sure Raven’s facial expression wasn’t that of discomfort or pain.

She worked in silence, and after several different stretches, she began to gently massage the muscles surrounding her knee. Her fingers slid over the scars and muscle damage, feeling the smoothness of scar against the jaggedness of missing muscle mass, and she wanted to ask, but she’d not dare do that.

“Tell me about your tattoos,” Raven said, through clenched teeth. She wasn’t in pain, but she was unsure and tense and she needed something to distract her. It had been so long since someone had their hands over her scars like that, and she needed to think of something else.

“They hurt like fuck,” Lexa confessed, and that made Raven laugh, and the tension started to ease out of her.

“Tell me what else is new,” she shot back. Lexa smiled, and realising what Raven needed, she began to open up about them.

“I got the one on the top of my back first, it’s a simple design, not a lot of work needed, which was good. Eventually, I just started adding to it, in a line down my back, and embellished it a little.”

“All black?”

“Yeah, I wanted to keep it simple.” Raven could see how that would fit Lexa’s style, sharp and sleek and simple, and she had a moment of wanting to actually see the tattoo for herself.

“And your arm?”

Lexa removed her hand from Raven’s leg, after returning it from the stretch, and laid it gently on the bed. Then she started unbuttoning her shirt, and that had Raven sitting up a little, what was happening?

“I was going to show you my arm-”

“Oh, yeah, go for it,” Raven replied, nodding, feeling the heat on her cheeks because come one! What did she think was happening?! She knew better than that.

Lexa tried to hide her smile, but failed, and that had Raven rolling her eyes. Whatever. Then Lexa was opening her shirt, revealing a tank top beneath, covering her bra, and then slipping her sleeve off her arm.  

“Oh, wow,” Raven murmured, sitting up and motioning for Lexa to come closer. “This is pretty intricate. It looks...yeah,” she stammered, and come on, Raven, it was like she had never seen a pretty girl before.

“I’ll let Anya know you like it,” Lexa added, looking at her tattoo once more before slipping her shirt back on. She didn’t do the buttons up, and yeah, Raven could have done with her doing just that.

“Anya?” she repeated, not really catching what Lexa had just said.

“She designed it. We all have similar style of tattoos.”

“All of you?”

“Yeah, Lincoln has loads, his body is basically a canvas.”

“And yours isn’t?” That made Lexa smile. She nodded back down to Raven’s leg, who nodded back, and then let her continue.

She eased her hand back over Raven’s knee, and around the back of her thigh, before setting in at massaging the muscles again.

“So a Raven for a Raven?” Lexa asked, and then tapped the back of her neck. She was met with a lazy smile and then a shrug.

“You ever just want to own your name?”

“I’m not following,” Lexa said, manipulating Raven’s leg, stretching the muscles gently, and watching to make sure there was still no pain involved.

“Reyes is my mother’s maiden name, I have no clue who my father is, and I don’t think that Reyes is really mine. But Raven, that’s mine.” Her eyes were focused on the ceiling above them, but Lexa could see that she was off somewhere else. “I saw a design I liked when I was sixteen, and then borrowed my cousin’s ID to go get it.” Again, her mind wandered, and Lexa gave a sort hum to let her know she’d heard her. That hum went unnoticed, and Lexa smiled as she continued to work away, easing the muscles around Raven’s knee.

If Raven was comfortable enough to lose herself like that, then she had to be doing some good. She could only hope.

“Oh,” Raven murmured several minutes later, and if she hadn’t made a sound, Lexa would have thought she was asleep. Her eyes were still closed, and Lexa immediately drew back her hands in panic.

“You okay?” she asked, feeling like she had crossed a line. She shouldn’t have done this. What if she’d made things worse? God, she might need to go get Lincoln, and that would enrage Raven, she was sure of it.

“That actually felt really good.” Wait, what? Lexa hadn’t been expecting that.

“It doesn’t hurt?” she asked carefully, unsure.

“No, not at all,” Raven replied, and then glanced from Lexa down to her leg again.

“Is that your way of saying I should continue?” she teased.

“Shut up and don’t ruin it,” Raven barked back, smiling.

Not wanting to push her luck, Lexa did go back to massaging her leg, right until she had Raven falling off to sleep. She was in and out, drifting into slumber, and Lexa stopped, stepping back.

“That was...you were taught very well,” Raven mumbled, eyes half shut, and their broken nap catching up on her.

“Thank you,” Lexa replied, another slight blush on her cheeks, that had Raven cocking her eyebrow.

“Come, lie down. You must be as tired as I am.” She was, but she didn’t want to infringe on Raven’s space. That argument was defeated though, when Raven waved her over, and the chair in the corner was not looking comfortable to sleep in again.

Lying down next to her, they fell into the positions they held earlier and resumed the nap that had been interrupted.

Feeling a hand on her arm, Lexa opened her eyes briefly, to glance at Raven, who looked sleepy and stunning, and a big breath later, Lexa asked what was wrong.

“Nothing...I just...thanks for helping me out.”

“Anytime,” she replied, and she meant it.

*0*0*

Their second nap was interrupted not too long later, when the afternoon had bled into early evening, the sun still light out.

It was a few knocks at the door, and Lexa groaned and rolled, ending up closer to Raven than she had intended.

“What?” she croaked out, trying to clear her throat, and watching as Raven squirmed about and awoke, too.

“Lincoln’s going for food, you two want some?” Anya asked, surveying the room, and Raven lifted her head to look up.

“What type of food?” she asked, licking her lips, realising how hungry she was now.

“What do you want?” Anya replied, shrugging, and Lexa smiled. sleepily, knowing that Anya would rope Lincoln into going anywhere and everywhere to get what everyone wanted.

“I’d kill for some cheeseburgers,” Raven moaned, hoping that was possible. She got a nod in affirmation, and then Anya turned to look at her sister.

“Lex?”

“I could go for that, too, actually,” she smiled, and Anya nodded.

“Anything else?”

“Beer,” Lexa added, and then Anya rolled her eyes, closing the door behind them.

“How long will we have to wait?” Raven asked, getting comfortable in the bed again. Lexa laughed and rolled onto her side, doing the same.

“Probably an hour.” Lincoln was smart enough to call in the orders before driving to get them, but with travel time, and everything else, they still had a bit of a wait.

“Oh God, okay, that’s too long.” Lexa agreed, but there was nothing they could really do about it.

Nodding in agreement, Lexa assumed Raven had her eyes closed once more, attempting to go back to sleep, allowing her to just observe for a moment.

When Lexa had walked across the gala hall to the bar, moving close to Octavia, finding all that courage to ask for her assistance, she never, for one moment, thought that she’d find herself in a position like this, with a woman like this.

Octavia seemed lovely, but Raven...maybe the loneliness of Lexa’s past was catching up with her, because she found herself enjoying Raven’s company more and more. They’d spent two days together, and she could already see herself opening up more and more.

The other side of all of this, the attraction that was just beneath the surface, was no stronger than it was yesterday, but it felt more palpable. Lexa was getting sloppy with her thoughts and desires, and she needed to cut it out.

Or get laid.

But not with Raven.

That wasn’t part of their arrangement.

Never would be.

“Tell me more about your family,” Raven began, “I heard Lincoln talking about your uncle and cousin coming up here?”

It almost felt like Raven could see her mind spiralling off, and offered her a lifeline.

With a thankful smile, Lexa elaborated on her extended family, when they’d likely arrive, what they enjoyed, and small bits and pieces that a girlfriend might know about her partner’s family.

It provided enough to cover the time until the front door closed shut, and Lincoln’s voice carried up the stairs.

“Food’s here!”

Raven made to move off, but Lexa shook her head, stopping her. She seemed content to remain where she was, and Lexa wasn’t feeling another family meal right about now, so maybe...

“Do you want to eat downstairs or up here?” she asked, masking her own preference.

“I kinda don’t want to leave this bed,” Raven confessed, and Lexa laughed.

“Alright, I’ll be right back, you want beer, too?”

“Damn right,” she chimed, nodding, and Lexa nipped out of the room.

It only took a few moments, and then Lexa returned, opening the door, food and beer in her arms. Raven grinned, bright, and beckoned her closer, already smelling the food from there.

“What did you tell them?” she asked, hoping the rest of the Woods clan wasn’t going to mind them keeping to themselves.

“That I wanted to have food in bed with my girlfriend,” Lexa explained, crawling on her knees across the bed to the headboard. She dropped the bag of food between them, and sat crossed legged, putting down the bottles of beer.

“They think we’re fucking,” Raven grinned, and Lexa laughed at her vulgarity and nodded.

“Basically, but at least that’ll give us some peace.”

Flicking on the television, Lexa handed Raven the remote control, who smiled, accepting it, and began hunting through the channels for something to watch. Eventually, they settled on a movie that was closer to the end than the beginning, but well worth a watch, and tucked into the food in silence.

It felt very domesticated, Raven noted, and if she hadn’t looked over and seen that miraculous mass of curls that was Lexa, she could easily have thought she was sitting there with Octavia or Clarke.

That was strange. Lexa was still a client. But right now, at this moment, it was like she was slipping into that friend role. They could actually be two friends hanging out. It had that atmosphere to it, and that trust, and that had Raven biting her lip as she thought over just how she was going to deal with that mess.

When the movie was over, and the plates had been abandoned on the floor, with empty beer bottles on the nightstand, and that fatigue which only comes from a full stomach and good food, Raven groaned and slipped down the bed, lying on her back. Lexa was already sprawled out, and she rolled onto her side to see Raven properly.

“What now?” she asked, looking at her wrist. “It’s not even nine o’clock.” Far too early to sleep.

“I need to speak to Octavia,” Raven groaned. “I think I missed our check in earlier. Fuck.”

“Here, call her.” Lexa’s phone was closest, and easy to grab off the nightstand.

“You sure?”

“Of course. I can even leave if you want privacy-”

“No, you’re fine. Stay.” She didn’t want to admit that she was enjoying the warmth of Lexa’s body.

Raven was nowhere near close enough to admitting anything of the sort. “You’ll be okay with me just talking?”

“I’m content to lie here,” Lexa said, and well, that was, okay, fighting a smile, Raven dialled Octavia’s number and awaited her answering.

It was only day two, and they had already found another level of comfort with one another; and if that was only day two, what the hell were they going to be like on day fourteen?

*0*0*

  
  



	10. Enigma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay - hit some writer's block - but hopefully, now back in the swing of things.

*0*0*

Beer and burgers the night before had been a nice change, curled up in Lexa’s bed, and away from the world. But the following morning, it was back to family life, stumbling down the stairs, holding Lexa’s hand, and walking sleepily into the kitchen to join the rest of the Woods clan.

Breakfast was on the table, but only Lincoln and Anya were seated.

“Where’s mom and dad?” Lexa asked, letting Raven take a seat, before getting her a drink.

“Upstairs. They ate earlier,” Lincoln replied, wiping his face with a napkin as he spoke.

“Have fun last night?” Anya asked, changing the topic, raising her eyebrow, and Raven simply smirked in response.

“Yep,” she chimed, grinning brightly, and earning a laugh from Lincoln who shook his head.

“You’ve quietened over the years, Lex,” Anya teased, and Lexa’s blush was inevitable.

“Her mouth was a bit busy,” Raven replied, licking her bottom lip before biting it gently, and

“Enough,” Lexa muttered, trying not to smile, and shaking her head as she sat down. “What are we up to today?” she asked, tucking into her food.

“It’s a Netflix day,” Lincoln answered,

“Netflix day?” Raven asked, thinking it sounded self-explanatory, but there might have been more.

“Mom and dad are going into Polis centre to meet friends, so we will basically just spend the day lying on the couch,” he went on to add.

“A Netflix day,” Raven smiled,

“We won’t even need to get dressed,” Lexa mused, pleased that she could relax.

“That’s my kind of day.” There was a smirk on Raven’s lips, and Lexa dropped her head slightly, smiling, and breaking eye contact.

“Okay, if you two are going to do that,” Anya began, waving her fork between the two of them, “then you can’t sit with Linc and I.”

“What? When?” Lexa asked, bemused.

“For Netflix day, so take your overflowing sexual tension back upstairs, and come back down when you two can behave.” Lincoln couldn’t help but laugh, and Lexa shot him a glare, silencing him.

“Thank you for that, Anya,” she shot back, rolling her eyes, while Raven watched in amusement.

“Well, now that we’re aware of that, Lex, we don’t need to make an excuse to leave these two later on when we want to-”

“Point taken,” Lincoln called, holding his hand up, to stop the end of that sentence, earning smiles from all of them.

It was then agreed, a truce, that they’d all behave themselves, which was rather easy to do. The four of them finished up their breakfast, and while Lincoln went to setup the living room, Anya went to get pillows and blankets, leaving Lexa and Raven to clean up.

The two of them stood side by side, Lexa washing the dishes and pots, and Raven drying them. It was very domestic.

“Are you comfortable with the plans today?” Lexa asked, quietly, as they could hear Lincoln puttering around in the other room.

“Of course, when I’m not working or studying, I’m lounging around watching Netflix and procrastinating,” Raven replied, which earnt her a smile. “So getting paid to do that, hell yeah, sign me up.”

Lexa appreciated Raven’s candour, but her words reminded her of something else.

“Speaking of getting paid, despite not mentioning it, I have been transferring the money. I don’t want you to feel as though you’re being-”

“Lex,” Raven said, gently knocking her arm, grabbing her attention. “Don’t worry so much, if there had been an issue with the money, I would have told you. I saw that you had kept your word, money in each morning, so no complaints.”

That was a weight off Lexa’s shoulders, and she was relieved to hear it.

“Good,” Lexa replied, nodding.

Finishing washing up in silence, the two of them were joined by Anya again, who grabbed drinks for everyone, and then they went next door to sprawl out on the couches.

As usual with Netflix, it took quite a while for them to all agree on something to watch. No one wanted to continue a show the others hadn't seen, lest they ruin it, and there wasn’t much they all hadn’t started or seen, but they found a Netflix original they could watch.

Settling down, with Lincoln in the armchair, legs out on the coffee table, Anya on the other couch, lying down, and then with Lexa and Raven lying on the larger couch, they hit play.

This was exactly what Raven would be doing with Octavia, when they were both home. They’d invite Monty and Clarke and if they were feeling generous, even Jasper. This felt just like that, surrounded by friends.

It was easy to forget that moments like that had a shelf life.

Sooner or later, Raven would have to say goodbye to Anya, to Lincoln, to Lexa, for good, and that...that wasn’t something she was quite prepared to face yet, not when she was becoming so comfortable with them.

That was a worry for another day. They were all worries for another day.

A little later on, when they were on episode five, Lexa went to get everyone snacks from the kitchen. They kept the episode playing, with the volume loud enough for her to hear as she grabbed things and brought them back through.

She put all the food on the coffee table, allowing them to pick at what they wanted when they wanted, and then made to sit back down.

Raven had stretched her legs out across the whole couch in her absence, and made to move them, so Lexa had space to sit back down, but instead, Lexa gently picked them up and took a seat, placing them in her lap.

It was very domestic, and Raven shot her a reassuring smile to let her know she was comfortable with this type of contact. Lexa smiled back, her eyes briefly darting to Raven’s knee, silently asking if all was okay.

Reaching over Raven intertwined their fingers, and caressed the back of Lexa’s hand, reassuring her that she was good. Her knee wasn’t acting up.

Their hands joined not only reassured Lexa, but the  small gesture was enough to keep their relationship status in the eyes of Anya and Lincoln. It projected the ‘loved up and happy’ look they were going for.

A look they were wearing exceptionally well.

Almost too well.

But again, that was a worry for another day.

*0*0*

On the fourth morning, Raven remained in bed while Lexa went downstairs to have breakfast. Despite doing pretty much nothing the day before, she was extremely sleepy, and wanted the lie in being offered to her.

Lexa didn’t seem to mind one bit, just laughing as she grabbed her clothes and went for a shower. When she returned, dressed, hair damp, she checked to see how Raven was fairing, but the gentle and slow rise and fall of her chest told Lexa she wasn’t getting up anytime soon.

Leaving her to sleep, Lexa went for breakfast, and about an hour or so later, she returned to the bedroom, warm plate in hand with a selection of food.

Carefully rising Raven, with a soothing voice, and a pat on the bed, Lexa tried not to smile at how charming Raven was when waking up. When she spotted the food, she fought back a yawn, and sat up in the bed.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, reaching out, accepting the plate, and tucking in.

Lexa let Raven eat, and wake up, and amused herself with her laptop in the armchair across the room. As hard as she tried, her gaze couldn’t really focus on the screen before her. Instead, she was captivated watching Raven slowly come around, her eyes focusing more and more with each bite, and the yawns becoming less frequent until they were no more.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Raven said, her voice less gravelly, as she crawled off the bed, getting a nod from Lexa.

With her out the room, she could focus again. Until she heard the shower running. Then it seemed safer to go back downstairs, and return later when Raven was done.

Grabbing her things, Lexa made her exit, while Raven enjoyed the warm water.

The solitude of the shower provided too little a distraction for her, and her thoughts began to wander. Wander to Lexa, to her actions, to her behaviour, to her words, and to her money. She was an enigma, as for as Raven was concerned, and that was never a good thing.

Riddles, puzzles, conundrums, they all needed to be solved. That was the last thing Raven wanted where Lexa was concerned.

She could keep her mysterious past, her gentle nature, her cold image, her sweet gestures, her abundance of money, and her painfully good looks, and stay the hell away from Raven.

She needed to.

Shame that wasn’t possible.

“Do you want to go fishing?” Lexa asked, after Raven’s shower, once she had pushed down all thoughts of the woman before her.

They were alone, back in the bedroom, with Lexa having come to let her know of the plans ahead for the day, if she was interested.

The conversation, the activity, it would all be a good distraction until Raven could get her head in order. She felt all over the place. It was awful.

“Fishing?” Raven repeated, wondering what type of fishing, and looking to Lexa for more answers.

Was she back in a boat on the lake? Was she standing in a river? Was she on the end of a pier? Where would she be?

“We take a drive up to the river, Lincoln tends to do all the work, and just hands you a rod. Then we have lunch up there with what we catch.” That sounded simple enough.

“And if we don’t catch?” Raven asked, causing Lexa to laugh, shaking her head.

“We always catch.” Her confidence was actually rather endearing, and Raven found herself smiling in return.

“Cocky.”

“Talented,” Lexa clarified, and Raven couldn’t help but laugh now, too.

“You seem awfully sure.” And that shouldn’t have had Raven feeling as good as she did.

“I’d bet on it,” Lexa replied, nodding again.

“You would?”

“I would,” she confirmed, throwing down the metaphorical gauntlet.

“Then let’s,” Raven replied, cocking her eyebrow, and getting Lexa to take a step back.

Maybe she shouldn’t have thrown anything, because now her mind was heady with something else, and gambling was never smart.

“Terms?” Lexa asked, her voice breaking, dry, parched.

“You tell me.” The gentle way Raven tilted her head, the slight step forward had Lexa’s mind all in a twist. She exhaled, her breath heavy on the air, and a smirk toyed at Raven’s lips, like she knew exactly what she was doing.

God.

Lexa knew exactly what she wanted. She knew. But she would never utter those words.

A taste, a kiss, just the feel of Raven’s lips against her own. The innocence of it. Followed by the thoughts of skin, and heady eyes, and panting and fuck.

She would never utter those words.

Ever.

“Since I know we’ll catch, person to catch the biggest fish wins.”

“That it?” Raven asked, getting ready to roll her eyes. “You’re that sure we’ll catch?” she checked.

“I’m that sure I’ll catch,” Lexa confirmed.

“Oh,” Raven laughed, shaking her head, “I see how it is. Okay, you’re on, biggest fish wins.”

Lexa’s smirk was too much, and Raven looked away, before clearing her throat. “What do I get when I win?”

“What do you want?” It was a dangerous question, but it fell from Lexa’s lips before she had a chance to stop it. The only saving grace was that it was Lexa that asked, and not Raven.

What Lexa wanted, Lexa could not have.

“Really? You’re going to ask your hooker what she wants?” Raven joked, almost bitterly, and the moment was soured.

She needed it to be. She needed the reminder. She needed the reinforcement.

“You’re not a hooker,” Lexa murmured, standing tall, her armour back on, locking herself away.

“Let’s not beat around the bush, that’s exactly what I am. You just have the self-control not to mount me like a dog.”

Ouch.

Shaking her head, angry at herself, Raven turned away, knowing Lexa was going to shut back down at the change in topic.

And glancing over at her, she had.

“Would...would you prefer to-” Raven didn’t let Lexa finish the sentence, moving back towards her, dropping the bitterness to the floor, and putting on that adorning, charming, look she used.

“I’m sorry,” she began, catching Lexa’s gaze, and hoping she saw the sincerity. She was sorry. “Can we just- Can I…?” Raven’s question hung on, and Lexa waited.

“Can you what?” Lexa asked, moving closer, speaking softly, wondering what she could do to bring things back.

Raven took a second, thinking over her options, before opening up her arms, for an embrace. Lexa’s features softened as she realised what Raven wanted, and didn’t hesitate wrapping her arms around Raven, pulling her in.

She felt Raven’s shaky breath on her neck, like she was battling the emotions down, and Lexa tightened her embrace just slightly, and felt Raven do the same back.

With Lexa’s arms around her, Raven ducked her head into her neck and shoulder, taking a moment to bring herself back. It happened so quickly, that feeling of worthlessness that crept up. She was nothing but her body. She was nothing but her body. She was nothing but her body.

She was nothing.

That’s all she could hear. Octavia usually pulled her back. Clarke usually pulled her back. She normally had that support to remind her she was more than a body. But she didn’t have that there. Instead, she had Lexa.

That actually wasn’t a bad thing, because Lexa was nothing like her normal clients. Lexa had her arms around her, and was offering comfort. She wasn’t grinding into her hip. She wasn’t trying to grope her breasts or ass. She wasn’t trying to stick her tongue down her throat or lick her neck.

She was stable, standing strong, providing support, and letting Raven have all the time she needed. She felt safe. She felt safe in Lexa’s arms, and that was not something Raven was used to.

“Thanks,” Raven murmured, taking a slight step back, but still in Lexa’s embrace. “I...I needed that.” She did, but already she could feel herself thinking more highly of Lexa, and that was going to be a problem one day.

“Raven, if being here is hurting you, emotionally, mentally, then we can stop,” Lexa went on to say.

“No, we can’t,” Raven replied, shaking her head. “I’m your girlfriend right now, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want you being upset because of me, because of what I’m doing and-”

“Lex, you’re not upsetting me,” she shot back. “I don’t know what it is, I’m off my game today, I’ll sort it out. Don’t let my problems become yours.”

Lexa gave her a look, checking to see if she was sure, but gave a brief nod, accepting her response.

However, the latter sentence hung in the air.

It felt like Raven was talking about more than just her emotional turmoil for that day. It felt like Raven was talking about much more. Much more Lexa wanted to know about, but knew better than to ask.

“So, fishing?” Raven asked, smiling, and Lexa pushed away the sorrow she suddenly felt and smiled back.

*0*0*

Around Lexa’s family, Raven acted like nothing was amiss, and it was rather startling to watch. Lexa did wonder just how good an actress Raven was. She obviously knew how to read people, how to play off people, and a tiny part of her wondered how much Raven read and played off her, but that thought hurt, so she squashed it down.

They were there to have a good time, and given the heaviness of the morning so far, Lexa wasn’t going to start ruining the afternoon.

Lincoln drove Anya and the two of them up to the river, with Lexa’s parents driving up separately. Once at the specific spot they always fished at, Raven took a seat with Anya on the bank of the river, and watched everyone else get things ready. Anya had insisted, claiming that they were faster when no one got in the way, and as Raven had to sit out, she needed company. Lexa knew that was Anya’s way of getting out of doing anything, too, but as it did no harm, she helped Lincoln set up the rods.

“Have you been fishing before?” Anya asked, turning to Raven.

“Nope, first time.” It had never really appealed to her, but for some reason, sitting there, she was actually looking forward to it.

The fact she wanted to catch the biggest fish and beat Lexa had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

“Oh, then I’ll let Lincoln teach you how it’s done,” Anya replied, and then getting up to grab a bag. Raven could only watch as she pulled out an item and clothing and passed it to her. “You’ll want to put these on.”

Looking at them, Raven’s face twisted in confusion, causing Anya to laugh.

“Trust me.”

Biting her lip, Raven got up, and opted to trust Anya, going back into the truck to get changed.

Ten minutes later, Raven unceremoniously exited the vehicle, and felt completely ridiculous. She heard Lexa, before she saw her, and then she was walking over to her, grinning.

“You look cute,” Lexa said, pulling on the straps of the waders, and Raven shot her an unimpressed look, which made her laugh.

“I look ridiculous. These are not hot at all.”  

“I don’t know,” Lexa teased, her eyes moving over Raven’s figure, who swatted at her arm as she did so.

“Shut up and hand me my rod.”

Lexa grinned as she did just that, and Raven waddled off towards the water, closer to Lincoln, who was waving her over.

Once with him, feeling ridiculous didn’t matter, because she had a bet to win. Granted, they never agreed terms, but that didn’t matter. Raven was setting out to kick Lexa’s ass, and she fully intended to do so.

*0*0*

Two hours later, three fish had been caught, but none by Raven or Lexa.

Despite countless attempts, a few sabotaging attempts, and a moment of outright cheating, thank you Anya, neither of them had any fish to their name. It was rather pitiful.

Together, they basked in their failure, watching Lincoln gut the fish with Indra by the river bank, and Gus and Anya prepare the rest of the food for lunch.

“You were so sure we were going to catch,” Raven sang, a smile toying at her lips.

“The royal we did. Lincoln caught,” Lexa was quick to say, defending her earlier words.

“According to Anya, Lincoln has won a ton of fishing competitions. Of course he caught.” Raven watched as Lexa rolled her eyes, and ended up smiling anyway. “Probably a good thing we didn’t catch, though,” she went on to say.

“Why’s that?” Lexa asked.

“If I’d won, I wanted your car.”

“My car?” Lexa baulked, and Raven laughed.

“I’m kidding. Though, it is a lovely car,” she replied, keeping eye contact with Lexa as she did.

“Like it that much, huh?” Lexa licked her lips, and that shouldn’t have been as hypnotising as it was.

“It seems to be a pretty good ride, from what I’ve seen.”

“It’s a really good ride,” Lexa agreed, and jesus, was it warm outside or what?

“Oh well, I better try harder next time, then,” Raven said, looking down to the dirt, wondering why the hell did their conversation turn into something else.

Taking a deep breath, the two of them sat in silence, waiting, before getting called over to tuck in.

The undercurrent of more was on the peripheral, but Raven, and Lexa, were doing their best to pretend it wasn’t.

Instead, they ate lunch, they hung out with the family, and every now and then shared a look, a look of more, a look of what could be, that was quickly broken, a glance away here, a slow blink there, and all of a sudden, it felt like they’d turned a page.

Lexa needed to turn another.

Raven needed to turn it back.

*0*0*


	11. Hypothetical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa makes Raven an offer than needs a bit of consideration.

*0*0*

Before Raven knew it, she’d been with the Woods a full week.

She was waking up next to Lexa, covers entwined around their bodies, sharing heat, and comfort, before reality kicked in, and one of them left the bed. She was living alongside Lexa’s family, sharing meals, laughing, joking, enjoying their company, learning about them in such an intimate manner. She was part of their life, for that two week trip, she was a member of their family.

It was surreal.

She had integrated herself so well, exactly what Lexa wanted, and never once had she considered the emotional toll this was going to have on herself. Never, had she been involved, spoken to, or hung out, with a client’s family. It wasn’t done, for obvious reasons.

Lexa was a client, like all the others, even if they didn’t fuck. She wasn’t buying the body, she was buying an image. Raven was still the goods, Lexa was still the buyer, and those were boundaries that needed to be remembered. At all times.

Yet, with each passing day, it became harder.

It was easy to understand why, but that didn’t make it excusable. Raven knew that, and she spoke to Octavia in length about it, when she called to check in. Octavia could hear the concern in Raven’s voice, about keeping the boundaries, and she did her best to advise on ways to stay in control, to keep her guard up, but she knew it was easier said than done.

Octavia had several long time clients, she knew how easy it was to slip in a bit of personal information here and there, how it wa easy to let that guard down, to show more of yourself to them, and she also had experienced the fallout on why it was best not to do that.

But Octavia was back home, and it was Raven standing amongst the Woods. It was Raven who had to look these people in the eyes and decide did she tell them about her work fixing cars, her studies and interests, or did she lie, outright lie, and risk getting caught in one.

That was a harder decision.

With less than a week to go before they all were due to head home, Lexa’s uncle and cousin came up, with plans to fish. Nyko and Artigas were both very much like Gustus, it was striking, and like Lexa’s father, they welcomed her with open arms, friendly and kind, keen to know who she was, how she met Lex, and it felt bittersweet standing there.

They had all congregated in the garden, out back of the house, with Gus manning the barbeque, Lincoln helping prepare the fishing gear for tomorrow’s trip out, and it felt exactly like a family get together should. Or so Raven assumed, her own family didn’t exactly compare to the Woods.

Once dinner had been had, and the sun was starting to go down, Gus came out the house with a camera and tripod in hand.

“Photo time,” he called, trying to gather everyone together at once, amidst some groans, Anya, and calls of support, Indra.

Getting up, as Lexa joined her family, Raven walked over to where Gus was setting up the camera. He had it mounted on the tripod, pointing towards the group as they stood out in front of the grounds, with nothing but grass behind them, until the tree line fifty feet or so away.

“I’ll take it,” Raven offered, seeing Gus start flicking through the timer options.

“Nonsense, you’re in the photo, too. Go stand by Lex.” He grinned, as if her request was silly, and went back to setting it up.

“But-” She couldn’t be in the photo. She wasn’t really-

“Please,” he asked, softening his voice, and how could she deny him? What could her excuse be? ‘I’m sorry, I’m not really in love with your daughter, she’s just paying me to look at her that way?’ Yeah, that would work.

As Raven took the steps back towards the rest of the Woods, she couldn’t help but think about what her presence meant to them, as shown by this very situation.

To Lexa, she was doing what she was getting paid for, ensuring that the family stopped worrying about her. To the rest, she was Lexa’s girlfriend, she was serious, she was someone who potentially could be around for years to come. She was important enough to be invited into a family photo.

Gus indicated again, with a reassuring smile, that she should go join Lexa, stand at her side, and with uncertain footsteps, Raven moved closer. Lexa didn’t seem to bat an eyelid, not until she realised that Raven was fidgeting. Once she was closer, Lexa understood why.

“Your dad, he asked…” Raven didn’t quite know what else to say, her hand waving at the Woods huddled together for the photo.

“No, he’s right, you should be in it,” Lexa said, and Raven had to think it was because the others were so close. Keeping up appearances.

“Lex, if you want, I can find an excuse.” It wouldn’t be hard, she’d just need to dash inside, claim later she wasn’t feeling well, and pass it off as nothing, but then Lexa was shaking her head.

“I don’t want. Come on.” Lexa held out her hand, offering it to Raven, who accepted it cautiously. She still wasn’t sure about this, but there was nothing she could really do.

Lexa wanted her in the photo, she’d be in the photo.

Fifteen grand surely covered that, too.

Moving into Lexa’s side, Raven cast her eyes over to her, taking in her profile, the way her hair fell over her shoulders, curling down her back, and she found herself swallowing the newly formed lump in her throat.

Lexa was...well, Raven already knew where her feelings were going when it came to Lexa, and shoving them down, she turned to smile at the camera, as Gus started the timer, making a dash to come stand beside Indra.

“You look gorgeous, by the way,” Lexa said, through her smile, gently squeezing Raven’s hand, and something about her words, the innocence of it all, the offhandedness with how it was done, had Raven smiling, genuinely smiling, and Lexa, too.

It was out of the blue, but it had eased the tension sitting on her shoulders; and when they looked back at the photo on the camera, their smiles, their closeness, if Raven didn’t know better, she’d be convinced.

Lexa seemed to notice that, too, if her shyer smile was anything to go by when she passed Anya the camera.

“You two look good,” her sister remarked, a lazy grin on her lips. “Lex, you should crop the rest of us out and put this in your office. Might make people think you’re human, for a change, capable of actually smiling.”

“And why would I want that?” Lexa replied, and Raven heard the excuse loud and clear.

Anya rolled her eyes and shook the camera, “I’m going to get you this photo, I’ll even put it in a frame. I expect to see it when I come and bitch at you, don’t disappoint.”

Now it was Lexa’s turn to roll her eyes, watching Anya walk away, and Raven step closer.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“No,” Lexa replied, shaking her head. “Anya’s right, this will probably do some good. So thank you, if that made you uncomfortable-”

“I’m fine.” She was, to a certain extent.

It wasn’t that the photo made her uncomfortable, it was that now that photo will be another reminder of the lies she has told, another piece of proof that she was lying to the Woods for the duration of her stay. Raven would get over it, eventually. She would.

Burying that thought worked pretty well, and she returned to enjoying her time with them all, helping clear up the leftovers and dishes, playing cards at their dining table, watching Lexa watch her fit in so well, and it wasn’t until she was in bed that it came back to her.

Now, it wasn’t as predominant a worry, more like a nagging feeling, and she wanted to push it away further. The best way to do that, the only way she could think of, was remind herself, via Lexa, of her place, of her job.

Lexa was none the wiser to her thoughts, sitting up in the bed next to her, lamp on, glasses low on her nose, scribbling notes across some formal looking document, while Raven watched on.

“Do you miss your bed?” she asked, out of the blue.

“What?” Lexa wondered, turning to look at her, using her knuckle to push her glasses up.

“Your bed,” Raven elaborated, glancing round the room and then back to her.

“At home?” Lexa asked, frowning further, putting the cap on her pen, and beginning to move the documents off to the side, ready to focus on what Raven was talking about.

“No, the one down the hall.” That caused her to freeze. Lexa looked a lot like a deer in headlights.

It hadn’t taken her long to realise she was sleeping in the guest bedroom. The room didn’t fit with what she’d seen from the rest of the house, it lacked all the personal touches. That was then made abundantly clear when Raven had seen Anya’s room, door left open in the morning, and Lincoln’s, taking his washing downstairs. They had pictures up of when they were kids, personal effects that had years of memories to them, and it made sense. Lexa’s ‘room’ as it was, didn’t have any of that, and given Raven hadn’t seen anyone go in the room further up the hall, it made sense.

She had suspected, no proof, though. From the way the conversation was going, however, suggested there was some truth to her words.

“What did Anya say?” Lexa’s voice was almost panicked, and Raven honestly hadn’t expected that reaction. Shaking her head, she tried to soothe things.

“Nothing. What should she have said?”

“It’s not what you think,” Lexa began, taking her glasses off, moving round to face Raven properly.

“Don’t want your hooker sullying the memories?” That caused Lexa’s head to drop, frowning, and she gave a quick shake, before meeting Raven’s gaze, piercing, angry, hurt, and it was almost enough to make Raven reach out.

Almost.

That nagging feeling of guilt, of self-disappointment, though, was gone. It was exactly what she needed.

“It’s not like that. You don’t sully anything.” Uh huh. “I haven’t...the last person I slept beside in that bed was Costia. It’s not because you’re a...prostitute...it’s because you’re not her.”

Raven should have assumed that was the reason, all of Lexa’s reasoning went back to Costia.

“I can’t bring myself to lie next to someone other than her in that bed,” Lexa went on to say, her eyes trained off in the distance, sinking into a dreamlike gaze. “We spent so much time hanging out in there, as friends during sleepovers, and then, as more, and hell, I lost my virginity to her in that bed. She...That bedroom reminds me of her in ways I don’t think I can face, not when I’m pretending to be over her.”

Taking a deep breath, Lexa shook her head, losing the daydream she was off in, and turning back to look at Raven.

“It’s not you,” she said again, meaning it. “It’s me. It’s her. It’s every memory of us together, condensed into that room, that bed.” Lexa took another shaky breath before dropping her face into her hands, and Raven felt something break for her in that moment.

She should have kept her mouth shut. She shouldn’t have sacrificed Lexa’s comfort for her own, because looking at the damage before her, fuck.

Lexa was in pieces, holding herself together for the sake of others, and it looked to be destroying her. Yet Raven knew this Lexa was better than the Lexa right after Costia’s death. If her family were so concerned about her, she had to be. If they could relax now, she had to be doing better.

Her grief was still all consuming, that much was obvious, and Raven couldn’t help but slip into the role of ‘counsellor’ for Lexa. She was so used to doing that for her clients, why should Lexa be any different?

More so now given that Raven felt responsible for bringing this up.

“Lexa?”

“Hmm?” Lexa looked up, her eyes red, no tears having fallen, though.

“Have you ever tried grief counselling?” It was a tricky question to ask, because Lexa could bark back, angered and enraged. But then again, she looked far too broken to even attempt as much.

“Yes,” she answered plainly, unfazed.

“And?”

“I didn’t want to pay someone a couple hundred dollars just so I could sit in silence for an hour. At least in my own home, I could do it with a drink in my hand. Much cheaper.” Raven couldn’t exactly argue with that. “Plus,” Lexa began, a wistful smile at her lips, “grief counselling implies I’m ready to move on, that I want to move on.”

“You don’t? You don’t want to find that again with someone else?”

Lexa took another moment to think that over, looking at Raven carefully, before shrugging, brushing it off.

“One day, but that would need to be with someone truly remarkable.”

Raven wanted to follow that up with a comment about how there were so many remarkable women out there, how lucky they would be to have Lexa in their life, but she knew that those words wouldn’t do Lexa any good at that point in time.

She didn’t need placating. She needed to heal.

Telling her there were other fish in the sea was only going to add insult to injury.

“You should maybe give it another shot, the counselling,” Raven added, and seeing the questioning look of ‘why?’ from Lexa, she went on to explain. “Our time will run out eventually, and your family will go back to worrying, unless you truly do make progress, and not just the illusion of having done so.”

Lexa didn’t say anything, just nodded, and Raven wondered if perhaps she had overstepped with her words.

“I guess you’re right. You can’t be my girlfriend forever.”

“Not unless you continue to pay so good,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood. It partly worked.

“No, even I can’t afford to keep these rates up.”

“Blow the bank on this two week trip?” Raven teased, and Lexa smiled, albeit the smile never reached her eyes, but it was there.

“Not quite, but I can’t imagine your rate being so cheap if I asked you to exclusively be my partner, as it were,” Lexa added, hypothetically running the scenario over in her head.

“Depends how long,” Raven replied, and then realised that she shouldn’t have even been entertaining those thoughts.

No matter how attractive it sounded.

Exclusively hanging off Lexa’s arm for a solid pay cheque? Continuing to see Anya, Lincoln and their parents? Knowing that she didn’t have to entertain another client on the side? What part of that didn’t sound good?

“Couldn’t be longer than two years. They’d expect a ring on your finger, and as tempting as it is, I’m not buying a bride.”

This was all hypothetical. It was, really.

“I could do two years. Would allow me to finish college, and by then, I hope not to be selling myself.” Seriously, hypothetical, Raven, stop talking.

“How much?”

“Haven’t we already had this conversation? You tell me what you need from me in those two years, and then we’ll talk numbers.” Stop. Talking.

“A date for parties, work events, family occasions, anything where I’d be expected to bring someone I was dating. Most likely, Christmas, thanksgiving and new year, I’d need you by my side, again, for events, work and family. We’d probably need to go on holiday together, to keep up appearances. Though, I could fly your friends out, if that helped you. I suspect that would be it, though.”

“You could go two years without sex?” Oh my God, Raven. No.

“I’ve already gone several without it, what’s another two?” Lexa asked, shrugging like it was nothing.

It wasn’t nothing, that much Raven could see from the way Lexa’s eyes gazed over her occasionally. But, sidestepping that issue, she ploughed on.

“And I would need to be exclusive to you?”

“Well, I couldn’t exactly have you attending a party on someone else’s arm that I was at, or worse, Anya or my mom were at. So yes, exclusive,” Lexa reasoned, her work abandoned beside her to consider this over.

“I’d still get to attend college and that? You’re not going to expect me to move in with you or something?” Because that would be the ridiculous request in this make believe scenario.

“No, nothing like that. You would go about your life like normal.”

“And price, how much can you afford?” She didn’t want to push Lexa past her means, after all.

“How much do you need?” Lexa asked, and Raven scoffed at her.

“Want to be fleeced by a prostitute?”

“You wouldn’t fleece me,” Lexa replied, and it pained Raven hearing those words. Lexa knew her so well.

“No, I wouldn’t. Others might, though, so stop asking that question.”

“Okay, let me ask this then, what did you earn last year?”

“I made just shy of ninety,” Raven replied, shrugging. She hadn’t made anywhere near that so far this year, but that was neither here nor there.

“I’ll give you one twenty,” Lexa said, mulling it over for a moment.

“One twenty?” Oh. Okay. So this hypothetical was starting to sound pretty fucking great; the perks of no sex alone made sixty grand a year sound like a dream.

“Is that not enough?” Lexa asked, frown on her brow, as if she had misunderstood.”If it needs to be more, I can do my best, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get my hands on anything over one fifty a year.”

“A year? One twenty was for one year?” She tried to mask the surprise and appeal of that, but most likely failed.

“Yes. It seemed only fair to pay you more than what you earnt last year, lest you decide to go your own way, and I’m left without a partner, and only an awkward story to tell.”

“Right,” Raven murmured, still wondering if this was all hypothetical.

Lexa took her non-committal response as uncertainty, and began to slide further into bed, effectively ending the conversation.

“You don’t have to decide tonight. Think it over. I will...we can talk about it at the end of the week,” she said, reaching over to turn the bedside lamp off.

Her words though, Jesus, was she actually being serious? Raven couldn’t tell. She didn’t want to push it by bringing it back up, so hummed a response to acknowledge she’d hear Lexa, and then turned her own lamp off.

Plunged into darkness, Raven tried to ignore Lexa’s presence next to her, and calm her racing heart, because no, she couldn’t get her hopes up. The money...the money would be a godsend, especially given the way her leg was going, but was money going to be worth the emotional toll?

She’d be a semi-permanent feature in the Woods’ lives, and while that sounded so good, it also meant being on Lexa’s arm. That in itself sounded good, and that was the problem.

If Lexa was serious...at the end of the week, if Lexa brought it back up, Raven would consider it properly. Until then, it was all hypothetical.

Completely hypothetical.

*0*0*

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support and comments on this; it truly blows me away given the ship. So again, thank you!


	12. Pretend

There was no mention of the previously talked about offer to extend Raven's time with Lexa the following morning. She had to believe it was Lexa keeping her word, not bringing it up again until the end of the week, and for that she was thankful.

Before then, she wanted to tell Octavia.

Raven suspected she already knew what Octavia was going to say; take the deal; but stranger things had happened. While it did seem like a really good opportunity, Octavia had first hand experience of how those situations could go wrong, and that history deserved to be taken into account when thinking about taking the deal with Lexa.

However, before making that call, she needed to get her own thoughts in order. Or, a little more in order. That way, she could present her thinking, clear and concise, and then listen to Octavia's reasonings. If she didn’t know what way she was leaning, she’d never make the right choice.

"It's early," Lexa mumbled, wiping the sleep from her eyes as she wandered back into the bedroom. "If you want to skip it, we don't have to go fishing again." She’d been up for about thirty minutes or so, and her voice reminded Raven that she actually still had a job to do, instead of mulling over the future.

It was meant to be a family day out today, especially given Nyko and Artigas' appearance, so no, Raven knew they really had to go.

Plus, it wasn't as though she was trekking the hills. Her leg would suffice a few hours standing either on the river bank, or with waders on, in the water itself. That wasn't too strenuous.

Lexa looked her over, a brief glance down, to see if she truly was okay, and Raven nodded, trying to alleviate her fears and doubts.

"We should go, it'll be fun, and you can step time with your uncle and cousin, who, from yesterday's greetings, apparently don't see you all that much." They hadn't exactly been surprised to find out Lexa had a girlfriend, after all. So no, they weren't exceedingly close.

"You're right, I know you're right..." Lexa began, and Raven found herself smiling.

"I usually always am right," she said, grinning, and earning a laugh from Lexa. "But?" That's where Lexa's sentence was going, but what?

"But I could do with a day away from them all." Lexa did look tired, and maybe that was lack of sleep, but she also looked like the thought of the trip was too much.

Old wounds still open from last night? A possibility. Anyway, it was Lexa that offered the excuse to stay, so clearly she was just trying to warm Raven up to the idea.

Given this wasn't actually a relationship, and Raven didn't have a fifty percent say on how things went, Lexa really only need to say she wasn't going and that would be that.

"Okay, we will stay here for the day. I can think of a few excuses, but pretty sure your family will draw their own conclusions." That earned her another smile, cause Lexa knew that to be true.

And they were both right.

When they headed down the stairs, still in pyjamas, the rest of the household was dressed. They were all congregated in the kitchen, food on the counters, talking and eating, and not at all surprised when the two of them walked in, hand in hand.

"Let me guess, you're skipping the trip today?" Anya asked, smirk on her lips, as the rest of the family tuned in to listen.

Already there was heat on Lexa's cheeks, and she hadn't even said anything.

"We're going to give it a miss, stay here and just take it easy," Lexa explained, while Raven moved closer into her side, using Lexa's body to lean against in her sleepy state.

"Take it easy, huh? That what they call it these days?" Anya remarked, and Indra shot her an unimpressed look.

"Of course you’re welcome to stay behind,” Indra added, before her daughter said anything else. “You know where everything is, and you have our numbers.” Indra gave Lexa a soft smile, which was met with a thankful nod, and Raven watched on, curiously.

“Well, now that we’re not waiting on these two, we can hit the road,” Gus said, rubbing his hands on a dish towel. “Let’s be at the cars in ten, okay?” There were various grumblings of agreements, and then most of them cleared out.

Lexa took that moment to grab some food for the both of them, and a carton of juice from the fridge, before handing Raven two glasses.

“Want to go back to bed?” She did. She really did.

“Yeah,” she smiled, and Lexa did, too. It was almost bashful.

That smile stuck with her as the headed up the stairs, touching despite not needing to, and laughing, although no joke had been told. It was like her body and mind were now in tune with Lexa’s, and that should have scared the shit out of her.

Should have, but didn’t.

Putting the food on the bed, the two of them had a few bites before getting back up to say goodbye to the family. Rather than go downstairs, they called their goodbyes to Indra and Gus, as well as Nyko and Artigas. The last to head out were Lincoln and Anya, who were still messing about upstairs, but were on their way.

“If you have sex in my room, I’ll cut your brakes and make it look like an accident,” Anya threatened as she walked passed, carrying everything she needed to get out the door, and her words  earning an eye roll from Lexa.

“I’m not going to cut your brakes, but please don’t have sex in my room, yeah?” Lincoln asked, following behind her.

“What makes you think we haven’t already?” Raven called, making him freeze at the top of the stairs. He let out a groan and shook his head, before waving his hands.

“Did not need that thought, Raven, did not need that thought.”

“Thank your sister, big sister, because she started it!”

Anya’s laughter at the bottom of the stairs told them she had heard everything, and from the sounds of it, she was getting ready to call back up, but then Lincoln was shushing her and  pushing her out the door. If they wanted to leave at all, it was best.

The sound of the door closing, the cars driving off, left Lexa and Raven alone. It felt like forever since they’d truly been alone together. Raven wasn’t sure what to do next. Lexa hadn’t said anything, hadn’t moved from the doorway, and Raven found herself caught in a daydream, her eyes fixed away.

“Do you want to see my room?” Lexa asked, following Raven’s eye line. It was focused on the door further down the hall, but quickly focused on Lexa instead upon hearing her words.

“Lex, you don’t-” she tried, realising where it appeared she was looking.

“Come on.” Taking Raven’s hand, her thumb gently caressing the back of it, Lexa led them to her old bedroom.

She opened the door, flicked on the light switch, even though it wasn’t needed, and together, they stood in the doorway. Lexa had seen it hundreds of times before, it was nothing new, but Raven, she was soaking it in. This was Lexa’s private space, a shrine to someone she used to be, and there she was, being given access to it.

“You can go in,” Lexa said, watching Raven as she held back. Letting go of her hand, almost as if to give her a signal that it really was okay, Lexa stepped back, allowing Raven full access to the doorway.

One tentative step later, she was inside. As she’d seen from the doorway, the room itself was decorated in browns, greys, with dashes of colour from the bedding, the lampshade, and the fixtures. One wall had pin up boards, lined with photos, and Raven’s eyes glossed over them quickly, seeing that all too familiar curly hair in several of them.

It felt too personal to look closer at the photos. It felt like an invasion into Lexa’s past. So she moved on. Her feet moved of their own volition, taking her to the desk, where Lexa had books, books from her childhood, her teenage years, some from college, lined up on shelving just above it.

The room actually looked lived in, as if Lexa had merely stepped out of it that morning.

“Is it what you were expecting?” Lexa asked,stepping closer.

“I never know what to expect with you,” Raven answered, fighting the need to shake her head because that was too honest.

Lexa’s body heat behind her told Raven how close she was standing, and turning, Raven ended up face to face with her, a tiny bit of distance between their bodies.

“Why are you showing me this?”

“I thought about what you said last night,” she confessed, her words formal, clipped, holding back so many of those emotions Raven knew were under the surface.

“And?”

“And maybe I need to let go of some of the past.” It looked like those were hard words to say, so Raven put her hand out, onto Lexa’s waist, and the other taking her hand. It earnt her a shaky breath from Lexa, before she continued. “Maybe I should be thinking more about my future.”

“I think that’s a good idea. I think that’ll do you a lot of good, in the long run.” What else could she say?

She was so pleased, but at the same time, she was bricking it. This was Lexa. Her off limits client. Her client who was doing this for herself, like she should be. There were no ulterior motives. There were no chances that she could be trying harder for...It wasn’t even worth considering.

“We’re not going to sleep in here, though? Cause it’s obvious the bed in the guest room is bigger than yours, and as much as I like you, I like being able to kick my legs out and not worry about hitting you in the night,” she joked, taking the pressure off Lexa, that there were no big commitments needed, she could take baby steps.

Lexa’s smile of relief hit her eyes, and she nodded.

“It is a bigger bed in the guest room, yes, and I also like you not kicking me in the middle of the night.” Licking her lips, Lexa looked away, glancing around, and Raven followed suit.

Okay, she really didn’t want to pry, but those photos.

“May I?” she asked, nodding in the direction of them, and Lexa nodded in return.

Stepping closer, Raven focused on the memories before her. It was Lexa through the years. So many photos of her, so many of them containing another girl. It had to be, it could be no one else.

Costia was stunning, even in those gangly teenage years where everyone is meant to look awful, she did not. It was no wonder Lexa was drawn to her, she practically glowed.

Raven felt a pang deep within her chest, because the smile on Lexa’s lips, the one in those photos, it was one she’d never seen. Did it even exist anymore? Was Lexa even capable of that type of happiness?

“You two look…” There were no words, and Lexa hummed in agreement, understanding.

Taking back Lexa’s hand, Raven brought it to her lips, and daring to just feel something, she kissed Lexa’s knuckles, once.

“I’m sorry you lost her,” she said, knowing it wasn’t necessary, knowing it wasn’t needed, but all she could feel at that moment was sorrow for the woman standing next to her.

“Me too,” Lexa said, her voice quieter, and she lifted their clasped hands, and kissed Raven’s knuckles, once, in return.

Together, they closed the door, leaving the room behind, and went back to theirs. The food from earlier was still there, and while it was definitely not hot, it still tasted good. They ate with only the voices from the TV talking between them, and then abandoned the plates to the floor, lying back in the bed, with a level of exhaustion that shouldn’t have been present given they’d not been up that long.

“Raven?” Lexa asked, after putting the TV down low, their eyelids both drooping.

“Hmm?” she hummed, having rolled onto her side, facing away from Lexa.

“May I..may I hold you?” That did have her rolling over.

Lexa looked practically ashamed for having asked, and it took a moment for Raven to let those words properly sink in.

“You want to hold me while we sleep?”

“Please.” It was said so softly, Raven almost didn’t hear it.

“Remember when we met, in that bar?” Raven began, changing topic for a moment, but Lexa nodded, okay to follow along with it. “I said that I wasn’t going to be a stand in for someone else. I’m not going to pretend to be…” She didn’t want to say the name. She didn’t think that would do any good. Her meaning was clear.

Lexa clocked it, too, and nodded, licking her dry lips as she went on to clear her throat.

“I won’t push, and if I’ve crossed a line, I’ll let you sleep alone.” Raven nodded, knowing that wasn’t necessary, and then Lexa spoke on. “Costia held me.”

“What?”

“When we slept, Costia would hold me. She’d wrap her arm around my waist, and drop her head into my back. I didn’t...she…”

Oh.

The part of Raven’s brain that doubted everything a client said was telling her Lexa could easily be lying, but the rest of her was taking in the broken look haunting Lexa’s features, the shakiness of her voice as she spoke, and it believed her completed.

She didn’t think twice before rolling back over, shuffling backwards, and reaching round to take Lexa’s arm. Like before, Lexa’s body was warm, although this time it was frozen, uncertain, and Raven entwined their fingers, trying to get her to relax.

“Are..are you sure?” Lexa asked, so much concern in her voice, that Raven did what she had done that morning; she kissed Lexa’s knuckles, and tried to get comfier in her embrace.

“I’m sure.”

Lexa did eventually relax. Her arm became a comforting support, wrapped round Raven’s body, with their hands clasped. Her breathing was slow and steady on her shoulder. Her scent was heavy in the air, from the shampoo she used, and it had Raven taking a deep breath.

For that moment, she could pretend. She could pretend things were different. She could pretend that Lexa wasn’t just seeking comfort, a reassurance only felt from holding someone, to feel less alone. She could pretend Lexa was holding her because she wanted to. She could pretend Lexa was holding her because she…

Raven could pretend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby steps are needed for these two, and apologies if it seems not much happened, everything plays a part. I had to split this chapter, because the next part just doesn't fit with where this was left off. Anyway, thank you all for being so patient!


	13. Rule Number One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rules are not meant to be broken.

*0*0*

There was a change in the air between them. Or maybe that was just how Raven viewed it.

They’d woken up from their nap late in the afternoon, both hungry. The fridge was still stocked, so it took no time to rustle up a meal and camp out in the living room with it.

But that change between them, it was there, too. It was there as Raven didn’t think twice about taking the seat next to Lexa on the couch. It was there when she curled up into her side, her head resting on Lexa’s chest, Lexa’s arm around her shoulders. And it was there when she lost herself in the daydream that this could be so much more.

With the way Lexa was responding, the way she was open to the affection, even though no one was around to see them, no one else was home to witness it, Raven had to believe that she felt the change between them, too.

When the rest of the family came home, they didn’t act any differently than they had that afternoon. They didn’t seem to think twice about reaching out for the other, just to touch, just for comfort. They didn’t seem to think twice about following the other across the room with their eyes, watching them, checking they were okay, admiring them. They didn’t seem to think twice about what, why, and how things had changed at all. It just had.

If Lexa’s family noticed, they didn’t say anything. After all, it would most likely look as though the two of them had spent the day in bed, and that glow around them was due to post-coitus bliss than anything else.

When bedtime finally rolled round again, because they’d slept a lot during the day, neither were that tired. Instead, they stayed up, Lexa’ pulling a pack of cards from somewhere, and challenging Raven to some ridiculous game. Anya and Lincoln played a few hands before bidding goodnight, and sitting in the living room, watching Lexa shuffle cards like a pro, Raven debated just throwing away all of her ground rules.

Let’s be real for a second; she liked Lexa, a lot. She was attracted to her. She might have thought about kissing her. She might have thought about fucking her. She might have been debating doing both of those right then and there. She might be losing it, because Lexa was still her client.

But the thought was there.

“What is it?” Lexa asked, having noticed Raven’s gaze on her. Being self-conscious didn’t seem to be in Lexa’s repertoire, but this was Raven, so things were different where she was concerned.

“Nothing,” Raven lied, shaking her head, and then standing up. “I need another drink, do you want one?” she asked, moving away from the couch and towards the kitchen.

“No thanks,” Lexa called out, the sound of cards hitting the coffee table following, as she dealt the next hand.

In the kitchen, where it was cool and private, Raven took a shaky breath, pushing down all thoughts of breaking her rules. She knew better. Plus, she was there to get a drink, not debate the ins and outs of what would be stupid concerning kissing Lexa.

Of course, her lie was poorly executed, as she had left her glass in the living room. Turning quick on her heel to get her glass, she felt the pain before the realisation kicked in.

“Shit,” Raven cursed, hitting the ground with a thump.

Footsteps rushed towards her, and then Lexa was kneeling down on the floor, reaching out, hands gentle, words panicked, and brow furrowed.

“Are you okay? What happened? Do you need help?” Lexa fired, and although pain was shooting up her leg, all Raven wanted to do was reach out and calm her. She was fine. This was nothing new.

“I slipped,” she groaned, stretching her leg out, and yeah, that fucking hurt more than it used to. “I’m alright, though.” She was, really.

“Should I get Lincoln?”

“No, Lex,” Raven waved off, pushing herself up, trying to stand. She needn’t have tried, because Lexa’s arms were around her waist, pulling her up, holding her steady, and her eyes, looking her over, checking for more injuries, concerned and caring, and God, she needed to stop that already.

“I can go get him-”

“Please, don’t.” The ‘please’ did it, and Lexa nodded, once.

“At least sit down?” That made Raven smile, and she nodded, happy to have a proper seat in a chair, rather than back on the floor. Hobbling, they made it back to the living room, Lexa flicking lights off as they went.

Sitting down made it easier, made it bearable for Raven. Lexa’s presence helped, too.

“May I?” Lexa asked, having not taken a seat next to Raven, but back to kneeling before her. She was pointing at her leg, where the scars ran deep and the pain deeper.

“Go for it,” Raven shrugged, feeling the need to brush that action off, even though it meant a lot to her.

Lexa was gentle, as always, and touching her muscles with a softness so much like the last time she’d massaged her leg. It was tentative, but not scared, being cautious but yet still applying the right amount of pressure where need be. It helped, considerably.

She worked from her calf, up to her knee, around the delicate tissue there, and then upwards, stopping mid-thigh. Respectful. Then she worked her way back down, coming to a natural end having done so.

“Any better?”

“Much,” Raven replied, nodding, and then feeling the need to just touch Lexa. It was...she couldn't help it, she just wanted to thank her, without saying the words.

Pulling Lexa closer, Raven wrapped her arms around her neck, and held her. It was the best thank you she could offer. It was the comfort that she knew Lexa missed. It was what they both needed.

And Lexa knew that.

“Come on, we should go back to bed,” Lexa murmured, although seemingly reluctant to end the embrace. Taking Raven’s hand, cards abandoned on the coffee table, they headed back up the stairs, albeit slowly, and then crawled into bed.

Like earlier, but before Lexa could ask, Raven had shimmied back into her, and wrapped Lexa’s arm around her waist.

“Night, Lex,” she said, feeling the content hum of the woman behind her.

Yeah, things had definitely changed between them.

*0*0*

On their last day at the cabin, Lincoln loaded up the car, dragging his sisters and Raven along for the ride, as they went further afield to fish at some stream he liked. It was an excuse for the three of them to enjoy the sun on their skin and the drinks in the hands, with no responsibilities in sight.

Lincoln fished, as he wanted to, and caught them a lunch like last time. He also provided the rest of the spread from the car, and it resulted in four well-fed, sleepy, bodies, lying out on the grass, looking up at the clouds in the sky above them.

Raven knew today was different than all others. She was a part of the family, and lying with them, she knew that although all this was fake, she wished it was real. She wanted Anya to laugh and tease her, she wanted Lincoln to back her up and smile that appreciative smile her way, and she wanted Lexa to want her.

Instead of dwelling on that being their last day together, of that being the beginning of the end, Raven got up, dragging Lexa with her, hand in hand. She pestered her with questions as they wandered through the trees, learning what she could, and sharing in return when Lexa asked. Then, when she missed that smile of Lexa’s that made her heart soar, she challenged her, and went running.

Running back to the shoreline, to the riverbed, splashing in as she ran, with the sound of Lexa on her heels, and oh, there was that smile again.

Together, they stood in the river, water up to their knees, squaring off against each other before Lexa made the first move, splashing upwards, eliciting a cry of laughter as Raven made to return the soaking. Lexa’s yelp at the cold water hitting her back made Raven grin in triumph, but it was short lived, as more water made it her way.

Only with drenched clothes, dripping hair, and dopey smiles, did they call a ceasefire and walk back up to shore.

But Raven still found herself wrapping her arms around Lexa’s waist, by the fire, leaning into her body for what little heat she could provide. Lexa’s arm might have wrapped round her, too. It might have caressed the skin of her arm. It might have made her feel safe, comforted. It might have just tipped the scales.

Brushing some of Lexa’s unruly hair away from her face, Raven bit her lip as she took in her profile. She truly was stunning.

“Let’s go home,” Lexa murmured into her hair, leaving a kiss in her wake. It had Raven closing her eyes, holding on tighter, soaking up the warmth of those words.

Home.

*0*0*

The following morning, after everyone had eaten and packed up the cars, the cabin doors were locked, and it was time to go. Their line of cars sat out front, ready to head away once goodbyes had been done, which was harder than Raven thought they’d be.

Was this the last time she’d see them? Was this really goodbye?

Anya was the first to leave, giving her family a hug, before coming over to Raven and pulling her into one, too. It was unexpected, but Raven returned the hug, having a fondness for Anya.

“Don’t let her fuck this up, you two are good together,” Anya muttered into the hug. “I’ll see you soon. If I don’t, I’ll come find you.” Rolling her eyes with a smile, Raven nodded.

“You’ll see me again, don’t worry.”

“I better.” It was a warning, more to Lexa than to Raven, who had picked up the end of their conversation.

With a cheeky smile her sister’s way, Anya hopped in her car, and didn’t look back as she sped off down the drive.

Next was Indra and Gustus, who gave brief goodbyes to their kids, as they’d see them again soon, Lexa at work, Lincoln at the weekend, before bidding Raven a polite goodbye. Like Anya, they looked forward to seeing her again soon.

It was easier to lie to them, even though Raven hoped it wasn’t going to be a lie.

“Alright, sis, have a safe drive back. I’ll see you at some point, but if not, I’ll call you,” Lincoln said, pulling Lexa into a bear hug. Then it was Raven’s turn. “You, look after her for me, yeah?” his voice was softer, as if he knew exactly how fragile Lexa was at times.

“I’ll do my best.”

“I need you to do better than that.”

“I’ll look after her,” Raven replied, nodding. As if she wouldn't. She was invested now.

“Good, because from the way she looks at you, she’ll do the same.” Raven wished that was true, wished Lincoln knew his sister was a phenomenal actress, but she didn’t dare say anything.

“See you later, Lincoln.” A salute her way, and he was then heading to his car, driving away.

And that left two.

“Ready?” Lexa asked, leaning against her car, the barest hint of a smile on her lips.

Raven wanted to stop time, for that moment only. She wanted the ability to play it over and over and over again, just so she wouldn’t forget a single second of it, of her, because that was their time together finished. Real life was awaiting them in that car. Their ‘relationship’ had no further reason to exist.

Yes, Lexa had mentioned a two year scenario, but as that hadn’t been brought up again, Raven wasn’t going to kid herself into thinking that offer still stood.

As far as she knew, this was the last moment they had together, standing outside Lexa’s family cabin, with the wind in her hair, the sun on her skin, and a look in her eyes that had Raven imagining all the ways they could prolong it.

“Yeah, let’s go,” she finally answered, moving round to get in the passenger side. And that was the moment gone.

Reality awaited them.

*0*0*

Much like the drive up, it was long. Woodland and country roads turned to small towns and highways, and then the heavy stream of traffic started. Lexa didn’t seem bothered by the slight delay here or the slight hold up there, she was content to drive, content to sit in silence with Raven and enjoy the time together.

Raven, was, too, for the most part. With each mile closer to the city, she felt this anxiety bubbling away in her stomach, because when they reached their destination, she was going to have to say goodbye.

How did she say goodbye? How did she say goodbye to Lexa? Was that even possible?

It needed to be. There was no way around it.

But maybe it wouldn't’ be a permanent goodbye? Maybe there was still hope.

Back in the city limits, Lexa offered to take Raven straight home, making it easier for her. The offer was appreciated, as it had been a long drive, and Raven’s leg was stiff from sitting so long.

With a few directions, Lexa made her way to Raven’s place. She parked outside Raven’s building, although neither made a move to get out. The radio was still on low, barely audible, but just enough to fill the void, because no one spoke. Raven was at a loss for words, and Lexa didn’t know where to start.

She found courage from somewhere, though, as Lexa opened her mouth and put an end to awkward emptiness that was filling up the car around them.

“I want...I want to say thank you for these last two weeks. You’ve...this was better than I ever imagined, and my family are…” Another broken sentence as Lexa tried again to find the right words. “They don’t worry anymore, which is exactly what I needed, so thank you.”

“Just doing my job,” Raven replied, reminding herself more than Lexa.

“Right, well, thank you anyway.” Nodding, assuming that was it, Raven unbuckled her seatbelt, stopping short when Lexa spoke again. “About that offer I made, the two year thing,” she began, “I’m interested. I was being serious when I made it. It makes sense, for me, for my family, and...and you have my number, so let me know?”

“Yeah, of course I will.” She still had to speak to Octavia, but Raven was pretty sure she knew what she was going to say.

“One last thing,” Lexa said, looking away from Raven now, her eyes fixed on the steering wheel, where her hands sat.

“What is it?” Raven asked, drawing Lexa’s gaze to her, her words softly spoken, and her body eager to hear what Lexa might say.

It wasn’t going to be a goodbye, after all, then. From the way Lexa looked, so nervous, it was something big, something important, and had Lexa felt what Raven felt?

“Raven,” Lexa said, shaking her head, taking a breath before trying again. Her voice made a poor attempt at sounding confident as she spoke, but that slight waiver at the end gave her away. And come on, Lexa, Raven was desperate to hear what she had to say.

“Raven,” she repeated, her eyes then catching hers, letting the words tumble out. “I’ll give you ten thousands dollars, if you to spend the night with me, tonight,” she said, clenching her jaw slightly as she finished.

And that shouldn’t have felt like a punch to the gut. Those words shouldn’t have cut her so deep. Raven shouldn’t have lost her breath, lost her focus, and lost her way, from those words alone. It should have hurt like that. It shouldn’t still be hurting. It shouldn’t.  

Had Lexa really just? Yeah. Yes, she had. After everything…? Yeah. Of course.

Of course.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Lexa,” Raven muttered, shaking her head, eyes on the dashboard, a hollowness taking over. “And what makes this worse, I’m the bigger fucking idiot.”

Lexa looked pained at her words, but not as pained as Raven, who felt her whole body beginning to shake. She needed to get out. She needed to get away. Her job was done, so it was time to leave.

“Wait, Raven, I’m-” Lexa called as Raven opened the passenger door and hopped out. Her words were cut off with the door closing.

When Raven opened the trunk, grabbing her bags, Lexa was looking back at her via the rear view mirror, but she knew better than to speak. Her hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and if Raven didn’t know better, she’d think Lexa looked genuinely upset.

Well, it’s not every day a hooker turns down ten grand for sex, so maybe she was upset.

Closing the trunk, Raven didn’t look back as she marched her way towards her apartment. She needed to get out of sight. She needed to be home, back to her apartment, back to her bed, back to reality.

Lexa had reminded her exactly of where her place was.

Keys in the lock meant that Raven’s keys wouldn’t open the door, so she had to knock. It also meant that Octavia probably had folk over, and that really was the last thing she needed right now. She wanted to hide from her embarrassment. She wanted to cry into her pillow and pretend she’d never met Lexa Woods.

Fortunately, it was only Clarke, who answered the door on Octavia’s behalf; and Raven knew she could cry in front of her.  

“Hey, come on in, sorry about the keys-” Clarke said, only to be cut off when Octavia came barreling through from the kitchen.

“Hey! You’re back, how was- Whoa. What happened? What’s wrong? Did she do something?” Octavia asked, quickly, noting the tears in Raven’s eyes that she refused to spill just yet.

Clarke took a seat, knowing that their bond as best friends superseded any comfort she could offer.

“She didn’t...no, nothing like that.” That had Octavia relieved, but it wasn’t enough.

“Then what happened?”

“She offered me ten grand to screw her,” Raven replied, laughing bitterly, shrugging like it was noting, when really, it was everything.

God, was it everything.

“And?” Because there had to be more. There had to be something else. Raven didn’t look like she was about to fall to pieces for no reason. That wasn’t possible.

“And...I broke rule number one,” Raven explained, running her hands through her hair, then pushing at her eyes, trying to force the tears away without them falling.

That was all Octavia needed to hear.

“Remind me of what rule number one is, again?” Clarke asked, perched on the couch, having seen Octavia’s face fall with Raven’s words.

It was Octavia who answered, having moved closer, pulling Raven into a tight hug, wishing she could make it better, make it easier for her.  

“Rule number one; don’t fall for the client.”

*0*0*

 

 


	14. Depression, Lies & Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa feels the ramifications of what she said; and Octavia makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we talk about how many of you were firm believers that Lexa wasn’t asking for sex? Because that was so sweet, and I’m so sorry to burst your bubble, but there was no miscommunication. Lexa was really asking Raven for sex. The reason it wasn’t phrased so bluntly, given Lexa’s hesitance around intimacy and sex, it seemed like she wouldn’t come straight out and say it. Apologies for any confusion there, and hopefully this chapter clears up the details surrounding that decision.

*0*0*

Regret was not an unfamiliar emotion to Lexa. In fact, it was one she’d lived with for years. It slept beside her every night, in the space Costia used to lie in; it sat across from her at the dinner table, in the space Costia used to sit at; and it followed her around, filling the void, and reminding her of exactly what happened.

Even when she was alone, sitting in her office, staring at furniture, she was surrounded by regret. She was also surrounded by deadlines, but despite the sigh of responsibility, she had no inclination to move.

Typically, one knocked before they entered, but Anya wasn’t typical, and when Lexa’s door flew open and in she marched, her heels loud across the carpet, Lexa tried to make it look like she’d been busy.

“Here,” Anya said, dropping a box on Lexa’s desk, standing over it, and making Lexa squirm slightly in her seat.

It was her own office, she shouldn’t be feeling that way, at all.

“What’s this?” Lexa asked, frowning, and reaching out to open the box up. She used her letter opener to slice the tape away, and inside she saw a frame, with a photo inside. Taking the black frame out, Lexa was met with the smiling faces of Raven and herself. And yeah, there was the regret, eating at her, swallowing her whole, and she tried to cough away the uncomfortable feeling.

Anya either didn’t notice, or didn’t comment, on the way her sister blinked erratically, breathing slowly, before placing the frame on her desk. For that, Lexa was relieved.

“How is Raven these days?” Anya asked, and it was a pity this was Lexa’s office, because she needed an excuse to leave. “You’ve been closed off since we got back.”

“Raven is doing well,” Lexa replied, not commenting on the second part, and going on to ignore it completely.

“Have you seen her recently? Is she coming to the Tree Crew event?” she asked, taking a seat, getting settled.

“God, do I have to go to that? I don’t want to. You know they’ll slander us no matter how many bows we put on it,” Lexa moaned, rubbing her temple. Anya let out a grin and nodded in agreement.

“You know you have to go. Rehearse the speech we’ve put together, and practice your best ‘for every tree we cut down we plant two more, and that’s why Tree Crew is a special event. We want the protesters to join us and become supporters, helping keep the planet green’,” Anya chimed, putting her best fake smile on, and earning a solid laugh from Lexa.

“Maybe you should be the one in front of the cameras, instead of me. After all, you were very convincing.”

“Fuck off.” Lexa smiled as Anya shot her a glare, dismissing her suggestion so seriously. “Anyway, back to my question: is Raven coming to the Tree Crew event?”

Lexa hadn’t asked. Lexa didn’t know.  

It had been ten days since they’d returned from Polis. Ten days since she’d asked Raven to sleep with her. Ten days of radio silence; and a part of her was scared to get back in contact. She’d crossed a line, a line she promised Raven she wouldn’t, so she didn’t deserve to reach back out, especially when Raven was so cross with her.

Anya couldn’t know that, though.

“I’m not going to subject Raven to the disaster that is the Tree Crew event. She’ll become a target just for being on my arm, and that isn’t fair.” There was truth in her words, as death threats weren’t uncommon from certain protester organisations, and Anya knew that just as well as Lexa did.

“Well, maybe next time. We do have the Trikru Awareness Ball. If you don’t invite her to that, you’re a shitty girlfriend,” Anya said, standing up, wiping down the nonexistent creases in her clothes.

Lexa could only hum, because that was less than a month away, and reaching out to Raven still seemed like it would be a mistake.

Anya took her leave at that, giving Lexa a final glance, a warning glance, that she better not fuck about. It was clear to Lexa how much Anya now rooted for her nonexistent relationship with Raven. The picture spoke a thousand words. It was a permanent reminder, a staple in Lexa’s office, the only really personal object in sight.

Anya wanted her relationship to work, wanted Lexa happy. And there was the regret again, because maybe she should have just faced the music when the Polis trip came up. Maybe she should have just gone without Raven, told them the truth, and deal with their worries and concerns.

It might have been easier.

It certainly would have hurt Raven less.

Sighing, Lexa took another look at the photo, and then closed her eyes. She could still feel Raven’s hand in her own, her body right there, and still remembered earning that beautiful laugh, that stunning smile.

And then it was ruined by the look of disgust, distrust, Raven shot her as she exited her car. Why, Lexa, why? Why had she been so foolish? Raven had been clear about it from the get go. Ten grand obviously wasn’t going to change that, no matter how much she wished it could.

She’d been thinking about it on the drive down. Thinking about the way Raven made her feel, and a part of her didn’t want that to end. Lexa wanted to explore it further. If Raven could make her feel like there truly was a life worth living past the grief, then maybe she could reawaken Lexa to the wonders of intimacy, of trust, of losing control.

It had been so long. Costia was the last. Costia had been her first. Costia was her everything. But Raven...the thought of her, her hands on Lexa’s waist, on her shirt, undoing the buttons, kissing her, tasting her, feeling...it was enough to have Lexa throwing caution to the wind. She’d jumped the gun, and shot them both in the process.

Now, the regret sat on her back, weighing her down, and she didn’t know what her next move was going to be.

Did she reach out and call Raven, or did she admit defeat and let it all go?

*0*0*

The night of the Tree Crew event, Lexa could feel the regret tugging quite solidly at her. She remembered attending similar parties with Costia on her arm, remembered the two of them getting drunk before eight, and sneaking off to have sex in the cloakrooms. Of course, since Costia’s, well, since then, Lexa had gone alone to many events. This was nothing new.

What was new, was the desire to have Raven with her.

There was a comfort with Raven she hadn’t found in years. Since. Well. It was a comfort that made the regret go away, the guilt ease, and it was most likely completely unhealthy, but Raven made her feel a little more at ease.

So, facing the bright, flashing lights of the photographers at the event; standing in front of cameras, reciting Anya’s speech; knowing that there was no one in her corner, even someone she had paid to stand there, was a little hard to take.

Raven made her feel like she could breathe, despite drowning. She put air in her lungs, and momentum in her body, propelling her upwards, back to the surface, back to life. And it had only been two weeks.

Now, she hadn’t seen Raven in fifteen days. It felt strange. For two weeks, Raven had become so important to her, and now, she was simply gone. That was an uncomfortable feeling to get used to again. Lexa had been there, she’d done that, and she hated the finality of it all.

It was all made worse knowing that she caused it. Again. She was the reason Raven wasn’t there; and while it wasn’t with the severity of Costia, it felt very much the same.

Self-hatred ran deep, as did the alcohol she was consuming to ease that discomfort. Anya had yet to notice, which was a relief, because she would have too many questions, she’d want to call Raven, she’d ruin it all, like LExa had, and no.

So she remained at the bar when she wasn’t needed being a showpony around the room. She knew that if she kept it up, she’d need some assistance, but not yet.

And then, like a jolt of lighting, she saw who was standing just further down the bar, and that sobered her up faster than she thought possible.

Octavia was wearing green, her dress floor length, matching the theme of the party. Her hair was up, her makeup subtle, but she looked magnificent. Lexa wasn’t blind. She also looked to be working.

No doubt, she was a plus one to someone in the room. Their squeeze for the night. That shouldn’t have made Lexa squirm where she was standing, because that’s basically what Raven had been.

Her head was all over the place.

Taking a moment to decide whether Octavia had spotted her or not, Lexa finished her drink off and took the plunge.

“Hi,” she said, standing close enough at the bar for it to be obvious who she was talking to, and subtle enough that it wasn’t obvious that she knew who exactly Octavia was.

“Nice event you guys have put on. Shame about the trees, though,” Octavia replied, not looking in her direction as she did so. Yes, then, she knew Lexa was there; and from that reply, she was expecting her to speak.  

“I know you’re working, and I don’t want to interfere-” Lexa began.

“So don’t.” Octavia turned around, so she was leaning against the bar, looking out at the room.

“Can we just...can we talk, away from prying eyes and ears? Please?” Lexa tried again, hoping the sincerity in her voice would be enough to get her some time.

The silence that rang on made her think she’d miscalculated again, and pushed her luck, but the slight sigh Octavia mde told her otherwise.

“I have a room, upstairs, 2032. Meet me there in fifteen minutes.” That Lexa could work with. But work...

“Your date?”

“Is my concern. Just be there.” Octavia didn’t give Lexa a chance to argue as she stepped away from the bar, heading back into the throng of people, and out of sight.

There was nervous energy jittering around her body as she stood there, because this felt like a step forward, even if it was onto unsafe ground. Octavia might have just been cold because she was working and the two of them being seen talking wouldn’t be smart if people found out what Octavia did for a living, or, because Raven had told her what happened.

Both scenarios seemed likely, unfortunately.

To dispel some of that nervous energy, Lexa ordered another drink, and then put a plan of action into place for how she was going to get away from everything.

As it turned out, though, leaving the party was relatively easy. Leaving without people wondering where she had gone was another matter. But, she simply mentioned to Anya that she was going to call Raven, check in with her, and that was enough cover.

Lying like that, again, where Raven was concerned, did sting. By now, though, Lexa was struggling to see how she could ever tell them the truth again. She was so fully invested in this. There was no where to go but to continue on with it.

So, she snuck away. She took the stairs up to Octavia’s room, pleased it was only on the second floor, and she knocked, once. The door unlocked, and was left ajar, for Lexa to go inside.

Locking the door behind her, Lexa turned to see Octavia with her heels off, and touching up her make-up in front of the mirror.

“You have ten minutes, and then I’m going back downstairs, so make the most of it.” There was that coldness in her voice again, and Lexa had anticipated it being gone, so know she knew why Octavia was talking to her the way she was.

“Raven told you,” she said, hoping that was a reasonable conclusion to draw.

“Told me you offered her ten grand for a fuck? Yep, she did.” Octavia didn’t even look away from the mirror, reapplying mascara as if Lexa wasn’t even there.

“It wasn’t...I wasn’t…”

“You didn’t offer her ten grand for sex?” This time, Octavia did look her way.

“No, I did,” Lexa replied, shaking her head, but internally fighting with herself to explain. Her answer wasn’t good enough, though, because Octavia was back looking at the mirror.

“If you’re here to ask me to pass on that offer again, you can forget about it. Raven’s not going to fuck you.”

“No, Octavia, no, that’s not. I know I shouldn’t have asked. It was a moment of...I trust Raven. I trust her not to take advantage of me and I trust her to-” Before Lexa could find the rest of her words, to finish explaining so poorly, she was cut off again.

“There’s your first mistake. Don’t trust a hooker,” she spat, her eyes narrowing as she spoke, looking at herself, and Lexa felt the animosity behind it all.

Raven had said the same thing, shortly before they left Polis.

“Please, I...I want to contact Raven, but I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. Again. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable again. Would you please tell her the deal we spoke of, it’s still on the table?”

“Deal?” There was an edge to her voice, as if Octavia expected Lexa to mention the offer of sex again.

“We discussed a two year arrangement.”

“And is sex going to be a part of this arrangement?” she checked, voice still firm.

“No. Definitely not.” That, Lexa knew to be true.

“You sure? Because you offered her ten grand. People who don’t want sex don’t offer ten grand for it.” Octavia had a point, sadly.

“It was a moment of weakness. I wanted...I missed the intimacy of having a partner, and as I have said, I trust Raven. I wanted that night with her, I wanted to have a night with someone I trusted, who I knew would be there the next morning.” Even if she was paying them.

Octavia had put her makeup down by this point, and moved closer. Her heels off meant she was slightly shorter than Lexa, which she only noticed as Octavia moved right into her personal space.

“Are you going to have a moment of weakness every time a pretty girl is on you?” she asked, voice lower, her hands now on Lexa’s waist, and what the fuck was happening?

Reaching out, Lexa gently placed her hands on Octavia's upper arms, and moved her backwards, ever so carefully.

“Octavia, I understand that you are looking out for your friend, but I will never do that to Raven again. And to answer your question, it wasn’t a moment of weakness because she’s a pretty girl, it was a moment of weakness because it was Raven, and for those two weeks, she’s made me...she’s forced me to take a good look at my life, and what I want in it.”

“And you want her, on her back, or face down, ass up, or on her knees, begging for you?” The crudeness, the bluntness, had Lexa wincing, because Octavia made it sound so seedy, when what Lexa had wanted was nothing of the sort.

“No. I..no. Look, I won’t stand here and say I’m not attracted to Raven, because that would a lie, you both know that. What I will say is that I can give her one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year, to stand by my side at events like this, and pretend to love me,”

“Yeah, don’t think that’ll be too hard for her,” Octavia replied, shaking her head. “And one fifty? She told me one twenty.”

“I think an extra thirty grand should cover my faux pas.”

“What you did wasn’t a faux pas. You hurt her, Lexa. Raven’s passed giving up her body for money; and I’m only going to say this once, but if you ask her again, or if you decide to take what you want, I’ll rip your fucking throat out, and then go on to tell every newspaper that will listen how you left in the middle of the Tree Crew event to come fuck me in this very hotel suite.”

The darkness in her eyes, the venom in her voice, it told Lexa that Octavia was being deadly serious. She would throw her reputation away, just to destroy Lexa’s too.

“You can go now,” Octavia then said, moving back to the mirror. “I’ll pass on your message. If you don’t hear from Raven in the next week, you know what her decision is.”

Lexa was dismissed without a final look, and she left the hotel suite on autopilot. Returning back to the party didn’t seem like the best idea when her head was swimming with thoughts, with goddamn regrets, but she had no option.

“Everything okay?” Anya asked, finding her once again in the room.

“Yeah, everything’s great,” Lexa lied, nodding and smiling. It was passable, if Anya’s returned look was anything to go by.

“Good, because you’re needed. Time to sell the dream of what Tree Crew is all about. So get up there and make us proud.” Anya was half serious, half kidding, but enough of the former to have Lexa reaching for the index cards inside her jacket pocket, scanning them over quickly, before heading to talk to another group of people about why their company was so great, despite the crowd of protesters across the street.

Standing amongst the group, Lexa couldn’t help but wonder, would her life ever go back to normal, or was she doomed to keep lying and lying and lying to everyone she knew?

It seemed as if that’s all she did these days, and God, did she miss being honest with someone.

Made worse knowing that someone might never be in her life again.

Regret, like before, all Lexa could feel was regret.

*0*0*


	15. Same, But Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy's bar hasn't changed, Raven and Lexa have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 500+ kudos? Seriously? For this pairing? I think I might be a little in love with you all. Thank you does not even begin to cover my gratitude, but I'll say it anyway; thank you so much.

*0*0*

Back in apartment 318, after the Tree Crew event, after Octavia had finished her night, and after the food was devoured, it was time to debrief. By now, Octavia should have been used to telling Raven things that might rock the boat, so this debrief shouldn’t have been unusual at all.

Hell, Octavia had come home with some pretty rubbish and rough nights behind her, so tonight's one shouldn’t cause any issues.

Except, tonight’s debrief contained Lexa Woods, and she was still a sore subject. Bringing her up might end up doing more harm than good, where Raven was concerned.

Ever since her return from Polis, and her revelation, she’d been more withdrawn, more fatigued, and quieter. One thing Raven Reyes was not was quiet. She typically had something to say about everything, so these recent weeks had been particularly strange.

Octavia wanted to help, she did, and she tried her best to help; but there wasn’t much she could really do. She’d been where Raven was, she’d fallen head over heels for a client before, and was really close last month to falling for Atom, so knew what lay ahead. Raven needed to get it out her system her own way.

That was easier said than done, because unfortunately, Octavia's life seemed to cross paths with the Woods in many different ways, and every time it did, she had to debrief with Raven about it. Whether it was attending a Woods event, which she did rather often, or seeing the family in the company of her other clients, she knew they were going to continue to be part of her working life.

Raven knew that, too, and so far, she hadn’t said anything about it. Then again, tonight had been the first event Octavia had attended that was a Woods’ run event. They both knew who organised Tree Crew, so it was going to be no surprise that some of the Woods were in attendance.

“So, I saw Lexa tonight,” Octavia began, knowing Raven would have anticipated Lexa’s name coming up.

Raven being Raven, however, acted like she hadn’t heard her, and Octavia was going to repeat her words, before finally getting a reaction.

“Oh?” Raven could fake interest like the best of them, what she couldn’t do was hide genuine interest. And that had Octavia's brow furrowing, wondering if she should really bring it all up. But yes, she needed to.

“She wanted to talk to me, about you.” Raven stopped what she was doing, eyes still trained away, but she visibly swallowed at those words.

The need to shut it all down, to take it back, and not pass on Lexa’s message was back in full force; but it was one fifty. In the years they’d done this, in the utter crap they’d put up with, they hadn’t reached that number. Their best year, they topped one hundred, but that was it. Echo; the girl who set them up, looked after them in those first two years; she topped one thirty before getting out. That was it.

One fifty was too good to pass up, and as Raven wasn’t expected to have sex, it made the offer ten times more appealing.

“What did she say?” Raven asked, that edge of curiosity back. “Did she mention…”

“She told me that the ten grand offer was a moment of weakness,” Octavia parroted back.“Oh, and that she trusts you.”

“Of course she fucking trusts me, I’ve learnt more about her in those two weeks than anyone has since...She should know better,” Raven muttered, rubbing her forehead, slouching back on the couch now.

“I told her that.” Though, Octavia seriously doubted Lexa was going to listen to her.

“You did?”

“Yep. Also threatened her for pulling that crap on you.” Best to be forthcoming, because if Raven did decide to take Lexa’s offer up, she no doubt would find out.

“You what?” Raven looked slightly amused, and that was a relief. If she’d gone territorial, gotten pissed, that would have put a damper on things.

“Raven, she knew the rules, and she broke them. I told her if she dared do it again, I’d destroy her.”

“I don’t even...I don’t want to know.” Octavia laughed at that; it was probably better she didn’t know. For one, Raven would kick her ass for throwing away her reputation; two, she’d probably be annoyed she didn’t think to do it first.

“She wanted to contact you,”

“What about? I’m not going to fuck her for money, and if she even tries to-” she was getting worked up, she was getting irate, and Octavia reached over, putting her hand on Raven’s, giving it a squeeze to bring her back down.

“No, not for that. I told her as much, though, so don’t worry, that’s off the table.” Raven’s breathing returned back to where it should be, allowing Octavia to go on. Last thing she wanted to do was set her off into a panic attack. “Lexa wanted to contact you regarding that two year arrangement you two spoke about?”

“Oh?” There was that curiosity again, with the edge of hope, and no, Raven, no.

“It’s still on the table, except, instead of one twenty, it’s now one fifty,” Octavia said, watching carefully.

“You’re shitting me,” Raven replied, in disbelief.

“Nope.”

“One fifty?” Raven recalled Lexa saying should could maybe make one fifty work with a push, but it hadn’t sounded like that was a viable option. Yet now, now one fifty was the offer. Really? “Are you sure she said one fifty?”

“Yeah, I pulled her up on the discrepancy. The extra thirty is for her fucking up.” That had Raven letting out a humourless laugh, shaking her head.

“One apology is worth thirty grand, apparently.” Octavia nodded, humming, unimpressed, because that’s exactly what it sounded like.

Amazing what lengths some would go to so they never had to say ‘I’m sorry’.

“I told her if you didn’t call her within the week, then that was your answer.” It wasn’t a quick deadline, but it allowed Raven time to think it over, to look at this from evey angle and decide if this was the right move for her.

Except, then she was reaching for the phone, and what the fuck was she doing?

“You can’t be thinking of calling her,” Octavia said, sitting back, dumbfounded.

“It’s one hundred and fifty thousand dollars, O, how could I not call her?” Okay, good point.

“At least make her sweat a bit. Don’t call her right now.” Make her suffer and pay, Octaiva was thinking. Plus, it was almost four in the morning...

“What if she changes her mind?” Raven asked, biting her bottom lip.

“She won’t. She’s desperate. She introduced you to her family. That shit is serious.” She had a point, but Raven was still holding the phone.

“You do it,”

“What?” No. Octavia couldn’t. She would. She probably was going to have to. But she couldn’t stomach the thought of sending her best friend back into Lexa’s arms right about now. Not when Raven still had so far to go.

“Call her for me, I want to talk to her. I need to talk to her.” This was partly what Octavia feared. How was Raven ever going to move on and get passed Lexa if she had to be on her arm all the time?

“Give me the damn phone,” Octavia said, reaching for the phone, as it dialed between them.

The time should have been enough of a reason for Lexa not to answer, but either she was still awake or expecting the call, she answered on the second ring. Raven could hear Lexa’s voice answering, hear her replying to Octavia, and a part of her wanted to move closer, to listen further, but she needed to shut that shit down. She was better than that.

“Tomorrow, Murphy’s bar; like last time, eleven a.m,” Octavia barked out, like orders. Raven couldn’t help but smile as she saw the no nonsense side of Octavia come out. It felt good to witness the girl who had her back if shit went down. Not that it would with Lexa, of course.

“Done,” she finished, hanging up. “She’ll be there. Sounded way too keen if you ask me, but I do see your point.”

“She’ll grovel and feel bad, I’ll smile and pretend everything is fine, and then I’ll get my money,” Raven replied, nodding slowly, thinking it all over. Believing some of that to be true.

“Yeah, but you’ll also be loving it up to a woman you are-”

“I know. I know.” It was abrupt, and Raven softened her tone slightly. “It was infatuation, we’ve all been there. Spending time with Lexa will probably do me some good. Put things into perspective. Remind me how much of an ass she can be.”

Octavia wasn’t buying it, hell, even Raven wasn’t really buying it. On the scale of things, Lexa was one of the best clients possible. She wasn’t an ass, so spending time with her was not going to do anything but remind Raven of that.

Both of them knew how deep she was in, but the money was too good, and unfortunately, that needed to be the main incentive here. Emotional and mental pain needed to take a back seat, they still had bills to pay.

*0*0*

Like last time, Murphy’s Bar had that dank smell about it, poor lighting, and a customer base that could be improved. Raven made sure she was there first this time, not wanting to give Lexa the upper hand in any way. She got Murphy to open a little earlier than usual, and helped him shift crates and clean up while waiting for the time to pass. Or rather, she sat at the bar and ordered him to do a better job of it, pointing to her leg brace every time he grumbled.

It was an easy way to pass the time, and it wasn’t long before Raven was situating herself in one of the booths across from the bar, in the line of sight of Murphy, and awaiting Lexa’s arrival.

Unlike last time, she didn’t arrive early; she arrived exactly on time. Her footsteps were certain and sure as she neared, and Raven could only watch as Lexa walked in as though she owned the place. That confidence, which was nowhere to be seen last time they were there, was actually rather attractive.

And that was a thought that helped Raven get in this mess. So out it went.

Looking Lexa over further, scrutinising her, Raven concluded that she looked good; really good; and she hated that. Couldn’t Lexa just look like a mess for once? Couldn’t she exhibit traits Raven found unappealing? Because that would go a long way in helping her out.

On the other hand, she was now angry at Lexa for being so composed, for being so put together and stunning, and fuck her. How dare she.

It was that anger that had Raven gritting her teeth as Lexa took a seat, avoiding her gaze, and Raven almost smirked as Lexa squirmed rather uncomfortable in the booth. Gone was that confidence.

Murphy shot a questioning look over, silently asking if he should come ask about drinks, but her head shake told him Lexa wouldn’t be staying long. Later, he’d bitch about missing out on a sale, especially since he knew Lexa was good for it, but friendship and support came first, apparently. So he kept his distance, but kept his eye on them.

“Thank you for setting this up, Raven,” Lexa began, plucking courage from somewhere, and chancing a look up. “And please, pass my thanks onto Octavia for giving you the message.”

“You can tell her yourself, I’m sure you’ll see her again sometime soon.” She wasn’t going to play messenger.

“Right, of course.” Lexa nodded, licking her lips, and waited.

It was Raven that wanted to talk to her, wanted to see Lexa, in person, so it made sense that she speak first. Lexa waited, patiently, unabashedly awkward without a drink to console.

“You mentioned the two year arrangement was still on the table,” Raven finally said, having finished looking her over again. There were bags under Lexa’s eyes, that make up was doing a  good job of hiding, but noticeable all the same.

“Yes, it is, but Raven, first, I must-” Lexa started-

“No. Look, you fucked up, which shouldn't have been surprising, because you’re a client. Those two weeks, I think it made us a little too comfortable with one another. The lines between client and hooker were blurred. It maybe felt like I would go back on my word and screw you, but I won’t. No matter how much money you throw at me.”

She knew Lexa was going to apologise, but all that would do is absolve herself of guilt, and Raven didn’t want that. Lexa’s apology wouldn’t make Raven feel better in any way. So she didn’t want to hear it, she didn’t want to have to reject it, and she didn’t want to have to think about those words leaving Lexa’s lips.

She was only going to say them because she needed Raven on her arm, she’d invested too much, personally, on this lie they’d built. Otherwise, those words wouldn’t dare cross her lips.

“I won’t...I’m not going to ask that of you again,” Lexa said instead, wanting to clarify that, in case Octavia hadn’t mentioned as much.

“Good, then we’ll not have a problem.” If only that was true.

“I don’t know whether Octavia mentioned, but instead of one twenty like we previously discussed, it would be one fifty, now. Same terms, exclusive, I’ll send you details of events and occasions we need to be at in advance, and you do exactly as you did in Polis. And this remains private,” Lexa said, crossing her hands in front of her. The movement caught Raven’s eye, because she remembered what it felt like to hold those hands, to feel them on her body, her waist, her hip, her arm. She remembered the safety of them. Of Lexa.

“I have no desire to tell anyone, so yes, this will remain private. I would like a proper career, and don’t know if you’ve noticed, but ex-call girls tend to struggle finding work. Can’t exactly put that on the resume.”

Lexa looked uncomfortable again, and Raven wondered if she would wince every time she mentioned being a hooker, prostitute, whore...the list was endless. There really was only one way to find out.

“If I may, the first event that I would need your attendance at is less than two weeks away. It’s a family event; black tie, formal. The evening is a company party, and I need to attend. Anya is going, my parents are going, and I think even Lincoln is on the guest list,” Lexa explained, moving on from the discomfort of before.  

“They’d expect me to be there,” Raven supplied, knowing how weird it would look for Lexa to go stag when she had a girlfriend. Lexa’s nod in response had Raven taking a deep breath, accepting that she was really going to go through with this. “Send me the date and time, and I’ll be there.”

“We’ll be expected to arrive together, I can pick you up in a car.” Of course they would.

“Fine.” It wasn’t like Lexa didn’t already know where she lived, so there wasn’t much of an option there.

“Money wise, how do you wish to-” Lexa said, her hands in front of her, trying to explain, but getting nowhere. Putting her out her misery, Raven interrupted.

“That’s up to you, I appreciate you won’t just give me one fifty right off the bat, so weekly or monthly installments would suit.” Octavia always had weekly installments with her regulars, so that seemed to be the one to go for.

“Monthly, it’ll be easier than weekly,” Lexa said, and while Raven agreed, she also thought monthly showed a level of trust she was hoping was gone. Why couldn’t Lexa treat her with disregard, with distrust, and doubt her motives? Why did she have to trust her?

Seriously, the woman might be some business hot shot, but if Raven wanted to, she felt like she could have fleeced her by now.

“I’ll send the first month’s through in a few days.” Raven could do nothing but nod, knowing she had nothing else to contribute there. Lexa, so far, had kept her word where money was concerned, so didn’t doubt that the money would go through.

Doing the math in her head, she’d be bringing in twelve and a half thousand dollars a month. Holy hell. Even if this job turned her into a pining mess, Raven wasn’t going to turn that down.

“That’s everything then,” Raven said, head held high, looking straight at Lexa, and letting her know she was no longer needed. Murphy heard too, putting down the dish towel and glass, and moving a little closer to the exit side of the bar.

“Right, yes; thank you for your time,” Lexa replied, formal, clipped, eyes down, as she grabbed her bag off the seat next to her.

She made to slide out of the booth, but paused just at the end of it. Her hesitance had Raven watching, and Murphy moving round the bar, leaning on the front of it, just in case. Raven’s head shake was enough to tell him to let this play out.

She was curious. She wanted to know why Lexa had stopped, what Lexa was going to say.

“If I could take it back, I would,” she finally said, swallowing the lump in her throat, as she looked at the table. “I know that doesn’t mean anything to you, but I would.”

Raven let that sit for a moment, before finding her own words.

“Do you want to know something?” Lexa looked up, curious, and Raven knew this was probably going to put the knife in deeper, but felt it was necessary. “If you’d just came out and asked me to spend the night with you, been open and honest, asked if I would come back to yours, without offering me money, I would have.”

That had Lexa blinking a little more frequently, sitting a little bit taller, and breathing a little bit less.

“All you had to do was ask, and I would have willingly slept with you. I wasn’t in that car as your hooker. Right then, I was your friend.” Raven was going to ignore the part where friends tended not to fuck one another.

“And now?” Lexa asked, voice lower, quieter, almost a whisper.

“Now I’m your escort; and I won’t be making that mistake again.”

“Right.” The message was loud and clear, they weren’t friends.

From now on, this was going to be purely a business transaction between them. Lines were drawn, defences were up, there was no option to cross them.

Lexa left after that, heading out without a look back, while Raven slouched in the booth.

“So, she paying you enough to cover the amount you’re about to put on your tab?” Murphy asked, bring over the moonshine from under the bar, the good stuff, and taking a seat.

“She’s paying me enough a month to pay off my tab four times over,” Raven replied, and that earned an impressed whistle.

“Must like you,” he remarked, pouring Raven a hefty drink.

“Wants to fuck me.” It was that simple, or it wasn’t, but it felt like that, as well as guilt, was the only reason Lexa was keeping her around.

In reality, Lexa could have told her family that they’d broken up, that despite the trip to Polis, they were struggling to make it, and were taking a timeout. Instead, she’d sacrificed a large proportion of her personal wealth to keep up a lie; and for what? It was going to end eventually.

She had to have ulterior motives.

“Don’t they all?” Murphy asked, and okay, yeah, they usually do.

Lexa felt different though. Lexa was different. As much as Raven hated to admit it, Lexa was different because for a change, Raven really wanted to fuck her, too. That wasn’t unheard of when it came to clients, but Lexa was so much more than that.

“You going to fuck her?” Downing the shot, Murphy poured Raven another, and watched as she debated her response.

“Physically? No. She’ll fuck me, though; fuck me right over.” Downing that shot, she pushed it back to Murphy for more, and continued. “I think I’m in over my head, think I’ve agreed to two years of personal hell.”

“If she touches you-” Murphy barked, frowning, lips curling, and Raven shushed him, shaking her head.

“She won’t. She’ll do everything by the book, follow all my rules, and be exactly what I need her to be.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Kinda need a reason to hate her.” Hating Lexa would solve all her problems.

“You’re...you’re into her.” That was the nicer way of putting that. If Murphy had mentioned the L word, Raven would have felt truly pathetic.

“Bingo,” she grinned, humorlessly.

“Shit, Raven, don't think there’s enough booze in the bar to help with that,” Murphy groaned, shaking his head.

“No, I don’t think so either.” There definitely wasn’t.

“Well, here’s to your broken heart, and a shit load of money,” Murphy said solemnly, raising his glass, waiting on Raven to do the same.

“To my broken heart, and a shit load of money,” she chimed, taking the drink with a wince, and relaxing back into the feeling of the alcohol in her system.

It hadn’t happened yet, but it would, Lexa would break her heart, and no amount of money was going to ease that pain. How it happened, she didn’t know, but it was a guarantee.

She wasn’t going to make it through this arrangement unscathed.

*0*0*

  
  



	16. Making It Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Raven and Lexa to sort some of their mess out and attend the Trikru Awareness Ball.

*0*0*

Being nervous every time that she was going to see Raven or be around Raven was becoming the norm for Lexa. She was trying hard not to let those nerves show, but the slight adjusting and readjusting of her watch strap, and the almost impatient way she kept switching her weight from foot to foot was giving the game away.

The driver was waiting outside as Lexa rode the elevator up to Raven’s floor. She had texted her details during the week, finalising wardrobe options and times.

Walking out onto the floor, Lexa took a deep breath as she faced up against the apartment door. They were expecting her, as she was buzzed in, so when she finally knocked, she assumed it would open relatively quickly.

That was not the case; however. So Lexa knocked again.

This wasn’t helping the nerves at all.

Taking a deep breath, and really feeling the pressure - was this a sign? Was Raven purposely fucking with her? - Lexa debated calling Raven to see if everything was okay.

and then the door opened.

“Lexa,” Octavia said, arms crossed, standing in the entryway, making it clear that she wasn’t getting in. Please, Lexa already knew that.

“Octavia,” Lexa greeted in return, nodding politely.

“You’ll keep your manners this evening, yes?” she asked, raising her eyebrows, and the threat from the Tree Crew night was back at the forefront of Lexa’s mind.

“Without a doubt.” The threat didn’t bother her, because she could most likely overcome it, but the damage done to her family would be the biggest issue.

“Good, that’s what I like to hear. Anyway, Raven will be right with you.” Octavia left her with a fake smile as she shut the door; leaving Lexa standing alone in the hallway once again.

Okay then.

More waiting.

Thankfully, Raven didn’t take too long. Moments later, the door opened again, to Raven, who didn’t even glance up as she pulled the door closed.

“Evening, Lexa. Shall we?” she said, putting her keys back in her handbag, and heading towards the elevator

“Evening, Raven.” Lexa followed, not getting a chance to offer up a compliment on how Raven looked as she joined her inside the elevator, but perhaps it was better that way.

The driver was waiting at the car for them, and opened the door for Raven to enter first, and then moved round to let Lexa in the other side. They both settled into the seats, silence reigning between them.

“Thank you for this evening, Raven. It means a lot that we can do this,” Lexa said, clearing her throat, eyes on her watch as she spoke, adjusting the leather strap. “Don’t feel as though you need to stay at my side the entire night; work will no doubt factor into the conversations, and that can be very dry at times.” Dry, much like the current conversation.

Raven hummed and watched out the window at everything passing by, weighing up her response to that.

“It won’t be an issue, Lexa. This is what I do, after all.” Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat at that reminder and nodded. It was then that Lexa allowed herself to take in their presence in the car.

They sat with a good bit of distance between them, despite the space to move closer. Lexa kept herself rooted to the seat, eyes ahead, unwavering. She didn’t dare look over, admire, in case Raven called her on it. The whole car felt very stiff, much like her posture.

She didn’t feel like she could do anything about it though. She didn’t feel like any conversation she started or any attempts to ease the icy atmosphere would be met with warmth. It felt safer to be quiet, to remain formal, and to hope that no one noticed the discomfort between them.

For Raven, hoping no one noticed how aloof they were was not going to fly. She needed to tackle the problem straight on.

“Do you mind pulling over for a sec? Just up ahead?” Raven asked, speaking to the driver, who didn’t wait for Lexa’s approval, and did just that. “Come on, get out.”

Raven’s words were final, as she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out the car, leaving Lexa to scramble after her, wondering what the hell was going on. Had she changed her mind? Was this too much?

The driver also got out, and stood by the vehicle, as Raven came round, taking Lexa’s hand in hers, and pulling her along with her. They moved up onto the sidewalk, and with Raven calling out that they’d only be a minute and to stay there, the driver did as was asked.

“Raven what are we doing? We’re going to be late,” Lexa argued, frowning as she looked around the place.

They’d stopped in some side street, and were currently walking into an alleyway that had definitely seen better days. The streetlights casted enough to know that this really wasn’t the place for them to be.

“We’re stopping for a little chat.” That shouldn’t have sounded so threatening.

“If this is where you beat the crap out of me, can you avoid my face?” Lexa muttered, feeling uneasy.

And rightfully so, because the next thing she knew, her back was slamming into the wall, and Raven was closing in.

“Let’s get a few things straight,” Raven began, squaring up to Lexa. If it had been any other client, she probably wouldn’t have been so rough. Unless that’s what they were paying for. “This isn’t going to work-” God, Lexa knew it. She knew it was too good to be true.

“You’re ditching me here?” There was panic in her voice. She’d told Anya she was bringing Raven. She’d told Lincoln. If she arrived alone, they’d know it was over. They’d think Lexa had fucked up, and yes, she had, but-

“Shut up and listen,” Raven barked, questioning what part of her actually liked the woman before her, especially when she was being a complete pain in the ass. “I wasn’t done; this isn’t going to work with you wearing your guilt and shame all over your goddamn face. People are going to notice something is up; and I know for a fact you’re a better actress than this.”

“I’m trying my best-” Lexa began, moving to take a step away from the wall she was leaning on, only to have Raven push her back again. Would she give that a rest already?

“You’re not trying at all. Seriously Lexa, You look like a kicked puppy, and I’m not staking our fake relationship on getting your shit together.”

“Why do you care?” Lexa asked, bitterly, feeling that sense of failure slithering up her spine.

“You gave me one hundred and fifty thousand reasons to care.” Right.

Taking a moment, shutting her eyes, Lexa sunk into herself, and imagined Costia. Costia standing in their apartment, dressed in black, putting on her jewelry in the mirror, and regaling a story of her work. The smile on her lips, the sound of her laughter, and God, for one split second it was as if she was still alive.

But then Lexa was back in the alley, feeling the cold nip at her fingertips, and being met with Raven’s gaze. The stillness she captured from delving back into those memories rippled slightly, but not enough to be an issue. Nothing like it was earlier.

“You okay?” Raven’s question caught her slightly off guard, but Lexa nodded.

“Yes, thank you.” Taking another breath, Lexa stood tall. “We should get back to the car; we’ll be running late.”

“Yeah, come on.” With that, Raven held out her hand for Lexa to take. That called for a moment of pause, and it was clear in Raven’s eyes that she could see Lexa struggling over the decision.

“I told Octavia I’d behave-” Lexa murmured, shaking her head. It wasn’t Octavia’s threat that had her concerned. It was not knowing if Raven was offering her hand because she wanted to, or because she felt like she had to.

“You have to touch me at some point, and as long as it doesn’t break our original rules, you’re fine. Plus, I’ll tell you if you cross a line,” Raven said, moving closer.

The ‘Again’ was silent, but both heard it.

Raven was still holding her hand out, and Lexa gave her another glance before reaching out and accepting it. Much like the many times before, Raven’s hand offered a level of comfort Lexa had missed, and as they walked back to the car, much less distance between them now, she eased the tension from her shoulders and relaxing slightly.

When the driver opened the door for Raven, she climbed inside, and slid over the seat, dragging Lexa in behind her. When Lexa was seated, Raven slid back over, saddling up to her side, their legs touching, their arms touching, and still, their hands touching.

“If I really didn’t want to be this close to you, Lex, I wouldn’t,” Raven said, taking in the fact that Lexa’s guard was up. The name slipped out, but it was easily missed when Lexa was still sore from the comment earlier.

“There aren’t one hundred and fifty thousand reasons encouraging you to?” she asked, and God, she wished it didn’t sound so pained.

Raven should have expected that.

“One hundred and fifty thousand reasons won’t make me your whore, Lexa. Nor will it make me do anything I find uncomfortable.” She deserved to have that throw back at her.

Having said that, Raven tried to ease the sting of that jab but caressing her thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand.

“So, tell me, is this event one giant hubris of the Woods clan?” Raven teased, and Lexa couldn’t stop the smile from forming on her lips.

“That’s definitely one way of viewing it. It is called the Trikru Awareness Ball, after all.” Now it was Raven’s turn to laugh.

“How does it feel to be a God?” she joked, and Lexa rolled her eyes. “Seriously, that’s what you are, though, right? Your family could buy half the city and you sit here with endless opportunities at your fingertips.”

“From what I’ve heard, so do you,” Lexa said, earning a curious look in return. “Mecha Inc? They are charmed by you.”

Raven hadn’t expected Lexa to know that. She might have told Anya and Lincoln in the canoe about her prospects after college, but she hadn’t thought they would dig into it.

“You checked up on me?” Lexa tried not to squirm at how that sounded, because no, she hadn’t. She just had a sister who needed to know Lexa wasn’t being taken a loan of.

“Anya.” That seemed more plausible, to Raven.

“Well, Mecha Inc has to wait, I want to finish college and way up my options.” It was said with a nonchalant shrug.

It was at this point Raven realised she was oversharing. She shouldn’t be talking about her future career with her client. She needed to shut that shit down.

Thankfully, they were pulling up to the event, and it was show time.

*0*0*

After an hour at the Trikru Awareness Ball, Raven wondered how Lexa could even fit her head through doorways. The room was a giant ego boost to everything that was Woods related. Guests were singing their praises, from their charity work, to their companies and turnover.

Having said that, Raven was having a freaking awesome time. It was an open bar. Hallelujah. And Lexa only looked amused every time Raven was back for another drink. There was no judgement.

On top of that, the food was to die for. Lexa had explained that in years past, they had a sit down formal dinner, but recently they had done away with that to loosen the atmosphere. There was still plenty food, however. Tray after tray after tray was coming out with different cuisines, and it only took one look at the seafood platter tray for Lexa to get one over for the table.

Lexa was off doing the rounds, being schmoozed like only a Woods was, while Raven nursed her drink and devoured what might have been the best seared scallops she’d ever tasted.

“Taking a break from the masses?” Lincoln asked, dressed in his tux, with a smile on his lips. He helped himself to some food, and set his drink down, taking a seat.

“I knew people kissed her ass, I just didn’t realise they’d do it so openly,” Raven replied, earning a grin. “But what about you? Hiding from the masses?”

“Hiding? No. No one wants the attention of the family doctor,” he teased, grabbing some more food.

“Yeah, because that’s just the worst career move you could have made. You shame the Woods name, Lincoln,” Raven replied, rolling her eyes as she spoke.

She had missed him, as weird as that sounded. Lincoln, the family, they had been so welcoming and friendly, and it hadn’t felt like work around them.

“Is that alcohol?” Anya suddenly asked, coming to stand next to Raven, grabbing her glass and downing it. “I’m so close to starting a riot.”

“And drinking will help prevent that,” Raven chimed, earning a laugh from Lincoln, while Anya took a seat. She got the attention of the wait staff and ordered more drinks, with the request to keep them coming.

“Why are we rioting?” Lincoln asked, scanning the room for any sign of discord.

“Those that have been filling my call sheet all week, not getting the hint, have decided the next best move would be to talk to me in person. Do I look like I want to talk business tonight?” Anya barked. Noting that they were one member down, Anya looked around the room. “Where’s Lexa?”

“She’s talking business with the people who want to talk to you,” Lincoln joked, but Anya shot a look to Raven to check if that was true.

“I think so,” she shrugged. “After the fifth ‘we need to arrange a sit down, maybe a lunch’, I stopped listening.”

“Fun being on the arm of a Woods, then?” Anya asked, with an edge to it. Maybe Raven’s honesty hadn’t gone down well.

“Fun isn’t the word I’d use.” Raven wondered if she needed to expand, and from the curious look Lincoln gave her, yeah, she needed to. “This, here, is fun; hanging out with you two, this food, the journey over, that has been fun. Going home with Lexa at the end of the night; fun.” Raven shrugged. “But, standing on Lexa’s arm, being ignored because I can’t further their agenda, isn’t fun.”

She might have embellished that slightly, the going home with Lexa part specifically, but from the impressed looks of Anya and Lincoln, it was the right move.

“We need more food,” Anya said, happy with the return of the drinks, and sliding them to her brother and Raven, before asking for more trays to be brought out.

And clearly that put an end to Anya’s doubt of Raven taking advantage for that evening.

Now they could just enjoy themselves.

*0*0*

She was a little drunk. Or a lot.

Anya had been deadly serious when she said to keep bringing the drinks, and Raven had kept up with her, drink for drink. So now, she was a little drunk.

Thank fuck for the food, otherwise Raven would have been rat-arsed, to put it bluntly.

“So this is where you all are?” Lexa asked, coming to stand next to Raven’s chair. “I was thinking the three of you had bailed on me.”

Lexa had been away for what felt like forever. Hours and hours and hours. Raven was sure of it.

“Not yet,” Anya replied, “but I think you should bail while you have the chance. You’ve done enough networking for the three of us. Isn’t that right, Linc?” He hummed from his seat, raising his glass to his sisters.

He was drunk, too.

“I can see you’ve all been enjoying the free bar,” Lexa mused, looking down to see if her date for the evening was as sauced as they were.

Raven’s charmed smile back at her said that yes, she’d been drinking, too.

“It’s hardly free when we’re picking the tab up,” Anya grumbled, but that fell on deaf ears as Raven rose from her chair, reaching out to hold onto Lexa, saddling up to her side.

“Do you want to drink with us?” she asked, trying to gauge if Lexa was annoyed by her letting loose. “Or would you like to call it a night?”

Lexa’s hands came up to hold Raven by the waist, checking as she did so, and getting a nod of approval in return. Not that Raven was bothered, as she had one arm now around Lexa’s neck, enjoying the feeling of her curls against her skin, and the other high on her ribcage.

Alcohol always did make her friendly.

“I think we should call it a night; is that okay?” Lexa asked, watching Raven carefully.

If the number of glasses on the table hadn’t given the game away, the way Raven was looking at her certainly would. If Lexa opted to stay, there would be more drinking, and more drinking, and Lexa couldn’t work out if Raven was draped over her because she needed to in order to stand, or because she wanted to.

It just seemed safer to call it a night.

Raven nodded, happy to go along with what Lexa needed and wanted. She bid her farewells to the rest of the Woods, hugging both Anya and Lincoln, before entwining her hand with Lexa’s, and going with her towards the doors.

The driver was waiting on them, and Lexa assisted Raven inside, then joined her. The buzz of the alcohol was heavy as Raven sunk into the leather seats, cuddling up into Lexa’s side, enjoying her comfort and warmth.

Glancing a look over at Lexa, Raven took in her profile and let out a slight sigh. She was still as stunning as ever, still made Raven’s heart race, and she had to look away, to put it out of mind, out of sight.

“Did you have a good time tonight?” Raven asked, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. She had, that much must have been obvious, but they hadn’t exactly spent  a whole lot of time together.

“Yes, it was what I expected it to be,” Lexa answered, looking over briefly.

“Next time, me and you, we’re going to let them do the networking and business, and we’re going to sit at a table and drink.” Lexa smiled, shaking her head.

“I think you’d have more fun with them.”

“You’re still an idiot, Lexa,” Raven grinned, rolling her eyes. Of course she would think that. “I have fun with you; and I fully intend to make the most of our time together.” The words were falling off her lips without a second thought. All honest, all true, and all ones Raven probably would have preferred to keep to herself.

“Is that so?” Lexa asked, curious to know if she was being fed lines.

“We had fun in Polis. We can have fun within this arrangement, too.” Lexa mused over that, before nodding.

“I hope we can.”

“Trust me on this one; we can. And, I don’t need to be drunk for that to happen, too.” Raven smiled her way, and it was the smile of the night, for Lexa.

Raven looked so pleased, so carefree, and she truly was stunning.

Lexa knew that if Raven was willing, their time together could be good; really, really, good.

*0*0*

 

 


	17. This Night Isn't Meant To Be About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven, Clarke and Octavia drink, drink, and drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes, it's 3am, I really wanted to give you guys this tonight, you've waited long enough. Hope you enjoy.

It was a Red night in Apartment 318. Octavia had ensured that she didn’t have any clients that night, or the following evening; Raven cleared her schedule, studying ahead for her classes; and Clarke made sure she had time off from her shift at the hospital, guaranteeing she wasn’t on call; before the plans were set. 

The whole thing had started in their freshman year of college, where the only wine Octavia and Raven could afford was boxed, and the cheaper variety at their particular convenience store was simply called ‘Red’. The three of them would buy several boxes, using Raven’s fake ID, and then go get drunk in their dorms. 

The tradition stuck, as did the name, but the wine improved. Clarke could afford actual, proper, wine, while Octavia was usually given bottles as gifts, so they always had some available. Raven couldn’t even recall the last time she’d had to buy a bottle herself. 

Given recent schedules and work demands, they hadn’t had a Red night in so long, and it was definitely overdue. Getting drunk with your friends, that was what they all needed, to reminisce and laugh, and forget realities burdening woes. 

It was safe to say Raven and Octavia were both looking forward to the night ahead, and when they heard Clarke using her set of keys to open their door, it was like a hallelujah moment. They could finally start drinking. 

“I know, I know, I’m late, but I forgot the damn wine and had to go back,” Clarke gushed, coming in, shaking off the dampness from the drizzle outside, and shrugging her coat off. 

Octavia bounced off the couch to take her bags, and the wine, before heading into the kitchen to get things going. 

“We waited, be proud of us, Clarke,” she called, and Clarke grinned back. 

“Very proud that you two could restrain yourselves for twenty extra minutes.” 

“Hey, it was hard,” Raven teased, licking her dry lips for effect. “We’re parched, close to dehydration.” Octavia’s laughter could be heard from the kitchen as she uncorked the first bottle and began to pour. 

“As if,” Clarke shot back, shaking her head and coming to take a seat. Her eyes scanned over Raven quickly and she quirked her eyebrow. She was lying across the couch, legs out straight, only sitting slightly up at the arm rest. One hand was massaging her thigh, while the other lay to the side. 

She hadn’t moved one bit since Clarke’s arrival, which wasn’t usually the case. 

“Is your leg bothering you?” The doctor in her had to ask, and the friend in her worried. 

“Little bit,” Raven shrugged, not wanting to dwell on how much it ached that night. Instead, she turned her attention to Octavia who was coming back to the living room. “Nothing the wine won’t fix, though.” 

Clarke didn’t say anything to that, readily accepting her glass, and moving to celebrate their night ahead. She’d watch, she’d judge herself how bad it was, and maybe later, when Raven was less combative to the offer of help, she’d actually talk to her about what lay ahead. 

“So, catch me up, what have you two been up to since I last saw you?” Clarke asked, taking a hefty drink, settling in, and Octavia wasted no time in filling her in. 

Raven followed the conversation, chipping in bits and pieces now and then, but her focus was rooted to the steady aching of her muscles. She’d done her physical therapy exercises in her room before Octavia had come home. She’d massaged and massaged it, like her PT normally did, like Lexa had done, and yet nothing. 

The wine was helping dull things, but she needed at least three more glasses before it really made a dent. 

Thankfully, it was easy to drink that much on a Red night and have no one query what the problem was. Yes, she felt Clarke’s gaze on her every now and then, but the looks were slowing as they moved onto their second bottle. By bottle three, she’d stop altogether. 

“Oh, before I forget, do you guys want to go out on the eighteenth?” Clarke asked, sitting up a little straighter on the couch. 

“Drinks?” Octavia asked, waving her wine glass about as she spoke. 

“No, hospital fundraiser. My boss booked a table, but she can’t make it, and we need to fill the seats.” 

“It’s not going to be like the last one we went to, is it?” Raven asked, frowning. 

She remembered that one, vividly. It was boring as fuck. No proper entertainment. A pricy as fuck bar. Crappy finger food which ran out within minutes. It was not a night she wanted to repeat. 

“That wasn’t actually that bad; the one before it was awful,” Octavia chipped in, and Clarke rolled her eyes at the two of them. 

“No, this is a sit down event, with an actual meal, and an open bar.” 

“Open bar?” Octavia repeated, slowly grinning. 

“You should have led with that, Clarke.” 

“So, do you two want to come or not?” 

“Let me check if I can,” Raven added, reaching for her phone on the side table. It was a bit of a stretch, but it didn’t cause too much pain to lean that way. 

“Do you actually have to check with  _ her  _ before making plans?” Octavia asked, narrowing her eyes. Raven was trying to ignore the tone that went with her words, suddenly feeling defensive, as she sat up properly to send Lexa a text. 

“No, but if she calls last minute and wants me to go somewhere, it’s a bit awkward saying no when that’s what I’m being paid for.” Octavia pursed her lips at that but nodded, and Raven bit back any further comment. 

“That all your being paid for?” Clarke asked, carefully, watching them. 

Her words broke the shared look between Octavia and Raven, and settled things back to how they were before. 

“Yeah, she’s not- she knows not to,” Raven explained, as best as she could without painting Lexa in a bad light. 

Seriously, what the fuck, where was this sudden need to stand up for Lexa coming from? 

“Damn right,” Octavia grumbled, getting up and heading into the kitchen. “If she tries anything, she’s done for.” There was a spit of venom to those words, and Raven took a steady breath and clenched her teeth, watching her roommate walk away. 

They’d been drinking, her mind was clouded, she wasn’t actually annoyed at Octavia. They were like sisters. She just...she just didn’t want Lexa being made out as some monster. Octavia didn’t really know her, so she couldn’t judge. 

“Problems?” Clarke asked, quietly, and glancing over to make sure Octavia wasn’t listening. 

“It’s nothing,” Raven shrugged, shaking her head, and wanting to drop that subject for now. 

“Okay, you know I’m here, though.” Shooting Clarke a thankful smile, Raven toyed with her phone in her hand and awaited Lexa’s reply. 

By the time Octavia came back through, with another bottle of wine in hand, her phone had vibrated and flashed. 

_ [Lexa] I have nothing scheduled for the 18th. Have a good time, wherever you are going.  _

“She said no, didn’t she?” Octavia asked, reading Raven’s face, as she settled the new bottle and opener down on the table. 

“No,” Raven said, slowly, as if talking to a child. “She doesn't have anything planned, so I’m free to go.” 

“Great,” Clarke grinned, reading the tension between them, and trying to dissipate it as fast as possible. “I’ll text my boss to let her know.” While Clarke busied herself with her phone, Raven watched Octavia sit back down and tried hard to stop her mouth from asking the question. 

“What’s your problem with her?” She couldn’t help it, she had to ask, she had to know. 

“Who?” Octavia asked, playing dumb, and now Clarke really was hiding behind her phone. 

Better to let them sort it out amongst themselves. 

“Lexa. What’s your problem with her? I’ve had shitty clients before, we both have, she isn’t one of them.” They weren’t going to start comparing, because it would be depressing, and no one would come out on top. 

“I don’t trust her,” Octavia explained, head held high, chin up, challenging. 

“She won’t hurt me.” Raven had no proof to back that statement up, but she felt it in her gut. Lexa would never. She would never purposely hurt her. 

“Raven, you’re in love with her, your judgement is clouded where Lexa is concerned. You don’t know that she-”

“Yes, I do,” Raven interrupted, now sitting up properly. “She will not lay a hand on me. She will not pressure me or push me into her bed. She won’t hurt me.” 

“You’re going to get hurt, no matter what happens. I know the money is amazing, and I would be doing the exact same, but Raven,  _ you’re in love with her _ .” No matter how many times Octavia repeated that statement, it wasn’t having the desired effect. 

“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’m aware of that? I know how I feel about Lexa-” God, did she ever. Those damn emotions were ruining her. 

“And she could use that to hurt you!” Octavia cut in, finishing off Raven’s sentence the way she saw it going. 

“She wouldn’t.” 

“Really? Because I said the same thing a long time ago, and we all know how that turned out.” 

That silenced the apartment. 

Raven couldn’t argue on that one, and Clarke put her phone down, ready to see this out. She couldn't sit back on that topic. 

As if realising the weight of her words, Octavia shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. 

“I’m not saying...I’m worried about what happens when this is all over. I’m worried that no matter how this ends, you’re going to get hurt. If Lexa realises how you feel about her, she could use that against you.” The openness and honesty of Ocativa’s words were appreciated, but they felt like pin pricks to Raven’s skin. 

“I’ve thought about that, too,” Raven said, rubbing at the side of her face as she did so. Taking a deep breath, she ploughed on, because she needed to explain more, she needed to bring Octavia back on side. 

“No matter what happens, I’m not getting out of this unscathed. Lexa is- she’s- she’s unattainable. We’re not, and we’ll never be, on the same level, so this has no chance of working. She could confess her feelings for me tomorrow, and it won’t change a thing.” Knowing the truth in those words hurt more than Raven wanted to admit. “I’m her property, her object, her possession, and belonging. But she doesn’t treat me like that. She treats me like an equal, even though we’re not. So when this ends, when she goes back to her world, and I get back to mine, it won’t matter. What will matter is the fact that I’ll be debt free, have finished college completely, and can start fresh. She’s my last client. She’s my end.” 

Raven finished, eyes pleading for Octavia to understand the significance of that. And she did, because she was after the same thing. Raven’s ending was in sight, she had an exit strategy, and it made sense why she’d stick to Lexa like glue. 

“Surely all that is worth a little heartbreak?” Raven asked, and Octavia found herself nodding. 

“She’s your last client,” Octavia repeated, feeling a sense of relief and pride that Raven was getting away from that lifestyle. 

She didn’t have far to go, either, but she wasn’t on last client basis, yet. 

“Are we all okay, now?” Clarke asked, having let the silence ring on for a minute or so. 

“Yeah, we’re good,” Octavia said first, leaving no room for argument. She might not ever trust Lexa, but at least she fully understood Raven’s motives. 

“Good, now, I think we need more wine,” Clarke said, leaning towards the bottle on the table and moving to uncork it. 

Raven took a deep breath and finished off the wine in her glass, before accepting more. She couldn’t quite work out what was worse, the aching in her leg, or having to spill the fact that there was no hope whatsoever with Lexa. 

With more wine, it wouldn’t matter. With more wine, none of it would matter. 

*0*0*

The dust settled relatively quickly after their Red night. There was no longer an air of tension surrounding the topic of Lexa when she came up, which helped Raven significantly. She didn’t want the next two years to be like walking on eggshells around Octavia. 

The two of them put that conversation behind them. With only a brief mention of it, once, in between. 

“When it ends, when it’s over, I’ll be here, no matter what.” Raven knew exactly what Octavia meant, and gave her a hug in thanks. She didn’t need to say the words for Octavia to know of her gratitude. 

In the wake of that, Raven got back to her classes, to putting all her energy into her studies like she always had; and Octavia did the normal juggle of classes and clients. Nothing had changed between them. 

By the time the eighteenth rolled around, they were in desperate need of a good night out. Given this one was basically free, it was going to be the best night out. 

The fundraiser was being held in a hotel both Raven and Octavia knew well, with the grand ballroom decked out, tables and chairs set and ready for the meal ahead, and the bar busy with guests. 

Of course, the bar was the first place they stopped, before heading to their table to sit and chat. Raven knew the only reason they were going to sit down was because of her, but didn’t say anything, because frankly, she needed the seat. 

Her leg pain hadn’t eased in the two weeks which had passed. Her PT was doing their best, but it wasn’t showing any results, and there was a brief mention of going back to her doctor to get it checked out properly. 

Raven wasn’t ready for that yet, so ignored the comment, and was doing her best to just make things work. That meant taking a seat next to Clarke, and rubbing at the muscle under the table, acting like nothing was wrong. 

“I’m going to head to the bathroom quickly, before the meal,” Octavia said, taking a quick sip of her drink, before getting up. 

“Oh, I’ll come with you,” Clarke added, and then chanced a look at Raven. She clocked what the problem was, but Raven was quick to wave her off. 

“I’ll be fine, go. I can sit alone for a few minutes without any problems.” Octavia and Clarke shared a look but decided against saying anything. They said they’d be back soon, and nipped through the crowd in the direction of the doors. 

Alone at the table, Raven began to eye the other name plates seated with them, drinking as she did so. She needed to ask Clarke who they were seated with, because if it was some boring ass doctor-

The sound of Clarke’s chair moving had Raven tuning back in. 

“That was quick,” she remarked, turning to smile at Clarke, and then pausing. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” Anya said, a smile playing at her lips in greeting. 

“Anya, hi.” Shit. Shit. Shit.  Did that mean Lexa was there? 

“Lexa never mentioned you were coming tonight.” 

“Oh? I don’t know, maybe it slipped her mind.” Raven wanted to look around, to scan the other guests, but that would have been too obvious. She needed to play it cool. 

“Mmm, she has been working harder than usual. No surprise there.” 

“None whatsoever,” Raven echoed, nodding, because it really wasn’t when it came to Lexa. 

Raven could easily picture her locking herself away in her office or her apartment, blocking the world out and focusing only on the task at hand. It was her coping method, that Raven knew for sure. 

“I’m surprised she didn’t want to come in my place, if she knew you were going to be here,” Anya added, cocking her head to the side, and there it was. The trap. 

“You know how she hates these things. No one leaves alone. Let her have one night off,” Raven laughed, hoping Anya would accept the excuse. 

“True,” she smiled, and thank god. “I guess it is only fair after last time.” 

“Yeah, I mean she did do all the networking while we got drunk. About time you take one for the team.” Anya smiled again at that, and Raven felt the tension easing from her shoulders. 

Someone caught Anya’s eye and she nodded, before rising from Clarke’s seat. 

“I’m sure I’ll see you later on, I have to go…” She let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. “Someone wants my money, you know how it is.” Ah. Of course. The Woods curse, it seemed. 

“Yes, I’ll see you later.” Not if she had anything to do with it, she wouldn’t, but Anya didn’t need to know that. 

Anya bid her farewell, giving her shoulder a squeeze as she left, and once she was out of sight, Raven slouched into her chair, taking a deep breath. 

Her heart was racing, thumping wildly. She felt the adrenaline running round her body. The only upside to that utter rollercoaster moment was that her leg didn’t hurt anymore. 

“You okay?” Octavia asked, coming back, and looking at her curiously. 

“Yeah, just need another drink.” Raven didn’t, but picking up her glass and downing what was left, she now did. Funny that. 

Octavia let out a bark of a laugh and shook her head. “I’m on it.” 

Thank God. 

What that moment just proved was that Lexa and her needed a proper goddamn system in place. They needed to tell each other what the hell they were up to, lest they ever run into someone by accident. It was too close, it had been too close. If Lexa had been there, well, fuck, Raven didn’t even want to think about the lies she would have had to tell to cover them. 

Tomorrow, she’d have to talk to Lexa.

*0*0*

In comparison to the last party Clarke invited them too, this one was turning out to be pretty good. Octavia and Raven were thoroughly enjoying the open bar, dinner was about to be served, and the menu looked delicious. They couldn’t wait. They were already seated at the table, just waiting on Clarke to get her ass back from the bar. 

She was moving between the guests, and the grin on her lips said she had something juicy to spill. Or she was already drunk. It could have been either. 

“Okay, I need advice. Do you think it’s tacky to leave during the dinner?” Clarke asked, sliding into her seat, her drink sloshing in hand. 

“What do you possibly want to leave the dinner for? Clarke, they’re serving surf and turf, we are getting lobster, and a steak, that’s two proteins, what-” 

“It’s for sex,” she confessed, wincing as she said it. 

Oh. 

“Yeah, that’s tacky,” the two of them agreed, nodding, and Clarke let out a sigh. 

“I knew it. I knew it would be, but I had to ask.” She looked downright depressed as she said it. 

“Who are you leaving dinner to go have sex with?” Octavia asked, because as far as she knew, none of Clarke’s exes were there, and okay, she worked fast, but surely not that fast. 

“I met someone at the bar.” Clarke waved her hand dismissively, as if it was nothing. 

So yeah, she worked that fast, apparently. 

“And in the time you were at the bar, you managed to arrange a hookup?” Raven was slightly impressed. 

“Not exactly, but pretty sure they’d follow me out.” Clarke smirked, and yeah, she was on a mission. God help whoever they had met. 

Before diving into another debate about how classy or tacky it was for mid-meal hookups, the appetizers were being brought out. Conversation over. Time to eat. 

Raven and Octavia found themselves in food heaven, with Clarke rolling her eyes at how much they critiqued and commented on the food. As if they hadn’t eaten hundreds of meals like it in their time. 

All thoughts of going for a quickie was washed away when the main course arrived, because as Raven had said, surf and turf, and they really had outdone themselves in the kitchen. Clarke would have been an idiot to get up and leave. 

Dessert was a quieter affair, mostly because the food had soaked up all the alcohol in their system, but that was easily rectified. As soon as the plates were taken away, and dinner was over, it was back to the bar. 

Raven made the journey with Clarke, while Octavia chatted to someone at the table, given that her leg wasn’t bothering her as much as it was earlier. She was making the most of the reprieve. 

Of course, as soon as she neared the bar, she wished she’d been back at the table listening to Octavia. It was too late to turn back now, though, because Anya had already seen her, and was nodding her over. 

Leading the way, Raven smiled, hiding her dread well behind it, and once close enough, motioned between Clarke and Anya. 

“Clarke, this is Anya, Lexa’s sister,” she began, turning to Clarke and seeing her fixated already. No doubt she had a hundred questions, none to be asked while Anya was present. 

“Anya, this is Clarke, one of my friends,” Raven finished, indicating between them, and praying that this wasn’t going to set her ‘relationship’ with Lexa up in flames. 

“We’ve actually already met,” Anya said, and Clarke fought a smile, which had Raven doing a double take. They’d met? 

“We met at the bar; Clarke joined me for some tequila shots,” Anya explained further, a small smile present on her lips, and that had Raven fighting a frown. 

What was happening could not be happening. No. She could not stomach that thought. Anya was the one Clarke wanted to ditch dinner for? She had to be wrong. It was rare that she was ever wrong, but she needed to be wrong this time around.  

And hell, they’d had tequila shots together, that was like Clarke’s aphrodisiac. No wonder she was so damn keen for a quickie. 

Raven needed a drink. 

“Speaking of, I think we should be drinking more,” she said, faking another smile and immediately pointing to the bar. 

There were no objections to her words, with Anya opting to get the drinks, leaving them standing there. It was exactly the opening Raven needed, because no way was she letting Clarke loose on Anya without talking first. 

As soon as Anya was out earshot, having moved into the throng of people vying for the wait-staff’s attention, Raven moved closer. 

“You’re going to fuck Lexa’s sister?” Clarke’s eyes widened and she looked around at the other guests who might have heard, shushing Raven as she did so. 

“How was I to know that was her sister? When I meet someone I don’t ask for their family tree,” Clarke replied, rolling her eyes, because come on, this was not her fault. And no way was she going to lose out on what was promising to be an amazing night ahead, all due to Anya and Lexa being related. 

“You cannot tell her what I do, or about Octavia,” Raven was quick to say. 

“Raven, I’m not stupid; I know how this works. I will play along, but in order to that, you need to brief me on everything that I supposedly should know about your relationship with Lexa. While I have no inclination of discussing you two tonight, if it comes up I need to be prepared.” 

That made sense, and Raven chanced a look at the bar, relieved to see Anya still waiting to be served, before setting about briefing Clarke. 

There wasn’t a whole lot to tell; duration of relationship, how they supposedly met, little things about their time together, and if in doubt, explain Raven was a private person when it came to her relationships.  

After that, all she could do was trust that Clarke wouldn’t slip up. As friends went, however, Clarke had proved her worth more than most. She’d lied and covered for them, she’d come to their aid when needed, and she’d never once judged them for the choices they made. 

Knowing that Clarke would never purposely hurt her, Raven tried to remember that tonight was meant to be fun. It was meant to be a Lexa free, work free, night. 

So much for that. 

When Anya came back, it was clear that Raven’s presence was no longer needed. She could have set herself alight and neither would have looked her way. Their eyes were firmly fixed on the other, with Clarke talking about her work, Anya eating it up, and Raven knew she wasn’t that interested in medicine. The way she spoke with Lincoln was living proof of that. 

Whatever. 

Excusing herself, she went back to Octavia, who had somehow snagged a bottle of champagne off another table, and set in on drinking that. She caught her up on Clarke’s possible hookup partner. 

“Are you really that surprised? The Woods’ aren’t exactly an ugly bunch.” 

“No, but it would be easier if we didn’t mix. What if Anya suggests a double date?” That would be hell. Together, Lexa and her would crumble under the pressure. 

“She doesn’t strike me as the type,” Octavia mused, watching Anya talk to Clarke across the room. 

And okay, good point. That would only happen over Anya’s dead body. But still. 

“I just don’t want this complicating matters.” Octavia laughed at that and shook her head. 

“Then you should be glad the brother isn’t here because he is something else-”

“Octavia, no.” 

“Octavia, yes,” she grinned back, and Raven wanted to drop her head onto the table. 

“I am never introducing you two.” Her laughter at that was not helping, it almost sounded like she was revelling the thought of a challenge. 

As if she didn’t have enough to worry about already. 

Eventually, Clarke tore herself away from Anya long enough to come and join them again. She sent an apologetic smile Raven’s way, which was returned with an eye roll. Clarke didn’t need to apologise, it was merely a stressful situation for Raven to watch. 

The last thing she wanted to do was tell Lexa her family had found out about their lies because her friend got drunk and accidentally spilled the beans. And maybe that wasn’t giving Clarke enough credit. 

It didn’t matter, things were in motion, and Raven couldn’t stop them. 

*0*0*

At some point, they lost Clarke again. Octavia went off to see if she was coming home with them; she could crash on their couch, or share one of their beds; or if she was going to go home with someone else. 

Raven didn’t want to think about that. 

In the meantime, she was standing off to the side, ready to go, coat over her arm, bag in hand, watching, and waiting. Most people were gathering their things and getting ready to leave, so she wasn’t standing out of place. The party was winding down, and from the looks of things, it had been a successful one. 

Clarke had outdone herself with this invite. 

The presence of someone coming to stand next to Raven had her standing up taller, and she knew before they even spoke who it was. It was so like her to go about, silently approaching, no doubt having watched for the perfect moment to strike. 

“Lexa didn’t know you were going to be here tonight,” Anya stated, her eyes scanning the room, but attention focused fully on Raven. “Which means you two aren’t talking.” 

Where was this going? What was Anya getting at?

“Has something happened?” Now, she sounded concerned. 

“Something happened?” Raven asked, playing the fool. It was her favourite stalling tactic, but Anya saw right through it. 

Of course she did. 

“Lexa’s working all hours, you two aren’t sharing your plans. Hell, unless I bring you up she doesn’t say a thing. Did you break up?” 

Fucking hell. 

“No.” Time to fix this. “We haven’t...I needed some time. Relationships aren’t my strong suit and it all began to feel serious. Too serious.” That was a plausible excuse. 

“We scared you off,” her lip curled as she spoke, and Raven knew she was doing a shoddy job of fixing this. 

“No, now shut up and listen.” Enough was enough. “Lexa and I haven’t been together that long, we’re still sussing each other out, we’re just exiting the honeymoon stage of our relationship. There are bound to be teething problems. She works too hard, and I don’t like commitment. It works for us, but what it also does is create this distance that we are both shit at closing. We’re working on it.” 

Anya didn’t say anything to that, simply took a drink, and Raven felt the tension easing out of her shoulders once again from having to be on the defence. 

“Tonight was proof of the distance between us, but it doesn’t change how we feel about each other,” she finished, wanting to leave it at that. 

“I know we’re hard to get used to,” Anya said, and Raven wasn’t sure exactly who the we was in that scenario. “This. This is hard to get used to. But Lexa is-she’s-” Anya stalled, and Raven decided to take over. 

“You don’t need to convince me about Lexa.” Truer words had never been spoken, and from Anya’s look, she knew it, too. 

“I hope you’re able to make things work, Raven.” Nodding once more, Anya left it at that. 

That was as close as she was probably going to get to saying she liked her with Lexa, but Raven knew what she meant. 

“Clarke likes tequila and lime more than she likes to admit,” Raven offered, with Anya watching her carefully now. Questioning. “Get a bottle from behind the bar before you go home. Trust me.” 

Another questioning look, but now with a smirk playing on her lips. 

“Thank you,” Anya nodded, and Raven rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t mention it.” 

With another nod, Anya set off towards the bar, and Raven watched with amusement as she bartered for limes and their top shelf tequila. After the night Raven had had, the least she could do was help get her friend laid, and as people went, Anya wasn’t half bad. Clarke could have done a lot worse for a hookup. 

“I don’t think she’s coming,” Octavia said, returning to Raven’s side, shrugging. 

“Not yet, but she will be later.” Nodding over to the bar, Octavia followed Raven’s line of sight and let out a laugh at Anya and Clarke talking so close. 

“Let’s go home,” Octavia said, smiling. 

Linking arms, the two of them leant on the other as they headed towards the doors. Cars and taxis were waiting outside, and sliding into one, they sunk back into the seats together. Octavia gave the driver their address, and Raven gave her hand a squeeze. 

Even though the night had felt like a rollercoaster, Raven had enjoyed herself. And from the content, and sleepy, smile on Octavia’s lips, she had, too. 

“I’ll wake you when we get there,” Raven murmured into Octavia's hair, earning a thankful smile in return before she shut her eyes. 

Glancing at the clock on the dash, it was quite late. But, not late enough to stop Raven from getting her phone out of her bag and loading up a new message. 

Tonight had shown the biggest flaw in Lexa and Raven’s situation; lack of communication. She needed to rectify that. 

_ [Raven] We need to talk. Ran into Anya tonight. Want to make sure nothing like this happens again. Are you free tomorrow? _

Unlike last time, Lexa’s reply was almost instantaneous. Raven knew she’d be up. It shouldn’t have been surprising at all. 

_ [Lexa] Tell me what time works best for you, and I’ll make it work. My apartment?  _

Maybe tomorrow, they could sort this out. With Anya and Clarke now in the mix, they had to do better if they were going to keep pulling this off. They needed to step up their game. 

They needed to live and breathe each other. That was the only way it was going to work. 

*0*0*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your patience and feedback and enthusiasm over this story is truly amazing. I only hope I can do it justice for you all. Thanks


	18. Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven goes to Lexa's apartment. Part one.

*0*0*

Raven woke up to a new text from Lexa, with her address, and spent far too long flicking through google maps to check out her neighbourhood. It’s what she’d do for any client she was meeting away from the regular locations, so was nothing out of the ordinary. 

What was out of the ordinary was the calmness that came with getting ready. The security of knowing it was Lexa meant a stress free morning deciding what to wear, doing her hair, and then flying out the apartment with a call of bye to Octavia, who was still curled up in bed. 

There was no twenty minute debate on what underwear to wear; no pepper spray in her bag, and no condoms in her purse. 

It almost felt like she going to go see a friend. 

Almost. 

By the time Raven made it onto the street, her leg was killing her. Clenching her teeth, she bit back the groan with each step, and went to hail a cab. There was no way she was going to be able to get a bus or walk like this. 

The ride over gave her a chance to try and massage some of the pain away through her jeans. She probably shouldn’t have gone for these ones, as they were tight and constrictive, made her look amazing, but it was doing nothing for the tightening sensation around her knee. 

At least by the time she arrived, the pain had lessened enough for her to no longer feel sick to her stomach. If it had gotten any worse, she would have had to ask the guy to turn around and take her back home. 

When she exited the elevator on Lexa’s floor, she was going to start looking for the right door, but there was no need as Lexa was standing in the hallway, half-smile on her lips at the sight of her. 

“Hi.” 

“Hey,” Raven smiled, doing her best to mask the limp. “I could have found the door myself, you know.” 

“I know, I just- I thought- I didn’t want you to have to knock.” Lexa shrugged as she said it, and it felt like nonsense, but Raven wasn’t going to start. 

It sort of felt good seeing her again. 

Lexa led Raven inside, closing the door behind her and locking it with some fancy ass alarm system. That action normally would set Raven’s own internal alarms off, cause please, being locked in someone’s place was not her favourite activity, but she thought nothing of it as her eyes scanned Lexa’s apartment. 

The entryway led down into the living, dining and kitchen, although the sheer size of the place made the divide obvious. To the back, she could see another hallway leading away, no doubt to the bedrooms. Unlike what she expected, which was sparse and stale, Lexa had a lot of personal touches. 

Yeah, she knew she wasn’t a robot, but from the way she came over sometimes, she could easily have imagined her living in a blank canvas, with minimalist furniture and no sign of life. 

Instead, it was warm, rich maroon cushions on the couch, papers and folders out in the dining room, plants and flowers on the surfaces, and seeing it felt so personal. Like when she walked into Lexa’s bedroom in Polis. When she saw the photos. Costia. 

“Can I get you a drink?” Lexa asked, making herself busy, keeping her hands occupied. 

“Whatever you’re having is fine.” Raven came back over to take a seat at the kitchen counter, needing to take the pressure off her leg. It also gave her a chance to watch Lexa in her own space. 

She hadn’t exactly dressed down the occasion, still wearing a shirt, but the sleeves were rolled up, the collar undone, and hell, she’d even gone as far to wear casual pants instead. 

“What is it?” Lexa asked, sliding a mug over to Raven, who was sporting a smile. 

“You always wear shirts?” she questioned, fondly, taking the mug in hand and bringing it up to her lips. Coffee. Black. 

“Is there something wrong with the way I dress?” she said, a little red hue on her cheeks while she did so. 

“No, you look good.” Lexa looked like she was going to argue that point, but then thought against it. “So,” Raven began, pulling back to what they really should have been discussing, “my best friend fucked your sister last night.” 

“Excuse me?” Lexa balked, putting her mug down and leaning on the counter, frowning. 

“Yeah, my thoughts exactly.” Lexa gave her another look, pleading, and she expanded. “At the hospital fundraiser, one of my friends, Clarke, met someone at the bar. Hit it off. Went home with them.”

“Anya,” Lexa nodded. “You said that you’d run into her in your text. Did she speak to you?”

Nodding, Raven mimicked Lexa’s pose, leaning forward on the counter, too. 

“She called me out on you not knowing I was going to be there, and me not knowing you had the opportunity to go. I said we had a problem with distance. You work too much, I don't like commitment. We are learning how to be together.”

Lexa mulled over those words for a moment, before the tension in her shoulders eased. 

“Good cover.” 

“It's accurate, is it not?” Raven asked, looking at the dark circles under Lexa’s eyes. “What time were you up to last night? Do you ever take a break?” Her gaze shifted to the dining room table, where her laptop was setup, and where the rest of her work papers were spread out. 

“Does Anya suspect?” Of course Lexa was going to deflect answering her questions and instead ask one of her own. 

“No.” 

“Right, well, that’s less worrisome.” 

“It won’t take much. She still doesn’t trust me.” 

“She won’t. It’s not in her playbook to trust people.” 

“We need to get better at this, because if we don’t, and she begins to suspect…”

“I know,” Lexa nodded, rubbing her face with her hands. “I know. She’s like a shark when there is blood in the water.” Taking a deep breath, Lexa’s eyes met Raven’s. “What do you suggest?” 

“I’m meant to be your girlfriend, and even with distance between us, we’d still talk. So, we need to talk. You need to know what I’m up to and I need to know what you’re up to. Just in case.” Lexa seemed to agree with that. “That means you can call me, or text me, or whatever. You don’t do that right now, but you need to start.” 

“I think I can do that.”

“Does your family come over here often?” Raven then asked, sitting back to take a look around the place. 

“Anya, sometimes.”

“I’ll bring over some of my things. Leave them around the place. Make it look like I'm staying here more often.” A toothbrush in the bathroom, extra hairbrush, some clothes, they’d all go a long way to making it look real. 

“If you think that’s best.” It was better than not doing anything, that was for sure. 

Raven was still eying the room when she saw it. 

There, on the side table, along with accolades and family photos, was her. It was the photo from that day up in Polis, but the rest of the family had been cropped out, so only the two of them were in shot. 

“Nice touch,” she said, nodding at it, and Lexa opened her mouth quickly, before shrugging. 

“It’s a- it’s a nice photo.” That...that wasn’t quite what Raven meant. “We look good together,” Lexa added. 

“Yeah, we do.” Raven couldn’t deny that. “We need more photos like this. Of us. Together.” 

“I tend not to put a lot of pictures up when I’m with someone,” Lexa said, frowning at this suggestion. 

Raven let out a humourless laugh and pointed to the unit in the dining room. Every photo atop of it was of Lexa and Costia. And that wasn’t where it ended. It really was no wonder Lexa struggled to move on, her past was living right along with her. 

“If I go into the bedroom and look, will her things be there too?” Raven asked, knowing she was probably pushing her luck asking that. 

“Not in my bedroom, but the one down the hall,” Lexa shot back, shrugging like it was nothing. She took in Raven’s face of ‘seriously?’ before cracking a smile. “I’m kidding. It was a joke. Was it not funny?” 

“You think?” Raven spat, rolling her eyes. 

“Okay, not funny,” Lexa conceded, but still smiling. “I’ll do something about the photos, and if we take any, I’ll put them up. There were some from that night out together, I have them somewhere, I’ll…” she waved her hand, dismissing the end of the sentence because it was clear where she was going with it. 

And good, that was a decent start. 

Eying the photos again, Raven took a sip of her coffee before looking back to Lexa. 

“You don’t have to put them away. You can leave them. I just meant that-” 

“I know what you meant.” She did, and she knew Raven hadn’t meant any malice. 

“She lived here, didn’t she?” Raven watched Lexa visibly swallow, her eyebrows raising as she stared into her mug, before nodding. 

“Yes, we lived here.” 

“You haven’t changed the place at all, have you?” Lexa shook her head, and there was that heaviness back, the one that seemed to surround her half the damn time. “You don’t need to...you’ve put yourself in this state of purgatory...whatever you’re blaming yourself for, stop it.”

“You think I’m punishing myself?” 

“She haunts you, yet wherever you turn in here, she’s staring right back. What else would you call that?” Lexa accepted those words with a nod, and then stood up straighter, armour back on. “Trust me when I say this, I don’t need to know what it is, but I can guarantee, you’re not to blame for whatever you’re punishing yourself for.” 

“How can you be so sure? I could be a monst-” Lexa began. 

“You’re not.” Another pause, and then Raven spoke again. “I’ve been trying to make sure this doesn’t happen, because it only gets messy when it does, but I care about you,” she confessed, wanting to smooth the furrow of Lexa’s brow, and ease the tension from her stance. If that meant sacrificing some of herself, then that’s what she was going to do. “You might have hired me so your family would worry less, to hide the fact you’re not over Costia, and while I can help do that, I’m also going to help you move on. You deserve more than what you’re allowing yourself right now.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” Lexa said, voice soft, shaky. 

“I want to. We have quite a bit of time together,” she joked, cause holy hell they still had 1 year and 11 months left. Lexa opted not to say anything, but sent her a thankful smile, and she knew that was the end of that.  

Finishing up her coffee, Raven slid off the seat to go and wash the mug up in the sink. She’d only taken three steps when Lexa was standing next to her, frowning. 

“Your leg’s hurting you.” 

“Yeah, what else is new?” She hadn’t meant for that to sound so abrasive. Despite that, Lexa looked unfazed, taking the mug from Raven’s hand and leaving it on the counter. She then held out her hand. 

“Come on,” she said softly, and Raven eyed her hand for a second. 

She was curious, so reached out and placed her hand in Lexa’s. Raven followed her through the living room and towards the back hallway. Her reluctance must have been felt in her grip, because Lexa sent her a reassuring look and a quick squeeze of the hand in return. 

“Am I going to have to hit you?” Raven asked, as they neared their destination. 

“No,” Lexa answered, shaking her head. 

Raven let Lexa lead her down the hall, with Lexa walking backwards, facing Raven the whole way, hand in hand. She knew where they were going, but was still taken aback at being led into Lexa’s bedroom. It was too personal for it to be the spare. 

There were touches of her, of who she was, dotted around; from the books on the bedside table, the photographs on the wall, much like the rest of the place, but it felt so much more intimate knowing this was her actual bedroom. 

Lexa led her to the bed and didn’t say anything, her face soft, expression easy, and the silent request was there. Raven pretended to be annoyed by it all, letting out a huff and rolling her eyes, but Lexa’s smile let on that she knew better. 

Raven kicked her shoes off and crawled into the middle of the bed, flopping down onto her back. Lexa waited, watching, until Raven gave her a nod, before easing onto the bed and slowly hovering her hands over Raven’s thigh and knee. Another nod, and her hands made contact. 

Like the last time, she gently worked the muscles, massaging with her fingers, and palms, trying to take as much tension out of them as possible. Raven shut her eyes and sunk deeper into the bed. God knows how Lexa did it, but she was helping. 

Maybe it was the wanted touch. Maybe it was that she didn’t feel so repulsed by herself when Lexa laid her hands on her. Maybe it was just Lexa. 

Regardless, she enjoyed the sensation of her working the aches, until it began to feel good, until she couldn’t help but let out little whimpers and hums of agreement. Lexa said nothing, did nothing, but continued with her ministrations. 

“You’re fingers are a gift from God,” Raven mumbled, as Lexa massaged a particularly tender section, letting out a small moan as she did so. 

And then, Raven remembered where she was exactly, and what she’d said. She shot a glare at Lexa, daring her to make a comment, daring her to open her mouth. 

The smirk on her lips was enough to know Lexa had heard every word she’d said, and she was smart enough not to say anything further, but still look cocky all the same. 

“Not the first time you’ve heard that, huh?” Raven barked, feeling the heat on her cheeks. 

Lexa let out a laugh and shook her head, hands still working, and Raven’s stomach flipped at the sight. She shouldn’t be thinking about it. She really shouldn’t. But she was, she was thinking about it. 

“Well, put that ego back in it’s box, you know that’s not what I meant.” Definitely not. She had no proof after all. 

“Still, thank you,” Lexa grinned, and if she wasn’t doing such a good job, Raven would have kicked her. 

“Shut up.” Lexa simply laughed again, and moved lower, focusing around her knee some more. 

God only knows how long Raven lay there, but she was reluctant to move. Lexa didn’t seem bothered in the least, and when she was finished, she gently slowed to a stop, and stepped back from the bed. 

“I need to get up,” Raven whined, huffing slightly at the thought. 

“You can rest, I don’t mind,” Lexa replied, moving towards the door, like her offer was nothing. 

“I cannot sleep in your bed.” No. Just no. Not going there. 

“It’s a good bed,” Lexa said, teasingly so. 

Come on. Not fair. 

“Oh, I know it is. Where did you get this mattress? I need to invest in one of these.” Lexa’s soft laughter was all Raven could hear as she buried her head deeper into the pillow. But really, the bed was amazing. 

“Sleep. I’ll be in the other room. Nothing will happen,” Lexa said, and Raven shook her head, reaching out until she’d walked back over.

“Hey,” she began, consolingly. Raven took ahold of Lexa’s hand and pulled her closer, until she was sitting on the bed with her. “I know you would never do that, do anything to me…” She let her words hang, because it felt like she was forever saying those words lately. 

“Earlier, you said you cared about me,” Lexa began, changing topic slightly, all the while looking down at their entwined hands. “Well, I- I care about you, too. I know this is an unconventional situation, but I want you to feel safe around me-”

“I do.” More than she should. Enough to make her feel reckless. 

God, she only had to lean up, and close the distance, and make the most reckless decision of all. It wouldn’t take much. One kiss. 

“Stay for a while, yeah? You can sleep or you can join me, just, stay?” It sounded so much like a plea falling from Lexa’s lips and Raven swallowed the lump in her throat. She looked so young at that moment, so innocent, so hopeful. 

“Of course.” She couldn’t have said no, even if she wanted to. It was impossible. 

Feeling Lexa’s thumb caress the back of her knuckles, Raven looked back down at their hands, and then back up. Even though she didn’t want to admit it, her eyes focused on Lexa’s lips. 

She wanted...she so wanted to kiss her, and when had her life become so goddamn complicated? Raven knew that Lexa was unattainable. They weren’t on the same level, the power imbalance between them was reason enough, but there she was, and Raven was sold. 

What was the harm of one kiss? 

What could one kiss do wrong? 

It would be so foolish but right then she was a fool. 

Lexa, either consciously or not, licked her lips, and Raven took a shaky breath. 

“You…,” the word feel from Raven’s lips against her will, and Lexa waited, curious for the end of that sentence. 

You make me weak; that’s what she’d been thinking. 

It was not an admission she wanted to make, but it was one she had come to accept when being around Lexa. 

Sitting up a little more, so she was closer, so it wasn’t a stretch if she braved it, Raven used her free hand to push Lexa’s hair a back a bit, her fingers sliding through the curls, and then moving back up to cup her jaw. 

Lexa froze at that. 

“Do I make you uncomfortable?” Raven asked, worried for a split second. She was ready to pull away. She was ready to flee. 

“No,” Lexa answered, honestly, shaking her head gently, careful not to break touch with Raven’s hand. 

“You’re tense,” she explained, eyeing Lexa’s shoulders, her hand sliding down Lexa’s jaw and onto the side of her neck. 

“You- I don’t- I don’t want to overstep.” God. 

Biting her bottom lip, Raven placed her hand on Lexa’s shoulder, bracing herself as she moved until she was kneeling on the bed before her. 

Lexa watched her every move, eyes fixing for a moment on Raven’s lips, and then back up. 

“What if I-” Shaking her head sharply at that, Raven tried again. “You don’t- you don’t have to worry about that.” 

The frown on Lexa’s brow wasn’t what she wanted to see, and Raven wondered if she’d fucked up. 

“I don’t understand,” Lexa said, looking more annoyed at herself than anything else. 

Raven had many answers, but she figured the best way was to show Lexa just what she meant.

Reaching out, taking Lexa’s hand in her own, the softness of her palm against hers, Raven moved it until her hand was against her waist. This was still in line with their rules, but as Raven slowly slid Lexa’s palm up her ribcage, until her thumb was just shy of the underside of her breast, the message began to sink in. 

Lexa let out an unsteady breath, swallowing the lump in her throat, and she looked so goddamn nervous. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Raven asked, closer again, hypnotized by those eyes. 

“No.” That had Raven letting out a relieved smile, and Lexa let out a shaky laugh. 

“Do I make you nervous?” The question was teasing, and Lexa grinned, full on that time. 

“You know you do.” Her hand gave Raven’s side a quick squeeze as she said so, and the laugh on Raven’s lips fell short at her touch. 

“You make me nervous, too,” she admitted, eyes down, looking between them, at the gap that was left. 

Lexa’s thumb slowly caressed her side as she spoke, and Raven let her own hand move, from Lexa’s shoulder across to the buttons on the front of her shirt. She tapped the collar with her fingers, and then felt the smoothness of the top button. 

“I want to kiss you,” she finally said, almost whispering, airing that thought, at last. 

Lexa closed her eyes, inhaling sharply through her nose, and slowly exhaling through her mouth. When she opened her eyes again, they were darker than before, and those lips Raven couldn’t stop glancing at, she swiped her tongue over them, quickly. 

“You can do whatever you want to me,” Lexa said, words strong, unwavering, and it was Raven’s turn to exhale slowly. 

“No,” Raven then said, shaking her head, breath quickening. “I can’t.” And then, “we can’t.” 

Lexa felt the change before the words fell from her lips, as she moved her hand away, and that smile, the half smile, so full of promise and regret, graced her lips. 

“I’ll let you rest,” Lexa murmured, swallowing back any other words she wished to say, and moving from the bed. She was giving Raven the out she needed, while also making it clear she didn’t need to leave. 

“Stay?” Raven asked, shuffling back on the bed a bit. “You look like you could do with a nap.” 

Lexa mulled over her words for a moment, before giving her a tentative nod. 

Thad had Raven smiling, and she couldn’t help but give Lexa’s hand a squeeze as she laid down next to her. 

She still felt like the fool, only now without anything to show for her foolish actions. 

*0*0*


	19. Reality Hits Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven goes to Lexa's apartment. Part two.

 

*0*0*

The sound of knocking on the door woke the two of them, with Raven groaning into the pillow, and Lexa frowning. The darkness outside, and the only light coming from the hall, told them that they’d slept longer than anticipated. With a start, Lexa scrunched her eyes shut and pulled the covers back. 

“Stay, I’ll go see who it is,” she whispered, leaving a kiss on the crown of Raven’s head as she slipped from the bed, trying to be as quiet as possible. Not that it really mattered, as the knocking had been pretty loud. 

Raven didn't move a muscle, and Lexa ducked her head and smiled as she closed the door behind her, and headed towards the entryway. At least she hadn’t been rudely awoken. 

Taking a look through the security system screen, Lexa made to unlock the door, upon seeing her sister on the other side. Anya must have used her keys to get in the main door, but for some reason, was being polite enough not to use them to let herself in to Lexa’s actual place.

Novel.  

“Hey,” Lexa said, fighting a yawny, rubbing her eyes, trying to wake up, greeting Anya with a soft smile. 

Anya quirked an eyebrow at her, taking in the crumpled clothes, the bedhead, and the sleepy state. That was so unlike Lexa, she didn’t quite know what to make of it. 

“Were you napping?” she asked, unbelieving. The blush working its way across Lexa’s cheeks answered that question. 

“Shut up,” Lexa moaned, locking the door behind Anya, moving into the kitchen and deciding that she needed to be alert, sooner rather than later. 

Best way to do that, coffee. 

“You were, you were napping,” Anya laughed. “Since when do you nap-?” 

“Lex?” Raven asked, her feet padding across the floor, and Anya stopped, looking to the entryway, smirking. 

“Well, now it makes sense,” she said, taking a seat at the counter, and grinning at Raven as she came in. 

Raven had a blanket wrapped around herself, trying to keep warm, but still very much half asleep. The voices had made her curious, made her wonder if she needed to leave, so she followed the sounds to see who it was. 

“Evening,” Anya said, sounding far too pleased to find her there. 

Maybe that’s why she hadn’t used her key, Lexa mused. 

“What time is it?” Raven asked, properly coming into the kitchen, moving to stand next to Lexa. She looked as tired as Raven felt, and saddling up next to her, Raven wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist, bringing her under the blanket, and leaning against her body. 

Lexa didn’t even tense; instead opting to wrap her arm around Raven, too, and pull her body closer. She was effectively holding her into her side. 

“It’s almost seven o’clock,” Lexa murmured, taking in Raven’s tired state, and how her eyes were shut as she put her head against Lexa’s chest. It felt right. It felt normal. 

“Shit, sorry, I should go.” Raven needed to get back, speak to Octavia, and definitely speak to Clarke. Which reminded her, Anya was still there, watching them. 

“Don’t leave on my account,” Anya threw in, as if reading Raven’s mind. 

“You can stay,” Lexa added, quietly, slipping from the blanket to finish making coffee for them. “Do you want-?” she asked, pointing at the mugs, and with a nod from Raven, Lexa added another one. 

“So, did Clarke enjoy the tequila?” Raven asked, deciding to at least stay for her coffee, and then she’d go.

Anya's smirk was answer enough to her question. 

“Yeah, what's this I hear about you going home with someone you've just met? And from a networking event, too,” Lexa said, frowning at her sister in confusion. 

“Clarke isn't after my money or my influence. There is a difference,” Anya said, holding her finger up, as if to stop the onslaught. 

“A difference?” Raven wondered. What kind of difference? Difference to what? 

“Anya used to-“ 

“Lexa,” Anya barked, cutting her off, and Raven looked between them. 

“Maybe I should go…” Raven said, wrapping the blanket tighter around her, realising that there were probably a lot of things Anya didn’t want Lexa to know; and given she was only the fake girlfriend, it was probably a wise decision, too. 

Lexa quickly shot Anya a look when Raven finished her words, and Anya rolled her eyes before explaining. Of course Lexa would getting pissy. 

“I may have enjoyed the fact people wanted something from me, and were eager to please. It was all above board and no lasting damage occurred,” Anya said, coldly, and Raven frowned. 

“What does that even mean?” She looked to Lexa for answers, who had a small grin toying at her lips; which grew when she saw Raven settle against the counter again. 

“She used to fuck those that came to pitch to us.” Ah, well, that didn’t sound too bad. “It opened the company up to some unfortunate questions when those pitches failed, and they were pissed off about it.” Oh, okay, yeah, that made sense. 

“Does every member of your family have some hidden scandal in their past?” Raven asked, rhetorically, looking between the two of them. 

Anya smirked, but gave an eye roll for effect, while Lexa smiled, and shook her head. 

“Are you saying you don’t have a scandal in your past, Raven?” Anya then asked, and huh, okay. 

“I might be living my scandal right now,” she shrugged, smirking right back at her. Best lies are the truth, she recalled, and she intended to play that out. 

“Scandalous to date my sister?” Anya questioned, leaning back in the chair, chin up. It was a challenge if there ever was one. 

“She’s so clean cut, so together, this can’t be good for my rep,” Raven teased, this time turning to Lexa as she spoke. “I mean, she has a regular job, an office job. What am I thinking?” 

To make it clear she wasn’t being serious, she stopped leaning on the counter, and went to wrap her arms around Lexa’s waist. Lexa welcomed her embrace with a smile, and wrapped her arms around Raven’s back. 

As hard as she might, it was not easy to ignore the warm of Lexa’s body, the stability and comfort it gave her. She was far too keen to remain standing there, embracing Lexa, than stepping away. Having Anya there was a great excuse to do just that, too, as they needed to keep up appearances, after all. 

“None of your exes worked in offices?” Anya queried,looking unconvinced. 

“Why don’t you ask them yourself? Want their numbers?” Raven shot back. 

“Please,” Anya grinned, and Lexa looked between them, unamused. 

“Are we not done with this yet? I thought we were passed this,” she said, eying the smirks Anya and Raven wore. 

“Don’t think we ever will be,” Raven mused, shrugging. 

“What? I can’t be protective,” Anya said, her tone combative, as she looked at Lexa. Obviously, this had been an argument they’d had before, which, wasn’t surprising in the least.

“Oh, you can,” Raven butted in, grinning, her hand landing on Lexa’s waist to stop her getting involved. “But just remember, you went home with one of my best friends last night, so I’m going to be protective, too.” 

“Sister trumps best friend.” Of course she would say that. 

“Yeah, in some worlds, but not in mine. Only child. Real family is shit. So made my own, best friends included. Loyalty runs deep.” Raven shrugged again, and Anya let those words hang in the air for a second. 

“Again, I thought we were passed this,” Lexa said looking between them, not wanting to go round in circles. It was unsettling that they were still grinning the whole time they were bickering back and forth. 

To give Lexa a reprieve, Raven took pity on her, and turning in her embrace, Raven cupped Lexa’s cheek and kissed it, softly. Lexa relaxed where she stood, her breath catching at the feeling of Raven’s lips on her skin, and she closed her eyes, content for a moment. 

“So, you going to call Clarke?” Raven asked Anya, and Lexa gave her a thankful smile for the change of subject. 

“She didn’t leave her number,” Anya grumbled, sitting up straighter, trying to look nonchalant about it all. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Raven laughed, her smile half pleased, half confused. She had to have heard that wrong. She had to have. 

“Clarke, she did not leave her number with me after last night,” Anya said again, now glaring at having to repeat herself. This was met with proper laughter from Raven. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she began, trying to sound serious as she looked at Anya. “Clarke seriously didn’t leave her number?” 

“No. She was gone when I woke up.” Now it was Lexa’s turn to laugh, shaking her head as she did so. 

“You didn’t wake up first? Really?” Lexa asked, surprised to hear that. That was very much unlike her sister. 

“We had a lot of tequila. It’s not my go to drink.” Anya looked embarrassed to admit as much. 

“Yeah, that’s Clarke’s equivalent of water,” Raven said, waving her hand dismissively. “So, do you want it?” 

“Want what?” Anya frowned, looking to Lexa, who looked as equally lost. 

“Clarke’s number.” 

“You’d just give it to me?” More suspicion, and Raven rolled her eyes. 

“No, I’d ask her first.”  

Anya mulled over that again, while Lexa gathered Raven and her coffee mugs and started heading into the living room, with them following. 

Raven might not have been too hot on the idea of Clarke and Anya hooking up the night before, but given her friendship with Clarke, and how much she trusted her, the least she could do was get on board. 

Maybe it was a slip up on Clarke’s part. Maybe she forgot to leave it behind in her haste. Maybe she wanted to check with Raven, given the circumstances. Whatever the reason, Raven could find out. 

“I would be open to that,” Anya said, cold, distant, and Raven saw that it was a Woods trait. Lexa did the same when not wanting to admit to something she wanted. 

“Great, I’ll text her!”

Lexa placed their mugs on the coffee table, and then started asking Anya how the party was, and what type of networking she got up to. Meanwhile, Raven fired off a message to Clarke to find out about her night, letting the sisters catch up with one another like she wasn’t even there. 

_ [Raven]: How was your night of debauchery? _

_ [Clarke]: Jealous?  _

_ [Raven]: Not the Woods sister I want to bang, so no _

_ [Clarke]: Don’t worry, haha, you’re not missing out on much! _

_ [Raven]: What??!??? So you purposely didn’t leave your number??  _

_ [Clarke]: Last night was fun, but only one time thing, you know, best not to see her again _

Lord. That was some cold ass brush off. 

Raven tried not to burst out laughing and looked over to Anya. She never would have figured her to be a lousy lay. Sniggering to herself, she caught the attention of Lexa and Anya, who both frowned 

“What is it?” Lexa asked, although Anya looked close to asking the same thing. 

“Sorry, Anya, but she said no.” She tried to deliver that news as delicately as possible, but was failing miserably. 

“What?” It was now Lexa’s turn to laugh. 

“She said no. I quote ‘last night was fun, but only one time thing, you know, best not to see her again’.” Lexa’s laughter was even louder, and Anya looked ready to throttle her. 

“Only one time thing? You know? What does ‘you know’ mean?” Anya repeated. “Was I not - no, I’m not even asking that question.” Raven couldn’t help but laugh, too. 

“What is with you Woods’ women and your inability to realise you might actually suck at things?” Fake dates for Lexa, and sex for Anya, apparently. Raven needed to ask Clarke about that later. Maybe too drunk to be good? 

“We do not suck,” Lexa threw in, shaking her head. 

“Agreed,” Anya called, ready to argue her point. 

“Hubris, the two of you! And you know what happens to those that commit hubris? Horrible tragedy!” 

“I think I’ve already maxed out my tragedy quota,” Lexa remarked, and Anya shot a bemused look at her. 

“That was impressively dark and nonchalant for you,” she said, frowning at her sister. 

“I’m getting better,” Lexa shrugged, her hand reaching over and gently landing on Raven’s knee. It was a sweet gesture, but the meaning was not lost on them all. 

“I can see that,” Anya looked between the two of them, and Raven suddenly felt like she was getting credit she shouldn’t have been. “Anyway,” Anya began, changing subject, “I hope that my time with Clarke won’t come between us, Raven.” 

“Oh no, not at all. In fact, I think this will bring us closer.” Especially when she found out the details behind Clarke’s words. 

Lexa couldn’t help but laugh, watching her sister squirm on the couch. 

“As long as you keep those details to yourself, Raven, I don’t mind,” she said, and Anya looked relieved at that. 

To give Anya a break, Raven started asking more about the fundraiser, and what was expected of her then. Raven knew that the Woods family liked to be involved in as much as they could, particularly when it came to good causes, but it was always good to take a more indepth interest. Especially when the subject matter put Anya at ease. 

One cup of coffee became two, and then it was decaf, and Lexa raided her fridge for food, and before they knew it, it was late into the night. Raven had already texted Octavia to let her know not to worry, and to find out if she was going out with a client that night. Thankfully, she wasn’t, and Octavia didn’t seem too snippy over the fact she was still at Lexa’s, and had been all day. 

“Can I crash here tonight?” Anya asked, yawning. “My dry cleaning still in the wardrobe?” 

“Yeah, still there,” Lexa nodded, and then, moving closer, she gave her older sister a hug, before Anya mumbled goodnight and headed off down the hall to the spare bedroom. 

“You have her dry cleaning?” Raven asked, frowning

“She was going to send her assistant,” Lexa rolled her eyes, and Raven found herself smiling at Lexa’s disbelieving tone. 

“What about you, do you send your assistant to do your personal errands?” 

“No, he’s too busy running my day to day. Plus, I like doing my own errands. It relaxes me.” 

“Of course it does,” Raven laughed. 

“What?” Lexa smiled, with Raven coming to stand closer to her. “It does. I like just taking time to myself.” 

“From what I’ve seen, you only have time for yourself.” Lexa had good mind to duck her head at that. 

“Well, I’m trying to make sure I have time for someone else now.” Her hand came out, and she entwined her fingers with Raven’s. It was the type of gesture that had Raven stepping closer again, until she was pressing against Lexa’s front. 

“Stay, tonight, please,” Lexa whispered, her gaze holding Raven’s, pulling her in. It was just like they were in the bedroom earlier, before her senses came back to her. 

And really, what was the damage of staying? It was just sleep after all. They’d done that earlier when they napped. It wasn’t hard to sleep next to Lexa. Polis had taught her that. So what was the big deal? It would certainly help cement their image of a couple, what with Anya right down the hall. 

“If you two have sex while I’m here I will be pissed,” Anya barked, coming back into the living room, and seeing them so close. 

Rather than jump apart like two teenagers caught up to no good, Raven let go of Lexa’s hand and wrapped her arms around her waist, cuddling into her. 

“I make no promises,” Raven teased, hearing Anya grumbling at that in the kitchen, and Lexa’s cheeks warmed at the thought. 

“I do,” she said, staring right back at Raven. “No sex, just sleep.” 

“Thank god,” Anya said, coming back with a glass of water in hand. 

She had missed the true meaning of their conversation, but Raven hadn’t. Looking straight back at Lexa, at the sincerity in her eyes, and hearing them in her words, she nodded. 

“Okay.” 

Lexa’s smile at her reply shouldn’t have made her feel so good. 

*0*0*

As Raven suspected, sleeping next to Lexa was easy. It really was. Only, it wasn’t when she’d had two cups of coffee so late in the night, and had napped that afternoon. No. Then it was hard. Then, she was wide awake. 

“I can’t sleep,” she murmured, assuming Lexa was in the same boat, as she kept rolling around in the bed next to her. 

“I can’t either,” Lexa laughed, rolling onto her side once more, to look at Raven curled up in her bed next to her. 

Her bed. 

“What is it?” Raven asked, turning, too, her eyes having adjusted to the light, so she could see Lexa staring back at her. 

“I should have treated you with respect, that day in the car,” Lexa murmured, and Raven felt the shame from where she lay. 

“I thought we were passed that.” Seriously, they should be by now. But then again, it was Lexa. 

“I will never be passed that.” Dramatic much. 

“That’s your problem,” Raven laughed, humorlessly, reaching out, taking Lexa’s hand. 

“Hmm?”

“You don’t let go of the past. You punish yourself for all the little things you do wrong.” Costia’s pictures everywhere were proof of that. 

“If this is about Costia-” It was like she read Raven’s mind. 

“This is about you, Lexa,” she began, squeezing Lexa’s hand. “Why do you hate yourself?” It was a risky question to ask, but Raven felt like the more she pushed, the more she encouraged Lexa to analyse herself, the more steps forward they made. 

“What is there to love?” 

Raven tried not to look so taken aback by Lexa’s words, but she couldn’t help it. She was shocked to hear them uttered like it was nothing. 

“I can see so many-” Raven began, her voice full of emotion as she was about to go off into more detail. 

“One hundred and fifty thousand reasons to love me?” Lexa asked, and that stung. 

“No,” it was said softly, pity abound, and Lexa felt that, too. 

“No one is going to love me the way Costia-” 

“Are you going to be able to love anyone else the way you loved Costia?” Raven asked, briefly wondering when she’d signed up to be Lexa’s personal therapist. 

“I think so, yes.” Well, that was good to hear, and Raven tried to tamper down her relief at that. 

“Then what gives you the right to say others won’t love you the way she did? Is it because you don’t find yourself worthy of love? Is it going back to this state of purgatory you have yourself in?” There was so much wrong with the way Lexa treated herself, so many things that were unnecessary. But obviously, to Lexa, they were needed to survive. 

“I’d like to see what you see,” Lexa admitted, soft, careful. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You talk about me like I’m someone worthy of love, who could be loved, who deserves to be loved.” 

Of course she did, it was easy to see that when she was in fact in love with her. 

Lexa didn’t know that, though. She hadn’t pieced it together. 

Or if she had, she was keeping it under wraps. 

“I wish that you could see what I see,” Raven answered, knowing that there was no way she could put it into words. It wasn’t possible. What she felt for Lexa ran deeper than a physical connection, a physical impulse to jump her bones. It was more, it was built on shaky ground, but they’d fixed that, and now there was trust, respect. 

“What’s sex to you?” Raven asked, changing the subject, curious about something. 

“Excuse me?” Lexa asked, and Raven ended up smiling, picturing the surprised look on Lexa’s face when she heard those words. 

“You mentioned you lost your virginity with Costia…” Time to tread carefully. 

“She’s been the only one. There hasn’t….” That’s what Raven suspected. 

“So what is sex to you?” she repeated. “Are you capable of having no strings attached sex?” Raven was entering the danger zone, but she was curious, she was intrigued. 

“Do I know the person I’m having sex with? They’re not a stranger?” Lexa asked, and Raven rolled her eyes. Of course there would be follow up questions. 

“You know them.” God, why were her palms so sweaty? 

“And I trust them?” Lexa asked. 

“More than you should.” 

“But I’m not in love with them…” It hung, like a question, but Raven wasn’t going to step on that land-mine. 

“You need to be in love to have sex,” Raven then said, cocking her head to the side, ignoring the awkwardness of the pillow, and Lexa was quick to shake her head. 

“I could do it. No strings attached, with someone I know, someone I trust, I could…” It was like she was trying to convince herself. 

“You could do it, but you wouldn’t enjoy it.” Raven swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. “Don’t...don’t go for no strings attached, don’t try and make that work. It won’t do anything for you.” 

Which ruled her out. 

The no strings, that held a possibility. Okay, it would have been messy, especially as money was involved. But Raven’s done that before, she knew how to handle that. But with Lexa, it would be different, as usual. It was always different with Lexa. 

Lexa needed that intimacy to have sex, and Raven was never going to be that. 

Suddenly realising that they would never have anything other than this, holding hands in the dark, tucked up in Lexa’s bed, made Raven’s eyes water, but the tears did not fall. 

She might love Lexa, she might be head over heels for her, but that was it. 

Yes, she’d realised this before, but now, with Lexa less than two feet from her, reality was hitting home. 

They were never going to be anything other than what they currently were. Client, escort, dancing on the fringes of friends. 

Lexa might have filled her quota on Tragedy, but Raven was still going with hers. What hubris had she committed to endure this? What had she done so wrong to make her fall in love with the one woman she would never get? 

“Goodnight, Lexa,” Raven murmured, letting go of her hand, and rolling over, putting her back to her. 

“Goodnight, Raven,” Lexa said, tone soft, and words comforting. 

Closing her eyes, tight, Raven tried to ignore the ache in her chest. It was a nice change from the one in her leg, but she wished she hadn’t needed to be heart-broken to get a reprieve from that. 

Come tomorrow, it was time to start moving on. She’d speak with Octavia, sort out a game plan, and find a way out of the mess she’d found herself in. She should have listened to Octavia sooner, before her head was under water, before she was running out of options, of air, and before she realised that she was in too deep. 

Hindsight’s a bitch. 

*0*0*

Raven woke up before Lexa, before Anya, before the sun was even up, and slipped out. She didn’t want to face them, face what she was feeling. Looking at Lexa, knowing that she was destined to be the escort, would only sting, and she didn’t need anymore pain in her life at that moment. 

When she returned to her apartment, the lights were still on, and Octavia was up. That had Raven frowning. Normally, Octavia was dead to the world well into the morning. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” she asked, dropping her keys on the side table and moving towards the living room. 

Octavia rose when she came in, and Raven was quick to take in the sight before her. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t stop her mouth from opening of its own volition. She felt like a fish out of water, but only for a split second, before instinct kicked in. 

Octavia stood with her arms crossed, trying to stand tall, but the bruising on her face was unmissable, and the dark shades of purple and blue, with angry red welts on her knuckles said more than enough. 

“Who?” Raven growled, stepping closer, feeling the fire burn within her. It was an inferno. Uncontrollable. And her fists clenched at her sides. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Octavia said, shaking her head. “I just...Bellamy is coming to visit tomorrow and he  _ can’t  _ know.” 

“Fuck that, who?” she repeated, voice low, deep, and God, she was going to fucking kill whoever laid their hands on Octavia. 

“Atom, but look, it’s done-” Raven wasn’t listening, she was moving, heading back towards the door. 

“Call Clarke and get her over here to check you out. I’ll be back!” Raven yelled, running on adrenaline. 

“Raven!” It was no use, though, as she was already out the door, bag in hand, and fury in her veins. 

Shit. 

Watching Raven storm out of there, Octavia did the only thing she could think of; she called Lexa. 

*0*0*

 


	20. Fear Makes You Say The Worst Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa tries to help. Raven goes too far.

Like most, Lexa always charged her phone on her bedside table during the night. She made sure the volume was low, but on all the same, and put it face down, so the flashing lights didn’t bother her. Still, there the phone sat. Ready. 

Usually, it was work; Anya, calling because they weren’t making a deadline they needed and it was going to cost them a painful amount of money; Indra, calling because Anya wasn’t answering her phone and for god’s sake they needed to talk about what she did on Friday at the office; or worse, Lexa’s staff, calling to let her know something was wrong before her sister or mother found out. 

Lexa was used to those calls. She knew how to handle them. She knew what she needed to do, what the next step was to be. 

When Octavia’s name appeared on her caller ID, though, waking her, circa four in the morning, Lexa had no clue what to expect. 

She looked to her right, expecting to see Raven lying there, ready to apologise for the noise, but came up short. She was gone. 

“Hello?” Lexa murmured, one hand on the phone, the other leaning over to turn a light on, still confused as to where Raven had disappeared to. 

“Lexa, hey,” Octavia said, tone heavy, voice weak, and Lexa sat up straight in bed. 

She knew voices like that. She knew what that usually meant. God. 

“What’s happened?” 

Flashbacks of waking up in her bed, this bed, like before, only it was Anya’s caller ID, Anya’s voice so heavy, so weak, so broken. And then everything that followed. Autopilot out the bed. Throwing on clothes. Out the door. Too shaky to drive. Anya had called a driver. Getting in. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Arguing with the driver because no, Anya said she was at the house and that’s where they were to go- 

“I need you to come over here,” Octavia answered. “I’ll explain when you get here, just, come to our place?” 

“Is Raven okay?” She had to know. She had to. 

Lexa had followed orders before. She’d listened when Anya said to just come meet her at the house. She had trusted that everything was going to be fine. 

“I’ll explain when you get here, but yeah-” 

“No, please, Octavia, is Raven okay?” Lexa asked again, voice a little frantic, her heart racing, her palms sweaty, and it was like it was happening all over again. 

“She’s fine, she’s just going to do something really stupid. I think you can talk her out of it, though, but I promise, Lexa, she’s fine.” 

Taking a deep breath, Lexa let it out slowly, and nodded. Her fears hadn’t exactly been eased, because what stupid thing was Raven about to do? However, at least she knew she was okay for now. That would do until Lexa got there. 

“I’ll be right over.” Hanging up, Lexa took another second to recompose herself. It wasn’t like Costia. It wasn’t the same. Raven was fine. Raven was safe. Raven was alive. It wasn’t like Costia. 

Getting out the bed, Lexa threw on some clothes, tryng to look semi-presentable, and then sent a quick email to her personal assistant that she was likely to miss her morning meetings. With that done, Lexa opened her bedroom door and quietly trying to make her way towards the kitchen. 

She’d write a note for Anya, and it would be fine. 

“Heard your phone go off, who are we firing?” Anya asked, sitting in the kitchen already, when Lexa wandered in. She hadn’t even seen the light on. 

Looking over her sister again, and Lexa’s rigid poster, Anya did a double take. 

“What’s happened?” she asked, frowning, her blood going cold much like Lexa’s had earlier. 

“Nothing. I need to go, though,” Lexa said, shaking her head, running her hand through her hair, and moving like she was on a mission. 

“Where’s Raven?” 

“She left.” Anya narrowed her eyes at that, and Lexa waved her off. “Not what you think. We didn’t have an argument. Something came up. She had to leave.” 

“And you’re now going to see her?” Something still wasn't sitting right for Anya, and she needed to get to the bottom of it. 

“Something like that.” 

“Lex?” The nickname helped, and Lexa stopped as she was putting on her coat. 

“What?” she replied, letting out a sigh, and Anya recognised it; the posture, the attitude, the fear. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Lexa dropped her head and then rubbed at her forehead, nodding a little. 

“I thought...I thought something...I thought she’d...it was so like…” The rails were coming off her train of thought, and Lexa felt her breath quicken and the room spin and then Anya was there. 

“Hey, hey, whoa, come here.” Pulling her sister into her arms, Anya hugged Lexa, tight, taking her weight. “Raven’s fine, right?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Then it’s not the same. It’s not the same.” Anya knew for sure it wasn’t the same. 

“I need to go,” Lexa murmured, trying to move back, pushing her problems down because Raven needed her, or Octavia needed her for Raven, but she was needed. 

“I’ll come with you,” Anya said, immediately heading back towards the bedroom, going to get some clothes. 

“I don’t think that’ll be a good idea,” Lexa called out, trying not to groan. Really, Lexa couldn’t risk Anya coming. 

“I’m not letting you go alone,” Anya yelled back, and faster than Lexa thought possible, she was back, wearing her clothes from earlier, phone and bag in hand, and her face said there was no room for argument. 

“Okay.” 

Sending a text to Octavia, Lexa warned her that her sister was coming. She apologised, needing Octavia to know this wasn’t her idea, because whatever was going on, Lexa knew that they probably didn’t want everyone to be finding out. Plus, Anya wasn’t aware of the situation at hand, and it would be so easy for there to be a slip up. 

But, Octavia had called, and Lexa needed to go, so she was going. If it blew up in her face, then so be it. 

The only upside of Anya being there, she drove Lexa’s car, over to Octavia’s place. Lexa did her best to hide the shaking in her hands, but her sister had noticed, and took her keys, and pushed her to the passenger side. 

Given the time, traffic was non-existent, and Anya had them parked at Octavia and Raven’s place roughly fifteen minutes later. Together, they headed up to apartment 318, and it was Anya who knocked. 

Octavia opened the door a few moments later, and it took all of Lexa’s willpower not to show the shock she felt upon seeing the bruising and the mess that was Octavia’s face. God. Fuck.

Now Lexa understood why Raven was going to do something stupid. 

“Come on in,” Octavia said, nodding at Anya, and letting them inside. 

She locked the door behind them, and indicated for them to take a seat in the living room, before going to join them. 

“Have you called Clarke?” Lexa asked, taking a seat, frowning, and leaning on her elbows. 

While she didn’t look like she needed to go to a hospital, looks could be deciding, Lexa knew that. Octavia had a black eye, cuts on her face, her neck was bruising, red, raw, and her knuckles and hands were in a similar state. She’d fought back. 

“No,” Octavia said, her voice low, shaking her head. “I don’t need to see her.” 

“You should be looked over by a doctor,” Anya added, and Octavia looked her over for a second, then shook her head. 

“There’s no need. It’s mostly just bruising. I’ll put some ice on it.” 

“Where’s your kitchen?” Anya asked, standing, and Octavia pointed off in one direction. Anya got up without saying another word and left. 

With her out the room, Lexa scooted a little closer and lowered her voice. 

“Where’s Raven?” 

“She saw me, heard who did it, and she left,” Octavia said, her hands running over her arms, almost like she was consoling herself. 

“What do you think she’s going to do?” Lexa asked, worrying her bottom lip at the thought. Lexa knew what she’d do.  

“I don’t know, hurt him, more than I did, at least.” Octavia let out a humorless smile as she spoke, and then shook her head. “I need you to call her, or if things go south, can you help clear this up? You have friends in high places, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Protect her? I don’t want her doing time, throwing away everything she’s worked for, she’d endured, just because some scum couldn’t- just- you’ll help her?” 

“I’ll do whatever it takes.” Hearing Anya’s footsteps coming back, Lexa changed the subject. “You really should see a doctor, Anya’s right. Just to be sure.” 

“Here,” Anya said, walking over with two ice packs in hand. 

“Thanks.” Octavia accepted them, placing one over her knuckles, and the other over her cheek. “I’ll be fine, though, really.” 

“Have you spoken to the police?” Anya then asked, and Octavia sat up, ever so slightly. 

“No police,” she said, and Anya frowned at that. 

“From the look of your neck, whoever did this tried to choke you. Don’t you want-”

“No police,” Octavia repeated, tone harsh, and she shot Lexa a look, a warning, to stop this, stop where it was going. 

“No police,” Lexa agreed, nodding, and then looking over at Anya, silently begging her to let it go. “Anyway, I should call Raven, can I…?” Lexa pointed off to the hallway, for some privacy. 

“Just go to Raven’s room,” Octavia said, making it sound like Lexa knew where that was, as if she’d ever been there before. 

Heading down the hall, Lexa left Anya and Octavia in the living room, and with peak into the bedroom at the end of the hall, Lexa was pretty sure it was Raven’s. She recognised some of the clothes, her smell of perfume in the air, photos on the wall, and Lexa never thought she’d be in Raven’s bedroom, let alone under circumstances like this. 

Not wasting any more time, Lexa called Raven’s phone. It was a dead end. It went straight to voice mail. But Lexa wasn’t giving up there. She hadn’t been lying when she said she’d do whatever it took to help and protect Raven. 

“Roan, I need you to find someone for me,” Lexa said, as soon as the phone was answered. 

“Name?” he groaned, unsurprised by the lack of chit chat. 

“Raven Reyes.” 

“Got anywhere for me to start?” he asked, and Lexa thought back over what Octavia said, and what she would have done in that situation. 

“I think she’s going to end up being arrested.” 

“I’ll reach out.” 

Anya swore by guys like Roan. They uncovered the dirt, they hide the bodies, they made the connections a Woods couldn’t make. And while Roan had been useful in the wake of Costia’s death, Lexa had never wished to use his services again. For Raven, though, it was nothing. 

Coming back into the living room, Lexa was clearly interrupting a heavy conversation between Octavia and Anya, with the two of them shutting up the second she walked in. 

“Did you get her? Do you know where she is?” Octavia asked, point blank. 

“No. But I’ve got a guy on it,” Lexa answered, now unsure what to do with herself. 

“Roan?” Anya suddenly asked, surprised, looking at Lexa carefully. 

“Yeah.” Enough was said in the silence as Lexa went to sit back down. 

Before she could though, Anya stood up, and Lexa frowned, waiting to find out what was going on. 

“I should go,” Anya explained. “It looks like you’ve got this covered.” 

“I’ll drive you-” Lexa began. 

“No, I already called a car.” Giving Octavia a brief nod, Anya moved towards the door, and Lexa followed. “You’ll keep me posted? And if you need anything?” Anya asked, stopping short. 

“Yeah, I’ll call you tomorrow, or later on today, whatever.” Anya knew what she meant. 

Lexa gave her sister a parting hug, and then locked the door behind her, just like Octavia had. After which, she went back to Octavia, pausing in the doorway. 

“Did she…?” Lexa asked, letting the sentence hang, wondering what they’d discussed while she’d been in the other room. 

“She didn’t push for answers. She was just trying to encourage me to see a doctor, even said she knew a good one. Your brother,” Octavia said, easing Lexa’s fears. 

“Lincoln,” Lexa smiled, nodding, taking another seat. “He’ll be here in a heartbeat if you need it.” That Lexa knew for sure. 

“I’ll be fine.” Lexa really wasn’t buying it. 

“You keep saying that.” 

“This isn’t the first time I’ve been knocked about,” Octavia said, making it sound like she was talking about the weather. “It’s a risk of the job, you get used to it.” 

“You shouldn’t have to.” 

“Well, not all of us live the life of luxury.” Lexa ducked her head at that and nodded, because she knew how fortunate she was. She knew her life could have been very different if she hadn’t been adopted by Indra and Gustus. The same could be said for Anya and Lincoln. They were exceedingly lucky. Unlike some. 

“Do you want me to go out looking for Raven? I could go to the guy’s place, or I could-” Lexa began, trying to be more useful. 

“Wind up getting yourself arrested?” Octavia supplied, cocking her head to the side, and Lexa tried not to roll her eyes. “I need you to clean this mess up, Lexa, not to become part of the mess.” 

“That the only reason you call?” she wondered. 

“Yep.” 

“It go against everything you know?” Lexa asked, because it had to have. Lexa wasn’t an idiot, she knew that Raven wasn’t so strict with the rules on client and escort without there being good reasons, and Octavia was probably the exact same. 

“Yep,” Octavia chimed, smiling at how true that was. 

“So I’m last resort?” 

“Actually no, but I know you’d do this without a second thought, and you wouldn’t use it to your advantage afterwards.” Octavia shrugged, and then continued on. “You’re actually pretty decent, like that.” 

“It’s Raven,” Lexa said, as if that explained it all. And it did, to her, and it did, to Octavia. 

“Yeah,” Octavia agreed, moving the ice pack around when it was getting too cold against her skin. 

A pause in conversation, and then Lexa’s phone was ringing. This time, she didn’t need to leave the room to answer. 

“Woods.” 

“Found her,” Roan said, cutting to the chase.  

“Where?” 

“She’s been brought in, assault, thirteenth precinct.” Right. Okay. That meant a lawyer. She’d need to call the family lawyer for a recommendation, and she’d need to arrange bail money, and that’s if she went the legal option. She could...

“Thanks for your help,” Lexa said, feeling Octavia’s keen gaze on her. 

“Wait-” Roan interjected, before she hung up on him. 

“What is it?” 

“She’s not being charged,” he said, and Lexa frowned. 

“What do you mean? I thought you said she was booked for assault.” Octavia shut her eyes, in defeat, at hearing that, and Lexa sent her an apologetic look. 

“No, they intended to, but my guy said someone’s stepped in, brushed it under the rug.” What?

“You didn’t do that, did you?” Lexa wondered, and then thought of Anya leaving, but she wouldn’t. No. 

“Didn’t know you wanted me to, so no, I didn’t.” Right, so it wasn’t Anya. 

“Okay, but she’s still there?” Lexa checked. 

“Yeah, for now.” 

“Thanks.” 

This time, she did hang up, and then sourced her keys. She needed to go. She needed to see Raven-

“I’m going to go and-” Lexa began, looking towards Octavia, who knew exactly what was coming. 

“Go,” Octavia prompted, nodding. “And Lexa? Thanks.” 

Lexa didn’t deserve the thanks. She hadn’t done anything. Someone else had. Lexa had done absolutely nothing. Some help she was. But still, she nodded, and then saw herself out. 

By the time she arrived at the precinct, Lexa was sure Raven would have been long gone, but apparently not. 

“She’ll be out in a few minutes.” 

Taking a seat in the seating area by the main desk, Lexa waited. Roan had said assault, and that meant Raven had engaged in a confrontation. She could have been hurt. She could have been injured. Maybe Lexa should call Lincoln, just in case. 

Two people coming from the back of the precinct caught Lexa’s attention, and she rose to her feet, relieved to see one as Raven, who didn’t look worse for wear, before turning her attention fully on the man next to her. 

He looked familiar. Billboard familiar. Campaign familiar. Marcus Kane, political heavyweight, and Governor Marcus Kane. 

Lexa closed her eyes, and shook her head, convinced she was seeing it wrong. But she wasn’t. That was Marcus Kane, self proclaimed family man, who had stepped in to get Raven off with an assault charge. 

Octavia had hinted that she knew powerful people who could help, and Raven obviously did, too, but to see it for her own eyes, Lexa felt sick. What was Raven expected to do in return for this favour? 

Raven caught sight of Lexa before Marcus realised they were being watched, and her step slowed, only slightly. Once back within in the main lobby, and in hearing distance, Marcus became aware that Raven clearly knew Lexa. 

“You going to be okay?” He asked Raven, his hand on her arm, comforting. Lexa fought her glare. 

“Yeah, she’ll take me home,” Raven said, loud enough for Lexa to hear, and that was sorted. 

“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Giving Raven a nod, Kane made his exit, eyeing Lexa on his way past, as curious about her and she was about him, and then he was out the door. 

“How’d you find me?” Raven asked, stepping closer, 

“Octavia called me, and then I called a friend.” She shrugged, like it was nothing, diminishing the worry, the fear, the panic, she’d gone through earlier. 

“You shouldn’t have come,” Raven said, and Lexa felt inclined to agree with her. 

“Yeah, well, I’m here now.” 

Lexa led the way back to the car, and opened Raven’s door for her to get in. With her that close, it allowed Lexa a chance to really look Raven over, to see if she was injured at all. She wasn’t. Not really. Her knuckles and hands were a mess, going to bruise pretty badly by the looks of it, but that was about it as far as injuries went. 

“You should come up, we need to talk,” Raven said, as Lexa pulled into her street. 

With that in mind, Lexa parked, and the two of them headed up to the apartment. Raven used her keys to let them in, and told Lexa to go to her room, she’d be there in a minute. 

Already knowing the way, Lexa did as she was told, and left Octavia and Raven time to speak. Even with the door shut, she heard the tension in their voices, which then calmed, only to spark again. 

Lexa wasn’t sure what to do with herself in Raven’s room. She wanted to lie down, because she was exhausted, but she didn’t want to impose on Raven’s space. Okay, it was almost eight in the morning, and she’d maybe had four hours sleep, max, so she probably had leeway to take a seat on Raven’s bed, but she didn’t want to risk it. Doing so might imply she was intending to stay, and that hadn’t been said, so no. 

When Raven entered her room, shutting the door behind her, Lexa knew that this wasn’t going to be a conversation of worry and concern and reconciliation. Raven looked annoyed, jaw clenched, eyes heavy, and Lexa took a similar stance, ready. 

“What you saw tonight, it wasn’t what it looked like, and I need you to keep your mouth shut,” she began, and where oh where had the Raven from last night gone, Lexa wondered. Where was the one cupping her face, saying she wished to kiss her? Where was the one who looked at Lexa like she was worthy? Where was the Raven Lexa knew so well? 

And who was the Raven standing before her? 

“Which bit? Octavia looking the way she does, or Marcus Kane personally seeing you out of a holding cell?” Lexa asked, voice monotone, done with this conversation before it had even started. 

“I was referring to what happened at the precinct.” Of course she didn’t mention him by name. 

“It’s always the family men,” Lexa remarked, dismissively, and that was the match lit, enough incentive for Raven to roll her eyes, cross her arms, and start. 

“Don’t even go there-” 

“Raven-” Lexa began, shaking her head, trying to wrap her mind around everything that had happened. 

“No. I don’t need to hear it,” Raven shot back. 

“What were you thinking tonight? You could have been hurt.” Lexa was sure she had been. She’d thought the worst. 

“Oh please. I don’t need you to  _ save  _ me, Lexa,” Raven spat the words, lip curling. 

“You should have called,” Lexa fired back, annoyed because why hadn’t Raven called? They were close. They were...they were something and she was there, so why hadn’t Raven called her? 

“Why? You’re not my girlfriend,” Raven said, getting the first slice in of the night, and Lexa steeled herself for more. 

“No, I’m not, I’m not your girlfriend but-” her words weren’t getting through, Raven was on a roll. 

“But you want to be? Is that it? You want to be my girlfriend? You want to date me? You want to fuck me?” Shame, all Lexa could feel was shame. 

“Stop it,” she barked, clenching her teeth, not wanting this conversation to go where it was going. 

“Why? Cause I’m right? That’s what you want, isn’t it? That’s what has you so intrigued.”

“Raven,” Lexa warned. 

“You're jealous. You think I sucked Kane’s dick and now he owes me favours. I fucking knew it, I knew it!” Raven cried, waving her hands, and Lexa tried to get that mental image out of her head as quickly as possible. 

“That’s not-”

“It is, that’s what it is and it’s always that! You say you don’t care, but you do, everyone cares about their partner’s sexual history in some strange fucked up way. You’re angry because you think I’ve fucked him, and not you-” Raven said, and her words cut Lexa more, but instead of standing and taking it, she argued back. 

“I’m angry because I thought you trusted me to help you, to look aft-” 

“You’re not my girlfriend. You’re not even my friend.” 

God. 

Lexa took a physical step back at that, as if she’d been hit. What was she doing? What was even happening? 

“Don’t lie,” she said, softly, begging. 

“Oh please, you’re my client. Your money is the most important aspect of our ‘relationship’,” Raven continued, and Lexa felt the walls closing in. 

“If that was true, you wouldn’t-” 

“I wouldn’t what? The longer I string you along, the more money I earn.”

Lexa shook her head, trying to rationalise it, trying to sort it out, trying to fix it. 

“If that was true you would have fucked me,” she offered, because that fit, that made sense. Raven had to be lying. 

“Back to that, I see. That’s what you want, right? That’s what you really want?” Raven asked, and Lexa was barely holding herself together. 

“No, god. No. No.” Not now, not ever. 

“But you’re jealous,” Raven grinned humourlessly at that, and Lexa felt the shame creeping up her spine. 

“Stop it.” She needed to leave. She needed to go. She needed...she needed...

“You think I fucked Kane and you’re jealous. You want to have fucked me.” Raven kept twisting the knife. 

“You know that’s not-” 

“No, admit it,” Raven pressed. 

“What do you want me to say?!” Lexa snapped, having been cut off left right and centre, but now Raven wanted her to speak. 

“The truth!” 

“Fine. Yes, I’m jealous, I’m angry, I’m enraged to think he’s had his hands on you, paid to have his hands on you. I hate that I met you this way because you...you’re everything I can’t have, not while I’m paying you. And I know, I  _ know  _ the only reason you look my way is because I pay you.” 

Lexa took a pause, letting those words hang in the air, before licking her dry lips, eyes fixated on nothing, lost in everything that had just happened. 

“We’re not even friends,” she quoted. “I see that now. You only want my money. Which, makes sense. What else is there?” Yesterday’s conversation was a horrible reminder of just how good Raven was at her job. 

She really had Lexa convinced that she was someone worth caring for, worth loving. 

Lexa knew better now, and standing up taller, she pieced what she could of herself together, before looking over at Raven. 

Gone was the arguing stance of before, and in its place, a wounded one, with Raven’s eyes filled with concern. Maybe she realised she’d just risked her source of income. Maybe she hadn’t meant to be so blunt. 

“I’m glad that you are okay, injury free, and that there is no criminal record of what occurred tonight.” Lexa’s voice was cold, detached, as she continued. “I’ll not mention seeing Kane, nor speak of this night again.” 

“Good,” Raven said, sticking to her guns. “And not that it’s any of your business, but he’s Clarke’s stepfather. He’s never been a client.” 

Lexa didn’t want to know, but Raven continued, and Lexa suspected it was to assuage her guilt for her previous words. 

“Octavia and I ran into him at a few too many parties with a few too many powerful men on our arms. He knows what we do, doesn’t say anything, but has always offered to help us out if we need it.” Ah, of course, now it all makes sense.  “Tonight, I needed it. Atom could have tumbled our house of cards down, if he’d wanted. And if this ever made court, I’d perjure myself before throwing Octavia under the bus with a solicitation charge.” 

“You don’t need to justify yourself, Raven,” Lexa said, because as it had been made clear, Lexa was no one important. 

“You’re a client, Lexa, and you’ll always be a client. I can’t call on you for help. Octavia should never have called you.” 

Lexa had nothing to say to that, because Raven had made their situation very clear. She had been doing that since Polis. And Lexa should have listened. All this hurt, all this pain, it was her own fault for not listening in the first place.

“You should go,” Raven said, cutting through the silence in the room. 

Lexa knew what that meant. She wasn’t stupid. This wasn’t a simple goodbye, see you later, it had that edge of permanency to it. 

They were done. 

Without saying another word, Lexa left Raven’s bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her, and then did the same with the main door. 

God. 

It was time to call it quits. She’d have to come clean to Anya. She’d have to lie to her parents. There was going to be a lot of questions, but Lexa had dealt with that before, she could do it again. 

She had no option, in the matter. 

Going back to her place, Lexa locked the doors behind her, pulled the blinds, shut out the world, and headed straight towards her bed. She put her phone on silent, leaving it in the kitchen, and striped off most of the clothes. 

Climbing under the sheets, she ignored her usual side of the bed, and moved to the side Raven had occupied only hours before. 

Much like in the days after Costia, Lexa buried her head in the pillow, and swallowed what was left of her resolve. 

She was done. 

 


	21. Pretty Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa isn't as alone as she thought.

 

Lexa was used to her world crumbling down around her. She’d experienced that, with Costia’s death, and the manner of her death, and the lack of closure, and the lasting effects, and she knew what that felt like. 

This, surprisingly, didn’t feel like that. It wasn’t her world falling apart around her, where she could only rely on booze and opiates to navigate; this was more along the line of acceptance of what she knew all along; she was destined to be alone.

Raven had been a mistake. Lexa’s feelings for her weren’t, their time together wasn’t, but the manner in which it all happened, that had been a mistake. 

She knew that now. 

A part of Lexa knew that she couldn’t fall into the pit of depression she she so often frequented, and that meant dragging herself out of the bed a little after mid-day. She dressed for work, her usual attire, shirt buttoned to the top, matching pants and jacket, and left with her mask back on. No one need know.

Although she’d missed all of her morning meetings, she could still work the afternoon, and that was enough to save face. The office was busy, as usual, but no one blinked an eye as she waltzed through the floor, heading to her office, closing the door behind her. 

But, just because no one seemed to bother with her arrival didn’t mean it went unnoticed. 

Twenty minutes after she arrived, and around the same time Anya’s meeting ended, Lexa’s office door opened and her sister walked in. She ensured the door was shut behind her before taking a seat across from Lexa’s desk, arms splayed across the chair, owning the space. 

“You’re in,” Anya remarked, and Lexa waited, wondering if she was going to expand on that. Why wouldn’t Lexa be in? She had to work for a living, after all. 

“I needed to be. There’s a few things going on-” she said, when Anya made no move to talk, but that was short lived. 

“What happened last night?” Anya asked, cutting her off, and Lexa wanted to roll her eyes. 

“Raven came home. She’s with Octavia.” Cliff notes version was always safer. 

“And Octavia?” It genuinely sounded like she cared. 

“Is fine, as far as I know.” Or she would be, Lexa suspected. 

“What about you?” Lexa looked away from Anya as she asked, and eyed her desktop monitor, looking at it but not really focusing on it. 

She could be truthful. She could tell Anya. She could explain. 

But it still felt too raw. 

“I’m fine, Anya,” Lexa lied, sighing. 

“Mmmhmm,” Anya hummed in return, eyeing her little sister carefully. “So that all you going to tell me?” 

“It’s not my story to tell.” Well, Octavia’s section wasn’t, but Lexa really wasn’t ready to discuss her involvement in their lives yet. 

“Is Raven okay?” Anya tried, looking for another way in. 

“She’s fine.” Lexa had no idea if that was the case, but it was the best answer she could give. 

“So everyone is just  _ fine _ ?” 

“Yes,” Lexa replied, looking straight at Anya, not breaking her gaze. It was a challenge, for all of two seconds, before Anya rolled her eyes. 

“Okay, you don’t want to talk about it, don’t talk about it,” she said, standing up, brushing down the non-existent creases. Anya walked to the door and stopped short, hand on the door handle. “Don’t work too hard, you look like shit. You should go home and get some rest.” Knowing that was Anya’s way of saying she cared, Lexa gave her a nod, and went back to the documents at hand. 

Or she tried, because as the door shut, all Lexa could think about was if Raven was fine. If last night had no impact on Raven. And if she had been telling the truth. 

*0*0*

Taking Anya’s advice, Lexa left the office around six, stopping at the store on her way home for some quality liquor and beer. She wasn’t slipping back into old habits. She wasn’t. She just...she wanted a night of not feeling like she was a lost cause. Unlovable. Alone. 

Or not as alone as she thought. 

After her third drink of the night, the buzzer on her front door went off. Frowning, because Anya would have used her keys, Lexa climbed off the couch and walked over to the entryway phone. 

“Hello?” she answered, wondering who was coming to see her just before eight o’clock, unannounced. 

“Hey, Lexa,-it’s-it’s Octavia. Can I come up?” Octavia’s voice rang through, shaky, and without replying, Lexa hit the buzzer to let her in the building. Curiosity had her putting the phone down and moving towards the door. 

It only took a moment, and then Octavia was at her door. Checking via the system, Lexa was satisfied it was actually her before opening the door. Old habits die hard. If only that had always been so true. 

“I didn’t know you knew where I lived,” Lexa remarked, letting Octavia inside. 

“Raven, she told me when she was coming round here the other day.” Lexa hummed and waved her hand for Octavia to make herself comfortable while she locked the door. 

“Nice system you’ve got there,” Octavia said, watching her, and this time, Lexa had no comment. 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asked, not abruptly, but to the point all the same. 

“I figured you could use the company,” Octavia shrugged, and while it wasn’t the real reason, Lexa was willing to go along with it. 

“Do you want anything to drink?” Lexa shook the bottle she’d been pouring from, and Octavia bit her lip before nodding. 

One more drink poured, and then the two of them were heading into Lexa’s living room. Octavia’s eyes were scanning the room, checking the place, clocking photos and personal items, and Lexa could see all the questions she wanted to ask, but also the restraint that she’d never ask. 

Then her eyes landed on the photo of Raven and Lexa in Polis. 

“Do you ever think about how it could have been different?” Octavia asked, and Lexa took a sip of her drink, thinking over those words. 

“Of course. It could have been you, and then it never would have turned out this way,” she remarked, and Octavia rolled her eyes. 

“Not what I meant, but I’ll play along for now.” That made Lexa smile. “And yeah, it would have been really different if you’d gotten me instead of Raven. For one, I would have fucked you,” she said it so bluntly, Lexa spluttered on her drink, and that earned a hearty laugh from Octavia, and then a slight wince from the bruising and the tugging of the muscles. 

“What?” Lexa asked, shooting her a look. 

“Ten grand? I would have climbed over the console there and then.” 

“Stop,” Lexa laughed, in disbelief, shaking her head at the depravity of it all. Octavia sent her a smile and rolled her eyes. 

“You think I’m kidding,” Octavia added, and Lexa once again, shook her head. 

“I hope you’re kidding.” 

“Yeah, well, when you’re so close to putting your past behind you and moving forward with your life, decisions like that are nothing.” There was a coolness to her words, and Lexa wondered if that was the reason Octavia had come over; to excuse Raven’s decisions yesterday, to make peace, so Lexa didn’t stop their arrangement. 

“Raven implied as much, once,” Lexa said, giving her the Raven opening if she wanted it. 

“You won’t get it,” Octavia said, letting out a sigh as she took another drink. 

“No, I don’t. I’ve been lucky.” So lucky. Indra and Gustus took her in when she was so young, shaped her life completely. Without them, she would be nothing. 

“Sometimes, in this line of work, the wrong decisions are the only decisions.” Now it did sound like Octavia was going to excuse Raven’s words, and Lexa was done beating around the bush. 

“Is this about Raven?” she asked, point blank. “Did she- has she-” 

“She didn’t send me here, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Octavia said, and that shouldn’t have hurt to hear, but it did. “She doesn’t even know I am here.” 

“So why are you?” If not for Raven, then what? 

“I’m hiding out, and this is the last place anyone will think to look,” Octavia replied, shrugging. 

“Because of Raven?” Lexa knew they argued last night, had heard their voices through the walls, although hadn’t been able to make out what they were saying. 

“No. My brother.” Octavia took another drink and began to slouch into Lexa’s couch. 

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” 

“You don’t know anything about me.” Fair point. “Anyway, he’s in town.” 

Lexa took another drink before speaking next. She couldn’t help but stick on the thought that Octavia had wanted somewhere safe to go, to hide away, and she’d chosen Lexa’s of all the places. 

“Have you seen him yet?” Lexa asked, eyeing Octavia’s dwindling drink. 

“Yeah,” she replied, rolling the word out on her tongue. 

“How’d that go?” 

“With my face like this, how’d you think?” Her smile was humourless, and Lexa hummed in understanding. 

“What did you tell him?” 

“I didn’t say anything, told him I didn’t want to talk about it.” Octavia finished her drink with a quick swallow and then got up, heading into the kitchen to fetch the bottle, speaking all that time. “Pretty sure he thinks I have some abusive boyfriend tucked away somewhere.” 

“He has no idea what you do?” Lexa did wonder how much of Raven’s friends and family knew of her lifestyle. Or what little family she might have had. Her words about her family being shitty had stuck, too. 

“He thinks that I have a part-time job, working as some underling at a corporate investment company, and that’s how I can pay for everything.” Octavia sighed as she spoke, pursing her lips, and that subject seemed sensitive. “I wish I did. I could maybe look myself in the mirror every morning.” 

Lexa had seen that trait in Raven, too. The damage they were doing to themselves in order to better their life, where Lexa sat in a mortgage free apartment, with an investment fund that was growing each year, and an exceedingly well paying job, and God. The difference between them was night and day. 

Okay, Raven and Octavia weren’t destitute. They weren’t living in poverty and on the breadline, but in order for them to move up in the world, they’d made some hellish sacrifices, and Lexa’s stomach churned just thinking about what some of those sacrifices might have been. 

“Do you want a job?” Lexa asked, without a second thought. 

“What?” Octavia did a double take, replaying the conversation in her head, wondering what Lexa was talking about. 

“A job, do you want one?” Lexa repeated, sitting forward.  

“I’m not going to fuck you,” Octavia was quick to say, and god, no, that’s not-

“No. I meant as some underling. We have plenty of vacancies at Trikru-” She’d probably have to lie to get Octavia through the vetting process, but she could do that, Lexa had done worse, and Anya might want to help, and it was doable- 

“Lexa, no,” Octavia said softly, her hands clasping around the glass in her lap. “You can’t fix us. You can’t swoop in and be our hero because you pity us.” She was now looking at Lexa with pity, and that really wasn’t what she was expecting at all. 

“That’s not what I’m trying to-” Lexa began, but Octavia was on her again. 

“You mean well, but do you know how many clients I’ve had try and pull a Pretty Woman on me? Dozens. They want to save me, take me away from this lifestyle, give me everything I want. Or so they say.” She looked at her glass bitterly before shaking her head. “What they actually want is for me to suck their dick when they please without having to pay for it or feel guilty.” 

“I’m definitely not asking you to suck my dick.” Octavia snorted at that. 

“Okay, good point. But you want to feel less guilty, and I can’t help you do that. Raven can’t either.” 

Lexa had never thought about offering Raven a job, but mostly because it wasn’t in her area of expertise. She had considered reaching out and connecting Raven with the right people in the industry, helping her make that first step, getting her foot in the door. Now, she was glad she hadn’t, because from what Octavia just said, it would have been the wrong move. 

No matter how much she wanted to help, she never could. 

“I’m not going to see her again, am I?” Lexa asked, coming to the realisation that Raven had been so cut-throat so it was a clean break. 

“I doubt it. She’s made her mind up on a few things, and they don’t concern you.” Octavia gave Lexa another look, less pitiful, but sad all the same. “You’re in love with her,” Octavia added, as if seeing it for the first time. 

“Yeah,” Lexa admitted, looking at her lap, accepting the situation for what it was; over. 

“She cares for you,” Octavia said, and Lexa shook her head. 

“She’s not meant to.” 

“No, she’s not, and believe me, I gave her shit for it.” Of course Octavia did. “Until Raven gets out of this lifestyle, she’s not going to act on her feelings, no matter how strong they are.” 

“So she has some then, because I recall her saying we weren’t even friends.” Those words had cut deepest. 

“You know she only said that to hurt you.” 

“Worked.” And yes, Lexa did know that, but logic didn’t exist when a broken heart was involved. 

“If she told you that she loved you, what would you do?” Octavia asked, pulling Lexa’s focus again. 

Lexa thought over that for a second before rubbing the side of her face with her hand and shaking her head. 

“I’d pull a Pretty Woman.” Because yes, that’s exactly what she’d do. She’d want to help Raven. To give her everything she wanted and more. 

“Yeah, and Raven knows it. Hell, you tried to pull one on me and I’m not even your whore,” Octavia said, a smile on her lips, devoid of humour. 

“She was never my whore.” That was fact. 

“Lex, that’s all we ever are in these arrangements. You paid for her to look pretty on your arm, to convince people that you two were together; you might not have fucked her, but you had everyone thinking you were, and you were paying for that privilege.” 

Octavia spoke so softly to her, like breaking bad news, and that’s what it felt like. The shaky breath Lexa took was proof that those words were the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

“This is so messed up,” she muttered, blinking back the tears, because she never, she never wanted Raven to feel that way, but that had to be all she was feeling and Lexa had hurt her, hurt her more than she realised, and for what? For her own selfish decisions? Christ. 

“Yeah, it is, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m glad it was you.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Of all the clients we’ve had, I’m glad it was you she cared for. You didn’t manipulate her, you didn’t use her, you didn’t….not like others would. I’m glad it was you.” 

“Best be careful, or I might start thinking you want to be friends,” Lexa remarked and Octavia let out a laugh. 

“Don’t get your hopes up,” she teased, and Lexa smiled, happy with the familiarity of Octavia’s words. “So, what are you going to do now? I mean, I wouldn’t hold your breath any time for Raven to get in touch. You’re without a girlfriend.” 

Lexa listened as she filled both Octavia’s and her glasses back up, and then sat back down, mulling over those words. 

There really wasn’t much she could do. 

“I’ll tell my family we broke up,” Lexa said,  “Anya will probably suspect there to be more to it than what I tell her; but my parents and Lincoln will only be sympathetic. It’ll be fine.” 

It had to be, because Raven was clearly done, and Lexa, too. 

“And you? Will you be fine?” Octavia asked, looking over Lexa carefully. Much like Anya did. 

“I’ll be fine,” she said in return. 

“When?” Smiling at how Octavia caught that, Lexa shrugged. 

“I don’t know.” At least she was being honest. “I think I need to sort myself out. I think I need to take Raven’s advice, go see someone about Costia, and go from there.” 

It pained her to think it, because she didn’t want to, but she was alone again, and it was all her own doing, and she needed to put an end to that. Lexa knew there was no way to move forward while living in the past. 

“Costia, your previous partner?” Octavia tried out, and Lexa saw through that. 

“I’m sure Raven told you about her.” Of that Lexa was certain. 

“Raven didn’t know anything other than she passed away.” Monty’s search hadn’t found anything, no matter the digging he tried to do, and Raven had been tight lipped about a lot of what Lexa had said. Octavia didn’t know much at all. 

“She was murdered,” Lexa swallowed the lump as she spoke, and Octavia’s words drew to a halt. “But that was a long time ago.” So long. 

“Did they...did they get whoever…?” Octavia wasn’t quite sure how to ask, but Lexa knew exactly what she meant, and saved her trouble of trying to find the right words. 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, remembering the investigation, the dissolve between Costia’s family and Lexa when the circumstances played out, and then all the work Anya did to keep the details private, the trial off limits to the press, and gagging orders where necessary. 

“But that wasn’t closure for you.” It wasn’t a question. 

“I feel responsible. I am responsible.” 

Octavia wanted to argue with Lexa on that, because she didn’t kill Costia, but the way Lexa said those words, it seemed like she was talking about so much more than Costia’s death. Like being responsible for the fallout after, for coming into their lives, for meeting Raven, for how things played out and she just…

“Can I come back here?” she asked, before she could change her mind. 

“Hmm?” Lexa hummed, frowning. 

“Tomorrow, can I come back? My brother is in town for about four days, I’m seeing him in the morning, and he has plans tomorrow night, so... “ She let it hang, hoping she wasn’t going to have to ask Lexa again. 

“You don’t want to spend it with Raven, or Clarke?” That seemed like the logical move, in Lexa’s eyes. 

“No.” There was still some tension with both of them, and Octavia wanted the space. That wasn’t why she wanted to come back and see Lexa, though. She could get space anywhere.

“Yeah, you can come back here,” Lexa answered, giving her a nod. After all, what did she have to lose by letting Octavia come round again? It was actually quite nice to have the company.

“Thanks.” 

Raven might not have been ready to face Lexa, but that wasn’t going to stop Octavia. Where she previously believed Lexa to be a risk, a threat, she knew that she was wrong. 

Lexa was lonely, and in love, and Octavia could see that she would do anything for Raven. She was also non-judgemental, and when prostitution was involved, that wasn’t the easiest trait to find. 

Octavia understood what Raven had been going on about in regards to Lexa; she was safe, she cared where least expected, and despite having no reason to, she wanted to help for the sake of helping. 

There was actually a decent human being under that aloof façade, one who was hurting, one who was caught in the grip of depression, although she might not have even realised, and Octavia wanted to be there for her. 

She’d first met Lexa with a drink in hand, who was all nerves and uncertainty, looking for an escort and fumbling the words; and Octavia didn’t know what to make of her.  And now, with a drink in hand, Octavia finally sussed her out, and she knew she’d made the right decision to come there. 

Lexa needed someone, someone she could be open with and who was also non-judgemental, and Octavia was ready to be that person. They were in the eye of the storm, she suspected, and with the hopelessness radiating off Lexa, Octavia didn’t want her being alone when seeing it through. 

*0*0* 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you may permit me, I just want to say a huge thank you to you all; your time, your comments, your kudos; this has surpassed all expectations I had when I started writing it, and it truly means so much to me that you all seem to keep coming back with each update. So thank you.


	22. Missing Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven talks to Clarke, and then Octavia.

Raven had been in a lot of shitty situations before. She was sort of used to them. Many came with the territory, others were just pure bad luck, for which she seemed to have a lot of in her life. Putting all that aside, though, she really thought she’d turned over a new leaf lately.

Lexa.

Their whole setup had the potential to be shitty. Lexa could have been vile. She could have been manipulative. She could have used her money, her power, to keep Raven under her thumb, like so many clients tried.

Only, she hadn’t done any of that.

Instead, she had risked her own reputation, her family’s name, and in turn, her career, her company, on Raven’s wellbeing.

Lexa was in too deep, she cared, and that meant everything had gone to shit.

Seeing Lexa standing there, waiting for her, anxious, and then a sudden flutter of relief on her face told Raven all that she needed to know. She’d found herself in that dreaded shitty situation, and she hadn’t even realised.

Unlike the majority, the money was great, Lexa was courteous and mindful, and it was almost the perfect situation to be in. Or, it used to be.

Raven had been a fool. She had been warning herself since it started, not to let it get too serious, not to let things get away from them. When it was just her, when it was only her that was in too deep, then it didn’t matter. She could deal with it.

But when Lexa was standing with her name on the line, ready to pull favours, to pay off lawyers, police officers and judges, then it was all a step too far.

Raven needed to put an end to it.

Lexa never would, so it was on Raven to do so.

And she did so, spectacularly.

She knew right where to cut, how to cut to make it hurt the most, and didn’t hold back.

Lexa crumbled before her, and it hurt, it made Raven’s chest ache and her eyes well up but she had to keep going.

_“You’re not even my friend.”_

Lie.

_“Your money is the most important aspect of our ‘relationship’,”_

Lie.

_“The longer I string you along, the more money I earn.”_

Lie.

Raven was the biggest fucking liar there was.

It worked, though, and that was all that mattered.

Lexa walked out, walked away, and it was just what Raven wanted, needed.

So, she was out of a job, and that was going to cause some problems in the long run, but that night, she could go to bed knowing that she’d saved not only herself, but Lexa, from months of agonizing over their situation.

Call girl and client never worked out.

Raven knew that, it was time Lexa did, too.

*0*0*

In the light of day, Raven didn’t feel better about the choice she made the night before, although she knew it was the right one to make.

No, everything felt harsher, and looked it, too. From the bags under her eyes, the redness of her eyes, her tangled hair, her shaky hands, it was easy to see the cracks in her facade.

“You look like shit,” Octavia said, greeting her in the kitchen.

“So do you,” Raven replied, looking over the bruising that had really come out on Octavia’s face and knuckles. “What time does Bellamy get here?”

“Few hours now.” Octavia tried to shrug that off, like her brother’s impending arrival wasn’t worrying the fuck out of her.

“What you going to say?”

“Do I have to say anything?” Octavia tried, and Raven gave her a weak smile. They both knew better. “I’ll work something out.”

“Please do,” Raven said, because she knew Bellamy would pester her incessantly until his questions were answered, and she could really do without that. She had enough on her plate.

Raven really wished that the day ahead was going to bring nothing but peace, but she knew better. As soon as Bellamy arrived, things were going to go to shit; no matter what lines Octavia came out with.

Opting not to get caught in that mess, Raven fired Clarke a text, and then threw on some clothes. She needed to get out of the apartment, and she hoped Clarke didn’t mind her hiding herself away at hers.

Thankfully, she didn’t, and Raven was there within the hour. Clarke looked much like she did, messy hair, tired eyes, and it was with a tight hug that she let her inside.

“How’s Octavia?” Clarke asked, shutting the door behind her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help last night, I was working and couldn’t get away,” she said, without giving Raven a chance to reply.

“You don’t have to clean up all our messes.” Raven had said the words before, and would probably say them again.

“You know I want to help.” Together, the two of them headed into Clarke’s living room, with Raven dropping her body across the couch, and Clarke getting her a drink from the open kitchen at the back.  

“You do help,” Raven added, rubbing her forehead and closing her eyes.  “And maybe later, go see Octavia, because I don’t think she’ll get checked out on her own.”

“I was going to drop by later on-” Clarke said, coming back in, placing glasses on the coffee table. Both beverages looked to be non-alcoholic and caffeine free, for which Raven was glad.

“I wouldn’t right now. Bellamy is going to be arriving soon.”

“Shit,” Clarke winced, and Raven nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Now I know why you came here.”

“Figured you’d be the best place to hide out.” And she absolutely was.

“You figured right,” Clarke mused. “I was expecting you, though.” That had Raven listening.

“Oh?” she asked, glancing a look over the arm of the couch at Clarke.

“Octavia sent me a message last night, about Lexa.”

Ah.

“Let’s not, yeah?” Raven asked, a slight whine in her voice as she did so.

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, not wanting to push. “We don’t need to talk about it.” Right now. The words were unspoken, but they were there.

“So what happened with you and Anya?” Raven tried, remembering Clarke’s previous messages, and sitting herself up on the couch to get the full story.

“You want to talk about that, now?” Clarke asked, frowning, assuming Anya would be off limits because of Lexa.

“Well, I definitely don’t want to talk about Lexa, and her sister is next best thing. You never really explained what went on there.” And Raven definitely hadn’t forgotten.

“I want to forget what went on there,” Clarke moaned, rolling her eyes.

“I thought you two would hit it off.” Raven really had. As much as she didn’t like the idea, she could see how they would have worked together.

“Oh, we did,” Clarke hummed. “I went back to her place, we drank more tequila, started to fool around, and then things went south; and not in the fun way.” A smile teased on Raven’s lips as she waited.

“You’re going to need to expand on that,” she said, still waiting for more.

“I did my usual-” Clarke began.

“Topped,” Raven shrugged, finishing for her.

“Yeah. And she came pretty fast, which didn’t hurt at all.” Clarke looked proud of that fact.

“And then?”

“She started going down on me, and by this point, I realised her coordination was so off. She was too drunk. She was dozing.”

“She was-” Raven began to repeat, wanting to just be sure she had heard that right. _Dozing_.

“Yeah,” Clarke replied, unimpressed. “So that was that.”

“You’re not going to give her another chance?”

“So she can fall asleep with her face in my crotch again? No thanks, I can do better,” Clarke said, shaking her head.

“She was horrified to think she was a bad lay,” Raven smiled, remembering Anya’s reaction.

“You told her?” Oh. Oops.

“What? Like it was a secret?” Raven shrugged. “Anyway, I think her pride is hurt.”

“Fuck her pride, where was my orgasm?” Raven cackled at Clarke’s words, and how serious she was.

“I’m sure if you told her how bad she was, she’d work extra hard to make it up to you.” Of that, Raven was sure.

“Not unless I’m desperate,” Clarke replied, sighing. And then a pause. “So you’re really not going to talk about Lexa?”

“What is there to talk about?” Raven asked in return, knowing the conversation was inevitable, but thinking of it, thinking of Lexa, what happened, it still hurt.  

“You’ve cut her out.”

“It was about time.” That was true. If Raven had any sense about her, she would have done it sooner.

“You’re not going to see her again.” Now, that did make Raven’s stomach roll.

“We needed to stop this, before it was too late.”

It was already too late. Polis, right after Polis it had been too late. She’d started to care. She had gone beyond caring even, to loving. And Lexa. Well, Lexa was going down that same path. It was a disaster.

“What set it off? O’s been quiet about the details and not told me anything too specific.” At least that was some small grace.

“She came to _save_ me, and when she saw that Kane had already done so, jealously was written all over her face,” Raven spat, lip curling at the memory. “She’s just like every other client.”

“That’s not true,” Clarke said softly, getting Raven to look her way.

“No?”

“Lexa’s the only one you’ve fallen in love with, and that has to mean she’s different.” Yeah, sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, Clarke.

“She’s hurt, and I thought I could save her from herself or some shit like that,” Raven shrugged, not wanting to analyse her own feelings any more than she had been doing.

“Raven,” Clarke said, not believing a word of it.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she shrugged, before going on, “she’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and all I want to do is get closer to her, but I can’t. I can’t be her whore and her lover.”

That was the crux of it.

“You ended the arrangement.” Statement, fact, not a question.

“Not formally. I need to make sure she doesn’t send anymore money.” Raven would kick Lexa’s ass if she dared.

“Would she?” Clarke frowned, assuming from what Octavia had said, that Lexa knew it was over, too.

“I wouldn't put it past her.”

“So you’re going to have to see her again,” Clarke supplied, and Raven took a shaky breath, nodding.

“I guess I am,” she sighed, thinking of how that would go down.

Murphy’s bar, for sure; the booths where they met; right back to the beginning, when they were two strangers.

“I’ll give her a few days before getting back in touch to set that up,” Raven said, eyes off in the distance.

She needed those days to get herself back together, to put a game face on that would be impervious to Lexa’s gaze and presence, because whenever she was around her, something in Raven just melted. It called out to her, it pulled Raven in, and she felt powerless.

Lexa was the siren call from the sea, and she was the sailor diving in headfirst.

Well, no more.

“Right, now that’s out the way, want something stronger?” Clarke asked, rising to her feet, and with a nod, Raven handed over her glass.

Time to forget.

*0*0*

The following few days at apartment 318 were tense, to say the least. Any time Bellamy was around, Octavia made herself scarce. Yes, that was to be expected, but Raven really thought they might have cleared the air a bit better than what they had.

And it didn’t help that Bellamy was convinced Raven knew what had happened to Octavia. Okay, she did, but it wasn’t like she could fess up.

_‘Oh, your sister and I are prostitutes, and her ex john tried to beat her around a bit because he didn’t want to pay, all perfectly normal’_

Raven could see that going down like a led balloon. But yet, he kept asking.

“She must have told you something.”

“Bellamy, just leave it,” Raven groaned, ready to kick him out if he kept it up.

“No. I can’t. She’s my baby sister. Some jackass has beat her about, and she’s not doing anything about it.”

“Did you look at her knuckles? She gave as good as she got.” And then some, knowing Octavia and her personal fitness regime.

When Raven had seen Atom, he hadn’t looked in good shape. His face was bruising, his arm was in a sling, and there was a definite limp. Nah. Octavia had gone to town on him.

“She shouldn't have been hit in the first place,” Bellamy said, that big brother tone of worry edging in.

“I agree, but we sorted it.”

“We?” he pounced, looking up quickly, and Raven winced.

Shit.

“I spoke to them, dealt with it.” She really hadn’t wanted to give any details, because now she knew he’d never leave it alone.

“So you know who did it. Who? Is it her boyfriend?” This was all made worse that Raven didn’t have a fucking clue what Octavia had told him, so she couldn’t exactly agree in case it conflicted.

“Bellamy,” Raven said, warning him, but he ploughed on.

“No, come on, who was it?”

“No one she’ll be seeing again, so let’s leave it there.” Atom knew better than to stick around.

“I just...I hate that someone’s hurt her.”

“She’s a big girl, she’s okay.” Or she would be.

It would take some time. Octavia couldn’t exactly work while looking black and blue, so had rescheduled her appointments, but even then, Raven wasn’t sure she was going to get back as soon as she thought.

“Have you spoken to her lately?” Bellamy asked, and that had Raven turning to look at him.

“What do you mean?” Had she not been coming home? Where had she been going?

“She’s avoiding me, and I just wondered if she’d checked in with you lately,” Bellamy shrugged, trying to play if off, but that furrowed brow said otherwise.

“Maybe stop grilling her about who marked her up like that and she’ll hang around.” But, come to think of it, it had been three days and Raven hadn’t actually seen Octavia home. “She not going with you to dinner tonight?” That’s what it said on the fridge.  

“She has plans.” Doing what?

“Oh?” Raven knew her attempt at nonchalant failed, but Bellamy was too off in his own thoughts to notice.

“Yeah,” Bellamy replied, reaching for his phone. A few swipes of his thumb later and he began to read; “hanging with Lex tonight, she really needs a friend, will see you tomorrow.” He put his phone down with a sigh and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I get she doesn’t like that I keep asking her about her face, but I don’t get why she’s trying to-” Raven had stopped listening as Bellamy went on. Her mind was replaying the text message he’d read out over and over in her mind.

“Hanging with who, sorry?” she asked, licking her dry lips.

“What?” Bellamy asked, having been cut off mid sentence.

“Who is Octavia hanging out with?”

“Oh. It says ‘Lex’. They a friend of yours?” Something like that. “Did they do that to her?”

“What? No. I just, I didn’t realise those two were hanging out. Ignore me.” Raven waved her hand dismissively and let Bellamy go on about his worries and fears.

With him doing all the talking, it allowed her to try and get her heart rate to slow, her temper in check, and her breathing normal. Why, why the fuck, was her best friend hanging out with her ex-client? The very ex-client she was in love with? What the fuck was going on there? And why did it feel a lot like betrayal?

*0*0*

Raven wasn’t sure what possessed her, but that night, she sat up in the living room, TV on low, and waited for Octavia to come home. Her bed was being slept in, and with Bellamy at a nearby hotel, Raven knew they could have the impending conversation without having to dance around the issues.

It was a little after midnight when Octavia came home. The jingle of the keys in the lock, the slight creak it gave when opened slowly, and the sound of her shoes on the floor, all had Raven getting up and going to stand in the living room entryway.

“Fuck, Raven,” Octavia cursed, hand over heart. “You scared the ever living fuck out of me,” she gasped, seeing her roommate standing there suddenly.

“Sorry,” Raven replied, her tone indicating otherwise. “How was your night?”

“It was good,” Octavia began, locking the door and flicking the lights out as she went. “Look, I’m beat, can we catch up tomorrow?”

Nice try.

“You’re hanging out with Lexa?” Raven asked, not able to hold that query in any longer, and Octavia stopped short in the hallway.

“Bellamy,” she groaned, dropping her head forward, before turning around.

“Yeah, he let it slip,” Raven replied, monotone, unimpressed. “I didn’t know you two were friends.” That had the possibility to sound like jealously, if Raven wasn’t careful.

She wasn’t.

“We’re not, yet,” Octavia shrugged, trying to play it off.  

“Is this your way of picking sides?” Cause it damn well felt like it.

“Raven, I’m definitely not picking any sides,” Octavia said, moving forward, until there was hardly any space between them. “You wanted to take a step back from Lexa, and you have. Me hanging out with her shouldn’t stop that.”

“I don’t get it, you’ve hated Lexa since you found out I cared for her, and now you’re friends?” Raven frowned, shaking her head, still trying to understand what was going on.

“I get what you see in her,” Octavia said, not addressing Raven’s words. “I can see it, she has this allure about her, this vulnerability behind that mask, and it’s enchanting.”

Those words made Raven swallow the lump in her throat, and she wondered if she’d sent off the love of her life into her best friend's arms.

“Your point?” she croaked.  

“I also can see how lonely she is, how much she’s hurting, and how much she’s lost,” Octavia replied, trying to quell the fears she could see written all over Raven’s face. “I don’t know how she’s still surviving, and I can’t actually work out why she still is.”

That was the truth of the matter, and even Raven knew that to be true.

“You think she’d-” Raven didn’t get a chance to finish.

“No.” Octavia shook her head, lips pursed, and that was that. “But, I also don’t want her suffering alone.”

Raven could understand that. And her fears about Octavia betraying her were sounding more foolish by the second.

“It’s not like she can tell people, or even her family, about the details of your breakup. She’s going to have to lie, and you know better than anyone the toll that puts on her.” Octavia definitely had a point there. “Not to mention, her feelings for you, so conflicted but not any less real.”

“Her feelings?” Raven murmured, wondering now if she was being masochistic for asking.

“You know she loves you,” Octavia said, softly, reaching out and placing her hand on Raven’s arm.

Hearing those words was altogether a different thing entirely.

“Don’t.”

“No, you can’t just pretend that you’re the only one hurting this badly right now. She hasn’t been in love with anyone since Costia-” Octavia began.

“She told you about Costia.” Raven felt that blow with a wince.

“Just that she was murdered.” And then another.

“I didn’t...I didn’t know that.”

“Maybe, maybe she couldn’t tell you. She was trying to play by your rules, Raven, and that means not getting attached.”

Raven knew that, she did. She understood all that. But yet, it still hurt. It hurt to think Lexa was turning to Octavia for comfort where she would have turned to her. And why? Why did that hurt? Especially when Raven wanted to make this cut?

Couldn’t she settle?

Couldn’t she be both whore and lover?

Why couldn’t she make that work?

“She’s in love with you, Raven, and having seen how she is about Costia, I think she always will be,” Octavia said, and Raven wondered where she was going with that line of thought. “You don’t need to sacrifice part of your life for her feelings. I know you love her, and I can see why, but she’s so broken, you won’t be able to put her back together, no matter how hard you try. Don’t waste your time trying.”

Octavia’s words were hauntingly accurate. They weren’t anything she hadn’t thought before, but hearing them from her best friend’s lips, they held more weight. And she took another shaky breath, nodding.

“You’ll keep her safe?” she whispered, voice strained.

“Doing my best.” Octavia gave her arm another comforting squeeze, before pulling her into a hug. “And who knows, maybe once the dust has settled, and time has passed, we can look on this differently.”

Raven hoped that was possible, because it felt like she’d left a part of herself with Lexa, and while it wasn’t a part she wanted back, it was a part she missed.

*0*0*

 


	23. Pain, Suffering, Growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at Murphy's bar. Full circle.

*0*0*

There was something really calming about being in the office past eight in the evening. Or at least Lexa thought so. The hustle and bustle of the morning had passed, the slow trickle of people leaving had stopped, and there was peace. To a certain extent. She could hear the hum of the hoover from the end of the floor, but it was a comforting sound. 

It was one she’d grown to embrace over the years. The perfect distraction. The perfect hideaway.

Most of the time. 

The sound of footsteps on the floor, heading her way, told Lexa her silence was about to end; and the only other person in this late had to be a relation. 

“I thought you’d still be here,” Anya said, opening the door slowly, and letting herself in. She hung by the doorway, watching Lexa carefully before scanning the room. “Have you seen the time?” 

“It’s late.” 

“You not seeing Raven tonight?” It was innocent enough, but Lexa knew better. 

“No.” Shaking her head, she went back to looking at her desktop screen. 

“What happened here?” Anya then asked, and it was with a frown Lexa replied. 

“Did you come in here for anything in particular?” Because she damn well knew that Anya had a list as long of her arm of things that needed done. 

“I came in to send you home to Raven, but I suspect that’s not possible.” Anya crossed her arms over her chest, Lexa noted, out the corner of her eye. 

“What makes you say that?” She shouldn’t have asked. She should have used the opening Anya gave her to come clean, to explain, things with Raven, they were...

“The photo,” Anya began, and Lexa looked over. “It’s gone.” 

“Hmm?” Her brow furrowed as she tried to understand what Anya was talking about. 

“The photo of you Raven, in Polis. It’s gone.” Oh. 

Yeah. 

“I took it down,” Lexa confessed, shifting in her seat as she spoke. 

“Why?” Anya’s steps towards the desk were slow, calculated. 

“Anya,” Lexa said, once, keeping her head perfectly still as her eyes looked up, warning. 

“What happened?” Anya prodded, now toe to toe with the desk, looming above Lexa. She shouldn’t be made to feel intimidated and crowded in her own damn office. But there Anya was, and there she was, bowing to her big sister. 

“We broke up,” Lexa said, clipped. 

“Did you break up with her?” Anya’s eyes narrowed, and it made Lexa’s jaw clench. 

“Anya.” The tone hadn’t changed, still a warning, still giving Anya time to let it go. She’d said enough. 

“Lexa,” Anya barked back, and Lexa let out a heavy sigh as she shook her head. 

“It was a mutual end.” Sort of. 

“Bullshit.” Why the fuck was her sister so persistent? 

Best way to deal with Anya, get rid of her and stay out of sight. 

“Close the door on your way out, will you?” Lexa said, cold, eyes back to work, and message loud and clear. 

What Lexa wasn’t expecting was for Anya to laugh at her. It was a breathy laugh, and then a full on smile as Anya licked her lips and shook her head. 

“If you think you’re getting off that easy, you’re sorely mistaken, Lexa,” Anya started, rolling the sleeves of her shirt up. “You can’t keep running away from-” 

She didn’t get any further. She’d pushed Lexa to breaking point. Enough was enough. 

“Do you think that is what I am doing? Do you?!” Lexa called, finding herself on her feet, facing off against Anya across the desk. “Do you think for one moment that this is what I want? That I wanted it to end like this? Do you think I like being alone?!” It was a roar, unlike one Anya had heard in years, splintering from inside Lexa and leaving shards of herself on show. 

“What happened?” Anya asked, softly, treading carefully, now. 

“We realised our differences were insurmountable, and that was that.” For some reason, standing there, outburst done and dusted, she felt open and exposed. Refusing to accept that particular emotion, she stood up taller, held her head up high and waited for Anya to say more. 

Instead, her sister gave her a glance over before walking around the desk. Lexa could only watch as Anya opened her arms and pulled Lexa into her embrace. 

On instinct, Lexa wrapped her arms around Anya, one fist clenching her shirt, the other tight, as she took a shaky breath. 

“Do you want me to kick her ass?” Anya whispered, and Lexa cracked a smile, shaking her head. 

“No. She’s...I’m in love with her,” Lexa said, thinking of Raven, thinking of the last time she saw her, of how she longed to see her again. 

“I know, you idiot. You’ve been dating for months, I assumed you were in love with her the second you brought her home.”

Right. 

Of course.

Anya didn’t know. 

“I think...I think I’m just realising it, though,” Lexa said, remembering Raven’s line; the best lies are the truth. 

“So, want to get out of here and binge House of Cards with me?” Anya asked, and that was one of the best offers Lexa had had in ages. 

“Please.” 

It was so easy, what with all the lies, and all the covering up, how good it was to have her sister involved in her life; whether that be hanging out together, or having the support Anya offered. Lexa had missed it. 

*0*0*

The text had come in three days before; with it taking a full day for Lexa to work out a response. She’d even asked Octavia for advice, when she hadn’t wanted to. 

Asking Octavia to weigh in on something Raven related was like playing with fire while doused in lighter fluid. Someone was getting burned, and it most likely was going to be Lexa. 

She hadn’t given it much thought when Octavia was using her place to hide out from her brother, she’d just accepted that they could maybe sort of become friends. 

Now that they were, it was a delicate line of avoiding any and all topics that could even hint at Raven’s involvement. Because otherwise Lexa revelled in them. 

From their first years together at college, or to their antics when they first moved in together, Octavia had plenty of stories about herself and Raven. 

It was masochistic to hear them, and they needed to stop. So they did. 

But then Raven sent Lexa and text, and she needed Octavia’s help. 

_ [Raven]: We need to meet and talk _

“Do you know what this is about?” Lexa had asked, almost as soon as Octavia had made herself comfy on Lexa’s couch, food in hand. 

Octavia didn’t need to look up from the bowl in hand to know what Lexa was talking about. She’d been there when Raven had sent it. She’d discussed what might happen. She suspected Lexa would ask. 

Raven thought so, too. 

They both knew her so well. 

“I thought we agreed not to talk about Raven,” Octavia tried, just to see if Lexa was going to drop the subject right away. 

“Please, is she...does she…” Lexa couldn’t get the words out, she had so many questions. 

“She just wants to talk to you. To finalise what was discussed last time you saw her.” 

And there it was; Octavia telling her not to get her hopes up without actually saying the words. 

_ [Lexa]: Let me know time and place and I’ll be there _

Even now, her reply sounded too desperate, but Lexa was desperate. She hadn’t been away from Raven for long at all, and she missed her. 

She missed her. 

*0*0*

One place she hadn’t missed was Murphy’s bar.

It hadn’t changed since the last time Lexa was there. She remembered the musky and damp smell before opening the door, prepared herself for it, even, and managed to keep from grimacing as she headed inside. 

The bartender was scowling at her, much like last time, and with a nod from him, Lexa eyed the booth directly across from the bar. Obviously, that was where she was meant to be sitting. 

On any other day, she would have opted to sit elsewhere, away from his prying eyes, but the bags under her eyes and the heaviness of her eyelids were reason enough that it just didn’t matter. 

Glancing at her watch, she knew Raven would be there soon. She arrived early, as she knew Raven would arrive early, too, and wanted to pull herself together before facing up to what was about to happen. 

It didn’t take a genius to work out this was it. This was the end. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lexa took a deep breath and pretended the mere thought of that didn’t shake her to her core. 

With Costia, it was a sudden loss. There were no goodbyes, no final looks, no last chances. 

Or at least not ones either Lexa or Costia were aware of. 

And maybe that made this ache deep in Lexa’s chest. Maybe that’s what had her hands shaking, ever so slightly. 

Once again, she had no control. She couldn’t change this outcome. She couldn’t turn back the clock. She couldn’t get it right. 

As long as that remained the case, as long as she let her guard down, let things slip, then she was always going to be losing her loved ones. Which, Lexa knew she was the problem. She knew she was the common denominator in these equations, so she should have predicted this. 

She should have known she’d lose Raven. 

Taking a sip of the water Murphy had brought over to her table, Lexa shook her head and tried to forget. Tried to distract herself while she waited. 

Thankfully, she didn't have to wait too long, as Raven strode in, head high, shooting a look to the bartender before coming over and climbing in the seat opposite Lexa. 

It was so different to their last meeting there, one of shy introductions and tentative smiles. 

This was familiar. 

From the way she sat in the seat to the look on her face, Lexa knew her, knew what Raven was thinking and feeling, and Lexa swallowed the urge to reach out across the table. 

She suspected that might be the best move, given their recent circumstances. 

“Hi,” it was softly spoken, polite, not over eager. And maybe Lexa was over analysing this too much. 

“Hi, Lexa,” Raven replied, that easy going smile giving her exactly what she needed. “Thanks for meeting with me.” 

“It seemed necessary.” The messages were loud and clear, no more, but actually agreeing and saying it were two entirely different things. 

“Yeah, it is,” Raven said, nodding once. 

“Before-” Lexa said, trying not to sound eager but needing something to fill the silence. “Before we start, before we-” finish. “ I need to, may I?” 

Raven sat back, the warm smile gone, to one of sadness, but she nodded, letting Lexa speak undisturbed. 

“After this day, I don't think I’ll ever get the chance, so I’m going to say it now, while I do.” Taking a deep breath, Lexa steadied her heart rate and finally said the words she’d been leading up to for so long. 

“I’m in love with you,” she said, confidently, sure in her convictions, looking straight at Raven as she did so. To her, it looked like Raven had heard her, but then opted not to acknowledge it. 

That might have hurt more. 

“I’m in love with you, too,” Raven finally said, and that had Lexa looking up, sharply, her eyes wide, her heart racing. “Which is why this needs to end,” Raven finished, and Lexa opened her mouth, ready to speak, she knew what was coming, but she had to try and stop it.  

“We could...I could…Raven, we can-” She didn’t know what she was offering, but she would offer anything to make it right, to make them work. 

Raven was in love with her. 

“No one gets out this unscathed, Lexa, let’s not make it harder than it has to be,” Raven said, shaking her head, dismissing all of Lexa’s previous words. 

“It’s already hard.” It was crushing her, a tight band around her chest, tightening with each passing second, and Lexa felt like she was going to burst. 

“I know,” Raven murmured, head down, and at that moment Lexa craved to reach over, comfort, offer some kind of support, but no, not now, not ever. “Look, this isn’t what...I’m always...we’re not…” Now it was Raven’s turn to fall over her words. 

Lexa sat back, waiting, giving her a chance to pull her words together so she might try again. 

“I can’t love a client,” Raven finally said, eyes on the table. “And I can’t date a previous client, no matter how I feel about them. So this is it. When we’re done, I’m going to get up, walk away, and that will be it. I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t want to see you. After today, we don’t know each other.” 

Lexa felt each word like a burning blade to her skin, white hot pain, scorching her, and she wanted to cut Raven off, to stop her, but she knew better. This was Raven’s decision. She was saying no, and Lexa would never ignore that. 

“If this is it, then know that I fell in love with you in Polis, and it was never about sex. I panicked in the car when we got back, offered you money, when...I wanted to spend the night with you, loving you, showing you how much I…” Lexa stopped, reassessed what she was saying, and started back up on a different train of thought. “I will obey your wishes, you won’t hear from me, you won’t see me, and we will cease to exist in each other’s lives, once you walk away from this table.” 

“Thank you,” Raven replied, her words coming out like a whisper, as she swallowed the lump in her throat. 

There was no more to say. They both knew that. They couldn’t prolong it anymore. It was time for Raven to get up and go. 

Yet her body remained rooted to the seat, unable to move, unable to part, and she soaked in all that was Lexa before her. From the way her eyes stared back, so full of adoration and care, to her fixed posture in the booth, as if poised for Raven’s departure. 

Which came all too soon, for Lexa’s liking. 

She wanted to suspend time, live out her life in that goddamn grubby bar if it meant she had that time with Raven. 

Instead, Raven rose, her eyes avoiding Lexa’s, and she turned and walked away. 

Just like that, Raven walked out of Lexa’s life. Gone. 

*0*0*

Octavia didn’t come round for a few days, and Lexa suspected it was so she could be with Raven. 

When she did turn up, it was with a sad, almost pitying smile, and forty minutes later, she was heading for the door. Their time had been tense, with Lexa not knowing what to say, and not wanting to ask any questions lest it make Octavia think she had to talk about Raven. 

Things were strained. 

And that was frequent throughout all aspects of Lexa’s life. 

Work was strained because Anya kept enquiring and prying, as if she was sure Lexa was about to fall off the deep end. 

Time with Octavia was hard for obvious reasons, and outside Octavia, Lexa couldn’t think of any friends she could spend time with, out with family. 

What was wrong with her? 

What had she done to corrupt those in her life? 

Costia, Costia was an accident, the first sign of how Lexa only caused pain and suffering. Pain and suffering. So much pain and suffering. 

Blood on the entryway carpet, dragged to through to the living room, hair by the skirting board, and oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god-

“Fu-I-Jes-I-” she was choking, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see, the surroundings in her office were spinning, her head was falling backwards, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

The lights from the police cars outside were flashing across the trees and the other houses; blue and red, blue and red, blue and red, blue and red; with the broken glass crunching under her footsteps, Anya screaming at her, shouting- Stop! - Stop! Lexa, Stop!- and then there was an officer who caught her by the waist as she tried to run past the cordon. 

Pain and suffering. So much pain and suffering. All she ever caused was pain and suffering. 

Costia. 

“Lexa?” It was her name, but they sounded so far away. That voice though, so familiar. “Lexa, can you hear me? Are you with me, Lexa?” 

Anya’s face came into view, a harsh frown between her brow, and Lexa tried to look up, tried to lift her head, but it flopped back as if she had no control over her neck. 

“Fucking hell, what’s wrong, Lexa? Have you taken anything? Lexa?” Anya let out another curse as she cupped Lexa’s neck in her hands, looking around for any sign of what was going on. 

All Lexa could do was struggle for breath, a gasp, the harsh sucking of air through her teeth, the tightening in her chest, and the blackness swelling back. 

“We’re getting a doctor, okay? Just keep your eyes open, Lexa. Can you do that?” Anya kept talking, the noise loud and grating. It was overwhelming.  

She couldn’t do as Anya asked. She couldn’t even breathe. prying

It was too much. 

Everything was too much. 

She was too much. 

*0*0*

Sitting cross legged, Lexa chanced a glance to her watch and held back a sigh. She didn’t do a whole lot of waiting these days. It had been years since she’d truly had to wait for things, so this was testing her patience. 

But she couldn’t get up and leave. 

She couldn’t. Not anymore. 

She’d done that enough. She’d seen what happened if she didn’t face this head on. 

The door to Lexa’s left opened and in the doorway stood the woman she was there to see. 

“Lexa,” Callie smiled, warm like her approach, open as she shook Lexa’s hand. “I was surprised when I saw your name on my appointment sheet. Please, come on inside.” 

Following Callie into her office, Lexa eyed the somewhat stereotypical style of a therapist's office, and moved to take a seat. 

She avoided the chaise lounge. 

“What brings you back?” Callie asked, having gone over the basics of her sessions, in case Lexa had forgotten. 

She hadn’t.  

“I lost someone close to me,” Lexa replied, her fingers sliding back and forth the cool leather of the armchair she was seated in. 

“Costia?” 

Yes. She’d lost her, too. But that wasn’t the one that had her sitting there. 

“No. Raven. She...she...we could have been...we’re no longer...she suggested I start coming back again.” That was true, to some extent. She’d certainly said as much when they were in Polis. 

“And by being here, do you think that’ll help you get Raven back?” Callie asked, cocking her head to the side, and Lexa immediately shook hers. 

“No. Raven and I are...we’ll never…” 

“So this is for you?” 

“Partly.” 

“Okay, well, where do you want to start? I think you’ve already beaten your record for most words spoken in a session.” 

“Costia.” 

“What about her?” 

“She’s dead.” Swallowing that lump in her throat, she ploughed on. “And it’s my fault.” 

“Lexa, you know I read the case files on Costia’s death. That was not your fault.” Callie had said that so many times before, it was amazing she was still taking that stance. 

“It should have been me. I should have been there. If I had...If they’d…” She couldn’t. Lexa couldn’t give it any more airtime in her head, or she’d go back. 

She’d be walking through the cordon, Anya’s arm around her, Roan standing by the police officers, and that heavy feeling deep in her gut. She’d be seeing the hallway, the blood on the carpet, the stain by the door, the drag marks, the pain. 

No way could Lexa go back into that. 

And with that pause, the silence wore on. 

“I had a panic attack at work last week. I was there. I was running up to the house, I was - Anya was - we were…I could see it, I could see the entry way, see her pain from what they’d…” her words fizzled out, but her frown worsened. “I don't want to feel responsible. I don’t want to...I want to be of worth, to someone, to anyone, but, to myself.” 

“I think we can do that,” Callie replied, nodding, and what might very well have been the first time, Lexa actually felt like therapy might work. 

She might have lost Costia, and she might have lost Raven, but that didn’t mean she needed to be lost herself. It was about time she found herself again. 

It was about time Lexa worked out just who Lexa was, without the need to check the alarm three times before going to bed, and without the need to shy away from any and all mirrors. She needed to change, for the better. 

If she was the common denominator, then it was time to mix up that equation, so next time, she didn't get the same answer. 

Lexa refused to say goodbye to anymore of her loved ones. 

 

*0*0*

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support on this - I promise I will reply to last chapter's comments, but right now, wanted to get this up and sleep. Cheers for reading!


	24. Being Brave

It was a Red night again. Clarke had sent a text saying she had the wine sorted, so Raven and Octavia just had to get the snacks. That was easy enough to do, with the two of them swapping texts on the way home, they met up and ensured they had everything they needed and could possibly want once the alcohol hit their system.

Then it was back to their flat, music on, blankets on the couch, snacks in bowls, and wine glasses at the ready. They still had a little time before Clarke was due, so Raven hopped in the shower, eager to wash off the day’s grime. 

She’d been keeping on top of her classes, living in the library, and eager to see the end of the academic year out. If that wasn’t enough, the worsening pain up her leg meant Raven was walking on borrowed time. She was going to have to do something about it. She was going to have to to get it seen to. She was going to have to face facts. 

Throwing on some comfortable clothes, Raven began towel drying her hair, and headed back to the living room. 

“What did you get up to today?” she asked, frowning, realising she hadn’t asked Octavia when they’d met earlier. 

“Class first thing, but then I went to...I saw a friend.” 

A friend.

“Lexa that friend?” 

“Are we allowed to talk about her?” Octavia asked, looking over, carefully.  

“Of course we can.” 

“But are you okay to hear about her?” That meant there was something to hear. Raven’s head raised, ever so slightly, swallowing the lump in her throat. 

“I’ll be fine, don't worry about me.” Raven could do enough of that on her own. “So what’s going on with Lexa?” 

“She’s selling a house.” 

“Her house? Like, her apartment?” That made Raven frown, but she shook her head, and tried to mask the next stream of emotions. 

Lexa loved her place, and the shrine to Costia, if she was trying to sell it...what did that mean? How much had changed with her since they’d last seen each other? And why, why, did the thought of Lexa selling her place make Raven feel blue? It wasn’t her place, it didn’t affect her. 

“No, not that one,” Octavia explained, shaking her head, too. “She has another place, or she won’t much longer.” Right, she’s selling it. 

“And this is a problem?” Raven could only assume so, given that Octavia wanted to talk about Lexa. 

“She’s more distant right now. She’s been...I don’t know...just...there’s a lot on her mind, and maybe it’s the stress of selling a house, but…” 

“But you think it’s something more.” It could be. With Lexa, it could be a number of things. 

“Yeah.” Octavia bit her bottom lip, folding her arms over her chest and watched Raven react to her words. It was disconcerting, but Raven should have expected it. 

“She never mentioned anything about a house to me, but that’s not surprising. Lexa is...she can be distant, she has her secrets,” Raven shrugged, feeling a pang at knowing there was so much she just didn’t know about Lexa. 

“I’m worried about her,” O said, and that made Raven’s heart beat a little faster. 

“Tell her.” When Raven had been worried, she was open about it; Lexa seemed to appreciate it. 

“It’s not my place.” Sure. Whatever. 

“Trust me, it is. You’re her friend, she’ll listen.” Or, she might, but it’s better hoping she would than not doing anything at all. 

Especially now Raven was powerless to find out what was going on, to offer help, to just be there. 

Letting out a sigh, Raven glanced at the clock and wished for Clarke to get there already. She had all the wine, and Raven could really do with a drink. 

“What would you have done?” Octavia asked, and Raven felt her body tense up at those words. 

“What do you mean?” she stalled. 

“If you saw Lexa becoming distant, pulling away and shutting down, what would you do to bring her back?” 

“Well, my most successful venture was sitting on her lap in my sleepwear, and rolling my hips.” In Polis, when she looked like she’d seen death, and Lincoln had fetched her, and Anya was worried but didn’t want to say as much. 

“I’m not going to do that,” Octavia replied, shaking her head; with Raven letting out a short laugh, and a lazy grin. 

“I’d appreciate if you didn’t.” Raven might not have any claim on Lexa, but it still hurt to think of someone else being that close, that intimate with her. “Ask her, before you do it, but give her a hug or...be physically affectionate with her.” 

That had Octavia frowning. 

“What are we now talking about? I feel like we’ve changed topic,” she said, still confused.

“To get her grounded. Put your hand on hers, or just rub her arm or something; she responds best to touch. I don’t think she even knows it, but she does,” Raven explained further, recalling all those small moments. 

That first moment. In Murphy’s Bar, across the table. 

One touch. 

“Thanks,”O said, softly, reaching out, and giving Raven’s arm a squeeze. Raven pushed the memory away at that, and returned a smile; just in time of the buzzer to go off, and their focus to shift. 

“I’ll buzz Clarke in.” Raven stepped away and headed towards the door, aiming to leave all thoughts of Lexa behind her in the kitchen with Octavia. 

Hitting the button, Raven let Clarke up, and then opened the front door for her. She knew Clarke would just wander in, so headed back to the living room, taking a seat.

Less than a minute later, Clarke was strolling through the door, kicking it shut behind her, and arms carrying a crate of some sort. Her cheeks were flushed, hair disheveled from the wind, but she had a smile on her face as she wandered in. 

“What is that?” Raven asked, nodding at the crate in Clarke’s hands, ignoring all formalities. 

“What?” Clarke asked, playing the fool, which really had Raven curious now. 

“That. The box in your arms. The new addition to Red night.” 

“Oh. It was a gift. And it’s not exactly a new addition to-”

“A gift? From who?” Clarke shot Raven a look as she threw her coat onto the nearest chair, having placed the crate on the coffee table next to all the snacks. 

“What does it matter who it’s from? It’s good wine.”

“What’’s that?” Octavia asked, coming into the living room. Clarke rolled her eyes as Raven made to answer. 

“Clarke brought good wine.” 

“How good?” With that, Octavia moved closer, accepting a bottle Clarke was pulling out. “Oh, wow, this is pretty good. Where did you get this?” 

“It was a gift,” Raven explained, beating Clarke to it. 

“From who?” 

“Does it really matter? What matters is its good wine,” Clarke tried again. 

“We know how good it is, that’s why we want to know how you have a crate of it.” 

“Isn’t that the stuff Banks used to give you?” Raven asked, recognising the design on the crate. 

“Yep,” Octavia hummed, nodding. 

“Banks? The creepy investment banker? You called him Banks?” Clarke asked, now looking to Octavia. 

“It seemed fitting.” Not knowing where to even begin with that, and not wanting to know what else they called their clients, Clarke shook her head and grabbed the nearest wine bottle opener. 

“Anyway,” Raven said, knowing Clarke was trying to move them along. “who gave you this?” 

“Someone.” Octavia narrowed her eyes at that, but accepted the glass Clarke was pouring her. 

“Who?” she tried, seeing as Raven’s question had been rebuffed. But then she saw it. “Wait, have you been spending time with Anya?” 

“What?” Clarke’s eyes refused to meet theirs, and Raven and Octavia shared a smile. “What makes you say that?” 

“The Woods Vineyard stamp,” Octavia replied, tapping the crate. 

“The what?” Raven moved closer, taking a better look, and oh. Okay. Huh. “Oh my god, you are, you’re seeing her again?” Raven asked, looking to Clarke, who was biting her bottom lip. 

“It’s really their wine?” she asked, now looking at the box. 

“Apparently.” 

“I didn’t know they made wine.” 

“Lexa certainly never said anything,” Raven added. 

“I can’t believe Anya bought you case of wine,” Octavia laughed, shaking her head. 

“I have another five of these…” Clarke then muttered. 

“Jesus what was she trying to do?” 

“She wants me to go out with her again,” Clarke shrugged, taking a sip from her glass, and damn Anya for buying her such good stuff. 

“You haven’t?” Octavia wondered. 

“She fell asleep while going down on me!” That was surely reason not to go out again! 

“Yeah, but look at all this wine. Hell, keep this up and we never have to buy wine again for any of our Red nights.” 

“I am not using her like that,” Clarke said, shaking her head. 

“Cause you like her,” Raven added, grinning. 

“She’s trying to woo me, and she shouldn’t. We should send this back.” Please. Like that was going to happen. 

“We are not sending this back.” 

“Fuck me this is good stuff.” 

“That’s why we’re not sending it back. You can send back one of your five cases, but this case is ours now.” 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Clarke admitted, eyeing the crate with disdain. 

“You’re enjoying good wine from a woman who wants you in her bed again.” 

“What if I kinda want to be in her bed again?” 

“I thought you were unhappy about her skills in said bed?” Raven asked, getting comfortable on the couch again, tucking her legs underneath her. 

“I am. But we were fucked on tequila. Next time we could both be sober.”  

“Or, you know, you could invite her round to have some of your wine, now that you have so much, and go from there; sober sex is a scary thing,” Octavia said, tapping her glass as she did so. 

“Good point.” Clarke couldn't even remember the last time she’d had sex whilst sober, and that was a scary thought in itself. 

“Call her,” Raven said, waving her hand as she spoke. “Tomorrow, or something, give her a call and arrange to see her again. If you don’t tell her, either that you’re interested or not, she’ll keep sending shit.” 

“I don’t want that,” Clarke frowned. 

Letting out a sigh, Clarke sunk back into the couch and took a drink. She had a lot to think about. Anya was...a complication. Possibly a really good one. But a complication all the same. She’d need to assess the situation before making any rash decisions. 

From there, they moved on to what Octavia was up to. She had been forthcoming with her dates recently, but Clarke hadn’t been in the loop. Raven was happy to throw in her two cents here and there, and the more they spoke, the more wine they started to consume. Clarke’s wine was going down a treat. 

Given that they’d discussed Octavia’s clients, Raven knew that they were going to try and broach the Lexa topic again. She saw it coming a mile off. And okay, it had been almost two months since she’d last seen her, but that didn’t mean she wanted to talk about it again. She wanted that clean break. Lexa was polite enough to give it to her, why couldn’t her friends do the same? 

“So you're really not going to see her again?” Clarke asked, again. 

“No,” Raven answered, taking another drink, eyeing the half empty bottle on the table, and whether she needed to top up her glass. 

“But why, she told you that she loves you!” Clarke implored, with it not making any sense. 

“Yeah, she did. But she also offered me ten grand to fuck her. How do I come back from that? I’m not a piece of meat, I’m not an object she can buy and consume and throw away like trash. What relationship are we even going to have if I know she wanted to use me like that?” 

Raven felt like a broken record. Again and again. She always had to say it, always had to remind everyone of the reasons; even herself at times, but good reasons all the same. 

“She regrets that, and she’s never going to-” Octavia began, for Raven to then cut her off. 

“I know, I know that, but I can’t...I got about two months pay from her, which is enough to keep me honest for a while, I’m going to accept clients, but I’m not going to sleep with them. And how am I meant to have a relationship with her if I’m going out with  Mr. Banks’ brother every other day of the week?” The hypothetical still applied, because really, that was a valid question. 

“Hence why I don’t date,” Octavia chipped in at that, nodding. 

“It’s unrealistic for this to work. I need the money being an escort provides, and I’m not going to give that up just to look pretty on Lexa’s arm. Plus, she’d offer to pay for it all-”

“I think I’ve got her to stop that,” Octavia spoke again, and Raven turned to her, frowning. 

“What?” 

“I told her to stop trying to save us.” 

“She tried to save you?” Raven asked, voice quiet. 

“She offered me an interview at the company, or basically, a job,” Octavia shrugged. 

“Sounds like she has a complex,” Clarke murmured. 

“She does,” Raven and Octavia both said at the same time, sharing a look. 

The moment hung in the air, with Raven suddenly casting her eyes downward, while Octavia bit her lip. Clarke was left doing clean up. 

“Okay, so, do you guys want to hear about the patient this week who came in with a certain foreign object inserted somewhere?” she asked, quickly trying to change the subject, which was appreciated. 

Raven wanted to ask more, about Lexa, about what Octavia had said, about all of it, to torture herself so, but it was probably best she didn’t. 

Pushing those thoughts away, and focusing on Clarke’s story, Raven, and Octavia, blocked Lexa from their mind. Later on, with more wine in their system, they might have returned to talk about one Woods’ woman, but it wasn’t Lexa. 

By the end of the evening, all of the wine Clarke had brought had been drunk, and Anya had a brand new voicemail, with reasonings on why they should date and why they shouldn’t, with input from all three of them. 

It was a drunken mess, but an amazing one at that. 

*0*0*

Any night out with Clarke and Octavia was a good night. When fancy food, good wine, and the opportunity to dress up was involved it was even better. 

Clarke had scored them another invite, where her mother had prior plans, and at least one Griffin needed to make an appearance. So Octavia and Raven were along for the ride. They’d already spent the evening getting ready together, pre-drinks to start the night off right, and Marcus had sent a car for them so they needn’t worry about transportation. 

It was definitely one of the better starts. 

The event was another charity fundraiser of some kind, which Clarke had rambled on about for a few minutes before waving her hand and saying Marcus had already made donations, and they didn’t need to worry. 

With that taken care of, they could just take advantage of the open bar and the upcoming dinner. Clarke went to get them drinks, which left Raven and Octavia the perfect chance to scout the room. 

They’d learnt, long ago, back when they were fresh to it all, the risks at hand being in a room with previous clients. They’d learnt never to make that mistake again. 

“See anyone you’ve dated?” Octavia asked, scanning the room, eyes critiquing all those she could see. 

“Nope, but the night is young,” Raven replied, still looking around, wanting to be sure. 

“I see one, but that’s his wife, so I don’t think we’ll have any trouble.” Octavia nodded in the direction of this guy, who was staring back, tugging at the collar of his tux, and yeah, Raven was sure she could get him to piss himself if she tried. He was going to be fine. 

“Drinks,” Clarke grinned, coming back to stand beside them. “Who are we staring at?” 

“Ex-clients.” 

“Ah. Any we need to worry about?” Clarke asked, having a look around. 

“Nope, my guy would piss his pants if I walked his way, we’re fine.”

“Speak for yourself,” Raven said, catching sight of her. 

One night, just one night out, could she not even get that? 

Her words had Clarke and Octavia looking, and together they spotted the familiar faces in the crowd. A crowd due to the numerous people who were seeking attention, clamouring to gain the attention of the Woods’ children; who all looked at ease, waving off the limelight, and moving onwards. 

Anya caught sight of them first, and she led the charge, fobbing off those she was speaking to, and coming right over. 

“Well, well, well, fancy seeing you here,” she grinned, and Clarke looked a little caught in headlights, before her gaze scanned the faces standing next to Anya. 

Octavia and Raven had already done that, taking in Lincoln, standing tall with his tux looking immaculate, and then Lexa, whose gaze was softer, as if she didn’t want to get caught looking back. 

“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Clarke stammered out, stepping closer, which had Anya smirking. 

“It’s a Woods sponsored event; we’re out in force.” She nodded her head to her siblings, and Clarke remembered her manners, immediately going to say hi. 

That opened lines of communication, and they all began greeting each other, with Lincoln not thinking twice about wrapping his arms around Raven and giving her a hug, and Anya doing the same, with a small smile on her lips as she did so. 

When it came to Lexa, she greeted Clarke okay, and even hugged Octavia, but there was that pause between Raven and herself. Raven felt it, too. She didn’t know if a hug was acceptable. She didn’t know how they were meant to act around the other. 

Taking a shaky breath, after almost downing her drink, Raven picked up the end of Clarke and Anya’s conversation, which seemed to be about her and Lexa. 

“These two can just deal.” 

“We are all grown ups here.” Which meant no one was to make a scene, so Lexa and Raven were going to have to pretend all was well. 

At least now, it really felt like they were exes, so it wasn’t like they were faking anything anymore. 

“Evening, Lexa,” Raven said, knowing she was going to have to speak to her at some point. Plus, knowing Lexa, she’d take Raven’s words as gospel from the last time they met and follow her instructions to the letter. 

“Hi, Raven,” Lexa replied, quietly, giving a brief nod, her eyes taking her in, and Raven felt that familiar warmth in her chest from the way Lexa looked at her. 

This was why they needed to stay away from each other. This was exactly why. 

“You’re looking good,” Lexa said, nodding, her words quiet, going unheard by her siblings. 

“Don’t I always?” Raven replied, unable to help herself. 

That made Lexa smile, and she knew better than to reply, but the answer was clear; yes.

“I’m sorry about tonight, if I’d known-” she began, moving on, and Raven was quick to finish. 

“If you’d known you would never have come.” 

“Yes.” Lexa let her gaze linger for a second, before moving to see if anyone was paying them any attention. 

They weren’t. 

“We were going to bump into each other eventually,” Raven said, shrugging, because it was true. Especially if she was going to get back into being an escort. 

“I didn’t think it would be when my siblings were around.” Because it meant they had to play the lie again; a slightly different lie, but a lie all the same. 

“Don’t worry about it. We’re pros at this now.” 

Or at least it felt like they were. 

They could certainly lie like the best of them; lie to their friends, to their family, and even to themselves. It was a piece of cake. 

Knowing that they wouldn’t be able to talk in hushed whispers all night, the two of them moved, ever so slightly, so they were back in the conversation, listening to Clarke and Anya go on and on. 

“Where about are you sitting? We should combine tables and-” Anya began, and Raven fought a smile, which Lexa caught. 

“She’s smitten,” she murmured, and Raven looked over to Clarke who seemed to be exactly the same. 

“It’s sickening,” Raven joked, and Lexa let out a quiet laugh, licking her lips. 

“I’m sure we can get some of these people to move,” Clarke replied to Anya, indicating to the table beside them that this was where they were seated for dinner. The Woods were on other tables, however. 

“I’ll take care of it,” Anya started looking for a member of staff, waving her fingers to catch their attention, requesting their assistance. Once closer, she pointed at the table, making the request to move seats, and shook the guy’s hand. 

Message received loud and clear; the places were swapped in minutes, without any fuss or nonsense. 

With that, Raven moved towards where she’d be sitting, next to Clarke and leant over to talk to her as Anya thanked the guests who were being moved elsewhere. 

“Are you going to be okay with sitting with her?” Raven wondered, remembering the fact Clarke was still unsure about Anya, but as soon as she asked she noticed something different. Cocking her head, she recognised the look on Clarke’s face.“Oh my god, you’re turned on by that little show of power she just did there.” 

“Shut up!” Clarke baulked, finally turning to look at Raven. “And I am not, I’m just...surprised.” 

“By?” she prodded, both of them watching Anya command the people around her with her presence. 

“How easily turned on that make me,” Clarke admitted, wincing. 

“O, hold my drink, I’m going to be sick,” Raven said, sticking her hand out, earning an eye roll and a laugh. 

“Please, like you haven’t thought the same about Lexa,” Clarke argued, a little louder than before. 

“Power isn’t one of my kinks, actually.” 

“If only it had been,” Lexa said, taking the now only empty seat, and Raven shot her a look, seeing the teasing smile on Lexa’s lips and trying hard not to smile, too. She failed. 

Ignoring that, Raven turned back to Clarke, and was met with a familiar smirk. 

“I should really be asking you, are you going to be alright sitting with Lexa?” she asked, quietly, eyes aglow with mischief. 

“We’ll be fine.” 

“She was flirting with you.” 

“Lexa doesn’t flirt.” 

“That’s true, she’s notoriously bad at it,” Anya piped in, on the other side of Clarke, and that made Lincoln and Octavia laugh. 

“I don’t think that’s fair,” Lexa said, shaking her head, and good lord, they were all part of the conversation. 

“Thanks, Clarke.” She had the good right to look ashamed. All of ten seconds, before spurring Anya on in telling stories of Lexa’s inability to flirt or talk to pretty women. 

From then, the hosts of the event took to the stage, gave a little speech on why they were there tonight, with a mention of the Woods Foundation's involvement. It was detailed and spoke of each Woods’ child specifically, and Raven felt Lexa tensing as they spoke about her. 

“Feeling like a God again tonight?” Raven asked, recalling one of their earlier conversations, way back when she first started attending events with Lexa; and wanting to ease the mood. 

“Always,” Lexa replied, rolling her eyes, smile on her lips. “You know how much I love it when mere mortals sacrifice their tact for me.” 

“Bet they’ve sacrificed more than that for you.” That had Lexa’s cheeks going pink, and she tried to hide her smile behind her drink. “The stories you could tell,” Raven teased, and Lexa shot her a look. Please. 

“They wouldn’t be about me,” she replied, when the host moved on to talk about something other than the Woods family. 

“No, of course not,” Raven said, waving her hand dismissively, and Lexa rolled her eyes. 

“We both know that’s not my style...Anya’s, however…” They shared a laugh at that, because yes, from everything Raven knew about Anya, she definitely would be taking advantage of the perks her surname offered her. 

“Never?” Raven checked, just wondering. There was Costia, which would explain why Lexa wouldn’t stray into that; but to some, having the adoration, the lust, the want from someone was a powerful aphrodisiac. Sometimes being wanted was the biggest turn on of all.

“Like you, power isn’t one of my…” Lexa waved her hand, and Raven smirked over the fact she couldn’t even say the word. 

“Maybe I was kidding about that.” That caught Lexa’s attention. “And I think you are, too.” 

Jesus, Raven. Playing with fire much? 

“What makes you say that?” Lexa asked, slowly, her voice quieter than before, the two of them now closer so they could hear one another. 

“You’re too highly strung,” Raven shrugged. “I think you’d like to lose control, give it to someone else for a night.” 

“A night,” Lexa repeated, and Raven licked her lips, nodding. 

“A night, a couple of nights, once a week, once a month, whatever,” Raven provided, still trying to play nonchalant, ignoring the steady thrum she could feel pulsing through her body. 

“Shame that we both know I can’t do ‘whatever’,” Lexa said, swallowing the lump in her throat, and looking down at the table. 

Raven remembered that conversation, too. Because no strings attached sex seemed good, it seemed like they could make that work, even if it would never be enough. Lexa was right, though, she couldn’t do ‘whatever’, and if Raven was being honest, there was no way she could do ‘whatever’ with Lexa.

They were back where they started; stuck in this void.  

The host stopped speaking, the band started playing, and with that, Raven took a deep breath and awaited food hitting the table. The moment with Lexa was lost. 

Despite that, the dinner was good. It was comfortable. It felt normal. Clarke and Anya were flirting back and forth, and pretending they weren’t, Lexa was bickering with her sister about business, and when someone approached the table to talk, all three Woods siblings rolled their eyes. Octavia was playing both sides equal, laughing and joking with Lexa, while teasing Raven about something else, and Lincoln took to doing much the same; the two of them made a hell of a pair to drink with. 

Unlike the last party Clarke, Octavia and Raven had been at, they couldn’t just sit and get trashed at the table; even when dinner was cleared away and the night started to come to an end. That, by no means, meant they were sober, but they weren’t drunk.  

Yet.

“We’re going back to Anya’s, little after party drinks, want to come along?” Lincoln asked, looking from Octavia to Clarke, then Raven. He then glanced ever so carefully over to Lexa, seeing if she was okay with this, cause he may have forgotten to ask, he may have been so focused on Octavia it slipped his mind that Raven was an ex, he may have messed up. 

“You guys should come,” Lexa said, nodding, her eyes on Raven as she did so. 

“We’d love to,” Octavia grinned, not giving Raven a chance to reply. 

Yeah, Raven had seen that coming a mile away. With the way Octavia and Lincoln were getting on, it was downright obvious what Octavia’s reply was going to be. And Clarke wasn’t going to be any help, she was practically fawning over Anya. 

As if realising how that played out, while Lincoln and Octavia went to fetch their coats, Lexa moved closer. She stood within a few feet of Raven, still giving her space, but close enough Raven could hear her as she spoke quietly. 

“If you don’t want to-” 

“I do,”  Raven admitted, her hand reach out, landing on Lexa’s arm. “I’d like to spend time with you...all of you, again. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Lincoln and Anya, tonight's been great, so why cut it short?” 

“I’m glad,” Lexa said, small smile on her lips, having heard the words, but knowing best not to acknowledge them.  

It was probably better that way. 

Lincoln returned with their coats shortly after, and they headed outside towards the cars. Marcus’ driver was there to take the three of them home, which Clarke was quickly taking care of. She gave them Anya’s address, and piled inside, pulling Anya by the hand. They left together, and the four of them left were so relieved they weren’t going to be travelling with them. 

Instead, they took the Woods cars back to Anya’s, even going as far to buzz the door before coming up and letting themselves in. God only knows what state they might have been in, otherwise. 

Anya had already poured Clarke and herself a drink by the time the rest of them made it to the kitchen, and she was quick to pass out everyone’s drink of choice. Then they moved towards Anya’s living room, a sparsely decorated open space, with views over the city, and what looked like a pretty comfortable couch. 

Raven knew where she was sitting. 

“Mind if I…?” Lexa asked, nodding to the seat next to her. It was a pleasant surprise. 

“No, go for it.” Raven gave her a warm smile, wanting to show any way she could that Lexa was welcome, she didn’t have to distance herself, not tonight. 

“I think my siblings are smitten,” Lexa said, her eyes scanning the room, taking in Lincoln and Octavia laughing, while Anya was leaning in close, talking low to Clarke. 

“I think my friends are looking to get laid,” Raven muttered into her drink, and Lexa chortled on hers. 

“Clarke’s scored, for sure.”

“Not Octavia?” Raven wondered, her eyes narrowing slightly. Did Lincoln know about Octavia? Is that why he wouldn’t-

“Lincoln is like me, he likes commitment, but no tragic backstory there.” There was a wry little smile on her lips, and Raven knocked her elbow against Lexa’s, shooting her a look. “What? I can’t joke?” 

“You can when it doesn’t hurt you.” Raven could see right through Lexa’s mask, those eyes giving her away. 

“I’m working on it.” 

“I know you are,” Raven said softly, taking a sip of her drink. 

“Alright, we can’t have you two getting morose over there, time to split up,” Anya called out, drawing attention to them, as she rose to her feet, having clocked Raven and Lexa muttering between them. “You two can reminisce about old times another day, tonight, we’re having fun,” she continued, walking over towards them, drink in hand. 

“We might have been having fun,” Raven fired back, only to receive an eye roll in return.  

“Please, Lexa looked like a kicked puppy.” Anya stood before Lexa and pointed her over to Octavia, and then Lincoln got up to move. It was like musical chairs. 

With that, Anya led the conversation, with ease. It was really easy for Raven to see how Anya was so successful in business, she could charm a room and have her listeners hanging on her every word. Lexa was much the same, in a more understated way when she spoke. The two of them regaled tales of them as teenagers, which was met with stories of Raven, Octavia and Clarke in their freshman year. From the drunken debauchery, to the one night stands, and all the secrets your friends know but no one else; it was clear they were opening up, with plans for repeat nights like this. 

Given Clarke and Anya, that seemed more likely by the minute. Raven couldn’t find a reason for that to be bad, and that had her asking a lot of questions of herself. 

Sometime later, when the clock had slipped past two a.m., Lexa excused herself to get a drink, and after some deliberation, Raven got up, too, and followed her into the kitchen, out of sight. 

Behind her, she heard Clarke laugh at something, while Octavia protested wildly, and with a smile on her lips, Raven joined Lexa at the counter. 

“Tonight’s going well,” she said, watching Lexa top up her drink. 

“Better than I expected, actually.” 

“Think we’d fight?” 

“Oh, I knew we wouldn’t, I wasn’t sure about them.” That made Raven smile, because yes, that could have been messy. 

“Your siblings still like me,” Raven remarked, making a surprised face. 

“Why wouldn’t they?” Lexa’s lack of eye contact answered her own question. 

“You know why.” 

“I didn’t tell them,” she relented. “I said it was mutual. They believe it was me.” Of course they would; as much as Anya and Lincoln loved Lexa, they couldn’t see past the shadow of Costia that was cast over her. 

“You can blame me.” It would probably make Raven feel better, but then again, why did she deserve the easy way out? 

“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong, you were perfectly within your right-” 

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Raven said, interrupting Lexa before she really got on a roll. “Blame me,” she added, when Lexa looked on, confused. “I’m glad you let me keep their friendship.” 

“They care about you, it would be wrong to sabotage that.” Always so caring, Lexa was. “Plus, you’re okay with me being friends with Octavia.” 

That was true, but it was also for selfish reasons. With Octavia close, Raven knew someone would be there to look after Lexa; someone who knew the truth, who knew the details of their relationship. 

“Octavia said you’re selling a house,” Raven uttered, voice lower, changing topic slightly. 

“I am,” Lexa nodded, standing ever-so-slightly taller. 

“You have a house.” That made Lexa smile, and she nodded again, body relaxing once more. 

“It was mine and Costia’s,” she explained. 

“Ah.” Great topic to pick, Raven. 

“It’s near Polis. We were going to...you don’t want to hear about this,” Lexa said, shaking her head, sad smile on her lips. 

“I miss the sound of your voice,” Raven replied, honestly, and Lexa looked her over for a moment before trusting those words. 

“We were going to live there, once she’d graduation university, and I was setup with the company. We have an office in Polis, it’s a small one, and I would have had to start further down the corporate ladder but that would have been fine.” Lexa shrugged, and Raven could see this was probably a story she’d told herself hundreds of times; it had been their life plan, she would know it off by heart. 

“She died there,” Lexa said, eyes downcast, and Raven recalled Octavia saying Costia had been murdered. “Anya found her...the alarm...she was in Polis that weekend, she was closest. I was...I was here, working.”  

When Lexa shrugged, Raven stepped closer, until her body was almost pressed up against Lexa’s side. She cautiously reached out, her hand  landing on the small of Lexa’s back, and listened. 

“The alarm had been going off itself for weeks, so when it...I called Anya to sort it out for me. She called back later, and told me to get in a car, but not to drive, and to come right away.” Another shrug, as Lexa tried to distance herself from her memories, and another move by Raven, this time, taking the drink from Lexa’s hand, placing it down, and taking her hand in hers. 

“Costia wasn’t even meant to be there. She was...we were planning on moving in that coming week, and she wanted to surprise me by having it complete. Anya and Lincoln had been helping her.” 

Raven had no idea it was so interwoven, and now she understood why Anya was so fiercely protective of her sister. She’d been the bearer of bad news. She’d watched Lexa’s world crumble, and she’d played part in why Costia was there that weekend. 

“My therapist encouraged me to move on, to start putting the past behind me.” 

“And that’s why you’re selling the house?” Raven asked, now fully leaning into Lexa. 

“I haven’t been there since the trial ended and the police removed the evidence tape from the doors.” 

There had been a trial. 

With that sort of information, Raven could easily ask Monty to have another go of finding out about Lexa. Court records and transcripts didn’t just vanish. There had to be a record out there somewhere. 

But, that would be prying into a past Lexa was trying hard to lay to rest. 

As curious as she was, Raven couldn’t do it. She couldn't push, even if that meant never finding out. 

“You’re doing the right thing,” Raven said, and Lexa looked on, curiously. “Moving on,” she added, licking her lips. “You’re different tonight, than you were a few months ago.” 

“I’ll tell Callie.” With Raven’s blank look, it was Lexa’s turn to expand. “My therapist.” 

“I’m serious, you know. You still have that haunted look about you, but it’s less intense, and tonight…” at the dinner, at the table, the flirting, the connection… “tonight felt different.” 

“You sure that wasn’t Anya’s booze?” Lexa nodded towards the bottles on the counter, and Raven rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t be like that.” 

“Like what?” Lexa asked, playing the fool. 

“Dismiss what I’m saying,” Raven argued, now taking a step back, putting that all too familiar space between them. 

“Why? Is it going to change anything between us? You’re still going to walk away,” Lexa said, sharp and to the point. 

Ouch. 

But Raven deserved that. Lexa hadn’t exactly lied. 

“I don’t know how to do this with you,” Raven confessed, one shoulder shrugging. 

“And you think I do? I’m still mourning my dead fiancée,” Lexa laughed, humorlessly. She then groaned, and pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes. “This is why I don’t drink often.” Her words were followed by a sniffle, quiet, but still there, and her eyes were glassy when Lexa took her hands away. 

That had Raven stepping back in, one hand coming up, cupping Lexa’s cheek, and running up into her hair. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, and really, she could be apologising for so many things, she didn’t know.

Lexa closed her eyes and dropped her head, basking in the physical touch, the intimacy of it, and let herself enjoy the moment before Raven pulled away. It would be all too soon. 

“Me too,” Lexa replied, opting to be brave, and moving away first. 

The silence rang out between them after that, with Raven unsure if she had majorly overstepped (it was also so easy to do so with Lexa), and Lexa uncertain if she’d just pushed Raven away when all she wanted was her near. 

But then the silence really made its presence known, and the two of them frowned, looking at one another, before glancing to the door. 

“It’s awfully quiet,” Lexa remarked, and Raven nodded in agreement, wondering herself why the next room was almost silent. 

Heading to the doorway, Raven looked out and spotted Lincoln sprawled out on the floor, snoring softly, with Octavia sound asleep on the couch, and opposite them, Clarke and Anya were drunkenly lying over one another, limbs entwined, but out like a light. 

“They’re asleep?” Raven asked, almost in disbelief. 

“How did we outlast them?” 

“At least Anya’s not face down asleep in Clarke’s crotch,” Raven joked, smirking. 

“What?” Lexa frowned, doing a double take. “Wait, no. I don’t want to know.” And then another pause. “That’s why Clarke didn’t want her number? She fell asleep going down on her?” 

“Yep,” Raven laughed, with Lexa laughing right along with her, the tension around them easing. 

“God, I cannot wait to torture her with that piece of news.” 

“Oh, it gets better than that,” Raven hummed, and Lexa waited, eyebrows raised. “I didn’t know you guys owned a winery.” 

“Neither did I,” Lexa replied, frowning. 

“Woods branded wine, six cases of it; we got drunk on one.” Lexa ducked her head as she laughed, carefree, relaxed, and her smile was infectious. 

“Thank you for sharing that with me, tomorrow is going to be such a delight.” That had Raven laughing, and the two of them caught the other’s eye, letting that moment settle. 

“I wasn’t okay with you and Octavia,” Raven whispered, and Lexa’s smile fell, being replaced by a look of confusion. “I thought you and Octavia…” Raven let the words hang. “I don’t know what I thought when I found out you two were friends.” 

“Thought I’d found another damsel to save?” Lexa said, tone teasing, but eyes holding the hurt from those words. 

“Thought my best friend could see what I see,” Raven began, “only she’s brave enough to actually go for it.” 

“It’s not about being brave, though, is it?” 

“No.” 

They were both fucking liars and they both knew it. 

Looking at the clock on the wall, Raven knew it was time to go. She’d overstayed, if anything. Clarke was going to stay, as was Octavia, but Raven couldn’t. 

“I should go,” she said, wiping her hands down her dress and nodding, almost at the door. 

“If I was brave,” Lexa began, making Raven stop. “I would ask to kiss you goodnight.” 

That thought made Raven’s heart sing and soar, her eyes closing for a split second at the thought, and she wanted to, she really want to, but...

“If I was brave,” she began, turning back. “I’d let you.” 

Lexa’s slow smile was worth the palpitations those words had caused, and a part of Raven was exploding like fireworks. She’d missed that feeling. 

“Goodnight, Raven,” Lexa said, respectfully giving her distance. 

“Don’t you mean good morning?” Lexa smiled at that and conceded. 

“Good morning, Raven.” 

“Good morning, Lexa,” she replied, smiling, too, ready to make her exit, to go back through the living room, grab her coat and bag, and head for the door. 

Yet neither of them moved; both standing, taking in the other. It was like standing on the precipice, you knew it was risky, you knew something was about to happen, you just had to take that leap of faith. 

Raven had done enough leaping in her life. 

She dropped her gaze, and then Lexa stepped back, adding more distance, and the moment was broken. That was it. Time to leave. 

Raven made the move to go, heading back into the living room, quietly moving so she didn’t wake her friend, and ignoring all thoughts swirling through her head that didn’t consist of getting out of there. 

It was tempting to stay, to turn back around, but she knew better. She really did. 

No more. No more. 

They both knew better. 

But…

Raven turned first, looking back, just for a second, and caught Lexa’s gaze. They paused, waiting, holding their breath, before throwing caution to the wind. 

It was Raven who moved first. She didn’t rush, she didn’t hurry, she simply looked back at the way Lexa was watching her, standing in the kitchen doorway, and she knew what Lexa was going to say before she even opened her mouth. 

“You could stay.” 

“No, I can’t,” Raven replied, and Lexa looked crestfallen, again. “But you could come with me.” 

And just like that, the offer was lying bare. 

Maybe it was time she started being brave. What was that saying again? 

Fortune favours the brave. 

 


	25. Unconventional Friendship

  
  


The thing about being brave, it wears off. 

That initial burst of adrenalin sets you off out the starting gate, full speed, but then it begins to lag, reality creeps in, and no longer do you feel brave. 

Raven was feeling that, more and more with each passing second. 

It felt brave to say Lexa could come with her, somewhere private, somewhere away from their friends and Lexa’s family, but reality meant they actually had to go some place. Neither could drive, given the alcohol consumed, and Lexa was reluctant about calling a driver, so it was in the back of a cab, and then an address. 

“Yours or mine?” Lexa asked, and Raven took a moment to think it through. 

“Mine,” she replied, before turning to the driver and rattling off her address. 

She couldn’t go to Lexa’s. They couldn’t go to Lexa’s. Not like this. Not how they were. 

And of course, then came the drive. The agonising drive, that even with so little traffic on the roads, it still felt like it had taken too long. 

Lexa’s body next to hers, not quite touching, but the heat a reminder they were really doing this, they were really taking that plunge. And the closer they got to Raven’s apartment, the more she wondered if she’d done the right thing by telling Lexa to come, by giving her that opportunity. 

Were they rushing? Was this because she’d seen the way Lexa looked at and missed that affection? Was this Raven being selfish? Or was she finally doing the right thing? 

As if Lexa could hear her questions, Raven felt a gentle touch on her hand, and looked down; Lexa gave her hand a soft squeeze, matched with a reassuring smile, and there it was again, that feeling, knowing this wasn’t a mistake. It didn’t matter what her doubts said, Lexa’s gaze was enough to push them away. 

Out of sight and out of mind, as they say. 

Of course, that didn’t mean everything was going to align perfectly for them. The last time Lexa had been at Raven’s place, they’d argued. They’d ripped into one another, both hurt, both hurting the other, and it was the beginning of the end. 

Only fitting then, that this was the beginning of something new. Or at least, it felt like that, to Raven. 

She didn’t know where Lexa’s mindset was at, but for her, maybe where she’d been going wrong this whole time was trying so hard to draw lines and make rules for someone who was destined to never have them. 

There was no time to dwell on thoughts of past mistakes and history, as the cab driver pulled up outside her building. 

“Are you sure it’s okay we’re here?” Lexa asked, voice wavering slightly, as she followed Raven and stepped out the cab, paying the driver. 

“I’m sure,” Raven replied, nodding, taking her hand, and leading her towards the building. 

She hunted in her bag with her free hand, pulling out her keys and opening the main door to the stairwell. Lexa followed her in, the door shutting gently behind them. 

“We could have gone to mine,” Lexa said, her thumb caressing the back of Raven’s hand as they took the stairs, and Raven shook her head. 

“Nope,” she said, shooting a look over her shoulder as they reached her floor. “We’ve been there, as client and…” Raven didn’t need to say it. Lexa knew. “We need somewhere new.” 

“And that’s here?” Lexa asked, with them stopping in front of apartment 318. 

“It is if you want it to be,” Raven answered, her message loud and clear. 

Lexa licked her lips, her eyes looking over Raven’s face, softly, slowly, until she gave a nod, and that was all Raven needed to unlock the door. 

The lights were out, and the chaos from earlier when they’d all been getting ready was left all over the couch and in the kitchen. Raven didn’t think twice about bypassing it all, leading Lexa past the mess, past the common rooms, and taking her down the hallway, lights out, moving in the dark from memory, and towards her bedroom. 

Lexa had been there before, of course, but from the shiver that moved up her spine, it felt different. Raven felt it, but didn’t say anything as she dropped Lexa’s hand at the bedroom door, and moving to turn on the bedside lamp. The soft glow through the room illuminated the reality of where they were when Raven turned back to see Lexa standing in the doorway, uncertain. 

“You can come in,” Raven said, and Lexa nodding, licking her lips again, but standing still. 

Cracking a small smile, Raven made the first move, back over to where Lexa was, and took both her hands in her own, gently pulling her in, walking backwards as she did so. 

“You’re nervous,” she observed, and now it was Lexa’s turn to crack a smile. 

“Of course I am,” she replied, and Raven nodded, getting it, because the nerves were running from her fingertips to her toes. This felt real. This felt possible. 

And that had never been true of them. 

“You make me nervous, too,” Raven confessed, taking that moment to move slightly, dropping one of Lexa’s hand, to shut the bedroom door. “You’ve always made me nervous.” 

It was so reminiscent of a conversation they had in Lexa’s bedroom, echoes of that moment hung in the air, and Raven wondered if Lexa felt it, too. 

Did she remember how close they came that day to accepting the palpable tension between them? Did she remember Raven’s next confession? Did she remember? 

“I want to kiss you,” Lexa finally said, almost whispering, airing that thought, stealing those words from so long ago. 

She remembered. .

It was Raven who closed her eyes this time around, inhaling sharply through her nose, and slowly exhaling through her mouth. When she opened her eyes again, they were darker than before, and those lips Lexa couldn’t stop glancing at, she swiped her tongue over them, quickly.

“You can do whatever you want to me,” Raven said, words strong, unwavering, and Lexa’s gaze was full of mirth as she remembered those words falling from her very lips last time around. 

And then Raven recalled where the conversation had moved to, she’d shut it down. She’d said no, and if she remembered, did Lexa? Was this where their parallel would stop? Was this where they would take another path? 

“No,” Lexa then said, shaking her head, breath quickening. “I can’t.” And then, “we can’t.”

And Raven frowned, because those were her words. Those were hers and she never wanted to hear them again. But Lexa wasn’t done. 

“Not for the reasons you’re thinking, though.” Lexa took a step forward, and Raven was remiss to move away. “I don’t do no strings attached.” 

“And that’s all I do,” Raven muttered, rolling her eyes. 

“No, it’s not,” Lexa said, and that caught Raven’s attention. “If it was, I wouldn’t be here tonight. You know how I feel about you.” 

Yes, she knew. 

Lexa was in love with her, and from the way still looked at her right then and there, there was no doubt that those feelings still remained. 

“You’re right. Tonight wouldn’t have been a no strings attached fuck to get over you-” Raven began. 

“And am I not relieved to hear that,” Lexa joked, and Raven smiled despite herself. 

“-I just wanted...” her sentence hung in the air between them. 

“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” Lexa said, and Raven wondered if maybe- “I need time before I can have sex again. Emotionally.” There was a slight pause, before Lexa clarified again. “Physically, I’m fine. I’m good. I’m great, even,” and Raven couldn’t help but laugh because hello, that Woods ego was back. She was pretty fond of it, in all honesty. 

“Sound pretty sure of yourself,” Raven teased back, just to stir the pot. 

“I am,” Lexa joked, and Raven rolled her eyes. And like usual, the moment turned slightly more serious, “I don’t need sex to love you, Raven. I don’t think I will love you any more after we have sex than I do right now. I don’t care if we never have sex. I just know, right now, I’m not ready for sex. I love you, and I can say it because you know I don’t do no-strings attached sex and yet, you brought me here, to your home, to your bedroom, with the intention of sex. I love you, but I need time, I need time-”

“Take as long as you need,” Raven said, cutting her off, before she got caught up in why she needed that time. Raven knew. It wasn’t hard to work out. Costia had been Lexa’s last, and while she might have been willing to throw ten grand at Raven before, now it was different. It was going to mean something, and last time it had, Lexa hadn’t even known it was going to be their last time together. 

So if Lexa needed time, then of course, Raven would give her that time; as long as she needed. 

“I’m not...I’m not going anywhere,” Raven said, her gaze landing on Lexa’s as she spoke. 

“You’re not?” Lexa asked, taking them both back to that day in the booth, at Murphy’s bar, their last time there. 

_ “I can’t date a previous client, no matter how I feel about them. So this is it. When we’re done, I’m going to get up, walk away, and that will be it. I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t want to see you. After today, we don’t know each other.” _

Raven’s words were so final, boxing Lexa in where she had no option but to comply. 

“I don’t want to go anywhere,” she said, looking down at their entwined hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing with you, but I know I don’t want to do anything without you.” 

“Then we’re in the same boat.”

Yes, because although it was left unsaid, they both knew this wasn’t the beginning of them dating. This wasn’t a moment of grand gestures and acceptance and happy endings. This was the reality of them wanting to be together, needing the time to overcome past haunts, and the comfort to open oneself up to the other, with the room to trust, to feel secure in the other. 

It was easy to put a label on something, but to actually make the relationship last, it needed work. 

Moving back to stand in front of Lexa, Raven placed her hand on Lexa’s shoulder, running it up to her collar and playing with the edge of it. 

“I know we’re not…” she didn’t want to say it, to draw it back to it, so moved on, “but does that mean you have to go, or can you stay?” 

“I’d like...I’d like to stay,” Lexa answered, swallowing the lump in her throat as her eyes glanced down from Raven’s gaze, to her lips, to her neck, and downwards, before taking a shaky breath and closing them. 

“You doing okay there?” Raven smirked, knowing exactly where Lexa’s gaze had ended up. 

Lexa let out a groan, smiling as she did so, and dropped her head until she was leaning against Raven, her breath ghosting over’s Raven’s neck. 

Jesus. 

“Can we sit?” she asked, not lifting her head, one had gently on Raven’s waist. 

“Before you pass out?” Raven teased, and Lexa laughed, shrugging cause she wouldn’t put it past herself. “Come on.” Raven entwined her fingers and pulled her back towards the bed. She gently pushed on Lexa until she was sitting up by the pillows, and told her to get comfortable. Then it was Raven’s turn to do the same, and the best way for to her feel comfortable was to get out of her heels and out of her dress. 

Lexa slipped off her shoes, placing them neatly by the bed, and then sat up, leaning against the headboard. 

“Do you want clothes, or you comfy?” Raven asked, using the mirror to see where the zipper on her dress was, before reaching round and undoing it.

With the dress open, Raven slipped her heels off at the bottom of the bed, and then reached down to pull the dress up over head. Once that was down, she stretched her leg out across the carpet, feeling the sting up her leg, as she shook out the dress, getting ready to hang it up. 

“Lexa, do you want clothes?” she repeated, looking over her shoulder. 

“Where did yours go?” Lexa asked, voice dry, and Raven tried not to laugh. 

“I want to put on pyjamas. Do you want some, too?” Lexa shook her head, and Raven could see that she already looked relaxed and calm, sprawled out at the top of the bed. 

It brought a smile to her lips as she got up, not missing the quick inhale from behind her, as she moved to rummage through her wardrobe for something comfortable. Reaching behind her, Raven unhooked the strapless bra with ease and let it fall to the floor, before putting her arms through her top and pulling it over her head. 

“Do you want me to leave the room?” Lexa asked, as Raven turned to make her way back to the bed. 

“For?” Raven frowned. 

“So you can finish changing.” 

“I’m done for now.” Raven crawled onto the bed next to Lexa, tugging at the blanket thrown over the bottom, until she had it wrapped over her legs, covered and cozy. “You sure you don’t want anything?” 

Lexa shook her head, slowly, a soft smile on her lips, and Raven curled into the pillow, smiling up at her. 

So she wasn’t leaning over Raven, Lexa shuffled down until her head, too, was lying on a pillow, and she was facing Raven. There was a good foot or so between their bodies, but it was reminiscent of Polis, and if there was one thing Lexa had never been brave enough to do then was reach across the bed, but now. 

“May I?” she asked, her hand reaching out, and Raven rolled her eyes, nodding. 

“You don’t need to ask everytime you want to touch me.” Lexa smiled, but Raven knew she’d probably still ask anyway. 

Lexa’s hand was warm on her waist, over the blanket, and Raven wanted more of that warmth, more of Lexa, and shuffled closer, until the distance was almost non-existent. It was comfortable. It felt safe. 

And Raven knew that she wanted this, she wanted so many more nights, or early mornings, of this, with Lexa. The only way they were going to make it, to pull it off, with all their baggage, was to nail what they were good at; being around one another. 

“We need to hang out more,” Raven then said, and Lexa looked on, bemused.  

“What are we doing right now?” 

“No, I mean, we went from strangers to client and hooker; we need to be friends.” 

“I thought we were.” Lexa almost sounded hurt, and Raven was quick to reach out, to run her fingers over the buttons of Lexa’s shirt. 

“Sort of. We became friends because I was your hooker, your pretend girlfriend, and fucking hell, I’m still your pretend ex.” 

“There are worse things to be than my pretend ex,” Lexa said, nodding. 

“Yeah, your actual ex.” Yikes, what the fuck possessed her to say that? That made it sound like she meant Costia. “Wait, I didn’t mean-”

“I know,” Lexa said softly, face still calm, brow unfurrowed, and she hadn’t taken it the way it accidentally sounded. “I know you didn’t mean Costia.” Lexa paused, plucking up her own courage before asking the next question. “In order to be an ex, you need to be the girlfriend…” 

So maybe it wasn’t a question. 

“Yeah, I know,” Raven replied, looking to her, laying out that possibility. “But before then, we need to hang out,” she said, bringing it back round. 

“Let’s hang out then,” 

“When?” 

“Does now not count?” 

“It does, but it’s morning soon, and…” And then they have lives to get back to. 

“When you told me that you didn’t want to hear from me and you didn’t want to see me, I listened, because you asked me not to. Now, you’re saying you want to hang out; why would I not do everything possible to make that happen?” Lexa asked, and jesus, this girl. 

“I worry you’d give me the world if I asked,” Raven confessed. 

“You only have to ask.” Lexa was so serious, her words so true of conviction, it made Raven’s chest ache, and her resolve break. 

“Lexa,” she laughed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “I hate that you’re serious.” She did. She absolutely did. 

“Do you hate it because I would do it, or do you hate it because you could never ask?” Lexa replied, raising her eyebrows, and that made Raven pause for thought. 

“I hate it because I’m not a charity case,” she whispered, biting her bottom lip. 

“No, you’re not. You’re the woman I’m in love with, and if I can make you feel even a quarter of what I feel, then I’m doing this right. I want you happy, and I have the means-” Lexa began. 

“Octavia said she’d reigned in your saviour-complex,” Raven muttered, rolling her eyes again. 

“My what?” Lexa frowned, pausing, and shaking her head. 

“We are not your damsels,” Raven stated, looking directly at her and Lexa nodded once, before speaking. 

“I know.” She paused again, letting that sink in. “And really, the only one in distress is me,” she teased, and Raven smiled back.  

“Sure,” Raven joked, before watching the smile fall from Lexa’s lips. 

“Wait, you think I have a saviour-complex?” she back-tracked, as if remembering what Raven had said seconds ago. 

“I don’t think, I know you do. I’ve seen it in action.” 

“Does it bother you?” she asked, a slight furrow on her brow. 

“That you want to keep saving me?” Raven asked, checking that’s what Lexa meant. 

“You don’t need saving, not in the conventional terms, anyway.” That wasn’t quite the answer she expected. 

“Oh, but I do need saving?” Raven asked, and Lexa was then working to sort out what she did mean. 

“No, no, I just…” 

“You want me to stop being an escort.” That was the plain truth of the matter. 

“Don’t you want that, too?” Lexa asked, her voice soft, her thumb stroking Raven’s waist. 

“Yes, but realistically, I only have a little bit of time where I can keep doing this, and I need to make the most of it.” As much as she wanted to be done, to move onto the next chapter of her life, she knew she still had a good fifty pages or so left in this one. 

“You’re still going to see clients.” It wasn’t a question. 

“As an escort, yes.” They paused, and Raven could see the words on Lexa’s tongue, but she didn’t dare say them aloud. “You can ask, Lexa.” 

It didn’t take long for her to do just that. 

“Are you going to sleep with your clients?” Of course she wanted to know that.  

“Would that be a problem?” Raven shot back, while physically still close, feeling emotionally like they were putting a lot of distance between them. 

“No, you are free to do what you want.” Damn right she was. 

“But?” Cause there was always a ‘but’, especially when it came to her being an escort. 

“But...it seems to hurt you, emotionally, and if I can do anything to help-”

“And there you go trying to save me,” Raven groaned. 

“I’m not, I’m not, I just...we’re friends, to me, we are friends. I look after my friends.” God, Raven knew that. Lexa didn’t need to say those words aloud. It was obvious she did. Every part of her being was about caring for others, giving them her all, at her own expense. 

“If I sleep with my clients, are we still going to be friends?” Raven asked, needing to know if they could see eye to eye on this matter. 

“Of course.” There wasn’t even a hesitation in her tone. 

“And if I wanted more...if we got to that stage and I was still...could we?” Raven didn’t want to say the words, but the meaning was clear; if I wanted more with you, and we got to that stage, and I was still fucking my clients, could we give it a go? 

“Yes.” For once, Raven actually believed that answer. “I’m not saying I won’t worry about your safety, and be crawling up the walls while you’re working, but I would never stop you from doing it.” 

“We’re not there yet, so you don’t have to worry, anyway.” It was the best brush off she could give it. 

“I will worry regardless,” Lexa admitted, and Raven gave her a soft smile, not getting it. 

There were doubts crawling up her spine, invading the peace and tranquillity she felt around Lexa, and she couldn’t help but wonder, what the hell did Lexa see in her? She’d give her the world, and for what? Raven wasn’t anything special, she wasn’t anything worth the effort and the attention, she was second choice, and her main feature was the warm body she could offer. So why, why was Lexa looking at her like she was more than that? 

“I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you,” Raven murmured, and Lexa frowned at that, one hand coming up to cup the side of Raven’s neck, her thumb caressing the underside of her jaw. 

“I don’t think you know the half of how special you are.” Raven wanted to shoot back a sarcastic remark, but those usually stung, and the last person she wanted to hurt right now was Lexa. 

“Well, maybe one day I’ll see for myself.” 

“I hope I’m there when you do,” Lexa then broke out into a smile. “God help the world, you’ll burn it down and build it back up, piece by piece, but better than before.” 

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot of shit?” Lexa laughed at that and nodded. 

“Yes, and I suspect someone will tell me that quite a lot from now on, but I don’t mind.” Lexa’s grin was infectious, and Raven rolled her eyes as she grinned back. “One day you’ll see.” 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Raven asked, changing the subject. 

“Hopefully, hanging out with you?” Lexa replied, looking optimistic. Dork. 

“Want to sleep in, watch netflix over breakfast and see what we feel like doing later?” Raven suggested. 

“I’d love to. If you’re okay with me staying here, that is. I could go home and come back-” Lexa rambled. 

“What am I going to do with you?” Raven said, not expecting an actual answer. 

“What do you mean?” Lexa replied, confused. 

“You’re high-strung, you’re respectful, which is great, don’t ever stop, but come on, Lex. Of course you’re staying here, why do you think I offered you comfortable clothes? As hot as you look in that suit, I don’t expect you to sleep in it.” Lexa gave her a blank look for a second and then- 

“Oh.” And the penny fucking dropped. 

“Go grab some of my clothes out of the bottom drawer, over there,” Raven pulled away to point across the room, and Lexa sat up, nodding.

Raven sat up, too, to watch her, but Lexa stopped just short of her feet hitting the carpet. 

“Wait,” she said, turning back around. She took off her jacket, which was long overdue, and Raven was pretty sure she was about to witness Lexa fold all her clothes perfectly before getting changed, but that didn’t happen. 

“What are we waiting for?” Raven asked, when Lexa stopped, jacket on the foot of the bed, and her standing next to the bedside table with a soft smile on her lips. 

“I would like to ask you something.” Right...

“This sounds ominous. I’m already your pretend ex-girlfriend, what more do you need?” 

“It’s not a need, more a request.” 

“Okay…” Still, Raven wasn’t quite on board. 

“May I...if you’re willing…” Lexa tried, and she was playing with the strap of her watch as she spoke. 

“Lexa, seriously, spit it out, cause I’m not getting any younger over here-” Raven said, wondering what the big deal was. 

“I’d like to kiss you,” Lexa said, confidently, but the dryness of her lips and her hand on her watch said otherwise. 

“Oh.” Was that it?

“If you’re okay with that,” Lexa added, worrying her bottom lip. 

“We came here to have sex and you think I don’t want to kiss you?” Raven asked, frowning a little. 

“It’s rude to presume.” Of course it was. 

“God, I’m going to have so much fun with you.” Lexa swallowed, audibly, at that, and Raven’s grin widened.

“It worries me when you say things like that.” 

“Cause you know I’ll break you?” she teased, and Lexa smiled, dropping her head. 

“Because I know I’ll enjoy it,” she admitted, and fuck. 

“Jesus,” Raven moved in one fell swoop, until she was kneeling on the edge of the bed, not thinking twice as she pulled Lexa that little bit closer, until their bodies were touching. 

“Just a kiss,” Lexa whimpered, her hands already ghosting over Raven’s waist. 

“Just a kiss,” Raven repeated, taking Lexa’s hands in her own and planting them on her waist, right beneath her sleep-shirt, and over the tops of the lace on her underwear. 

Now it was Lexa’s turn to be blasphemous. 

“Christ,” she groaned, her hands moving ever so slightly, and her hips jutting just that little bit. It was almost unnoticeable. 

Almost. 

“This isn’t something friends do,” Raven murmured, close, her breath ghosting over Lexa’s lips. 

She could see the way Lexa was looking at her, those pupils blown with desire, but that edge of restraint, always so respectful and careful. 

“We’ve never been the conventional type of friends,” Lexa reasoned, and Raven ran her hands up the front of Lexa’s shirt, from belt buckle, up round the buttons, until she felt the bra beneath her shirt, and then back down again. 

“This isn’t going to help that.” 

“I’m past caring,” she admitted, her grin lazy, and Raven couldn’t help but reach one hand up and ruffle it through those curls she loved so goddamn much. 

“Me, too.” 

Lexa’s smile had Raven licking her lips, and edging closer, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck, the front of their bodies pressed together.

There was no hesitation on either side as their heads dipped, until Lexa was resting her forehead against Raven’s, breathing slow, skin warm to touch, savouring the moment before it all changed.

It had been a long time coming. From that instant connection in the bar, to their time in Polis, to the parties, to Lexa’s place, and Raven’s, and every moment in between. The significance of it, the want, the desire, had Raven’s heart racing, thumping wildly in her chest, and she couldn't remember the last time she was so nervous about one kiss. 

She’d kissed hundreds of people, and she wasn’t shy about that, but they all felt like amateur hour in comparison to what she was experiencing now. The build up alone her her on edge. 

Lexa looked to be faring better, or she did, until Raven’s tongue swiped across her lips once more, and then Raven could hear the slight whine as Lexa took a breath, and then moved, her eyes closing, their noses brushing ever so slightly, and then the feeling of her breath, so close, warm on her mouth, and warmer in her lungs. 

Not being able to help herself, Raven moved one hand from Lexa’s hand, and cupped her jaw with it, and turned her just enough, kissing her lips, softly, once, a mere peck, to encourage her. Raven was all in. 

That moment of contact was like a spark from flint, igniting the fire; and Lexa sucked in a shaky breath before kissing back, her brain kicking into gear, and all that desire flooding her system with adrenaline. 

Raven fought a moan into the second kiss, chasing Lexa’s lips as they kissed her, pillowing her bottom lip, so soft, so careful, but there was that edge. It was obvious in each touch, each brush of her lips gentle, yet firm, with no mistaking that she wanted this. And Raven met her in kind. 

She opened her mouth ever so slightly into the next kiss, and swiped her tongue across Lexa’s bottom lip, earning a shaky breath and a harder kiss in return. Then it was Lexa’s turn, hesitant, but only enough to be respectful, her kiss capturing Raven and pulling her in, with both hands now wrapped around Lexa’s neck, and Raven didn’t want to be anywhere else. 

The taste of Lexa on her tongue, the sound she made between kisses, the sound she made when Raven used her tongue to tease, or her teeth to taunt, it had her weak at the knees, and she did not want to be anywhere but there. 

That burning desire, low in her belly, was nothing compared to the elation running through her system. Lexa’s kisses were keen, and tender, and wanting, and loving, and this woman was in love with her, and Raven felt with every fibre of her being how much she loved her back. 

She couldn’t help but smile into the next kiss, and she felt Lexa’s lips do the same, trying to kiss her as she smiled, but not succeeding very well. It turned to them laughing, under breath, as they tried to catch it, and opening their eyes, to see the other smiling back. 

It was unsaid, but they both were saying it, and Raven wanted nothing more to kiss the words into Lexa’s lips. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

And she knew, in each kiss returned, Lexa was saying the same. 

I love you.

I love you.

I love you. 

And kneeling there, Lexa’s hands still low on her waist, and her own hands wrapped round her neck, Raven knew that no matter what happened going forward, this was their defining moment. 

If ever asked, when did she decide the turmoil was worth it, she’d say right there and then, on that bed, on that night, after months of being apart, of trying to ignore it, of playing the fool. Right then and there, she knew, Lexa was it, and come hell or high water, they needed to make it work. 

She was all in. 

And from the looks of it, Lexa was, too. 

*0*0*

  
  



	26. Maybe Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the first kiss; and the weeks that follow.

*0*0*

Back in the days of Polis, sharing a bed with Lexa had been a battle between getting too close, and acknowledging that she wanted to be closer. Now, with Lexa sprawled out in her bed, hand on Raven’s back, she could revel in the ability to be this close without niggling regret.

Lexa’s hair was as wild as Raven remembered it to be, and she yawned into a smile, eyeing the curls that her hand ached to play with. Lexa never seemed to mind, and seemed to be sleeping so soundly, Raven suspected she wouldn’t care at this point in time, too.  

Moving slightly in the bed, Raven edged closer, holding back an even bigger smile as her movement caused Lexa to readjust her hand, until it was splayed across her hip. From her new position on her side, Raven gently began twirling the curls round her finger, and watching as Lexa exhaled, slowly, her chest falling as she did so.

Of all the clients, of all the women, of all the people, she felt damn lucky it was Lexa that made her feel this way. Oh so lucky.

With that in mind, Raven didn’t want to disturb Lexa anymore and slipped from the bed, already missing the feeling of her hand on her hip, and the warmth of her body next to hers. She headed straight to the bathroom, went to the toilet, brushed her teeth, and then jumped in the shower. There was no way she was going to wake Lexa, who probably didn’t get a whole lot of sleep anyway, so until then, she planned to amuse herself.

With her hair wet, and last night’s pyjamas back on (but with fresh underwear she found by the washing machine), Raven nipped back through to see if Octavia had come home. Her door was ajar, but looking in, the bed was empty, unslept in, and that had Raven narrowing her eyes. They had all been asleep when Lexa and her had slipped out, and she figured Octavia would have come home by now.

[Raven] _You okay?_

The reply came minutes later.

[Octavia] _Got wasted, hungover af. Still at Anyas. She fucked Clarke. You okay?_

[Raven] _Of course she fucked Clarke. And yeah, I’m good._

[Octavia] _You get fucked too?_

Ignoring that, Raven put her phone back on charge, and debated what to food to rustle up. It was a little before twelve, and as she padded about in the kitchen, trying to keep the noise down as much as possible, Raven found that not even the steady aching of her leg could ruin her morning.

“Am I interrupting?” Lexa asked, twenty or so minutes later, while Raven had Spotify streaming, and was standing by the cooker, trying not to sing under her breath.

“Hey,” Raven said, shaking her head, turning round to see Lexa still in pyjamas, too. Albeit, she had pyjama trousers on, which Raven hadn’t bothered with.

“Hi,” Lexa replied, stepping closer, before stepping back.

Okay.

“Do you have a spare toothbrush?” she asked, raising her eyebrows in question, and Raven felt herself frowning, wondering where that had come from.

“Bathroom cupboard, bottom shelf.” Lexa nodded in thanks, and turned and walked away. Okay.

Returning to the food, Raven started plating up what was ready, and dumping the pots and pans in the sink. She’d deal with them later. For now…

“Can I help?” Lexa asked, coming back into the room.

“You’re back,” she smiled, and Lexa did, too.

“Cutlery?”

“Top drawer,” Raven replied, enjoying watching Lexa move about in her kitchen. “Thanks,” she said, when Lexa placed them down on the table. This was met with another smile, and all Raven could think of was last night, or the early hours of this morning, smiling into each kiss and the feeling of elation to have Lexa smiling back, kissing her back, and to hell with the food.

“Shall we?” Lexa asked, nodding to the plates, already moving to bring them over.

Jesus, she was too helpful for her own good.

Not wanting to completely derail the morning with her lust-filled thoughts, Raven nodded and helped. They settled down at the table, Spotify providing a decent hum to the room, so silence didn’t overtake them. Not that Lexa seemed phased, as she helped where she could, and then smiled at Raven, softly, waiting for her to start.

“You sleep okay?” Raven asked, looking for something to say other than ‘I want to kiss you again’.

“Yeah, your bed is pretty comfy,” Lexa replied, nodding, as they tucked into the food.

“Better than yours?” she teased, remembering how amazing Lexa’s bed was. She needed to buy that mattress.

“Well, yours has something mine definitely doesn’t, so yes.”  

“What’s that?” Raven wondered, knowing damn well Lexa’s bed was ten times better than hers was.

“You,” Lexa smiled, and God.  

Raven laughed under her breath, feeling a little heat in her cheeks, and she wanted to push Lexa’s gaze away. She refrained from doing that, however. What the hell could she say to that? And really, Lexa needed to calm her tits with the charm, because Raven was buying whatever she was selling...which, given their circumstances, was a horrible metaphor to use.

Fuck it.

Going back to her food, Raven played a little with it, thinking about how hard it was going to be to actually be friends with Lexa if she was going to keep that up. Raven only had so much restraint, and she didn’t want to start throwing around her feelings left, right and centre. Lexa might be high key as fuck, but she wasn’t, dammit.

Her silence, however, was misconstrued, as Lexa watched her, carefully.

“Should I maybe...do you regret last night?” she asked, voice quieter than before, fork down on the plate.

“No,” Raven replied, quickly. Like hell did she regret it. “What makes you think that?”

“You've been pretty quiet, and if I’ve overstepped-”

“I’m quiet because all I can think about is kissing you again.” Being honest was the best way to ensure Lexa knew she didn’t regret it.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been trying to talk aimlessly because I probably should do something with my mouth, other than...well, all I really want to do is…” Lexa let the sentence run on, and Raven cocked an eyebrow, only to have Lexa blush, hard, and shake her head. “Kiss you, I mean, kiss you, not...that...I’ve not been thinking about...that.”

Uh huh.

And fuck.

Now all Raven could think about was Lexa eating her out on the kitchen counter.

How the fuck was that fair?

“You done?” Raven asked, nodding to what probably could have been deemed a half-full plate.

“Yes,” Lexa replied, gaze fixated on Raven’s. They were both still for a moment, gauging the other, before Raven stood up, and Lexa pushed her chair back to do the same.

She didn’t get to her feet, as the time Raven made it around, she was pushed back down, and the groan she made at that told Raven she was doing everything right. Taking a seat, straddling Lexa’s lap, Raven wasted no time tugging Lexa by the collar of her top, and kissing her, hard.

Instinct had Lexa lifting her hands, and them landing on Raven’s backside, which commenced the slight roll of her hips, and Lexa kissed harder, sucking at her bottom lip, biting into the next kiss, and Raven fought a moan.

“Can I lift you?” Lexa asked, breaking from the kiss, and Raven took a moment to understand what she’d just said.

“Lift me?”

“To the couch.”

“Yeah, but don’t drop me,” Raven said, not knowing what possessed her to say that last bit.

That had Lexa smirking, and Jesus, a smirk looked good on a slightly dishevelled Lexa.

Hooking her arms around Lexa’s neck, underneath the mass of curls, Raven felt Lexa’s hands run down her leg slightly, until she had a good hold of her, and then stand up.

There wasn’t even a waiver in her legs or arms as Lexa moved them, and Raven licked her lips, watching, silently, as Lexa glanced over her shoulder to see where she was walking.

Arriving in the living room, Lexa walked towards the couch, and then began to place Raven down, moving to kneel, but nu-uh. Raven had other ideas.

Pulling Lexa back to her, Raven led in with another searing kiss, and moved to lay on her back, letting Lexa’s body run on instinct again as she moved on top of her. Lexa might have blushed like a virgin way back when, but from the way she was holding herself up, the way her lips was burning across Raven’s neck, and heading downwards, it was clear she knew exactly what the fuck she was doing.

“Hold on, just a second,” Lexa then murmured, lifting her head back, and Raven fought a smile as she pushed Lexa’s hair out from around her face, which had fallen like a curtain.

“You okay?” Raven asked, and Lexa nodded, eyes blown, gaze a little heady, lips dark red, and fuck, Raven loved it.

“We said we were going to be friends - hang out - and I know it was my idea to move us to the couch, but -” Lexa mumbled, only to let Raven lean up and kiss her in between every few words.

“Mmm, friends do this,” Raven reasoned, moving back to Lexa’s lips.

“Hmm, what friends do this?” Lexa tried, feeling her will to discuss this waning.

“We do.” Okay, that was true, but not the answer she was after.

“I thought- Jesus - I thought you wanted to hang out-” The way Raven moved her body beneath her should have been criminal, it had Lexa’s alight. And responding in kind.

“We are,” Raven replied, kissing her harder, her tongue reminding Lexa that she should stop talking already.

“Christ, Raven, I didn’t think this was what you had in mind.” It really wasn’t. She assumed lunch dates and movies nights and maybe hanging out at each other’s places and all very friend-esque activities. Not what they were currently doing.

“Are you complaining? Should I stop?” Raven asked, pulling back, looking up at Lexa practically panting.

“No,” Lexa fired back, because now that they’d kissed, she never wanted to stop.

“Thought so,” she smirked and Lexa rolled her eyes, yet too turned on to be annoyed.

There was so much with Raven to experience, and likewise, for Raven to find out about Lexa; like the way that Lexa tried not to roll her hips into Raven’s, until she ran her nails down the back of her scalp; or how Lexa was sucking on Raven’s neck, so light, never to leave a mark, but it was goddamn clear she was desperate to.

This definitely counted as hanging out, in Raven’s book, because they were getting to know each other better. These were valuable things to know. Obviously.

*0*0*

It was a little after two in the afternoon when Lexa put on her clothes from the night before, and checked her phone. She might not have had plans for the day, but she needed to get changed and showered, and she had other errands she needed to do. So it was a slow goodbye at the door, not a vapid make out session, because they both knew if they started again Lexa would stay, but a languid kiss, once, twice, and then an embrace.

“I’ll talk to you later?” Lexa wondered, and Raven nodded, already looking forward to it.

After she left, Raven finally cleaned up, put on proper clean pyjamas, and was feeling like lying on the couch watching Netflix or something, when Octavia came home. She was still dressed in her clothes from the night before, her hair a downright mess, but she had a little smile on her lips as she came through the door.

“I figured you’d come home with your head in your hands,” Raven said, wondering about the hangover Octavia had mentioned.

“Anya has a good few hangover cures, and she was willing to share.” Raven didn’t even want to know what they were.

“When did you get drunk?”

“Well, we fell asleep on the couch, and Anya woke us up, God knows when, which turned to drinking some more because her stock of booze is A plus.” Octavia backed that up by giving her thumbs up and winking. “Then, I don’t really know what happened, but Clarke and Anya went to look at some paintings in the bedroom? I think it was a line, but it worked, because they were gone for good.”

“And that left you and Lincoln?”

“Yeah, who was a gentleman, and showed me Anya’s spare bedroom, while he slept on the couch. But we might have had a few more drinks before turning in, and I might have vomited in Anya’s bathroom.” She shrugged, and Raven smiled, shaking her head, because of course Octavia did.

“But that’s enough about me,” Octavia suddenly said, grinning and turning to look at Raven. “Saw Lexa and you had left.”

“Yeah.” She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to share.

“She come here?”

“Yeah,” Raven said again, nodding once.

“She spend the night?” Octavia asked, raising her eyebrows, and Raven slumped a little against the counter.

“It wasn’t like that.” Or, it hadn’t turned out to be like that, because yeah, it was meant to be like that originally.

“Mmmhmm,” Octavia hummed, and fine.

“It was going to be, but…”

“But?” Octavia's gaze hardened and Raven shrugged.

“She’s not ready.” For sex. She’s not ready for sex, because the way Lexa’s lips were kissing hers, she was certainly ready for some things.

“Do you think it’s because…” she didn’t need to say the words, they were the elephant in the room. And Raven wondered that, too.

“I don’t know. She knows I’m still going to see clients.” She’d been as clear as she could have been there; honesty really was the best policy.

“She have an issue with that?” The million-dollar question.

“Tried not to, but, yeah, she does.” And that had Raven dropping her gaze.

“Says otherwise, though, like they all do.” Exactly.

“Pretty much.”

“You sure you want to get involved with her?” Octavia checked, even though one part of her was rooting for them, the other part was thinking it was too soon.

“We’re not involved, we’re just friends,” Raven replied, and of course.

“Who are making out now.” That was an important part to remember.

“Little bit, but we just...we need to get to know each other better.” Which they could have done earlier, if they hadn’t been derailed by each other’s lips.

“Outside the fact you both have tragic pasts and want to fuck one another; good move.”

“Thanks for that,” Raven drawled, her head lagging to the side.

“You’re welcome!” Octavia chimed, her fake smile perfectly in place. “But seriously, Lexa’s great, I know she is, but if she can’t handle you working, then maybe-”

“I know. Let’s just see how it goes.”

It was a big test for anyone, never mind Lexa, who had a saviour-complex bigger than the moon. Raven wasn’t going to let it consume her thoughts, however, because then she’d remember all the reasons why she shouldn’t be with Lexa, and none of the reasons why she should.

And quite frankly, she’d been doing that for far too long, anyway.

*0*0*

They knew better. They really did. Nevertheless, one thing led to another, then they were back on Raven’s couch, Lexa’s lips were more determined, and this was a much better idea than going out for dinner.

They had managed to find some restraint, however, and stopped, because they were not going to be those people who made out like teenagers but didn’t spend any time getting to know the other person.

Okay, so it wasn’t as if they didn’t talk, because their WhatsApp chat was inundated with daily messages, and when Lexa was working late, she still called Raven in the evening to see how she was.

“Maybe we need to hang out in public more,” Lexa mused, sitting on the couch, and eyeing the little distance between

“And scar people?” Lexa shot her a look, and Raven grinned. “You think we can’t control ourselves?” As she said it, she moved back, to sit astride Lexa, who let out a shaky breath.

She was so weak with a pretty girl on her lap, and Raven seemed to use that to her advantage.

“I think...I don’t think we should challenge ourselves like that,” Lexa replied, licking her lips and Raven settled her weight.

Lexa’s hands ached to reach out, to land on Raven’s hips, and she smirked back, knowing so.

“You can touch.”

“I’m trying hard not to.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Raven grinned, and Lexa should have known she was a goner the second they took this step together.

Taking pity on Lexa’s fear of overstepping, Raven reached down and took her hands in her own. From there, she ran the palms of Lexa’s hands up her thighs, and up to her waist. Lexa tried to stay perfectly still as her touch grew very familiar with the tops of Raven’s thighs, but her hips squirmed a little, and Raven let out a laugh.

“How much are you suffering right now?” she teased, and Lexa dropped her head back. “I’ll take that to mean not enough.” As Raven spoke, she leant forward, eying the sight of Lexa’s exposed neck, and doing what she wanted to do way back in Polis, she gently placed her lips at the junction of Lexa’s collarbone, before kissing across and up.

Lexa’s fingers gripped, and she let out a muffled curse, as Raven’s lips moved slowly, torturously so, never breaking contact, until she had her hands in Lexa’s hair, and tilted her head up, to kiss her soundly on the lips.

“We should hang out more often,” Raven said.

“I whole-heartedly agree,” Lexa murmured, her eyes dropping back to Raven’s lips.

“Of course you do, this is the most action you’ve had in years.”

“You know that’s not why-”

“I know, I was kidding.”

“You mean more to me-”

“I recall you telling me you loved me.” And that reminder sent a thrill up Raven’s spine.

“I do.” As if Lexa needed to say it, her eyes said it all.

“And we’ve not even fucked yet,” Raven said, offhandedly, but the slight buck of Lexa’s hips made her smirk.

“Sex isn’t going to change my feelings for you,” Lexa said, repeating the words from the night they’d first kissed.

“I think you underestimate how good I really am,” and that made Lexa laugh, but she conceded.

Smiling into the next kiss, Raven let out a slight moan because she just couldn’t get enough. Lexa was killing her, and she was loving every second of it, and why hadn’t she kissed her in Polis? Okay, it would have complicated things, but Lexa’s lips, Jesus. Lexa’s lips.

“Oh,” a voice suddenly said, and Raven pulled back, expecting Octavia, only to see two very different people.

“I fucking knew it,” Anya said, her arm draped over Clarke who still looked a little embarrassed at having walked in on the sight before her. “I wondered when it was going to come out that you two were back together, but I didn’t think I’d see it with my own two eyes.”

“I might have used my key,” Clarke said, wincing, “and maybe I should have knocked.”

“You’re not interrupting anything,” Lexa called, not quite able to turn her head completely to see them.

Thankfully, Clarke and Anya walked further into the room, and at that point, Raven debated about climbing off Lexa’s lap. Then again, she wasn’t ashamed, and really, they should have knocked.

“I disagree, we’re definitely interrupting, but I don’t care one bit,” Anya laughed, and Clarke rolled her eyes, because of course Anya would try to annoy Lexa.

“Before you start, Anya, I think you might want to reconsider,” Lexa called, and it took a split second for Anya to fire back.

“Why’s that?”

Lexa smirked, and then looked at Raven who shot her a ‘don’t you dare’ look. That had Anya narrowing her eyes, and then looking to Clarke, who was suddenly admiring the cornice.

“You told them,” Anya said, eyes firm on Clarke, who now looked like a deer in headlights.

“No! I told Raven…and she told Lexa.” Anya looked back to Raven, who had the good grace to look guilty, and then to Lexa, who was grinning like the Cheshire fucking cat.

“Oh shut up, Lexa. Like you’re any better.”

“You fell asleep during sex; I’ve definitely never done that. I mean, come on, what must Clarke think?”

“Obviously not much given we’re-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Clarke ordered, and Anya rolled her eyes, needing a new way to annoy Lexa.

“I can easily blame my little mishap on alcohol, you on the other hand, you cry when you have sex. Every time.” Critical hit.

“I do not!” Now it was her turn to look offended. “That was once or twice, and I had just gotten engaged, Anya, it’s a bit different!”

“Uh huh, sure. You only cried those two times, yeah.” She faked agreement, and then shook her head, and both Raven and Clarke let out a laugh, which no, that was not how things were meant to go for Lexa.

“Before this goes any further,” Clarke said, putting her hand on Anya’s chest, and giving Lexa a look when she was going to argue, “we’re here for a reason.”

“Other than to damage egos?” Raven asked lightly, and both Woods sisters raised their chin, almost in defiance of that statement.

“We’re picking Octavia up, is she here?”

“Bedroom,” Raven replied, and Lexa looked shocked at that revelation.

“She’s here? While we were…”

“She’s studying, with headphones on.” Raven hoped.

“Thanks! We’ll be out your way in a few minutes.” With that, Clarke pushed Anya out of the room, and they headed down the hallway.

Once they were out of sight, Raven leant in, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s shoulders, and resumed where they were, only with less intensity. Each kiss was languid, gentle, until curiosity got the better of her.

“So you cry?” Raven asked, and Lexa blinked twice, realising what Raven had said.

“No, I do not,” she was quick to reply, shaking her head.

“Ego taking a hit?” Raven prodded.

“Never.” Except yes.

“You cry,” Raven said again, a smile on her lips.

“I do not, I was merely emotional because the woman I loved had agreed to marry me, and before that doesn’t count because we were teenagers and it was my first time and- and you’re messing with me,” Lexa realised, letting out a humourless laugh.

“Little bit,” Raven confessed, grinning. “It’s okay, you can cry when we have sex, I don’t mind. I’m used to people crying with me, they say it’s a spiritual experience.”

“You're awful,” Lexa deadpanned.

“That is not what they say.” That made Lexa smile, but she shook her head, as if trying to deny so. “I’ll almost be offended if you don’t cry, now.”

“Oh my god, I’m going to kill Anya.”

“Cause the truth is out there now?” Raven asked, enjoying this far too much.

“I’m never going to leave my house again.” Raven couldn’t help but laugh, dropping her head into the crook of Lexa’s neck.

Perfect, that was so perfect.

*0*0*

It was easy to fall into a routine with Lexa. Raven resumed her normal day-to-day life, enjoying pizza nights with Octavia and Clarke, studying and attending classes when she needed to, and sticking to her usual physio workout.

Yet, throughout that, and without much effort, Raven slipped in phone calls with Lexa during the day; the occasional dinner at Lexa’s place, totally innocent, minus the make out session against the door when saying goodbye; WhatsApp messages now and then, good morning and goodnight, and it was just easy.

And Lexa, she was full of ideas, little things that just made Raven smile, and it never ceased to amaze Raven that she was still being wooed, if it were, by Lexa. There was no ulterior motive, no quid pro quo; just Lexa looking to make Raven smile, and Jesus, she needed a second to breathe where Lexa was concerned.

[Lexa] _You busy today?_

[Raven] _Not really. Why?_

[Lexa] _Want to spend the day with me?_

[Raven] _As if you have to ask_

Her plans for the day were to clean up, do some laundry, and maybe fit some studying in, but if Lexa wanted to hang out, on a Wednesday no less, then hell yeah, Raven was going to take her up on it.

Only, now she wasn’t replying with details, which come on Lexa, so Raven wasn’t sure what was planned for the day ahead. With Lexa, it could be anything from a walk in the park, to some lunch at a restaurant that doesn’t even serve a lunch menu. There was no telling if she was getting cute, drinks juice out of mason jar Lexa, or my-name-can-take-me-places Lexa Woods.

Both were equally as fun.

The buzzer ringing made Raven put down her phone and head to the door, not expecting anyone, but then again, Octavia did say she’d be coming back to go to the gym. Why she didn’t just let herself in, though.

“I forgot my stupid keys,” Octavia said, groaning through the intercom when Raven picked up the receiver, which had Raven buzzing her in with a headshake. Of course she did.

A minute or so later there was knocking at the door, and Raven swung it open, to see a frustrated looking Octavia.

“Give me one minute and then I’ll get out your hair,” she said, stepping past Raven, who made to close the door. “No, leave it open.”

“Why?” Raven frowned, looking back out into the hallway, where a familiar face was now looking back at her.

“Hey,” she smiled, with Lexa smiling back at her.

“You change your mind about today?” Lexa teased, and Raven stepped back to let her into the apartment.

“I wasn’t expecting you, and I didn’t see you,” Raven explained, reaching for her hand because no, she definitely hadn’t changed her mind.

“She was trying not to look like a creep outside the building. Failed. So I let her in,” Octavia called, and Lexa looked both done with that description and embarrassed.

“Thanks for that, Octavia,” Lexa called back, and O’s cheeky grin popped into view as she came back from her bedroom.

“Happy to help. You two have fun, please don’t fuck in the public rooms, and I’ll be back at six. I’m going out after the gym.” Not wasting another moment, she marched back out the door, and that left the two of them alone.

“You didn’t reply to my texts,” Raven murmured, looking down at their joined hands.

“I was driving,” Lexa explained.

“Ah, so what’s the plan?” So far, Lexa had given her no indication, and it was hard to tell from what she was wearing.

“Want to get out of here? Go for a drive?” Lexa reached into her pocket with her free hand and held up her set of keys.  

“Your car keys? You sure?” Lexa nodded, and Raven couldn’t help but lean up and kiss her, feeling Lexa sink into her embrace and kiss her back. “You know, you don’t have to try and impress me.”

“Is it working?”

“It always did.” Lexa smirked at that, and Raven rolled her eyes, kissing her again, despite how she shouldn’t have been encouraging her, nor her ego.

With Lexa looking far too pleased with herself, and Raven hiding a smile of her own at the prospect of getting behind the wheel of her car again, the two of them separated, and Raven grabbed what she needed before they headed down to the car.

When they reached her car, Lexa opened the door for Raven, and couldn’t help but grin at the excitement she could see on Raven’s face.

Once she was inside and buckled in, Raven turned to look at Lexa.

“Where to?”

“You’re the driver, you tell me. There’s a full tank of gas, go wild.” That was music to Raven’s ears. And God, if it wasn’t so much effort, she’d lean over and kiss Lexa senseless.

Then they were on their way.

Lexa sat back, controlling the music, while Raven drove out the city, grinning when they reached stretches of road she could really put her foot down. There was something oddly satisfying about feeling the engine roar and shifting through the gears, increasing speed, and feeling the momentum of the car. Part of it was addicting, to Raven.

And along the way, they spoke about Lexa’s work, and then Raven’s studies, and did she still have plans once she graduated? And no, Lexa, you don’t need to introduce me to people so I can weigh up my options, I’m being headhunted without your name, thanks. Then onto Lexa, what she was like in college, doped up in love with Costia, and some of the fun they had together. And Raven could see, taking her eyes off the road now and then, the lightness in Lexa’s eyes when she spoke of Costia, of the things they used to get up to, and it wasn’t with a shadow hanging over her.

Gone was the woman struggling to give up the memories, gone was the woman who refused help, and Raven felt an ache in her chest when she thought of how far they’d come, and what Lexa needed to endure.

The drive itself reminded them both of the journey up to Polis, that trepidation of getting to know one another, of not trusting one another, and yet, there they were. Lexa was openly speaking about Costia, no pain or sorrow; and Raven was opening up more than what she would with an ex-client, because now, it was so easy not to think of Lexa that way.

Oh how times had changed.

Needing a little break, they stopped after several hours on the road, at some rest station, where Raven was enjoying being able to stretch her legs, and Lexa was happy to tolerate the coffee on offer.

Inside, they settled down, ordered coffee, and took a breather.

“So this was a nice change to my day,” Raven said, leaning back in the booth and watching Lexa.

“I’m glad. I was trying to follow our original plan of hanging out, in public places, which we don’t seem very good at,” she replied, mirth in her eyes, and Raven let out a laugh under breath.  

“Not my fault, you’re equally guilty.” Lexa nodded at that, knowing damn well she was, too.

Their coffee arrived after that, and Raven asked about what Lexa’s plans for the weekend were, because so far they hadn’t made any. There was talk of lunching with Anya, but nothing set in stone, and as she spoke, Raven stretched her leg out under the table.

All was well, until a shot of pain fired up the side of her knee, and she winced, visibly, and shuffled in the booth. It was expected, she knew it was possible after driving so long, but she didn’t want Lexa worrying and-

“Are you okay? Is it your leg?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re in pain.” Yes, but it wasn’t as bad as what it was a second ago.

“It’s nothing,” she shrugged it away; knowing Lexa knew she was lying, but hoping she didn’t push the matter. Of course, she didn’t. It was Lexa.

“If I can help, in anyway.”

“You’ve done enough.” More than enough. Lexa’s money had helped her keep going to PT and she was able to repair one of her braces after it broke, and really, Lexa had no idea how much she’d done for Raven.

“I could do more,” Lexa said, seriously, and Raven shook her head. She knew Lexa’s words were true.

With one phone call, Lexa could have Raven in front of the best doctors, the best medical teams, to assess her case. They’d have a plan formulated, scans taken, an approach put together to try to limit the nerve damage, to improve muscle build up, to ensure she’d still have use of her leg in a year’s time.

And then Raven would feel indebted to her, and given how they started, she couldn’t risk it. So no, she’d never say anything, even on nights the pain kept her up, sweat soaking through her clothes, and her hair sticking to her, because Raven knew better than most what it meant to stand on her own two feet.

“You really don’t need to.”

“I want to. It wouldn’t even cost me, if we do it right, I can get you put under insur-”

“Lexa, you’re being ridiculous.”

“When am I not when it comes to you?” she asked, a small smile on her lips, and Raven couldn't really argue there. “I’m all about grand gestures and helping, and you should know that by now.” Oh, she did.

“I can’t believe I make out with you on a regular basis,” Raven moaned, shaking her head, because everything Lexa was went against Raven’s type.

“I’m not even offended by that,” Lexa said, smiling wider now. “So, did you like the drive up? The car okay for you?” And that had Raven frowning. The change of topic seemed too left field, although it might not be a change of topic at all.

“If you do something ridiculous like give me that car, I swear to god you can walk home,” Raven warned. They had been talking about grand gestures, after all.

“Because you’ll take the car?” Lexa teased, only to be met with a scowl from Raven. “I’m not giving you my car- or any car-” she amended when Raven went to argue with her again, “I assumed you wanted to move on, and was only going to say that I’m pleased you’re having fun.”

“Oh. Okay, well now I feel like an ass.” Lexa laughed and shook her head.

“I think that’s one of your better qualities,” she joked.

“Oh shut up,” Raven barked back, a smile playing on her lips, and Lexa grinned, which just, ugh, how was she to be annoyed with that. “Thanks.”

“What for?”

“This, everything,” Raven shrugged, wanting to play it off as nothing, but Lexa could read her like a book.

“You don’t need to thank me; I’m not doing anything special. I’m merely trying to impress a girl I happen to be a little bit in love with, I mean, it’s not like I cleared my schedule, or took the day off work, or-”

“Stop it,” Raven laughed, “you’re making me feel guilty.”

“No, please, don’t. I wanted to spend time with you. I enjoy spending time with you.”

“You don’t need to impress me.” She had said as much at her place, and she meant it.

“I was kidding,” Lexa tried.

“No, you weren’t.” Cause she could read Lexa like a book, too, and now it was her turn to look shy. “I’m not with you because you have a nice car, money to boot, and connections abound. I kinda like you, for you.”

“You like me because you know my pathetically tragic backstory.”

“I liked you when I sat opposite you in that booth,” Raven said back, before she knew that Costia had died, and the circumstances surrounding it, before she knew of Lexa’s loyalty to her family over everything else.

“You liked the facade,” Lexa shrugged, and again, Raven could see right through it.

“Please, Lex, you were a nervous wreck, terrified of offending me and screwing up.”

“My default state.”

“You’re ridiculous, and I think that’s why I’m in love with you,” and that really made her smile.

“Do we have to be friends?” she asked, and Raven fought a smile.

“Why? Want to be something more?”

“You have no idea.” Oh, she did, and she couldn’t help but laugh. Lexa wasn’t low-key; she knew that Lexa would goddamn get down on one knee if she thought that Raven would say yes. Jesus. What was she doing?

“I think we’ve proven we’re pretty good at being friends,” Raven shrugged, and Lexa smiled, with a nod.

“Yeah, such good friends. Those hickies last week just set the benchmark for my future friendships.”

“Don’t you dare,” Raven laughed, not liking the thought of another’s lips on Lexa’s neck, or Lexa’s anything.

Which...Shit.

“You know this is what I want, I do,” Raven began, and she watched as the smile dropped a little, Lexa’s defences went up, and there was that bit more distance between them.

“But?”

“But I have clients lined up or the next few weeks, and we need to get through that, if we’re ever going to-”

“It doesn’t bother me.”

“Lex, please, trust me on this one.” She looked like she was going to protest, for all of two seconds, before nodding, head held high, and a bit of that aloofness was back. “Sorry for putting a damper on our day.” Now she really did feel guilty.

“You’ve not,” Lexa said, and she almost sounded convincing. “That was me. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“Jesus, that’s one thing you never do. Trust me.” Raven tried to give her a softer look, and then eyed Lexa’s empty coffee mug. “Do you want to drive back?”

“You not up for it?” Lexa checked, and Raven shot her a look, please. “Okay,” Lexa laughed, “then you can drive.”

“You don’t find it boring?”

“What? Spending time with you? Never.” She was such a fucking sap. Raven loved it.

The two of them finished up inside, and then went back to the car. Lexa’s smile settled any worries Raven had about their previous conversation, and it was with ease that the two of them headed home.

*0*0*

Over the weekend, Lexa did go to lunch with Anya, and then attended a brunch on the Sunday, representing the Woods family for a charity they were sponsoring. It meant very little time for Lexa and Raven to hang out, when really, their only contact was over the phone.

So by midweek, when they still hadn’t had time to catch up, Lexa was looking to amend that.

She was still at work, going through her email, as back-to-back meetings meant she hadn’t had time, but Lexa knew she could multitask enough to give Raven a call while she did so.

It was good to hear her voice again, and Raven clearly felt the same, smiling as she talked, and then practically ordering Lexa to go home and get some rest. It was cute.

“Do you want to go to dinner tomorrow night? I know it’s a little short notice, but Anya has been raving about this little bistro and I wanted to check it out. Would you like to go?” she asked, deleting the junk which accumulated in her email.

“I can’t, actually. I have plans,” Raven replied, sounding a little on edge.

“Ah, well, my loss.” Lexa knew she should have called sooner. Alas, they’d need to arrange something another night, then.

“I’m working, tomorrow night, I’m working,” Raven then went on to say, and Lexa paused.

“Oh.” She took a slow breath, because working meant being with a client and that...that was...new. “Right.”

“Yeah. Just...I might not be around via text or whatever.” Okay. Good to know.

“Right,” Lexa repeated, shaking her head.

“Anyway, I should probably-”

“You don’t have to go.” They hadn’t spoken that long, and ending the call now would seem like something was wrong.

“It’s weird, I made it weird.”

“No, I’m making it weird. I’m sorry. I knew this moment would come, I just...I wasn’t quite as prepared as I thought I was.”

“Prepared?” Raven asked, curious.

“I may have played this scenario over in my head, so I could get it right.” Prepped and prepped and yet she fell at the first hurdle.

“Well, you clearly need more work.”

“Clearly.” There was a pause and Lexa sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, not everyone can handle it.” So Raven kept saying.

“I want to be able to, for you.”

“Lexa, you don’t have to be comfortable with it. I get it. A lot of people aren’t.”

“It’s not what you do; it’s the fact that it’s you.” She hoped.

“I know, but you’ve got to get over it.”

“Trying.”

“Look, I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” Lexa wanted to prolong the conversation, to move onto another topic, but didn’t want to pressure Raven into staying on the line.

“Of course. Goodnight, Raven.”

Hanging up, Lexa dropped her face in her hands a took a deep breath. It would be fine. It would be fine. It would all be fine.

*0*0*

So. Knowing that Raven was going to be working again, and that night, had Lexa in a weird mood. Even Anya noticed.

“You okay?” she wondered, as they walked along the department, coming from a management meeting, which had been a clusterfuck, for lack of a better term.

“Yeah,” Lexa replied, nodding, her jaw still tense, and her eyes cold.

“Cause you looked like you wanted to punch Emerson in there,” Anya said. “Normally, that’s my role. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I’ll get over it.” She needed to, because she couldn’t be in a perpetually pissed off state around Raven. That would never work.

It didn’t help that she hardly slept, because her mind wouldn’t shut up about what Raven might be expected to do on her date; and then she needed to talk herself out of offering money if that meant Raven didn’t go; and then she remembered she needed to stop being an asshole and trying to save her, because Raven did not need saved, and Lexa couldn’t fix every problem she came across.

It was a learning experience for her, she was finding.

Therefore, it made perfect sense that she was in a pretty foul mood at work. Coffee hadn’t helped with the fatigue from the night before, and still her mind played up Raven with a client. It was never ending.

Later on in the day, when Lexa had stormed passed enough employees, glared at several more, and locked herself away in her office, she heard her phone go off. Since their phone conversation, Raven hadn’t been in touch, and it was testing Lexa a little. She wanted to know Raven was alight, and maybe tell her not to go, and maybe even do something ridiculous. But the text wasn’t from Raven.

[Octavia] _Raven told me that you know about tonight._

[Octavia] _How you taking it?_

[Lexa] _Fine, good even_

[Octavia] _Liar. Come round to ours tonight, after eight, you can hang out until she gets back. That’ll stop you doing anything stupid_

Don’t count on it.

But sure, Lexa could do that. She could go there. She could keep herself composed and calm and have a neutral mask on by the time she saw Octavia. Easy.

*0*0*

So not easy.

“How do you do this?” Lexa asked, running her hand through her hair, and completely convinced that Octavia regretted inviting her around.

“Do what?”

“Stomach knowing she’s out there with some lurch with their hand-”

“Lexa,” Octavia warned. “She can take care of herself.” Yes, she could. She could.

“I know, I just…” It was going over and over in her mind, again and again and again. Raven would look stunning, as usual, but that smile Lexa was used to seeing would be strained, fake, and then she’d have to endure their touches, their lips and Jesus, Lexa’s stomach was rolling.  “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Of course you can’t, and you’re probably thinking things which are nowhere near reality,” Octavia rolled her eyes, and put the volume down low on the television. “Do you maybe want to cast your memory back to when you were some lurch with their hand-”

“I never touched her.” Not when they were- not back in Polis, not like that, not - no, she wasn’t one of them, she wasn’t. She couldn’t be.

“You wanted to.” That made Lexa drop her gaze to the floor, shame creeping up her spine. “You were going to pay her to, for appearances sake.” Now her stomach was rolling for a different reason. But it was different, it still felt different.

“She’d met me, she knew what was expected the first time we went out-” Lexa tried, her words barely more than a murmur.

“And she’s been with this client for a while now, we both know him pretty well, and while you can never really trust a client, I know she’ll come home in one piece. Stop worrying.” Octavia didn’t cast her eyes Lexa way, or she would have seen the heavy frown.

“What time is she coming home at?” Perhaps there was a schedule, or a planned time, or a time to start worrying.

“I don’t know, but I’m kicking you out before then.” Lexa couldn’t tell if she was teasing or not. Probably not.

“What? Why?”

“Because she’ll yell at you the second she sees you in this state.”

“I’m not in a state.” Liar.  

“Lexa, you’re freaking the fuck out. This isn't her first rodeo, she knows what she’s doing, she’s in a safe location, and she knows what to do if things go south. Trust her, for fucks sake, trust her.” It wasn’t a matter of trust, it was a constant worrying that Raven might end up in danger, much like Octavia had, not that long ago. What then?

“I do,” Lexa replied, softer, because she trusted Raven more than anyone. More than her family, more than Anya and Lincoln, and her parents. Raven was the pinnacle of her trust.

“No you don’t. You’re freaking out still.” Like that could be helped.

“This is hard for me,” she admitted.

“Oh? Cause it’s easy for me, and hell, it’s a piece of cake for Raven,” Octavia drawled, and that had Lexa shaking her head.

“That’s not what I meant.” And they both knew that.

“I know, sorry,” Octavia sighed, shaking her head this time. “You’re actually handling this better than I thought you would.”  How?!

“Oh?” Lexa found that really hard to believe.

“Yeah, first night Raven had a client, after we opted to fly solo, I was sitting in the bar downstairs, drinking whiskey like it was going out of fashion and shaking like a shitting dog. I ended up going up and sitting in the hallway, outside the room. Raven was pissed, and I was so drunk I cried.”

“Well, I won’t cry,” Lexa said, earning a smile.

“Good, cause that she won’t be able to handle.” Yeah, Lexa figured as much.

“I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Do what I’m doing, be quiet, and judge this couple for thinking that house is nice at all, like there’s no bathroom door to the en-suite. That’s gross as fuck.” Lexa let out a smile at Octavia’s words, and settled further into the couch.

She could do this. She could cast her mind elsewhere. And Octavia was right, that was gross as fuck.

One episode turned to another, and then they flicked through the channels before finding something else, occasionally sharing commentary, and it was enough to ease Lexa’s nerves. So much so, that when they heard keys in the lock, she didn’t go running like a puppy.

“O, I have pizza and beer,” Raven called, the sound of the door closing before she came through, still speaking. “I couldn’t remember if we had any beer, and didn’t want to go without- Oh. Hey,” Raven said, a bemused look on her face, as she clocked Lexa in her living room. “You’re here.”

“Yeah,” Lexa replied, not sure what else to say. “I can go, though, if that’s better.” She rose to her feet, swallowing the lump in her throat, and trying not to collapse into a puddle on the floor because Jesus Raven was home safe and she looked okay and this night had been so stressful.

“No, you should...stay,” Raven smiled at that, and Lexa smiled, too. “I have pizza and beer, and I’m going to go shower, but you can hang out. Maybe O will share.”

“Fat chance of that happening,” Octavia smirked, accepting both pizza and beer, and flopping back onto the couch.

The tension in Octavia’s shoulders dissipated now that Raven was home, and she was satisfied nothing untoward had happened for Raven to be so calm and cool. And with that, Octavia’s stomach could also stop rolling about, and settle on some pizza and beer.

Raven gave Lexa another smile and then headed down the hallway to the bathroom. Lexa wasn’t sure what to do with herself, standing still, watching where Raven had just been.

“Take a seat, have a beer, and calm yourself, she’s home, safe and sound,” Octavia said, cutting through the silence, her tone softening as she spoke.

Lexa let out a deep breath and did just that, only stopping short and opting not to have the beer. Just in case she wasn’t staying, in which case her car was downstairs.

The sound of the shower, the low murmuring of the television, had Lexa relaxing further, until she was cozied up in the couch. Next to her, Octavia had devoured half the pizza, but rubbed her hands after finishing that last piece, and moved to get up.

“I’m going to go and see her, you can have two slices, but that’s it!” She didn’t wait around, but Lexa still called after her.

“Thank you!”

She knew they had to de-compartmentalise, and was definitely not going to stop them. It was part of their routine. Lexa remembered the phone conversations Raven had in Polis, although was never privy to the details, she knew they were about her and what was going on and if that was how Raven and Octavia handled what they had to do, then so be it. Lexa wasn’t going to judge that.

Instead, she finished off the pizza slices, and continued to watch the TV, hoping that she hadn’t thrown a spanner in the roommates’ plans for the evening.

Raven came back through first, her hair partly dry, in pyjamas, and Lexa couldn’t help but smile; earning an eye roll nonetheless. She took a seat next to her, and Lexa reached out, offering her hand, which Raven readily accepted.

“Alright lovebirds,” Octavia said, walking back into the room, “I’m going to bed, and taking the pizza with me, night!” Kissing both of them on the cheek, she took hold of the pizza box, and then stepped back, before heading towards her room.

“She’s not staying?”

“Nope,” Raven said, shaking her head.

“Is that because I’m here and-”

“Relax, Lex. It’s more that she knows I’d rather spend my night with you than talking to her about a client I’d rather forget about.”

“I thought you two maybe -was it- are you-” Lexa didn’t know how to say what she was trying to, never quite knowing what was right and what sounded rude.

“We did, but just basics. And I’m fine, it was an easy night.”

“Is it ever easy?” Lexa asked, and Raven rolled her eyes.

“Some are better than others. Tonight was one of those nights, I didn’t have to worry, and I have a good amount of cash in my purse.” No lie there.

“We don’t have to- I shouldn’t have said anything.” She knew better, she really did.

“You’re going to, you always will,” Raven shrugged, and that made Lexa frown.

“I’m sorry.”

“It takes a lot to get used to, Lex; I’m not expecting you to handle it overnight.” Thank God for that, because she felt like she was useless right about now.

“I want to support you, in any way I can.”

“Then, let’s forget about my work, and focus on more important things.”

“Such as?”

“You staying over tonight?”

“May I?” Raven rolled her eyes once more, and smiled.

“You may.” Lexa’s cheeks blushed at that, but she tried not to let it show, by ducking her head. That made Raven feel a little guilty, so she reached out, and cupped Lexa’s jaw in her hand, turning her to kiss her.

Only, she’d just been with a client, and Lexa might not want her to.

Biting her lip, and hesitating, Raven froze.

Lexa frowned, thinking Raven was going to kiss her, so why the change? What had just happened?

“You okay?”

“Can I- can I kiss you?” Raven murmured, jaw firm, tone low, annoyed, and Lexa did a double take.

“Isn’t that my line?” It damn well seemed like it.

“Lexa.” There was that no nonsense tone Lexa was used to.

“Yes, you can; why would you-? Raven, I’m not…” Lexa didn’t even know how to explain the end of that sentence, but Raven seemed to understand.

Not wanting Raven to doubt how Lexa felt about her after seeing a client, as if that changed how Lexa felt about Raven at all, she leant in and closed the distance. A gentle kiss first, just in case, and then, when Raven chased her lips, a firmer one, with promise.

She was still all in, she still wanted this, she still wanted her.

Okay, yes, it was going to take some work, but Lexa knew, with time, she would maybe grow to be okay with it. Maybe it would get easier, like how Octavia didn’t seem all that phased, and maybe Lexa would be able to push the thoughts of someone else kissing Raven, their hands on her body, out of her mind.

Maybe she’d be able to be a decent human being and accept this was one thing she couldn’t change, and support Raven through her choices.

God only knows that Raven has supported Lexa through hers.

After all, isn’t that what one was meant to do for the person they loved?

*0*0*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my regular update schedule of once a month went out the window for a while; all for very good reasons, I assure you, but now I'm back. 
> 
> For more information on updates or if you just want to suggest prompts, talk about Lexaven or anything really, I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/LCorvusCorvidae) and on [tumblr](http://comfortablyobsessed.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And thanks for being so patient with me, and for sticking with this story. Means a lot.


	27. Spontaneously Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world keeps turning; and Raven and Lexa need to find their new norm.

*0*0*

The world still turned, Lexa was finding. It didn’t matter that she had kissed the woman she loved, it didn’t matter that she was caught up with worry every time Raven went out to work, it didn’t matter that they weren’t dating despite wanting to, the world was going to keep turning. 

So Lexa had to just deal, and get on with the day to day life she had built for herself. That meant working, that meant crawling back into the work ethic she’d let slip for a while, and focusing on her life at the office. 

As much as she wanted to throw herself into all that was Raven, it wasn’t healthy, what with the co-dependency. Her therapist was making that clear. Which meant Lexa was giving Raven some space, and working. 

It wasn’t like they didn’t talk every day, but they didn’t necessarily see each other every day, and that was a start. It was back to how things used to be. It was better, because it meant they were moving at the right pace to make it last. 

That’s what Lexa was telling herself anyway, as she resisted the urge to pick up her phone and invite Raven over that night, telling her to skip work, Lexa would take care of it. Instead, she acknowledged Anya’s email, and headed through to her office, leaving her phone back on her desk. 

“You wanted to see me?” Lexa asked, shutting the door behind her. 

“Can you go to the Wallace Industries event on Friday night?” Anya replied, straight to the point. 

“Why are we going to that?” Lexa asked, but it sounded like an outright whine as she settled into the seat opposite Anya.. 

“I RSVP'd,” Anya shrugged, as if that was reason enough. 

“Yes, but why?” Another whine. 

They hated Wallace Industries. Corporate rivalry at its finest, yes, but the bad blood ran deep, and Lexa never understood why they tried to keep up the facade that they actually got on with one another. It wasn’t as if anyone was fooled.  

“Dante has let it slip in certain circles he’s thinking of selling,” Anya explained, and that gave Lexa some food for thought. 

“Cage will kill him,” she replied, already imagining the bloodbath that would lead to. 

“Probably,” Anya mused. “But that’s not our concern. If he wants to sell, I’m happy to start talking terms.”

“You’ll need to go to the board,” Lexa remarked, knowing it needed to go through proper channels, even if Anya didn’t want to. 

“Eventually. Let’s test the waters first.” So blase.  

“Anya,” Lexa warned, shooting her a look. 

“What?”

“You know what,” Lexa said, knowing the clusterfuck that awaited them if Anya wasn’t careful. “Why do I need to go to this event, anyway? Why can’t you?” she went on to ask. 

“I am going,” Anya said, as if that answered all questions. 

“Then why, pray tell, am I being forced to go as well?” 

“I need you to distract Cage while I talk to Dante. If the rumours are true, then Cage will be watching his father like a hawk.” He definitely would. In fact, Lexa was surprised Dante was even being allowed to go. Cage always did have his ways of keeping his father engaged. 

“This is ridiculous.” 

“Ridiculous it might be, you need to be there. Bring a date,” Anya said, with no hint of that being a request. 

“Raven has plans.” And while Lexa hated the plans she had, she was respecting her decision to have them. So no date.  

“I’m sure you’ll sort something out. If you want, I could ask around-” Anya began, but no, Lexa had endured that once before. 

“No. Do not. I’ll sort something out.” She would. Somehow. There had to be someone she knew. 

“Thank you,” Anya said, looking pleased as Lexa got up and headed for the door. 

“Why do I even need a date?” Lexa then asked, turning back to Anya. 

“Because whose cleavage is Cage going to stare at if you don’t?” Yeah, he was a creep, but that would work as a distraction. 

“Can I bring Clarke?” Surely Anya would want her there. 

“Do you want me breaking Cage’s jaw?” Anya enquired, raising her gaze from the screen in front of her. 

“I don’t think Dante would appreciate that.” 

“Then no, you can’t bring Clarke,” Anya replied. “Find someone else, or I’ll-”

“No, no, I’ll bring a date.” She would. Somehow. 

“Good.” 

“Wait, you wanted me to bring Raven so Cage could stare at her cleavage, and you expected me not to be pissed about that?” Lexa asked, frowning at that logic. 

“You’re a grown up, you could handle it; and Raven can handle you,” Anya explained. 

“All I got from that was you’re a child and Clarke can’t handle you,” Lexa said, shaking her head. 

“Well, you’re not completely wrong,” Anya grinned, and with that, Lexa made her leave. 

She needed to think, because Anya’s ploy was most likely going to be a successful one, and that meant Lexa needed, absolutely needed, a date. So suddenly the governance meeting was being pushed, at her request, all so Lexa could find a date. 

Where was that work ethic she used to rely so heavily on? Who had she become? Why did these schemes always involve Anya?  

*0*0*

It actually wasn’t that hard for Lexa to get a date. She knew a few women who had expressed interest, who would happily go with her if she was to ask. But, Lexa would be using them, it wouldn’t mean anything to her other than a night out, where for them, it might mean more. She couldn’t do that. 

That meant she needed to take some drastic measures. Or what felt like drastic measures. 

She’d cut her afternoon short, and headed home, sending a text on the way. She got one back, ten minutes later, and that was how she found herself now. 

“Can I ask you something?” Lexa asked, looking across the couch, her drink sloshing around in the glass as she tried to take a sip, nonchalant like, but failing miserably. 

“Not ominous at all,” Octavia teased, and then nodded, noting Lexa’s weird behaviour but not questioning just yet. 

“Are you busy on Friday night?” Okay, now Octavia needed to ask some questions. 

“Why?” 

“I need a date to an event, and I was hoping you would accompany me,” Lexa said, avoiding her gaze, and it was like reliving the memory of when Lexa first approached Octavia, way back when. 

“As a pro?” Because that was definitely the vibe she was getting. Lexa shot her an incredulous look and shook her head.  

“Christ, Octavia, no, as my friend.” 

“Okay, that’s good, cause otherwise I was going to kick your ass.” She took another drink, and then looked back to Lexa. “And then say yes cause I know you’re good for it, and I want to go to Hong Kong next month, if I can pull it off.” She grinned lazily, and Lexa found herself shaking her head. 

“Talk to Lincoln if you’re going to Hong Kong, he’s got a few friends out that way, knows some good places to stay and see,” she replied, knowing that he’d hook her up. 

“I don’t think my budget would get me into the places you’re talking about,” Octavia pointed out. 

“You need to get to know Lincoln better, he’s not like Anya,” Lexa said, waving her hand dismissively. 

“Or you?” Octavia prodded, toying with a smirk on her lips. 

“I wouldn’t same I’m ostentatious,” Lexa argued. 

“No, but you’re certainly not flying under the radar.” 

“I have no clue what you’re referring to,” Lexa replied, seriously, and Octavia started laughing, shaking her head, and okay, fine, maybe Lexa knew a little of what she meant. 

“Okay, sure, whatever you say, Lexa.” 

“I’m better than Anya, she bought a vineyard just to impress Clarke,” 

“I fucking knew she did that, god, how high key is she? What’s it like to have that amount of money?” Octavia asked, partly curious. 

“I don’t have that amount of money, I don’t know,” Lexa said, shaking her head. 

“Anya’s not that much older than you.” So why the disparity of wealth? It wasn’t asked, but Lexa could hear the question. 

“Anya takes risks, a lot have paid off, a lot haven’t, but she has amassed a good lifestyle for herself that way.” From risky investments, to outright gambling, Anya played fast and loose with her spare cash, and while Lexa never understood the appeal, somehow Anya always seemed to come out on top. 

“Good enough to buy wineries on a whim,” Octavia remarked. 

“Yes,” Lexa agreed, “she’s not always been so ostentatious and unpredictable with it, though. She used to be very frivolous. When I wanted to buy the house in Polis, I didn’t have anywhere near enough, and I went to her, begged her for a loan,” Lexa smiled as she recalled trying to talk Anya into it.

“She gave it to you, though,” Octavia said. 

“She wanted me to be happy, and she knew that given my role in the company, I’d be able to pay her back.” Which she did, much sooner than anticipated, given the circumstances. 

“So you don’t do anything on a whim?” 

“If we’re excluding the circumstances in which I met you and Raven, then no. I don’t do anything on a whim,” Lexa replied, making a face, frowning. 

“Well, we can change that,” Octavia smiled, and Lexa shot her a look. “Friday night, you and me, a party to attend, food, booze, I’m sure we can do something spontaneous.” Her grin should have been a little unsettling, especially for the old Lexa, but now, it made her smile back and she nodded. 

“Can’t wait.” 

*0*0*

Friday night came round sooner than expected, and Lexa was suited up, tux et al, for the black tie event. She’d picked Octavia up in the company car, so they could both drink, and then headed to the venue. Anya was already there, as her text had said, when they were pulling up, and no doubt Lexa was going to have to find her later, to talk strategy, at some point. 

They couldn’t attend a Wallace Industries event without some kind of plan in mind. Especially not one of this importance. Anya had been messaging Lexa over the last few days about what they’d need to say Dante within five minutes that would make him trust them more than his own son. That took an interesting turn. 

There were many ways in which they could sink Cage’s ship, but blackmail and playing dirty wasn’t high on Lexa’s list. Although, it was on Anya’s. 

Instead, they needed to appeal to Dante’s nature, as he knew how cold his son could be, and how he failed to deliver on occasion. Did the man really want to leave his legacy in his unreliable and unpredictable son’s hands? They were counting on no. 

“So what is your plan tonight, for me?” Octavia asked, once they made their way inside, but just out of the main reception doors. She was ensuring her dress lay correctly upon her shoulders, her hair was falling right, and entwined her arm with Lexa’s so they could walk in together as one. 

“Honestly? If you can stick by my side, and if Cage comes over, smile like his jokes are funny and as though you’re interested in him.” Lexa shifted uncomfortably as she said it. “He’ll like that he might stand a chance with you, when you’re on my arm, and that should give Anya more time...is that okay?” she looked worried, brow furrowed, as she asked and Octavia rolled her eyes, smiling. 

“Yeah, I think I can handle charming some guy for all of ten minutes. Don’t worry.” Easier said than done, but Lexa tried to shake the tension from her shoulders, and Octavia fixed her shirt collar for her. “Ready?” 

Lexa gave her a thankful smile, and the two of them headed inside to join the others. 

Like many Wallace Industries events before it, this one was decadent and extravagant; and even for Lexa, it was over the top. She expected nothing less. 

“So this is what it’s like being on your arm,” Octavia remarked, walking next to her as they moved through the room. 

“What did you think it was going to be like?” Lexa asked, curious, not entirely sure if Octavia’s comment was good or bad yet. 

“I don’t know, I figured you’d have bodies part like the red sea, eyes following your every move, people gawking and staring-” 

“I’m a C.O.O., not a celebrity.” 

“Please, Lexa, your family name is on half the buildings in this town.” Complete exaggeration, and Lexa rolled her eyes at the comment. “These people know it, can probably smell old money off you.” 

“You do know I was adopted, right? I don’t come from any money.” She just happened to land with a family that had a bit of it, and earned some more of it. Sheer luck. 

“I did know that, but look who adopted you?” Octavia said, eyes scanning the room.

“They didn’t come from old money, either.” 

“No, but they have it now, and in turn, so do you.” Yes, that was true, but Lexa was careful with it. She knew the responsibility she had as a Woods, and there was no splurging, no ostentatious spending sprees. Sort of. 

Raven might have fallen into that group, heaven forbid anyone else find out about that. But in the grand scheme of things, Lexa was careful with her money, with her family’s money, and with the money of those tied up in their company. 

“We don’t show off like the Wallaces' do,” Lexa observed, getting a glass of champagne for Octavia, and then herself.

“Yeah, even for me, this is a lot,” Octavia agreed, looking around, seeing the spectacle that was the room. It wasn’t like she’d never been to a fancy party before. 

“You’re here,” Anya said, patting Lexa’s arm as she came to stand beside them. “Octavia,” Anya greeted, leaning in to kiss her cheek. Then it was back to business. “Dante is making the rounds, by the time he gets to me, I need you to step in if Cage wants to intervene.” 

“I think we can do that,” Lexa said, and Octavia agreed, drinking as she did so. 

“Good, because I want this,” Anya replied, eyes on the room. “I’m going to grab a drink, keep an eye out.” And with that, she walked away towards the bar. 

“She seems tense,” Octavia murmured into her champagne glass. 

“She is,” Lexa sighed, feeling that tension seep into her body. “She wants this, wants it agreed before we even step into a boardroom; and she normally gets what she wants.” 

“Do you?” 

It felt like a loaded question.

Lexa bought herself more time by taking another drink, avoiding Octavia’s look, and then shrugged. 

“I have the ability to get what I want, most of the time. But now things are different.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“What I want might not be the best for those involved, and my normal way of fixing things doesn’t work in this scenario.” The subtext was clear, and Octavia didn’t push. 

“Give it time,” she said, softly, enough for Lexa to know that they were on the same page, and that Octavia knew of Lexa’s worries, and saw an end in sight. 

Sharing a look, the two of them opted to make the rounds themselves, Lexa leading the charge. They moved around the room, Lexa talking with those that stopped to say hi, and others who wanted to talk business. Octavia was brilliant, as Lexa knew she would be, smiling on her arm and making her presence known where applicable. She had a charming ability about her, that Lexa was admiring as the night continued on. 

The only downside, she recognised that charm from Raven, back from the early days, and she recognised that they only were so good at that due to their other profession. That thought always had her shifting on her feet. 

As more time passed, Lexa was growing uneasy that they had missed their window, but she needn’t have worried, as Octavia was on it. 

“That him?” Octavia asked, having done her research beforehand. She wasn’t going into this half-assed. It was always safer to be prepared. 

“Mmmhmm,” Lexa hummed, noting Cage wasn’t with his father for some reason. And Lexa couldn’t spot Anya, either.  She hoped that meant things were going well on Anya’s end. 

“Looks like a douche.” 

“He is,” Lexa agreed, smiling, “think you can be charming?” 

“Please, you wouldn’t believe the scumbags I’ve had to charm.” 

“I dread to think,” Lexa muttered, face twisting at the mere thought. 

“Don’t think.” Especially not when Raven was out on a date. “Now, smile, don’t tense, and let me work my magic on you.” Wait, what?

“Your magic?” 

Before Lexa could get a reply, Octavia’s arm was wrapping around her waist, and her body was stepping into Lexa’s, suddenly very close. She was pressing into her, and Lexa’s body was buzzing from the physical contact. 

“Raven would have had so much fun doing this with you tonight,” Octavia whispered, giving the illusion she was all over Lexa. Then she laughed, “but probably best she’s not, because if Cage looked at her the way he’s looking at me, I suspect you’d want to knock him on his ass.” 

“I want to do that anyway,” Lexa replied, and Octavia laughed again, into Lexa’s neck, which had her trying not to squirm on the spot. 

“Lexa,” Cage said, pulling her attention, as he came to stand before her. “And, I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure, I’m Cage Wallace.” His smirk was slimy but Octavia lit her eyes up at his name, as if she had caught the biggest fish in the pond. 

“Octavia Blake.” Lexa tried not to do a double take at the way Octavia’s voice had changed, was breathier, huskier. It had Cage licking his lips as his eyes glanced her over. “Is this your party, Mr Wallace?” 

God, Lexa didn’t know who was standing next to her anymore. 

“Cage, please, call me Cage,” and his smirk alluded she’d want to remember that. “It is, yes. This event was my idea, my planning, my design.” Hence how gaudy it looked. 

“Bit ostentatious for me, Cage,” Lexa remarked, and that earned her a smarmy look. 

“Bit out of your price range, too.” His eyes looked over to Octavia as he said it, and he seemed to delight when she stepped away from Lexa ever so slightly. 

“You planned it all?” Octavia asked, keeping Cage’s attention on her. 

“I did, yes. I’m the hands on type, for an event this important, I had to make sure it was perfect.” 

“It looks it, from what I’ve seen. There’s still so much I feel I have missed,” Octavia shrugged, eyes looking over the room quickly, and Cage was standing up tall. 

“I can rectify that for you, if you’d like?” The way Cage’s grin widened as he spoke, as he glanced over to Lexa to check she was still watching this encounter, made it clear he was simply trying to piss her off. 

What wasn’t clear was Octavia’s response. 

“Sure, I’d love that,” Octavia replied, smiling, stepping out of Lexa’s touch, and her surprise and shock was real. 

What the fuck was Octavia doing? 

Lexa didn’t know what to say, what to do, as Octavia moved closer, taking Cage’s hand, and then she was walking away. She was honestly shocked. That had not been the plan, what the hell was happening now? 

Lexa’s instinct told her to put a stop to it, but she’d make a scene, and if she did that, she risked getting them kicked out. It would be exactly the kind of power move Cage would revel in. And given Lexa had no clue where Anya was, she couldn’t risk it. 

So instead, she opted to follow them, to keep a safe distance, and ensure Octavia was actually okay. 

Only, as Lexa watched the two of them slip into the crowd, when she made to move, Octavia looked back and shook her head, eyes warning, and Lexa froze. 

What was she meant to do now?

Trust. She needed to have a little trust. If Octavia was warning her off, then she had a plan, and Lexa just needed to trust her. 

Yes, Lexa’s hands were clenched into fists as she strode towards hallway outside, needing air, and yes, her heart was racing, because it felt as if she’d put her friend in a horrible position, and yes, her brain was screaming at her to go and find Octavia. However, she knew better. 

If her sessions with Callie were teaching her anything, this was a moment to put those lessons into practice, and trust someone else’s judgement. She didn’t need to rush in. She didn’t need to be the ‘saviour’. Octavia had this. 

And she did. When she finally reappeared, some forty minutes later. 

Octavia had come out into the hallway where Lexa was still seated, and she walked over with ease, as if Lexa didn’t look a complete mess of worry. 

“What the ever loving fuck was that?” Lexa asked, voice low, once they were close enough that no one else in the hallway would hear them, and Octavia placed her hands on Lexa’s shoulders to calm.

“You needed time, and I got you time,” Octavia replied, speaking slowly, making Lexa listen rather than spiral. 

“Octavia, you did not have to-”

“Lex, I know how to work these men into bending over backwards for me, and you know this, otherwise you wouldn’t have invited me. So, stop worrying. He wasn’t actually that bad, flirted heavily, the odd innuendo, that was it.” That was easier to hear, and Lexa let out a deep breath. 

“You worried me,” she confessed. 

“I’m safe,” Octavia said, looking her straight in the eyes. “Now, that was my moment of spontaneity, what’s yours going to be?” 

“God, you’re not serious.” She couldn’t be. Really? 

“Deadly.” 

“Octavia,” Lexa laughed, not even knowing where to begin. She had been on edge for the last forty minutes, now this? 

“Let me buy you a drink,” Octavia grinned, entwining their arms together, and leading her back into the main reception room. 

“It’s a free bar,” Lexa said, following regardless. 

“Even better,” Octavia laughed, and Lexa found herself doing the same. 

And that’s how their night really started, sitting at the end of the bar, ordering drinks, with Octavia trying to coax Lexa out of her shell. If she could get her loosened up, then maybe, just maybe, she’d relax, she’d let go. 

There seemed to be a lot of tension in her body but that was second nature with Lexa, it seemed. Octavia had noticed that since she first met her. 

“Want to get out of here?” Lexa asked, after a good few drinks, eyeing the room with disinterest, and Octavia was wondering where this was going. “I know she’s out tonight...and I know she probably won’t want to see me, but…” Lexa nursed her drink a moment and Octavia could see where the but was going. 

But I miss her, but I’m worried about her, but I don’t want to be here, I want to be with her. 

“Come on, she’ll be home soon anyway, let’s go.” With Octavia’s permission, as if that was all Lexa was waiting on, she lit up at the prospect, abandoning her drink, and holding her arm out for Octavia to take. 

“You really are smitten as hell, aren’t you?” Octavia joked, and Lexa smiled, ducking her head. 

“We both know the answer to that.” Yes. 

Together they left the main hall, with Lexa catching Anya’s eye on the way out, giving her a nod. She was done for the evening, and Anya nodded in return, knowing that Lexa was never going to stay long. 

After grabbing their coats from the cloakroom,Lexa led the way outside, having called the driver while waiting. That meant a quick exit, followed by a smooth drive back to Octavia and Raven’s place. 

“She’s home safe,” Octavia said, checking her phone on the journey, and she watched Lexa relax in the seat. 

“She know I want to come up?” The last thing Lexa wanted to do was intrude on the process they already had in place to talk about their nights out. 

“She does, I told her, and there’s no complaint, so she must want to see your lovesick self,” Octavia teased, nudging Lexa, who could feel the heat on her cheeks. 

There was no denying that fact either. 

Despite wanting to see Raven sooner rather than later, Lexa held the door of the car open for Octavia, and assisted her out, offering her arm for the walk into the building and up to the apartment. 

Raven must have been listening for the car or watching the window, as when they reached their floor, the front door was open, and she was leaning in the doorway. Lexa heard her intake of breath, and Octavia burst out laughing, as she heard it too. 

“Looking good, Rae, think this one agrees if that gasp was anything to go by,” Octavia said, walking forward, letting Lexa walk behind. 

Raven let out a laugh and ran her hand through her hair, before catching Lexa’s gaze and raising her eyebrows in question.

“Like what you see?” she asked, teasingly, and Lexa reached up, tugging at her collar, earning another laugh. 

How could she not? Raven was in the tightest black dress Lexa had ever seen. It wasn’t particularly short, nor low cut, but it followed every curve of her body. God. She looked phenomenal. 

As if taking pity on Lexa, Raven moved away from the door and headed inside, not waiting for an answer. Lexa followed, taking a deep, slow, breath, and shut the door behind her. 

“I need to get changed, amuse yourself, Lexa!” Octavia called, taking Raven’s hand and leading her down the hallway to the bedroom. That was expected, and Lexa watched them go, seeing Raven look back with a smile, before disappearing from sight. 

With that, Lexa took a seat on their couch, undoing the top button of her shirt, and turned on their TV, so they had the privacy they needed to go over their evenings. 

And that’s exactly what they were doing. Raven shut the bedroom door after herself, leaning against it and started things off. 

“Have a good night? She show you a good time?” she asked Octavia, who was kicking her heels off. 

“Only the best,” Octavia winked, laughing, as Raven rolled her eyes. 

“Did you have a nice night, though?” she double checked, and Octavia sobered a little, smiling still. 

“I did, it was fun, when it shouldn’t have been, but yeah.” She shrugged, because it was actually like so many of the nights she had with clients, and Octavia knew Raven was drawing the same parallels. 

“What about you?” Octavia asked, knowing Raven must have only just got in the door before them because she was still dressed up. 

“It went well, he was respectful, pretty easy night.” The layers of code they’d built over the years was coming in use, letting Octavia know exactly what had happened, without having to focus on the details. 

“Good,” she replied, and they shared a soft smile. Soon. Soon it would end. For both of them. “Anyway, I’m going to head to bed, don’t stay up too late?” There was a cheeky smirk as she said it, and Raven rolled her eyes. 

There was nothing of that nature going to happen, that she could guarantee, regardless of the way Lexa had been admiring her. 

“I’m going to get changed. You know where we are if you need anything,” Raven began, reaching for the door, “thanks for going with her.” 

“Happy to, was quite eye-opening.” 

“Oh?” Raven wasn’t sure why that sentence made her stomach twist. 

“Anya is quite tense, and it hits Lexa pretty hard, to meet her expectations. There’s so much more in Lexa’s life that we just don’t see, and through all that, I know all she wanted to do tonight  was be with you.”

“Makes two of us,” Raven confessed. 

And Raven suspected that about Anya. Despite how close Anya and Lexa were, Raven could tell Lexa was trying to live up to Anya’s expectations, her wants, to not disappoint, to be worthy of the surname ‘Woods’. 

“Go, she’s waiting,” Octavia said, bidding Raven goodnight. 

“See you in the morning.” Raven did the same, and left Octavia. She could hear the TV on in the living room, and knew Lexa could wait a little longer. First thing Raven wanted to do was get out the dress, the makeup, and shower. 

It was the easiest way to wash the night away, and had become routine. There was no rushing to it, no haste, but simply going through the motions. Locking away the memories of the evening, so Raven could go about her day to day, enjoying the moments of happiness that came with it, rather than the shame.

“Sorry for taking so long,” Raven said, after getting dried and dressed, pyjama trousers low on her waist, hoodie keeping her slightly damp hair off her shoulders. 

Lexa was lying comfortably along the couch, but lifted her head, moving to sit up, and smiled at seeing Raven. 

“No, not at all, I’m sorry if I’ve imposed on you tonight-” she stopped talking as Raven placed a finger against her lips. 

“No more apologies.” Lexa nodded at that, and looked up at her. Knowing how precarious these moments were, after a client, Lexa reached out, taking Raven’s hand and giving it a little tug. 

Sit down. Join me. Please. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Raven said, smiling, as she took a seat by Lexa’s side. 

“Me, too,” Lexa replied, her heart soaring at the smile she was getting. 

“So, how was your night?” Raven asked, wondering what Lexa would say that differed from Octavia. 

“Good,” Lexa replied, nodding, keeping it short and sweet. She’d had fun with Octavia, despite that blip of stress, and Anya was happy she’d had her time to talk to Dante. All in all, it was a successful night. “And you?” she followed up. 

“You don’t have to ask,” Raven said, shaking her head, avoiding her gaze. 

“I want to know you’re okay,” Lexa replied, because that was all she could think about now. 

“I’m okay,” Raven repeated, but it didn’t land. 

“You sure?” Lexa asked, leaning in, and Raven closed the distance, sinking into the kiss, feeling the want, the love, and she chased that feeling when Lexa pulled away. 

“I’m sure,” she replied, nodding. “It went better than expected, and it’s over; I’m good.” Lexa nodded at that, her hand gently caressing her waist, soft and careful, but present. And it was the support Raven needed for the next sentence. “I’ve been thinking,” she started. 

“Oh?” Lexa wondered. 

“I’m going to wind down what I’m doing, and gradually bring it to an end.” It was always on the cards for Raven, and she knew she’d have to eventually, given her leg. But now, there felt like there was another reason. One that meant she wasn’t leaving because she had to, but because she wanted to. 

“Did something happen that made you-” Lexa was quick to ask, thoughts immediately going back to Octavia and the bruises she’d sustained at the hands of-

“No, no,” Raven said, knowing exactly what Lexa was thinking. “I just...I want to be the one on your arm, going to these things with you, and I can’t exactly do that when I’m on someone else’s.” 

There was the truth of the matter, and Raven avoided her gaze as she spoke, not wanting to draw more attention to those words than necessary. 

“You’re always my first choice,” Lexa said, hand entwining with Raven’s, and the weight of those words was comforting. 

“I know, and I think I need to make you mine.” It was a confession, of sorts, and Raven tried not to shy away from it seeing the light of day. She loved Lexa, and she needed to show that to her, Lexa wasn’t an afterthought in her life anymore. 

“I am never going to ask you to choose, it’s your work. I get that.” And it genuinely sounded like she did. 

“You struggle with it,” Raven was careful to point out, and Lexa nodded, a wince in sight. 

“So do you, though, so we’re even.” Raven smiled despite herself, because Lexa had a point. 

Of course she did. 

“I just want you to know that I’m looking into how I can make it work.” 

“Regardless, I’ll still be here,” Lexa said, wondering if she continued to say those words, would they eventually make her feel okay with Raven’s job. Yes, she’d still be there, but would the worry and anxiety about it ever go away? 

Then again, from the way Raven was speaking, maybe she’d change her line of work and Lexa wouldn’t need to be so concerned about it anymore. 

At that moment, it felt like they were one step closer to finally being. 

“There was one thing tonight, that I was meant to do, but didn’t,” Lexa said, changing the subject, and Raven waited. “Octavia wanted me to do something spontaneous.”

“Why?” 

“Because apparently I’m not spontaneous.” Raven could see that, from the way Lexa planned her life, planned her day to day. But then again, there was another side of Lexa. One that took the day off work to let Raven drive her car out of the city. One that put Raven first, long before she ever had a reason to. 

“Well, I don’t quite agree, but I’ll hear you out.” 

“I think I still have time to rectify that, to do something spontaneous this evening.” 

“I’d say so,” Raven replied, wondering where this was going. “So what you going to do?” 

“Tell you I love you, that I am yours, wholeheartedly, if you want me.” 

“You’re all about these big romantic gestures, how come?” Raven wondered, curious as to see why Lexa was feeling the way she was. 

“I don’t want there to be a minute where you don’t know how I feel about you. I never want to lose that opportunity, to say ‘I love you’, so I’m saying it, again, because it hasn’t changed. I love you, and no matter what you do, that won’t change.” 

“Lexa,” Raven laughed, leaning into her embrace. Of course her words made Raven think of Costia, but they also made her heart race, and that happiness she sought out, Lexa was it. “I know you love me, I knew long before I wanted to accept it. And I love you, too.” 

If anything, Lexa’s moment of ‘spontaneity’ was another reminder to Raven that she needed to let herself enjoy her life. She’d worked hard to get where she was, with a roof over her head, and her degree coming along nicely. So surely she could make it work without the clients and the shame and seediness that went with it all. 

Surely it was time for her to let herself be happy. 

*0*0*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see - thank you for being patient! I had split this chapter, otherwise you'd be waiting another month for it, so next update shouldn't be far off.   
> As always, thank you so much for continuing to read this! 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://comfortablyobsessed.tumblr.com), come say hi!


	28. I want...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's house is up for sale, and they go to Polis.

*0*0*

Raven didn’t think she’d get back to the Polis house with Lexa, despite how well they were doing. It just seemed so sacred to her, and her family. 

But yet, there they were, driving out of the city, Lexa behind the wheel, and Raven kicking it in the passenger seat. 

“I have to… I could use your support,” Lexa had said, and Raven had pulled her closer, listening. “I’m selling the house, and… “ 

“Say no more,” Raven murmured, dropping her head forward, cupping Lexa’s jaw, and kissing her, softly. 

It had Lexa leaning into her touch and embrace, and she only pulled back with a frown, when her hands began to wander up Raven's waist. They were still taking it somewhat slow, still easing into physical intimacy. 

So Raven packed her bags, she did what she needed to do to clear her schedule, and she climbed into Lexa’s car on the day of their trip. 

Lexa was quiet, as to be expected, and she was focused, on the route, on the weather, on the details and Raven could only watch as the Lexa she knew so well fell away, and in her place was the Lexa of her past. 

When they hit the outskirts of Polis, Lexa seemed to sit up straighter, knuckles a little whiter on the steering wheel, and in the unfamiliar neighbourhoods of large scale houses, gated estates, Raven knew they were drawing nearer with the way Lexa’s jaw kept clenching. 

And then, they stopped. 

Unlike many of the others, it didn’t have a gated entrance; Lexa was able to drive straight into the driveway, pulling up in front, and putting the car in park. 

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, maybe a grand monstrosity, an expansive home like Lexa’s parent’s Polis’ house, but no, the property Lexa was going to call home with Costia was a picturesque family home. At least three floors, with large georgian windows, stone facing, and it was only missing the goddamn white picket fence. 

“The last of the boxes are in the kitchen, we can go in round back,” Lexa said, looking up at the property from inside the car. Her eyes darted to the front door, but from everything Lexa had said regarding Costia’s death, there was no way she was going to step foot over that threshold again. 

“Want me to get them?” Raven asked, and Lexa shot her a smile, soft, tender, but shook her head. 

“You can come in if you want.” 

She wanted, so it was a no brainer. The two of them exited the car, and Lexa waited for Raven, closing her car door behind her, and accepted Raven’s hand in her own as they headed towards the side gate. Now Raven could see the security of the house, with a fence too high to scale, and an electronic keypad Lexa pressed with ease, granting them access. 

She ensured it was shut behind her before they walked further into the backyard, where Raven could take in more of them house. The yard was still perfectly kept, no doubt to appeal to buyers, and there was so much potential, space for brunches and barbecues, space for pets, and space for kids. It was their family home, and looking over at Lexa, Raven wondered when she'd break, when she'd fall apart from being there.

Lexa let go of her hand to open the backdoor, leading them into the kitchen. The boxes were supposed to be on the countertop, but were definitely not, and Lexa’s frown said enough. 

“Give me a couple minutes, I’ll go find them,” Lexa muttered, giving Raven a parting smile, leaving her in the kitchen. 

Raven could hear Lexa searching around the house, as she herself scanned the kitchen. It was empty, of course, the bare minimum left out to give the appeal of a homely house. And with its wide archway, Raven could see into the hallway and beyond. Taking a few more steps, with Lexa God only knows where, Raven found herself in what would have been the living room, grand fireplace on the wall, and she could see it again, what Lexa wanted to call home. 

“They've repainted since I was last here,” Lexa said, pulling Raven’s attention to the doorway. 

“Did you find the boxes?” she asked, trying to gauge if Lexa was okay with her straying. 

“Upstairs hallway, I've put them in the kitchen.” It was said with ease, no malice, no anxiety about Raven, about being there, but almost acceptance.

“I’ll help carry them to the car with you.” Raven figured Lexa wanted out of there as soon as possible, but yet, she gently reached for Raven as she made to walk past her. 

“It’s strange for me, seeing you here,” Lexa said, and Raven tried to step back. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“No, that’s not-” Lexa was quick to say, shaking her head. “I meant, this house, it was ours, and now we’re here.” 

Tainting it. Ruining it. Making Lexa feel like she was betraying Costia, and her memory, and their history; and Raven’s thoughts were spiralling. Yet Lexa looked so peaceful. 

“It’s strange knowing that this is the past,” Lexa said, shrugging. “I thought this was my forever home.” 

“It’s a beautiful house.” 

“What is it they say, a place is only as good as the people you know in it? It’s the people that make the place?” With that, Lexa gave Raven’s hand a squeeze and then turned. 

They were done, done going down memory lane, and ready to get out of there. Lexa gave it one last look, just as they were closing the backdoor, and Raven wondered how hard it was for her to say this goodbye. 

Given the years between Lexa losing Costia and daring to branch back out into the world, she suspected Lexa was falling apart on the inside, doing a remarkable job of holding it together. Raven could barely see the worry and anxiety she was riddled with on the way over. 

“Want me to drive?” Raven asked, as they stepped towards the car and Lexa gave her a slight nod, reaching out, taking her hand in her own, and tugging her closer. 

“Thanks,” Lexa said, leaning in, kissing Raven’s cheek, before handing over the keys, and it left Raven with a smile on her lips as she climbed into the driver’s seat. 

Despite knowing Polis a little better, she didn’t know how to get from A to B where Lexa’s family home was concerned, so Lexa passed on directions from the passenger seat. 

She opened the gate for them when she arrived, and Raven drove up the estate, drawing closer to the house. It was as impressive as last time, and Raven parked Lexa’s car just off to the side, shutting it off, and handing back the keys. 

“We can leave the boxes in the car, I’ll grab the bags, okay?” Lexa said, handing over the keys to Raven. 

With that, the two of them made their way inside. It was familiar, but also different, for Raven. She was seeing it in a whole new light. She didn’t need to spot all the exits and all the locks on the doors. She didn’t need to count the number of doors and plan a path to the nearest phone. She wasn’t looking at it as if the very house could be a threat, along with its occupants. 

Instead, it was like walking back into a part of Lexa’s life she rarely ever saw. 

Lexa ensured that Raven was settled, letting her freshen up, and grabbing her a drink, before Lexa went back out to get their bags from the car. She brought them inside, Raven could hear, as she looked out the back windows, taking in the view that had captivated her previously. 

It was still incredibly surreal being there. 

“Interested in having some food?” Lexa asked, walking slowly up behind her, and Raven turned into her touch. 

With a smile and a nod, the two of them set about rustling something up. Lexa had prepared for her weekend, by getting fresh food dropped off, and they puttered about the kitchen, chopping and dicing, stirring and mixing, laughing and smiling, until there was a coherent dinner before them. 

Gone was the tension in Lexa’s shoulders, stiff and rigid before, now dropped and relaxed, as Raven teased her as she shared more memories of her childhood, running around that very house. 

And that led on to Raven opening up more, giving Lexa a peek into her childhood, her dependency on the Blakes, on the Griffins, and learning to survive by herself. But it was entwined with stories of mischief, and recklessness that only a child would think to do, and Lexa was enamoured.

When was she not? 

By the time they’d finished, with a few glasses of wine thrown in for good measure, they were both ready for bed. Travelling, and the wine, was exhausting. Lexa kissed Raven on the cheek and nipped upstairs first, with Raven just grabbing a glass of water and following behind. 

The bedroom they’d shared last time, lights on, ready for them, was empty; and Raven looked up the hallway, to where Lexa was leaning against the door to her room, the light on inside, illuminating the memories made there. It was as if she was in a daydream, because Lexa didn’t hear Raven until she was by her side, speaking. 

“If you want to sleep in your room, I get it, I can sleep in the spare room-” Raven began, pulling Lexa’s attention, who frowned before cutting her off. 

“I want to sleep with you,” Lexa replied, and then looked away, debating how to correct that. “Let me try again, I want to sleep next to you,” she said, voice low, comforting. “This room, it’s my past, and I don’t think I need to say how it will always be a part of me, but I need to move on, move passed it, and focus on my future...a future I’d like to have, with you.” 

Oh. 

Well. 

Lexa entwined their fingers, hitting the light with her other hand, and walked Raven back down the hallway to the spare room. 

“This room, it's ours, and that’s what I want,” Lexa said, nodding towards the door, and Raven found herself leaning forward into Lexa’s embrace. 

“I…I want that, too,” Raven admitted, knowing that they were moving towards that, baby steps, but still going forward. 

Okay, their past was messy and complicated but it was a necessary evil to get them where they needed to be. Right there. At that moment. Together. 

“I was serious when I said I would wind things down.” 

“And I was serious when I said you are always going to be my first choice.” Raven knew that, and she needed to just feel the weight of those words, bask in them, taste them. 

Lexa’s lips were unhurried into the first kiss, as if more surprised than anything, and that made Raven moan a little. Always with the surprise, the genuine joy at having Raven touch her, kiss her, care for her.  

It was easy enough to back up into the bedroom, and bring Lexa with. She was following after Raven eagerly, not wanting to lose that moment between them, with her hand reaching out, the other shutting the door behind them. 

Her touch was cautious, fingertips barely caressing the fabric of Raven’s shirt, and that had Raven moving closer, to feel Lexa’s touch, properly, like she’d wanted to for so long. 

This, whatever this was, it was a conscious choice without saying it outright, and Raven wondered if they had been leading up to this all night. It hadn't seemed like it, but then again, something felt a little different. Maybe it was the knowledge that they were truly going to make this work, that the memories of the past were just that, memories, and it was time to look forward, to the future, to each other. 

“I want to be close to you...I want...I’m not sure I’m ready, God, I’m sorry, I’m nervous and-” Lexa rambled, pulling back from the kiss, forehead against Raven’s, breath warm against her lips. 

“Shhh,” Raven murmured, cupping Lexa’s face in her hands, staring at those eyes with want and love and understanding. “I want you, too, but we don’t have to do anything, okay? Let’s just see what happens, we can stop at any time, that okay?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, licking her lips, and Raven cracked a smile, unable to help herself. 

Her heart was racing, euphoric, and she didn’t know what else to do but to smile, the joy, the wanting, the way Lexa was looking back at her, she was happy, and she wanted this moment to go on forever. 

Lexa smiled, too, softer, looking back at her, matching her. She was so inconspicuous with her affection, it was never rushed, never firm, always just lingering in the background, but constant, and Raven was growing more and more fond of the way Lexa looked at her as time wore on. 

That’s not to say she wasn’t fond before, but now, there was a new level to her affections. It was easy to acknowledge their history and past, the set of circumstances that threw them together, and think of their relationship as tainted, spoiled. Raven was seeing it differently, however. 

It might not have been the start that most couples had, and okay, they weren’t exactly a couple yet, but if Raven had to pick meeting Lexa the way she did or never meeting Lexa at all, it was damn obvious which option she’d pick. 

“Can I take this off?” Lexa asked, slowly, her fingers finally twisting into the fabric of Raven’s shirt. 

“Please,” Raven replied, smiling at Lexa, because she was always so damn careful with her. 

And that didn’t change as Lexa’s fingers moved towards the buttons, a little shaky, but eyes focusing on the task at hand, and Raven could only watch as Lexa began to undo them. She helped, moving to do the bottom ones, to give them a little pace. She wasn’t rushing, but she wanted Lexa’s hands on her, and the shirt was ruining that. 

Only, it wasn’t just her hands she got. No, Lexa planted her lips on Raven’s neck, nuzzling and kissing, pushing the shirt off her shoulders, and kissing the newly exposed skin, down one side of her neck, along the collar bone, only stopping at the bra strap. 

Lexa didn’t need to ask, as Raven was already reaching round, unhooking it, and letting it hang loosely on her shoulders. It was Lexa’s gaze that had Raven nodding, take it off, and she obliged, her finger tips pushing the bra strap out the way, and Raven found herself reaching out for Lexa’s shoulders and body. 

The bra hit the floor, followed with a sharp inhale from Lexa, and Raven moved that little bit closer. There was a line, they were fast approaching, because it wasn’t the time, but for now, it was enough to step right up to it. And with that, Lexa’s lips moved back to Raven’s neck, her hands sliding up Raven’s waist, until Raven was rocking forward to feel her, to finally have Lexa’s hands on her. 

It was like fuel to the flame, for both of them. 

So long, they’d been holding back, so long they’d been denying the simplest of touches, but now, 

Raven kissed harder, pulled Lexa closer, moaned into each touch, and worked on removing Lexa’s shirt and pants. If she had it her way, it would all go, but that line. That goddamn line. They had to be fast approaching it, but as Lexa’s shirt hit the floor, revealing a black bra beneath, their foot was on the accelerator, with no sign of stopping soon. 

“Can I?” Raven asked, fingers caressing the bottom of the bra, which, look fan-fucking-tastic on her. 

“Mmhmm,” Lexa replied, guidning Raven back to kiss her, her tongue having just the effect she was after, with Raven moaning and grip tightening. 

Finding some form of self control, Raven pulled back from the kiss, pupils blown, heart racing, and took a breath. Rather than reach round and undo Lexa’s bra, she wanted her lips across Lexa’s collarbones, neck and shoulders. So much skin, so soft, and with a graze of her teeth, and Lexa’s sharp inhale of breath, it was worth the detour to end up standing behind Lexa. 

“Your tattoo,” Raven said, pulling back having seen the black ink across Lexa’s skin. It stood out, but not harsh, and Raven’s fingertips couldn’t help follow the lines of the design. Just as Lexa had previously described it, there was a design at the top of her back, simple, which then moved down her spine. 

“I forgot you’ve not seen it before,” Lexa remarked, moving ever so slightly into Raven’s touch. 

“It’s beautiful,” and so very Lexa, with it’s clean lines, simple makeup, nothing over the top, nothing in your face, but classic all the same. 

And with that, Raven’s hands began to stray. Then her lips. It wasn’t her fault, Lexa was standing before her topless and really, she was amazed she’d stopped even briefly. 

“Fuck,” Lexa murmured, and jesus. That was a spiritual sound. 

Raven smiled into the next kiss, down between Lexa’s shoulder blades, because she loved that affect, loved it more on Lexa, but she didn’t have time to let it go to her head as Lexa was turning, reaching for her, kissing her and it was her time to curse. 

It was a game of one upmanship, but in the best possible way. 

They’d hit that line at some point. They’d stop at some point. Raven knew that. Lexa knew that. Until then, however, Lexa was going to enjoy every moment of Raven, and vice versa. 

*0*0*

Their self control was better than either of them anticipated, and after making it to the bed, Lexa on top, and Raven pulling her hips closer, they mutually decided they had to stop. It was torture, yes, but they were stopping for all the right reasons. 

So, incredibly turned on, they attempted sleep. It really shouldn’t have been surprising that it was poor on both their parts. 

Raven managed to doze off eventually, but woke at silly o’clock in the morning to an empty bed. Where the hell had Lexa gone? Had Raven freaked her out? Had she pushed too far earlier? She really thought they were playing it safe just by heavy petting and a little grinding. Obviously not. 

Grabbing a cardigan that hung just above Raven’s knees, over her sleep t-shirt and underwear, Raven nipped out of the bedroom to find Lexa. She wasn’t hard to find. The lights of the house gave her away. 

In the living room, there she sat, on the floor, back against the couch, and with the boxes from her house next to her. Some were open, some were now empty, and the contents lying on the coffee table and at Lexa’s side. She had her head back, eyes shut, as if she was sleeping, but Raven could tell she wasn’t. 

Not wanting to startle her, Raven cleared her throat and moved into the living room fully. Lexa lifted her head, looking up, and watched as Raven moved to sit opposite Lexa, across the floor, with her back against the other couch, replicating Lexa’s position. 

“Hi,” she said, eyes trying not to stray, to look at the papers and photos. 

“Hey,” Lexa replied, softly. “I hope I didn’t wake you.” As if. She hadn’t made a sound. 

“Not at all.” The silence dragged on for a moment longer, and Raven couldn’t help it. “Can I ask what was in the boxes?” She could see some, but seeing and knowing for sure were two different things. 

“Memories,” Lexa replied, voice quiet. “Two of the boxes are just things that were in the house, for those coming in and out the house if they needed it; glasses, plates, things like that.” That explained the unopened ones. 

“And the others?” 

“Photos,mostly,” Lexa said, pausing. “The family...they requested photos, at the wake, they wanted photos of Costia. Not everyone who was there that day knew so sent them on afterwards. They’ve been sorted, filed into photo albums.” 

Raven wanted to know, wanted to know what Lexa was going to do with them. But that wasn’t her place. 

“I’m going to donate the plateware, I don’t...I don’t want it.” Another pause, and as if Lexa knew what Raven wanted to know, she continued. “I’ll have the photos sent on to Costia’s family, now that there are none of me in with them.” 

“You took yourself out?” 

“Her family’s wishes were that I cease to exist, if I recall correctly,” which she did, “so I’m doing my best to do just that, as far as they’re concerned.” 

That had Raven wanting to do a double take. Those words weren’t light, weren’t ones that could be misconstrued, and jesus, no wonder Lexa struggled so. 

“How can they blame you?” she asked, because how could she not. 

“My wealth and name attracted those that killed her. They wanted me that night, she was just collateral damage.” 

“Do they harbour the same hatred towards those that actually killed her?” 

“Yes, from what I know.” 

Raven couldn’t stomach the thought of Lexa being lumped in the same group as actual murderers. She knew it was bad, it was a messy situation, but for the grief to spew such hatred, for Lexa to feel she was at fault the way she was, to remove herself from the visible memories of Costia’s life, Raven was blown away. 

And all she wanted to do was comfort her. 

So she did. Despite the pain of moving across the floor on her knees, with Lexa watching on in confusion, Raven moved to sit astride Lexa’s lap. Her arms wrapped round the back of Lexa’s neck, and on instinct, Lexa placed her hands on Raven’s lap. 

“I want photos, I want photos of you and me, together, in my place, in yours, I want everyone to know you are someone to me, someone so-”

“Raven,” Lexa whispered, lips dry, throat too, eyes shining with unshed tears, and Raven took a shaky breath. 

Unlike Costia’s family, Raven was laying claim to her, asking for the recognition of being in Lexa’s life, the chance to have those physical mementos of being together. No shame, no need to hide, just being. 

“Please,” Raven said, softly, leaning in, caressing Lexa’s cheek, keeping her gaze fixed. “Let me have this.” Let me have you. 

“How’d I get so fortunate as to find you?” Lexa mused, hands warm, comforting, on Raven’s hips. 

“We have Octavia to thank for that,” Raven replied. 

“Better not tell her, it’ll go to her head.” That made Raven grin, Lexa, too, and they smiled into the first kiss. “Thank you,” Lexa then said. 

“What for?” 

“Coming with me. You didn’t have to.” 

“I know, but I wanted to.” There was more to be said, always more to be said, but it felt safer to leave those words unsaid. Maybe one day. Until then, better not. 

Rather than dwell further on the past, Raven helped Lexa to her feet and pulled her back to bed. This time, sleep came easy, with the emotional drain that was that walk down memory lane for Lexa. 

And in the morning, it was all packed away before Raven had left the bed. Looked like Lexa had come to the same conclusion. No more. Look to the future, not the past. 

So it was no surprise to Raven then, that it felt different leaving Polis this time, too. 

They were going back to officially move forward, together. Raven knew what she had to do to cancel her appointments, to bring down her profile on the website, to leave that life behind her. Was it a little sooner than she had anticipated? Yes, but it was the right time. That life had taken enough of her. 

Now it was time for her to enjoy her life, one with a woman she loved. 

*0*0*

There was no time like the present to better one’s self, and Raven took that view to heart as soon as she was home. With twenty four hours of being back from Polis, she was working with Octavia to ensure her profile and online presence was scrubbed, and with the technical expertise of Monty to ensure it really was and nothing could come back to haunt her. 

And just like that, she was no longer an escort, a hooker, a whore, depending on what night of the week it was. 

And okay, bile rose at the thought of where she’d sunk to in her past, but it would be fine. She was done with that. No longer did someone get to spit those words at her when she turned them down. No longer was she a body for sale. No longer was she someone else’s plaything. 

She was her own person. Finally. 

A weight was off her shoulders, and Raven couldn’t stop smiling. Octavia gave her that proud smile of hers, and Clarke sent her a text saying congrats and that they needed a night to celebrate, and everything was coming up roses. 

“I’ve got good news,” Raven said, having called Lexa one afternoon. 

“Oh?” Lexa asked, curious. 

“It’s done. I’m not...no more clients.” There was a beat and then- 

“You’re sure? Please don’t feel like you had to do this for me- Your financial-” Stop. 

“I’m sure, don’t worry about it. This wasn’t for you, you helped, but this is for me.” It had taken her a few days to realise that, and she had held off on telling Lexa for that exact reason. 

Was she doing that to be with her? Was she changing her life for an ex-client? 

No. 

Everything was telling her that she was going to need to stop, Lexa had just given her the push to do it now, to save a part of her for herself, and not give herself completely away to the clients and the money. 

Was she financially going to struggle? Not exactly. She had enough for now, and she’d need to get a job, but that wasn’t unforeseeable. She had skills. She could find a job. Sure. 

What mattered was she was back to being herself. To being able to look in the mirror and not feel instant shame. 

And really, how could she feel shame when Lexa looked at her like she hung the moon and the stars in the sky? 

Which was exactly the same expression Lexa had when she popped round that same evening. They hadn’t made plans, but there she was, all smiles, and it was an irresistible sight to see. 

“Hi,” Lexa said, softly, moving to lean against the doorframe, going for casual, ridiculous, but Raven was into it all the same.  

“Hi yourself,” she replied, and Lexa smiled, it teasing on her lips, which had Raven stepping closer. 

“I hope this isn’t presumptuous of me, especially after this afternoon’s call-” and there was the Lexa Raven knew and loved, “because I have no assumptions or expectations-” 

“Shut up and get in here,” Raven laughed, pulling Lexa in and closing the door behind her. 

It was of zero surprise to either of them when they ended up on Raven’s couch, heated kisses, hands roaming, hair disheveled, and god, they’d missed each other. 

The intimacy, the physical intimacy, it had been a need for so long, and now they were getting their fix, they didn’t’ want to stop. Of course, with today’s news, it was even more heated. There didn’t need to be a line, not unless Lexa was unsure, wanted to take it slower, but from the way her hands were gripping at Raven’s hips, and sliding up under her shirt, slow wasn’t on the cards tonight. 

Thank god Octavia was out. 

Unfortunately, not everyone got that message. 

“Mmmm, your phone,” Raven mumbled, breaking the kiss with the blaring ringtone interrupting the moment. That didn’t deter Lexa though, who simply moved her kisses down Raven’s neck. 

“I don’t care,” she said, making her stance clear as she kissed back up to Raven’s lips again, long, tender, but with an urgency that was from low in her belly, the same one that had her hips moving ever so slightly. 

The phone was still blaring. 

“Lexa,” Raven laughed, breaking the kiss, caressing her cheeks with her thumbs, and watching Lexa look back at her. 

“I am right where I want to be, nothing on the end of that phone could be good,” Lexa said, and Raven believed that to be true. 

“Which is why you should answer it,” she argued back. 

“But I would much rather be kissing you.” 

“I’ll bet,” Raven smiled, and Lexa grinned into the next kiss, her touch as gentle as it was when they started. 

The phone stopped, much to Lexa’s delight, and Raven was pulling her back in. She held herself over Raven, her arms holding her body up, but slowly, she was dropping her weight, taking it from a simple make out session to what was bound to be more. As if they expected anything different. 

And then the phone went off again. 

“You should definitely get that,” Raven groaned. 

“I have no intention of answering it, ever, not when I’m with you.” That made Raven laugh, and she shook her head. 

“Your company could be going down the drain right now, you need to answer it.” 

“If it’s going down the drain then it’s already too late for me to do anything about it,” Lexa reasoned, and how was she still so damn cute with the dishevelled hair and bruising lips. 

“You’re ridiculous.” Lexa hummed in agreement, as Raven accepted the next kiss, urging her closer once more. 

The same happened again, but rather than there being a longer pause between calls, there was hardly any time before it started back up. 

“Seriously, answer the phone,” Raven said, giving in on this now, because they weren’t getting peace. 

“I don’t want to,” Lexa muttered, but she’d pulled away enough for it to be clear that she probably was going to answer it. 

“At least check who it is?” Lexa reached out, and tilted the screen. 

“It’s Anya,” she groaned, wishing she hadn’t looked. 

Raven took advantage of the phone being so close and swiped it, answering the call. As Lexa shot her a look of pain, Raven simply smirked back, knowing she was doing Lexa a favour, and handed over the device. 

Trying not to listen in, as Lexa hummed and tried to explain she was busy, Raven watched as Lexa’s brow furrowed and she sighed. 

“I’ll come in now.” And then she hung up, looking disappointed by the turn of events. “I’m sorry,” she said, and Raven shook her head. 

“Go. You need to.” 

“I don’t want to,” Lexa replied, hands edging higher on Raven’s waist. 

“I feel like we just had this argument.” 

Lexa smiled, regardless. 

“Can you blame me?” No, no she couldn’t. 

They both looked each other over for a moment before Lexa rose with a groan. Raven was feeling it, too. Was sex on the cards tonight? Probably not, but they were damn well going to make the most of the privacy and their newfound intimacy after Polis. 

Interruptions were expected, but tonight of all nights, when their self control was weak, made it especially hard. 

Not wanting to linger, because that was a recipe for disaster, Lexa leaned down and kissed the top of Raven’s head, before making her leave. 

“Stay safe,” she said, and Raven smiled. 

“You too.” 

“I’ll call you later?” Lexa asked, hand on the door handle, and Raven nodded. 

“Please do.” If only to hear her voice before going to sleep. 

Lexa left with a parting smile, and Raven’s body a flutter of almost. Whether tonight or tomorrow or the day after, they would have their time together. Was it purely going to be heavy make out sessions, like they were teenagers again? No. There was still the matter of them not officially being together, and that thought plagued Raven’s mind that night. 

She made her intentions clear in Polis, they both had at Murphy’s bar, and countless other times, now it was just time to act on it. 

Raven was going to say as much, say that they needed to talk, that when Lexa was free, maybe they could, but Lexa didn’t call that night. That was no surprise given what was obviously an emergency. So what was another twenty four hours in the grand scheme of things? Nothing, really. 

*0*0*


End file.
